Cancer Update
Its been a while. I really had to take a step back from engaging the community because the stories are so gut wrenching and sad. Nadia is doing great physically. We had a second scan in Feb. Liver Mets appear to be healing and the breast tumor is definitely smaller. They did confirm that this cancer had spread to her spine based on evidence of scarring at the original site in question. Hormone therapy has been very tough on her mentally. We are bit disconnected from each other emotionally at the moment. I have only recently learned that her inner struggle is really raging. She told me yesterday that she was mad at God. I havent been to church in over 20 years and have gone for the past 3 Sundays. She will not go. I have resigned that she needs to address her issue with God on her own terms. She is angry at the moment which I suppose is her grieving. But what is she grieving? The loss of what might have been a full life? Is she grieving the insult of this whole situation? I suppose that some of this is normal, most of it really. Finding ways to stay constructive when the universe is trying to tear you down is a challenge, but its one that I contend with daily. It takes some effort to push destructive thinking to the side. We still have her good health and for the most part, Nadia doesnt appear to have any medical battle going on. SO much so that it has prompted some hard questions at work. Folks have been unintentionally nosey because they cant see her battle. Stage 4 cancer wears a weird face that hides itself from the outside until later on.
Spahr was 9 months old on the 4th and has been the greatest gift to both of us. His nature is so peaceful and funny. He loves to smile. He recently started kissing everyone, except me. Then yesterday, I was holding him in my arms and he kissed me right on the mouth. I am still riding that high. He is the best form of motivation ever.
We have another scan at the end of the month. She is finally receiving the full dose of Verzinio as well. We have done great on the 100mg dose, but the standard has been 150. Hopefully she responds as well as she has been. We stay this course until inevitably the medications stop working. We are looking at possibly taking our treatment to Vanderbilt or Houston when the meds stop working. Any thoughts?