Caregivers: What's the most difficult part for you?
We know caregiving brings both love and exhaustion, courage and worry. What part of the caregiving experience has been the hardest for you to navigate?
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The hardest part of caregiving for me was the constant vigilance and helplessness. Loving someone so deeply while watching their body fail, knowing you can’t fix it, changes you. I had to stay alert at all times — listening to breathing, watching for distress, afraid to look away — and there was never real rest.
What I wasn’t prepared for was how that vigilance stayed with me even after caregiving ended. My body learned to stay on high alert, and learning how to feel safe again has been incredibly difficult. Caregiving taught me how much love I’m capable of, but it also showed me how deeply exhaustion and trauma can live in the body long after the role ends.
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Hello @ms.lopez5837, welcome to BCO. We are really glad you joined us.
Thank you for being so open here. What you describe is something a lot of caregivers relate to, especially how the impact does not just switch off when the caregiving chapter ends. You are definitely not alone in feeling this way, even if it can feel isolating at times.
Please know you are always welcome to share more, or just read along and take what you need. This is a supportive space, and we are glad you are here.
Sincerely,
The Mods
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Yes I agree. I feel like I am high alert most of the time. I love my life very, very much of course. I am trying hard to get used to doing a lot of what she used to do. On the bright side, it has made me realize just how much I love her and how much she has done for me over the years.
This is a re-marriage. She lost her husband in 2010; he died quickly. I was divorced for a few years at the time. We met over coffee and I feel instantly in love with her. We are now married since 2013. And we have had such great times with travel and all that.
She always had so much energy. I could never keep up with her. three years ago her diagnosis came that she had breast cancer but caught it early.
Since that time it has gone from lumpectomy, to chemo and radiation to one breast removed and of late a plastic surgeon failed flap.
As I write this I am waiting for her here at Mather Hospital; she is using the hyperbaric chamber now here; it is good here. I had to use it myself years ago (story for another time). So I am hopeful that this will help her, a big commitment. you need to do it for 30 days (or more) but it worked for me.
I just get tired and angry at time because it seems I just get to sit down and she is asking me about cooking food or how the laundry is doing etc.
well that is enough for now, tired Mike appreciate any suggestions
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