A Third Time?!?
It’s looking very likely that after 10 years total and 4 years after the first recurrence I have a second recurrence. My annual breast MRI found a suspicious spot in my lumpectomy scar tissue. I’ve followed up with a diagnostic mammo and US and its BI-RADS 4 with scattering of calcifications and .6cm mass. There’s a slim chance the mass is fat necrosis and calcifications is is from injury to the area: I sleep on left side and often right on the area of the surgical spot, so it’s often very sore from the pressure. But I’m pretty much resigned to the enviably that’ll be malignant.
The biopsy is Monday. Of course the wait is the worst part, but I’m thankful I’m not experiencing the sheer panic and complete mental and physical shutdowns I did with my first two diagnoses. I’m worried, of course, but this one looks to be the better kind of recurrence - if that’s a thing. And I can’t even be mad at myself for possibly preventing this with a mastectomy because it’s very likely my first recurrence wouldn’t have been found until much later had it not been that I have been getting annual breast MRIs from the start due to choosing a lumpectomy. My first recurrence is considered local-regional because it was in my mammary lymph node.
Anyway, right now I’m just trying to wrap my head around what likely’s going to be the treatment. While there may still be a way to save my already mangled breast, I think I have a mastectomy ahead of me. And doing reconstruction is likely off the table because my breast skin is pretty thickened and damaged from both photon and proton radiation treatments. So, I don’t know, I may have a uniboob life ahead of me. And if that’s so I will go all-in on a lovely big scar-covering tattoo. If only I were left-handed, I’d make a super rad archer!
Anyway, I’m just overwhelmed and sad. It’s a disease that’s literally and figuratively chipping away at me. I’m not at all religious, so I don’t believe in any grand plan. I believe the world is chaos. There is no reason why this is happening to me, but I’ve worked very hard over these last 10 years to accept it, move forward and make the best of what is. The alternative is not to do - and that’s perfectly fine too. I’m not there quite yet.