Fill Out Your Profile to share more about you. Learn more...

Met my new oncologist - Don't Like Her - At All - UGH!!!


I need to complain.

So, I have been very impressed with my surgeons, schedulers, navigators, and everyone I have come into contact with for my treatment so far.

Then, I met the oncologist assigned to me this morning.

I have to go back and do a uniMX after they found a ton of DCIS in my reduction tissue. The Onc starts by questioning that decision and being really weird about it.

My Oncotype score is not in yet, so she maybe should have canceled the appointment because there was not much to talk about, and honestly, she is only good to me to find out my score and what the next steps are. It's fairly textbook.

She was so condescending and awful.

I had path report questions, and she just kept telling me I didn't have to worry about it. The third time I asked a question, and she told me not to worry about it, I said, "OK, I have to stop you. You have to stop telling me not to worry about it. I feel like you are patting me on my head and sending me on my way. That is not going to work for our working relationship here."

She then told me that now patients get their full report and learn things that maybe we shouldn't even know about. I said, "Well, it's still my report, and I have questions. How about if you truly feel I don't need to worry about it, you tell me why."

She was super condescending, but now she was finally paying attention to me. She walked through it, and it made sense as to why I didn't have to worry.

I circled back and told her that I hoped I didn't ruin our working relationship, but if she wanted to tell me to ignore something, she was going to have to tell me why. I said, "Trust me. I have enough to worry about, and I don't need to take on more, but you have to tell me why I can let something go. That's how you manage me and my anxiety about all this."

It's so complicated because my husband is a doctor at this facility in another department. So I can not be the b*tch doctor's wife and have to manage his professional reputation as well. But her total condescension for me as a patient and what she felt I could understand in my puny plebian brain was NOT acceptable. I'm so pissed.

Then there is the part where the practice is starting to question my husband's sick time to care for me with FMLA and his own mental health support. They asked if we could be flexible for the department when it comes to scheduling my second surgery.

I'm like are you kidding me!! You want me to get a mastectomy when it's good for you.

UGH - so pissed.

I'm going to stick with her until I get my report. Fingers crossed that the Oncotype is under 25, then it's just blockers and dealing with her PA. If the Oncotype is not what I want, I am going to transfer my oncology to a facility that is closer to home and get off her service. I'm not putting up with condescension and attitude. That will make me feel like I can't ask questions, and that's just straight BS in my book. The only reason to stay maybe if her PA is good. I get the feeling that she really is not patient-facing and makes her PA deal with everyone. Not what I necessarily want may be worth to stay in a better-resourced facility.

Why are so many docs just jerks? Oh, wait - physician burnout. I live with it every day. Sigh.

OK, thanks for reading. I'm going to go pet my horse's nose now.


  • needs.a.nap
    needs.a.nap Member Posts: 190

    @skyefall I feel myself getting so indignant in your behalf! Just, Wow.

    Maybe ours isn’t the most aggressive, “spectacular” cancer, but it matters to us. Very much. Understanding everything we possibly can about it, doing our homework so we can have an intelligent conversation with our doctor - shouldn’t that be welcomed and respected? And should we subject ourselves to a life-altering recommended surgery or treatment without getting all the information that helps us feel at peace with our decisions?

    I am really sorry this was your experience today (T-Rex hugs from afar)