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Newly Diagnosed

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dw0330
dw0330 Member Posts: 8

Hi All,

I'm 56 and newly diagnosed with breast cancer. It still feels weird to say "I have breast cancer". I have appointments next week with a surgeon and Oncologist. I'm doing my research trying to understand the information. I'm trying to mentally get prepared for the road ahead. The hardest part for me so far, is reassuring my family & the people that love me. My daughter (31) is devastated. I have a young son (12) that I still need to tell. I believe he will be devasted, too. This is breaking my heart. I'm very close to them. Any advise on how to help my children? Thanks, Donna

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  • moderators
    moderators Posts: 8,185
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    Hi @dw0330, and welcome to our Breastcancer.org community.

    We're so sorry to hear of your diagnosis, but we're so glad you've found us and decided to post. You're sure to find our amazing community a wonderful source of advice, information, encouragement, and support — we're all here for you as you navigate your treatment!

    We're sure others will be by soon to offer their support, and share experiences with telling family and particularly children. In the meantime, this article on Talking to Children About Breast Cancer may be helpful.

    Please continue to post and ask your questions and everyone will do their best to help you. You've got this!

    —The Mods

  • exbrnxgrl
    exbrnxgrl Member Posts: 4,952
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    dw0330,

    I’m sorry that you find yourself in this position. In addition to the mods suggestion, the American Cancer Society has resources for speaking to children. Your daughter, being an adult, can , of course, learn about your situation as details become available.
    A few generalities that may help:

    • The majority of folks treated for early stage bc do very well . Really!
    • Only a small percentage, about 6%, are diagnosed with metastatic disease from the outset. Metastatic breast cancer , stage IV, is the only type that is terminal because it has spread to essential organs or bone. Cancer confined to the breast is not terminal. So, it is not at all likely that you need to worry about that.
    • Without knowing details of your bc or a proposed treatment plan, some of which you may not even know yet, bear in mind that some treatments can be a bit rough, but you will get through it.
    • Although this is upsetting news please focus on the fact that it is unlikely that you are facing anything terminal. We still have a ways to go with bc especially for stage IV patients, but it is very likely that you will be treated and then move on with life. No guarantees, no promises ( does life ever give us guarantees?) but please don’t look at your current situation as the end of the road.
      Take care

  • dw0330
    dw0330 Member Posts: 8
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    Thank you so much! I really appreciate it.

  • pure0323
    pure0323 Member Posts: 18
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    When I was diagnosed in 2011(40yrs old, stage 1 er+ pr+ her2-) my daughter was in college and my son was 13. I did 4 rounds of TC.

    My daughter took the motivational approach, I think she was scared to see me depressed or sick. My son was there everyday and the experience definitely took our bond to a new level. He just turned 26 and he calls me daily ❤️

    I did my best to keep our routine normal and when they had questions, I answered them.

    In the beginning everything is overwhelming, hang in there…you can do it!

  • dw0330
    dw0330 Member Posts: 8
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    Thank you for sharing your story, it really helps! Yes, it is bit overwhelming! 😊

  • fossf56
    fossf56 Member Posts: 17
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    dw0330

    I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. My husband and I just told our 17 and 14 year olds today that my breast cancer from 10 years ago has recurred.
    One thing we did was not talk to them about it until we had my treatment plan in place or the idea of it. So they know that next week I have an MRI and bronchoscopy, that I will be starting chemo in 2ish weeks and it's going to be tough.
    I found it better to wait until I had the plan from the tumor board and oncologist before talking to the kids, so that I could explain what exactly it is, and the what is happening for the next 12-14 weeks.
    They are the first of our family to be told, I'll tell my parents and brothers next week. I actually have talked to close friends about it being back which has been very helpful to me.

  • dw0330
    dw0330 Member Posts: 8
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    Hi,

    I'm sorry to hear what you are going thru. Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts with me! Very helpful and I will wait until I have a solid plan in place, great idea. I'm wishing you all the best on your journey.