What mixed feelings are you carrying right now?
As a new year begins, many of us are holding more than one feeling at a time. That’s normal — and it’s okay.
You might feel hopeful and scared. Grateful for support and tired of needing it. Relieved to move forward and sad that things have changed. Optimistic about each new treatment and quietly terrified it won't work. These feelings aren’t opposites. They can live together.
This is what being human looks like — especially when cancer is part of the story. There’s space for all of it here.
So we’re asking: What mixed feelings are you carrying right now?
Hope and fear. Relief and grief. Joy and exhaustion. Gratitude for how far you’ve come, and sadness for what was lost.
Whatever you’re feeling, you’re not alone. Share with us below!
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I am a 10 year breast cancer survivor and you'd think I'd get over it. But any pain in any part of my body I instantly "go there" with the fear it came back. (My oncology nurse told me I was a high risk of recurrence at my last visit due to my high oncotype score - she said doesn't mean it WILL come back, but that just made my fear a bit worse).
Then this past week a friend of mine with metastatic breast cancer told me her medication had stopped working and she is now taking new infusions. She has fought metastatic for over 5 years now. Her original breast cancer returned after 8 years from Stage 1. (I was a stage 2a)
I just wish I could move on and not let this anxiety control things. I try to put it out of my mind and I know every moment of anxiety is wasting the good days I do have, but stopping the anxiety is so difficult! Yes, I meditate and yes, I write in a journal, and yes, I exercise. It's just this anvil hanging over my head that I wish would go away!
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@p_tucker, thank you so much for sharing. You're definitely not alone when it comes to facing anxieties and fears of recurrence, even if it has been several years out since diagnosis and treatment. This is a topic that comes up frequently in our survivorship support meetups and here in the discussion boards.
The following links may be helpful by providing some strategies for managing that fear:
Webinar: Healthy Body & Mind After Breast Cancer Treatment
Getting back to life after breast cancer can be challenging due to fears of recurrence that continue well after treatment ends. We talk about how to manage that anxiety, reduce stress, incorporate movement into a busy schedule, and stick with a survivorship care plan. The session will encourage people to live a healthy lifestyle without putting constant pressure on themselves to achieve perfection. Medical professionals explain factors that can contribute to recurrence and how to find support to thrive after cancer.
Podcast: Coping with the fear of recurrence:We are all here to help you through these relatable concerns.
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Hi Mods and everyone:
Happy New Year!!
Mixed feelings: I am grateful my cancer anxiety is so much less now. I still give it a minute or so a day, but that's it. I am on annual rotation now, so that's great. I am 8 years out from surgery this month. Glad to have so much information around so I don't bother calling or writing to a nurse when something concerns me. When I went for my mammogram, I mentioned to the tech that I think my left breast is still shrinking. She said it could be long term effects of radiation. When I read my low dose lung CT there is mention in the incidental finding section of damage. Again, glad that these are incidental findings and nothing that requires follow up. Just didn't realize I could still be having side effects this far along. I also get pain from time to time-left side ribs, it's usually short lived and I am able to shake it off. All in all, I am doing really well.
More mixed feelings: Health insurance in the US is a complete and total abomination!!! My employer was kicked off of prior carrier this year, so they presented us with Blue Cross AGE based plan. Figures-I am 64 and 10 months away from being eligible for Medicare. I had to opt out of coverage because I cannot afford the premium they want. I do have an FSA (flexible spending acct) with a balance of $3500. So, I am self-paying for my care. I am a little nervous as I have to go for a blood check in 2 weeks and I am scheduled for a RE-clast infusion since I am no longer going to use Prolia and I am off the AI meds. OH, got screwed out of having a DEXA done in Dec. as my insurance was cancelled on Dec. 1. LOL! I have a primary DR visit due in July. I will likely be signing up for GoodRX or something like that to get my medications refilled. IF nothing goes wrong with me, I can afford paying for these appointments with the money in the FSA. I did purchase a hospital indemnity plan for the $89 per month that would pay 500 ER visit 1000 per day if gosh forbid I had to be admitted. It's not insurance but it's a little bit of a safety net.
So, I'm glad to be doing well and able to have information at my fingertips. But I'm pretty pissed off about the insurance issue, and the way things are going in this country overall. Praying nothing changes with Medicare when it comes time for me to apply after paying in for 47 years!
I still haven't processed my sister's death. Or at least not in the same sense that I did with my husband.
Thank you for asking and listening. It helps me some to pound out thoughts on my keyboard.
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