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Worried (freaking out) about biopsy tomorrow

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zebra_co
zebra_co Member Posts: 35
edited January 2022 in Not Diagnosed But Worried

Hi everyone,

I have read other people's threads who get tons of replies. I get very few replies with my posts. Thank you everyone who has replied, not negating that at all 💕. I've gone back and read some of my entries and I think that I often come across as having it all together. Those who are falling apart are the ones who get a lot of attention/replies. I also like to reply to them because I know that they need support. For me, I have it together most of the time. But not always. And sometimes I need support and don't know how to ask for what I need. This is me asking for support. And here is some vulnerable things about me that I don't normally share:

Tomorrow will be my 4th breast biopsy. The first 3 were the right breast with 2 being benign and one was DCIS. This one is the left breast. When I had DCIS in 2016, I had two friends who were especially important and present in helping me through everything: waiting for the biopsy and results, digesting the results, and getting me through the treatment and recovery. They had both had breast cancer themselves and were very present in my journey at the time. One of them was the mother of my son's ex-girlfriend and when that ended, the relationship became too uncomfortable to continue. The other was a prior co-worker who I became friends with. She has since lost her breast cancer battle. I am crying as I write this.

After my lumpectomy in 2016 and was going through my 6-week radiation therapy, I would walk into the waiting area, wearing my gown, seeing other women, waiting and seemingly going through the same emotions and thoughts and fears and couldn't even look at me because they were thinking the same things: "Are you here for the first time? Are you here again for the same breast? the other breast? When does it end? Will it end?". I thought about, "Will I be here again in 5 years? 10 years? Will breast cancer eventually take my life? If it does, what will my husband, my children and grandchildren, and my sister do without me?". Has anyone else experienced this? This mammogram has different wording than the past three biopsies. I'm doing all the things that have worked for me in the past times. I just can't seem to shake it and it's all I can think about!

I am not usually this open and vulnerable with my personal life. I am just feeling all the fear and all of the potential future grief and whatever right now. I haven't even had a diagnosis at this time, my biopsy is tomorrow afternoon and who knows how long before I get those results. It could (hopefully) be nothing. I guess I just needed to get this out. My biopsy is tomorrow afternoon. If you are the praying type, please pray for a benign result. if not, please send me whatever support you have!

Debbie

Thank you all! :)

--

Comments

  • exbrnxgrl
    exbrnxgrl Member Posts: 5,088
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    My situation is very different from yours but biopsies are always nerve wracking. Over the years I have worked hard on focusing on the here and now as well as not fretting over things that I have no control over. Yoga, mindfulness, whatever it takes. It works not only for health concerns but for life in general. It’s not always easy but I would have gone completely insane if I hadn’t learned this. Take care

  • mountainmia
    mountainmia Member Posts: 857
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    Hi Debbie. Thanks for sharing such a personal look at your background and your feelings. I think most of us can relate to the worry and thoughts of what-if.

    It's interesting that you comment on how some people get lots of support and some do not. YES. I've seen that too, and honestly I don't see any rhyme or reason for it. Many of the stories (only on the surface!) are similar, especially for those who are still in the midst of tests and without diagnosis. I really think the perceived support is random, but it can feel personal. I've had the same thing happen when I comment. Usually what I say isn't noticed except perhaps by the original poster. Now and then a few people respond a lot to my comments. It goes both ways.

    I hope your biopsy goes easily and the results are swift and benign! Please let us know how it goes and what you find out.

  • parakeetsrule
    parakeetsrule Member Posts: 605
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    I am sorry you are going through this again. Of course we all hope you get benign results! There's not much to do but wait, unfortunately. Try not to worry until you get the results.

    I don't know why some of your posts might have gotten less replies than other people's but I wouldn't read much into it. My first post after finding out I had Stage 4 cancer a few months ago didn't get many replies and I was disappointed too. But later I realized it's because most active members post in long-running existing threads about specific treatments, diagnoses, and other topics. New, individual posts don't usually get a lot of traffic and it's very easy to miss them in the Active Topics list if many other threads have been busy. They sink in the list quickly. A lot of members also seem to follow only the posts they've added to their Favorites list. I did that for awhile. And if you post on a day when most people are away or shortly after someone has passed away, you might not get many replies then either.

    Also remember that everyone who posts here regularly has dealt with cancer in the past or is actively being treated for cancer. Not everyone has the bandwidth or desire to read the new posts in this category, much less respond. Sometimes I respond, sometimes I don't. Just depends on the day and how many others I've already responded to.

    If it turns out you have cancer, and I hope you don't, I think you'll find that there's a lot more support in the topics specific to your situation!

  • minustwo
    minustwo Member Posts: 13,205
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    Hope everything goes well with your biopsy tomorrow. Do let us know.

  • jons_girl
    jons_girl Member Posts: 444
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    Hi Debbie:

    Thank you for sharing what your going through and how you’ve lost your local support group. That’s really awful because you do need local support. I’m so sorry for your loss(your friend) and loosing your other friend due to that situation.

    We are here tho. I hope your appointment tomorrow goes well. Please keep us posted!

    I’m praying for you now. And sending a virtual hug to you.

  • alicebastable
    alicebastable Member Posts: 1,946
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    Hi Debbie,

    Just wanting to chime in with my good wishes for your biopsy, but if it turns out positive, we'll all be there for you. I used to see comments on a few ongoing topics that the posters could be counted as being in the pocket of someone going for tests or surgery - so think of those of us who have answered as in your pocket. My in-person cancer buddies have all died, too, and it can be a very lonely and frightening feeling. This site really helps fill that void.

    Another saying that's used frequently here is: "You don't have to be brave, you just have to show up." Good luck.

  • jo-jo2018
    jo-jo2018 Member Posts: 139
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    Thinking of you Debbie! I have my biopsy today as well and I'm freaking out so totally understand your feelings.

    Strongs to you ❤

  • ctmbsikia
    ctmbsikia Member Posts: 759
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    Sending positive vibes to zebra and JoJo for benign biopsies!

  • zebra_co
    zebra_co Member Posts: 35
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    Thank you everyone. I am a bit overwhelmed with this support and feeling very loved. Thank you so much, all of you. It has been a roller coaster. I think the pandemic doesn't help. I am working from home full time and rarely see family and friends. It is snowing where I live fairly heavily and I have to drive 13 miles to the medical office which usually takes about 30 minutes. My husband told me that he will get me there. He's awesome. Thanks again!

    Jojo, My thoughts and prayers are with you as well. Strongs to you ❤ (I like that)

  • bcincolorado
    bcincolorado Member Posts: 4,713
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    Will keep you in my prayers and hopefully weather is not too bad up there right now. I know it was moving from the north to us (south Colorado Springs) but should start here before too long I guess. Safe travels too. I know at least they do well on the roads better than here!!

  • jo-jo2018
    jo-jo2018 Member Posts: 139
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    Hey Zebra, how did it go yesterday?

  • mle42
    mle42 Member Posts: 124
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    Debbie and Jo-Jo, thinking of you and sending ALL THE GOOD VIBES for your biopsies. Please do come back and let us know how you are. And good for you for asking for the support you need! It takes a lot of strength to stand up and say, “hey, I need some help." And I hope that you find that folks will always answer the call.

    I try to reply to new threads, continuing the support that has been so generously given to me. But some just get missed. And as part of dealing with my own healing and anxiety, I'm lately trying to spend less time on this forum - to devote less of my energy to this beast of a disease. But please please please feel free to message me directly any time, if you want a sounding board or someone to virtually hold your hand.

    Emily

  • zebra_co
    zebra_co Member Posts: 35
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    JoJo, I had my biopsy and am sore and swollen. They said I should get results no later than Friday. That would be pretty fast based on my past experiences. How about you? I hope you’re doing well today

    I’m quite a bit calmer today, in part due to the outpouring of support and well wishes on this site. Thank you everyone (again).

    🌷🌷🌷

  • jo-jo2018
    jo-jo2018 Member Posts: 139
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    Thank you for the update and sorry to hear your are in pain and swollen. My lymph node biopsy was way less painful than I had expected, I found the Core needle breast biopsy was unbelievably painful. Yesterday they used a fine needle and it barely hurt, just uncomfortable.

    Oh wow, latest Friday for results! That's quick. I was told earliest would be Friday - damn.

    Please keep us updated and hope you feel better soon

  • mle42
    mle42 Member Posts: 124
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    Zebra, a pack of frozen peas tucked in your bra can do wonders for swelling and soreness. =)

    Jo-Jo, happy to hear your biopsy wasn't too painful.

    Fingers crossed that you both get good results!!

  • kksmom3
    kksmom3 Member Posts: 101
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    HI, I've been following, lots of prayers and hope that your biopsy turns out to be negative. If it isn't, well, we've all been there and we will get you thru it.

  • serendipity09
    serendipity09 Member Posts: 769
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    Zebra & Jo-Jo - praying that your results are back tomorrow and that they are negative. If they come back positive you definitely have a great support system here.

    Sending warm thoughts your way <3



  • jo-jo2018
    jo-jo2018 Member Posts: 139
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    Thank you Serendipity 😘 I just want to know now, hoping results come in tomorrow.

    Zebra? Any news? You have constantly been in my thoughts

    Thank you kksmom3 😘

  • zebra_co
    zebra_co Member Posts: 35
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    Hi everyone! Again, thank you all for the support, I really needed it. I did get my biopsy results today and it is B9. I feel such a relief and you all helped me get here.

    The mammogram initially showed architectural distortion with associated calcifications. My concern with this was that it could be a more invasive cancer than the DCIS I had in 2016. My prior 3 biopsies were for calcifications. The distortion was part of what was driving my anxiety. When I went in for my biopsy on Tuesday, they did additional imaging first, which is common in my experience. They couldn't find the distortion that had shown up before. I was told that this happens sometimes, that the initial image may have had an anomaly. I immediately felt a calmness and a sense that it could have been something larger, divine intervention perhaps. I know that a lot of people were sending prayers and good thoughts. I believe that this may have been the case. I also know that some people reading this may not agree and that's okay too. We don't all agree on everything.

    I have learned much through this experience. For one thing, when I need support, I may need to ask for it. I also want to provide support to others.

    JoJo, please keep us updated. I'm still praying for you. Strongs to you friend ❤

    Blessings to all reading this.

  • zebra_co
    zebra_co Member Posts: 35
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    JoJo, your post came in while I was typing my reply. Praying for good news for you.

  • jo-jo2018
    jo-jo2018 Member Posts: 139
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    Zebra!!!!! That is just the best news, I am so happy for you! 🥰🥳

  • zebra_co
    zebra_co Member Posts: 35
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    JoJo, it is such a relief! Hoping your news is good too. :)

  • jons_girl
    jons_girl Member Posts: 444
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    zebra: soooo happy to hear your results!! Have a wonderful weekend!💐

  • mle42
    mle42 Member Posts: 124
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    Zebra, your news has put a huge smile on my face. I'm so relieved and happy for you.

    Jo-Jo, holding you in my thoughts that your biopsy results are good, too!

  • elamom
    elamom Member Posts: 37
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    I’m so glad you got good results! Mine was supposed to be this morning but got bumped until Monday. Not too long a wait, but anxiety and mind games are a beast. I understand so much better posts I’ve read here through the years.

  • zebra_co
    zebra_co Member Posts: 35
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    mle42-Thank you so much! I am relieved and happy too. I'm still here for JoJo too!

    Elamom- I just read through your thread, sorry that I missed that yesterday. I am so hopeful for you to have good, positive results! I'm sorry that the biopsy got rescheduled, that really stinks! In my experience, the waiting is the hardest. I usually have good strategies for coping with it. This time, for some reason, I went off the rails a bit. I am so grateful for the responses and well wishes and support I got here when I reached out. I hope that you are getting the support that you need.

    I suspect that you are correct in that with your family history, anything suspicious or out of the ordinary will be checked out. I hope that you get your biopsy on Monday and that you don't have to wait long for the results. And of course, I am sending everything I have your way for a benign result.

    Blessings,

    Debbie

  • bcincolorado
    bcincolorado Member Posts: 4,713
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    Zebra I am so happy for you! keep on with your follow up checkups!