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BIRADS 5 Awaiting Biopsy Results & Very Anxious

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I very well understand that I should not dwell on all the possible diagnoses that might come back from my biopsy. However, quite honestly, this is consuming all my thoughts and energy. I am so scared of the unknown and of what a cancer diagnosis could do to my family and my life.

Only my husband, my sisters, and one friend know about the biopsy I had yesterday morning. My sisters live in another state. I have not mentioned it to my 15 year old daughter. She has been distracted by school and practice for the school's upcoming musical.

I jump at every ding I hear on the phone because I wonder whether the.notification might be new test results on my medical website (don't know what to call it, but it posts results and other information).

I cannot sleep. I cannot focus. I realize I need.to take a deep breath and be patient. I realize that I do not know anything for certain yet. I know I need to sleep and focus on being in the moment. But all of this feels pretty stinkin' impossible right now. I am bruised and sore from the biopsy. I am in a terrible place mentally. I do not know what to do with myself. I want to cry.

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Comments

  • flowergirl1975
    flowergirl1975 Member Posts: 57
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    hi @wonderly ! I am so very sorry that you are going through this! It sucks, there’s no sugar coating it! I remember it like it was yesterday, 4/19 was my 1 year anniversary since diagnosis! What you are feeling is completely normal, this is scary stuff and you’re going to worry until you have more answers. I’m not sure how much comfort this will bring you but you’re not alone. There are millions of woman out there who have gone through this and can offer you support! Whatever it is, you can handle it. The beginning is the hardest because you don’t have answers and there are a lot of unknowns. When will you have your test results back? Hang in there! Hugs!

  • wonderly
    wonderly Member Posts: 9
    edited May 2
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    Thank you, @flowergirl1975. I am grateful for your reply. I see on your signature that you have had a long journey to this point. I am sorry that your year has been so hard.

    The doctor who did the biopsy told me I might hear results as early as yesterday (the day of the biopsy) and as late as tomorrow. So, I realize I am fortunate that my wait is relatively quick. My obgyn who first examined me told me it was more than likely a fibrous lump. So the BIRADS 5 and mention of spiculated borders really startled me. My obgyn had me expecting an all clear result. The mammogram and ultrasound results I actually got are scary to me.

    You are exactly right about the unknowns being frightening. I am the type of person who skips ahead to the end of the book or movie if I get too stressed about the prospects of what might happen to a character. Right now, I want to skip ahead a couple of pages in my own story to get a sense of control over this wildly out of control situation.

    Thank you so much for your kindness.

  • flowergirl1975
    flowergirl1975 Member Posts: 57
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    @wonderly … yes 2023 was a crappy year for me! I know exactly how you are feeling! I too remember wishing I could fast forward through all of this! I hope for you that it is nothing….what I wished I had known at the beginning of my BC journey was that while having cancer sucks it’s not necessarily a death sentence, there are so many treatments out there. Things also get better once you have a plan of attack! The beginning is the worst part so just hang in there!! Support from family and friends is what will help get you through this. It’s ok to cry, scream, etc…. It’s scary.
    Please let me know the results, I will be thinking of you and hoping for the best!

  • moderators
    moderators Posts: 8,089
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    The waiting is so hard, @wonderly, and the unknowns and possibilities are so very overwhelming. All of these feelings - the fear, the worry - everything you are feeling is completely normal and expected. We know it's hard to focus on anything else at the moment when this feels all-consuming, but if you can get out and clear your head, do something to take your mind off it even for just a little while, it can help. And we're hoping your results come in as quickly as possible so you can regain some sense of control, whatever they may be.

    Please do keep us posted, we're here for you every step of the way.

    The Mods

  • alicebastable
    alicebastable Member Posts: 1,945
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    Wonderland, what worked for me was doing as many fun things as possible. The day after my biopsy, I went to a great concert in the evening and had a blast. I was out in the woods at a cool state park when the breast surgeon called to schedule surgery, and we both had a good laugh about me trying to find a pen and paper. For every medical appointment, I'd schedule something fun, mostly day trips and picnics because the weather was great in 2018. I had another larger surgery the same year, and we took a mini vacation road trip before that, and another one before I finally started radiation. I remember all those fun outings much more clearly than I remember tests and surgeries. I thought of it as very deliberately building as many good memories as I could for that year, plus it relieved some of the stress my husband was feeling. If yours should turn out to be cancer (most of them are small c and lowercase all the way through), I suggest you start scheduling the things you most enjoy, too.

  • wonderly
    wonderly Member Posts: 9
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    @alicebastable Thank you so much for your support. Your recommendation to plan fun things is so helpful. I appreciate the suggestion.

    My biopsy was Monday. I actually did not fret about the biopsy because I was occupied. on Friday, I finished grading my students' final papers (not fun but focus intensive and required). Saturday was my 53rd birthday, and I had a nice day with my husband and daughter. Sunday, I went to the gym and worked on a sewing project. I also worked in my yard on all of those days. The biopsy didn't weigh in my thoughts.

    In contrast, I spent yesterday anxiously tied to my phone, awaiting results. My focus was mostly on speculating about the future. Now, when thinking about your advice, I can clearly see how I ended up creating the opportunity for worry to consume me yesterday.

    I have two work related meetings this morning. Then, maybe I can go to the gym and work in my yard (I love my little garden and wild cottage-y gardens in my small yard. I can walk the dogs (3). I can love on my cat (1). I can work on my sewing project (a dress). I pledge right now to take ownership of my day and to not allow the unknown to consume me.

    Much thanks…

  • wonderly
    wonderly Member Posts: 9
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    @moderators Thank you for your supportive message. I am grateful to have discovered this forum. Just being able to freely express my anxieties in a forum post provides an outlet for all these bottled up feelings I have. I don't think it is appropriate to tell many people about what I am experiencing right now (because of all the unknowns). I do not want to burden anyone and I do not want to seem attention seeking. So, to have this place with so many people who understand this very scary moment in my life is a relief and a gift. Thank you for everything you do to offer this space to those in need of support.

  • laughinggull
    laughinggull Member Posts: 512
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    Hi wonderly,

    I second alicebastable advice to make plans to be busy and distracted with things that give you joy. Gym, garden, three dogs and a cat sound like a recipe for a wonderful day.

    Even if your result is positive for cancer (and maybe it is not), this is something you would deal with, step by step, one day at a time. Remember that you are the same person you were last month. Anxiety tries to rob us of all joy. It is a powerful enemy, but we can learn to tame it. You deserve to be happy today. And tomorrow. And this weekend. And….

    With you on the journey 😘

  • lb13
    lb13 Member Posts: 48
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    @wonderly - the waiting is most definitely the worst. So debilitating at times. I am finishing 25 radiation treatments now (3 to go!!) and it is my second round of this beast! Please know that this community is a mental lifesaver and there is so much hope, promise and comradery here. "Try" not to go down the rabbit hole and remain as positive as you can. We are all here to support you. :)

  • wonderly
    wonderly Member Posts: 9
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    @laughinggull Thank you so much. I love your reminder that we are more than any possible diagnosis... that we are still ourselves. How wise and helpful!

  • wonderly
    wonderly Member Posts: 9
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    @lb13 Thank you so much! Yes, the rabbit hole is so gloomy and endless. I am choosing to not allow my thoughts to head anywhere but in the present today.

  • wonderly
    wonderly Member Posts: 9
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    So, a pathology report has posted, but I don't know what it means. I am hoping to receive a call today with an explanation of the report.

    Love to all here...thank you for the support you provide to one another.

  • moderators
    moderators Posts: 8,089
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    Hang in there, @wonderly !

  • wonderly
    wonderly Member Posts: 9
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    I fell asleep and missed a call from the hospital. Fortunately, the hospital also posted an update on my account written in language that I can comprehend. I am incredibly fortunate to say the report says the mass in my right breast is benign. I cannot tell you how relived I am.

    The report mentioned I have a 39.6% chance of getting breast cancer, according to some scale the report named. The report said I should have a bilateral MRI in 6 months.

    I am thankful for the support of everyone here. I am sending all of you love and compassion.

    The news today is good. I will not dwell on the 39.6% in the future. I will live my days with gratitude.

  • moderators
    moderators Posts: 8,089
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    That's wonderful news, @wonderly! Thanks so much for giving us that update. :) ❤️

  • wonderly
    wonderly Member Posts: 9
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    Because I am now considered high risk, I have to be looked at every six months.

    I developed a hematoma at the biopsy site. Any advice about treating it is truly welcome from y'all.

    I am grateful to y'all and will donate to this organization when I am financially able to do so.

    Much love....

  • needs.a.nap
    needs.a.nap Member Posts: 188
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    I’m so relieved for you @wonderly that it’s benign! But I’m really sorry about the hematoma! I had one also and it was not pretty and rather painful. Did they put you in a compression binder? I wore mine for a good week and that really helped.

    Also, for the first few days I did ice packs but then switched to heat. They gave me paperwork that explained what to do for a hematoma. It’s really quite painful. I had to take it easy for a few days because it was so tender. I hope you feel better soon!!

  • exbrnxgrl
    exbrnxgrl Member Posts: 4,861
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    Great news! As to the future, beyond trying to stay healthy in general, don’t waste time worrying about it.