Worried about everything! Feel guilty anyone else

Hello ladies. I am two weeks away from completing all my big treatments. I am happy about it and scared at the same time.

Does anyone else besides me always have in the back of your mind : I have to eat different, I should not have had those three drinks ( I am not a huge drinker just usually a glass of wine here or there but last night we went to dinner with friends and I had three or so drinks. They were not strong but not I feel guilty. Like one night of having more than one drink will cause recurrence) I worry about what I eat even though I eat healthy most of the time. I eat fruits and vegetables a lot. And little meat and drink mostly water. I’m just constantly feeling like I’m not doing enough.

Does this get better the father out we get?? Will I always struggle with this?

Hugs to you all. And I really hope I get answers from you ladies.


  • salamandra
    salamandra Member Posts: 674
    edited March 2022

    This seems to come from the idea that we have some control over our cancer. It's very human to hold that belief deep down because it is actually less scary than the recognition that some things really are out of our control, and no matter how we eat or what choices we make, we are still vulnerable.

    To the extent that this is a coping mechanism for dealing with a scary world, I wouldn't rely on it going away with time. It might! But it might just transfer over into whatever fresher/more imminent concerns come to replace the cancer over time (in life there's always something).

    I think this is an area where therapy and/or reading can help very much. If you are a person who believes in things like 'hard work results in success' and 'failure is proof of lack of merit', then these are beliefs that need to be directly and indirectly challenged or you will keep attributing power to yourself that you don't really have, and then blaming yourself for not being able to exercise that imaginary power.

    Do you look at other people and judge their decisions and character based on their health and/or success? If so, try to be aware and question that and be kinder. If not, try to extend yourself that same kindness.

    But also, this is a tough time in your life and you can't fix everything at once. It's good that you are in touch with your feelings and able to write about them. Even if this issues doesn't automatically go away with time, time does make things easier and it will make it easier to grapple with this as well.

  • serendipity09
    serendipity09 Member Posts: 761
    edited March 2022

    Well put salamandra!

    There was a time after treatment and after BMX that I felt a little relief and didn't have cancer on the brain 24/7; that was very short-lived. My recurrence happened not even a year after my last chemo infusion and it brought back all the fear and anxiety, not to mention the few scares I've had just a few months ago. I'm getting close to being done with my "maintenance chemo" and I hope to have some peace again. The fear will probably never go away, but, I think it gets easier. I just hold on to my faith and pray that this is it for me on this ride.

    I think it's always a good idea to try and do our best to be healthy. I haven't given up anything, but I am conscious of how much I consume and of what. I eat a lot of vegetables, I too drink pretty much only water, on occasion I eat red meat. There are so many opinions about eating habits and breast cancer. I'm only going to live once and I'm going to enjoy life. I'll eat the pasta, I'm going to drink that margarita and I'm going to eat that slice of cake or scoop of ice cream, all in moderation, of course.

    In my culture we ate a lot of fried foods, white rice and other stuff all cooked in cast aluminum pots, supposedly not very healthy. My family is huge and out of my 20+ female relatives (grandmothers, mother, aunts and first cousins), I am the first, and I pray the only one in my family diagnosed with breast cancer (not to say it wasn't present with any of the older generation female family members, we don't know).

    I believe that unhealthy eating can be a contributor, but being female, unfortunately, just puts us at a higher risk.

  • loverofjesus
    loverofjesus Member Posts: 174
    edited March 2022

    salamandra you are amazing. What a wonderful explanation. And no I do not judge people and their health based care n what they eat or do. So I should not judge myself that way either. I don’t have control over this.

    Serendipity09 thank you for the kind words. You ladies are amazing.

    I think what truly has set me off on all of this is my mom having a recurrence on her mastectomy side. I know her stuff was different from mine. And I’m sure she is going to be ok this time too. I just think it was a trigger for me.

    I am so grateful for this website. Sometimes I feel like I post too much. But then again I have learned so much. And I have made some very sweet friends on here. Thank you for your help.


  • alicebastable
    alicebastable Member Posts: 1,923
    edited March 2022

    In my situation of having had multiple types of cancers, I think I'm more expecting another new one than a recurrence - but it can do the same kind of mind tricks. But I handled it the first year, after breast and kidney cancers, with an attitude of "Who knows what's next? Gimme that brownie." Also not a healthy attitude! But I finally got that somewhat under control. There's always a part of me that worries about cancer(s), but I try to not let it overflow into other parts of my thinking. I accept it as background noise that I notice sometimes and other times, not.

    LOJ, I think we're all always happy to see you active on these boards! And I'm sorry about your mother having to go through it again - of course that would bump the WHAT IF into the front of your mind.

  • monarchandthemilkweed
    monarchandthemilkweed Member Posts: 149
    edited March 2022

    Hi L o J, we were going for through chemo together. I had my implants placed in December. And now I'm looking forward to a colonoscopy (chek2 makes me higher risk for colon cancer) and a hysterectomy this summer. So even though I'm done with the breast cancer treatments (chemo and breast surgeries) I still think about cancer a lot because I still have stuff to do. I am like you, have always eaten well. Enjoyed wine and exercised. I'm back into daily exercise. I'm eating really well. Trying to lose the 5-10 lbs I gained. I very occasionally have wine but also feel guilty about it. Having a genetic mutation makes all of this harder. And I want to live live another 40 years! That's a long time! I guess I don't have any advice for you except to say I really relate. I'm currently participating in an “after cancer treatment “ support group that is mostly women who've had breast cancer. It's helping. Last, I just think sometimes in a year from now, where will I be (mentally?). I imagine in an even better place. For me it's been a year already since diagnosed and I've come a long way

  • loverofjesus
    loverofjesus Member Posts: 174
    edited March 2022

    You guys make me cry!!! I cannot tell you what it means to have to support and words! Thank you all again so much.