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Scared to LOOK at new Me

Hello All,

Has anyone felt like me? I had a skin sparring bilateral mastectomy last week. I had one fill-into my TE since surgery. I still have drains in. So far, I am healing well and feeling good.

Yet, I have NOT looked down at the new me. I am scared to see the change and results. I don't regret having the surgery. But I am worried about looking. I also feel it's going to look and be so odd NOT to see nipples.


  • orangeflower
    orangeflower Member Posts: 92

    Yes, I've been there, many of us have. I promise it gets better.

  • moderators
    moderators Posts: 7,884

    It's a process and ad adjustment, @nilespark44. As @orangeflower said, it does get better. Go at your own pace, you'll be ready when you're ready.

    The Mods

  • snm
    snm Member Posts: 72

    @nilespark44 Yes I felt same way..I had BMX last year. I have no nipples. I think I waited 5 days after initial surgery to actually look at myself. The scars that you initially see will not stay that way- they will lighten over time. Your plastic surgeon will likely recommend something topical to help lessen the scar pigmentation. And the swelling will go away with time. Your skin over your chest will look healthy again. Hard to beat first but the body does find a way to heal.

  • wondering44
    wondering44 Member Posts: 252

    Hi there,

    It does get better with more time that passes. It helps once the drains are removed and those uncomfortable TEs get replaced. I honestly had zero issues with the final results other than missing the sensation of the breasts. I had opted to get nipples added back but never got around to it after I finished the reconstruction. The look now doesn't bother me a bit in comparison to having cancer that required me to spend my valuable time in doctor appointments.

    The TEs looked a lil funky, my thought, but the implants resolved that for me. I was SO excited to put a swimsuit on again after the last surgery.

    The scars get lighter. You may or may not go back for nipples. Like the cancer dx, this part is a new process too. Take it one day at a time. Do what you need at your own pace. :)

  • nilespark44
    nilespark44 Member Posts: 28

  • nilespark44
    nilespark44 Member Posts: 28

    Thank you all for the replies. I am still dealing with the change and coming to terms with the new me. Your input has helped. I agree, wondering44; the TEs are uncomfortable and haven't even begun to think about reconstruction. Taking it one day at a time.

  • nilespark44
    nilespark44 Member Posts: 28

    Update: The drains are out, and yes, in time, I have been able to look down and realize this change isn't as bad as I expected, and I am grateful for the change as I no longer have cancer in my breast.

  • herb
    herb Member Posts: 54

    I did not look till my 2nd fill and drains were out. I'm filled to 500 on fill number 5. My joke at 400. Hey look I have the boobs of a 13 year old. This week I have the boobs of a 16 year old. Hopefully next week I will have my complete fill and have adult boobs. In regard to nipples. It not so weird. I have a year to go before I could have nipple reconstruction or tats. I did look at the surgery for it. That looks like a minor in office procedure unless done at the touch up fat graph to the implants surgery. On you tube I found some amazing nipple tat artists. They look very real in reconstruction with tat or flat tattoos. I still have not decided on nipples.

  • nilespark44
    nilespark44 Member Posts: 28

    herb, thank you for the reply. I have started to look now, and it's beginning to seem normal. Slowly, I am forgetting what the old me looked like. I haven't decided on nipples, either. Part of me doesn't want any. But I won't decide till I am closer to the exchange surgery, and that's not for a while.

    I do know that not having them right now is not a concern of mine and doesn't look as weird as I thought it would. I suppose I see life differently now. Some stuff doesn't matter.