Diagnosed with Metastatic
Hello. I’m struggling with accepting I have cancer.
I found a lump in the top of my left breast, near the front of my armpit mid November . I hadn’t had a mammogram for years. I’m 71 year woman who believed I was risk free past a certain age.
At the ultra sound scan biopsy in the beginning of December I was told what I had was most likely cancer in my breast and a near by lymph node. I was in shock.
I worked hard to believing I would be fine, there is a well worn path of breast cancer survivors.
Since the first scans I’ve had breast mri, cat scan of my body, bone scans, mri of chest abdomen pelvis, pet scan of abdomen, and mri of brain.
I was so unprepared to learn of suspected cancer in the T-12 on my spine and likely spot of cancer in my kidney.
I thought I’d be clear on each of the subsequent tests. So, feel devastated to know cancer is in other parts of my body.
I’m getting an IR on the T-12 on my spine this Wednesday. I have an appointment with the kidney specialist next week to find out what the next step for my kidney will be.
I’m struggling with my mental health which affects my appetite. I want to keep as healthy as possible so I worry about not wanting to eat.
I’ve had a head/sinus cold for over a month which gives me brain fog . Now the tail end still persists which for me means still the slight feeling of brain fog. It’s gotten better but that had me worried about having cancer in my brain. That is why I had a brain mri. The results haven’t come in for that test yet.
I need to know how you all did this part. I don’t feel sick, just mentally messed up. I’m getting better, but it is hard. I do have a therapist, have gone to one cancer support meeting, have any kind of support I need from a loving family.
I need to accept I have cancer, while I quietly say to myself, “I can’t believe I have cancer and in so many places.”
Thank you.
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@lacoothe we are here for you . Big hugs to you today. I felt very similar last year when I had my recurrence and it was in my breast, lymph nodes, and spots on my neck and spine. There is so much on this cancer journey we can’t control. Once you have a treatment plan in place and know what drugs or interventions you will go forward with, it helps. The uncertainty is hard, that’s where the fear runs in.
What I’ve done is focus on what I can control … which is my thoughts and emotions, my mind state, my heart, my attitude, and that has been empowering.
I would say take it one day at a time, and allow yourself to practice self care. It’s different for everyone. But loving self care and support is key. What that looks like for you might be different than for me. In practical ways, I focus on staying as healthy as I can with my diet, so being organic and mostly plant based has helped me enormously manage the chemo. I also excersise with YouTube videos for seniors and that lifts my mood and I can feel my body maintaining stamina and energy. I also meditate, use healing visualizations lol.. listen to music and look for beauty and laughter to savor. That for me has been the best. So perhaps journal, find books that are inspiring.. and post often on these boards. I find these communities here super helpful to connect with folks going through their own cancer journey as I go through mine.
But that took time in between feeling sorry for myself and then going OK, I don’t want to waste this precious life, it is what it is.
You are not alone, and it’s natural to feel upended by this news.Hope this is helpful ❤️ Rhonda
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Thank you, so much for reaching out.
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Time will be your friend. This is huge news to absorb so please allow yourself the full range of emotions.
Focus on what you know to be fact right now and try not to go down paths you may never need to travel. As you go through the process, ask questions to educate yourself but remember that bc is far more complicated than most people realize and there are many individual variables. Unfortunately, age has never precluded anyone from developing bc.
Time and having a treatment plan in place once assessments are complete will help focus you on tangible next steps. Take care2 -
@lacoothe It's really difficult at first to have waves of tests and your worst fears confirmed. However, there are many people living full lives for years with metastatic breast cancer. Many, many people on this site have been dealing with the disease for at least 5 years, and a considerable number over 10 years. I am somewhat used to it now. I have scans every three months to see whether the cancer is growing, and each time the scans come back stable, I think, "I now have three months of worry-free existence." I refuse to let the beast destroy my life, and I have tried to gain some wisdom from it. I have often thought, It is all about love now.
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@lacoothe - We’re so sorry you’re going through this, but wanted to send you a warm welcome to our Community. As you can already see, this is a place full of understanding and support.
It’s completely normal to feel overwhelmed and in shock after receiving this kind of news. But please know you’re not alone. Many here have been where you are right now. And we also want to let you know we offer very supportive, moderated Virtual Community Meetups. We offer a variety of groups at different times, including one specifically for metastatic breast cancer members. If you're interested, you can explore them here: Virtual Community Meetups.
Let us know if you have questions. We'll be happy to help!
Warmly,
The Mods
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I’m also not dealing with this very well I was diagnosed in 2019 October with breast and lymph node and started testing end of February for a drug trial A cat scan showed enlarged lymph node and nodules on lungs biopsy lymph node positive for cancer (hate cancer with a passion) then had garden 360 not back yet and petscan showed 5 lymph node and possibly on femur but doctor has not called to explain findings yet for the first 3 days I cried couldn’t sleep couldn’t eat and just fell apart I m getting a little better I had a doctor appointment on Monday and assumed it would be treated like before but she said it might not be surgery depending on test and talked about verzenio only I was devastated am devastated I think the people on here are much braver than I could ever be I keep reading their stories and wonder if I can deal as well I think I need help and really don’t know who to ask My family has been great but I feel like I need professional help every time I break down or they break down I feel responsible I know I’m not I’m trying not to break down because I know the pain it causes my loved ones I really hate this
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@ilovewhales The first few months, as you get used to the diagnosis, are really hard. But once you have a plan for treatment, it just becomes a part of life. At our age, we don't expect to live forever, you know? We all carry in us the seeds of our mortality. So my advice is, take time to understand the treatment plan they offer you, make sure you stick to it, and then live life as fully as you can. And of course, talk to a wise therapist who can help you through this.
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Thank you so much I really needed to hear that it will get easier Of course you’re right we are mortal but it’s hard to not have all the years I really hate leaving loved ones I worry so much I have to believe they will find the people they need and be okay
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Early on during treatment I kept seeing a commercial saying “she got used to her ‘new normal’” and I would get so annoyed by that! My prayers were limited to only a word or two almost always “help”. And a friend pointed out that our minds will F us up if we allow it. I worked at not thinking about the future and did what I could each day. That was often not much. That was 8 years ago. Breathe in. Breathe out. And know that you can do this. We don’t really know what the future holds and some of your greatest fears may be only in your mind. Hope this helps. You get to play this hand you were dealt in exactly the way that makes the most sense to you. We are here to listen and support.
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@ilovewhales we are here for you and yes, it gets easier and it also hard . Give yourself some time , as you get used to the new normal of living with metastatic disease . I agree with the others who offered their wise words and hearts. A wise therapist will help. Also I attend the Monday zoom calls for stage 4 mbc which is very supportive too, a group of 20 or so women who gather weekly to share. You might think about joining if that feels right .
And then as you understand your treatment plan, take it one step at a time, live and laugh and love fully, and focus on small joys many times . I hope that helps ❤️.0 -
definitely interested in zoom sounds like exactly what I need is to listen to the very brave women on here
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I remember those days right after diagnosis. It’s so hard to process. People here kept telling me that I’d be a little calmer after a treatment plan was put in place and they were right. That was two and a half years ago and I feel perfectly fine. Take advantage of every service they offer. I started antidepressants, therapy and palliative care. And the zoom meetings here are wonderful.
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