Now what?
I had a double mastectomy almost 2 months ago. I feel like my cancer was some kind of "dream". I am starting tamoxifin this week and other than that I feel so very strange. My whole life perception has changed in less than 6 months and it is such a weird feeling. I don't really know what to do. Does anyone else feel like they are in some kind of "limbo"?
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Hi @scchick. You described it well! I think I know the feeling. Everything about getting diagnosed with cancer (and the whirlwind of medical activity that followed) felt so surreal and then my body felt so different after surgery. And yes! Our life perception shifts!!
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Omgosh you have been through hell. I feel almost like I cheated cancer. Hell.....to be honest I did. Got a mammogram and had dcis in both breasts, double mastectomy and I'm going to take tamoxifin for a while. It's surreal. I just don't feel worthy of even talking about where my head is at. I'm so happy but also feel so freaking guilty about everything. I don't like my partner anymore, my kid is a teen and it's all very strange right now. I want an absolute redo but feel guilty for wanting a redo.
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There’s probably a term for the post-surgical euphoria! I felt it after my mastectomy 😁
Isn’t it funny how we tend to downplay our own experience? I feel like I got off so lightly being only Stage 1 and not needing chemotherapy or radiation! Like mine is a way lesser cancer experience than the next person’s. I’m so grateful, but yeah, there’s weird guilt involved. But then I remind myself that having a mastectomy was no small thing either. And mine was only a single mastectomy, way less than a double!! 😉 I don’t think comparing ourselves to one another helps us through the inevitable emotions, but it’s hard not to keep making comparisons.
Please know that it’s kind of a big deal what you’ve been through … give yourself some time to settle out from the experience. I noticed my emotions kept wildly ping-ponging afterwards (thankfully less and less now that more time has passed). It was probably not a good time to make any major life decisions based on how one week I could feel so positive towards any one person or thing and then the next week feel the total opposite! Probably the changes in my hormones was part of that, and coming out of a state of shock/numbness that I feel like I was in for a long time … I agree on the strangeness of it all!!
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