Bottle o Tamoxifen

June - I can see where your weekend is going - wink! wink!  So glad you now have a new best friend and you are happy with it.  

MamaV - Remind me not to get on your bad side - that pillow could really hurt.  OUCH!  

Tink - It there room enough for me in there?  I just might need it before the night is over.

hmmmm...right click and no paste button appears.....weird!!! any ideas?! I need to get my pillows up!

I went for my 3 month MO appt.  This was the first time we have talked about my BMX.  I swear all the info I get gets so confusing and frustrating.  He tells me that since I already had rads he hates to see me go through a major sugery like MX and reconstruction.  Especially when I told him I was not a candidate for implants and will have to have diep.  He says he thinks I should have had the BMX in the beginning that with my tumor not showing on mammo and not palpable that I was a good candidate but now he would like to see me get scanned every six months for the rest of my life and keep a close watch on and try to work through my pain.  But if I decided to go ahead with the BMX he would support me in it.  I am thinking what the heck you thought I should have had it to begin with so what is the difference now.  Anyway I really like him and he was not my MO to start with.  I am still not comfortable keeping the boobs and DH and I talked after I got home and we both feel it is the right thing to do. So of course this was my six month time to have a MRI and I told him I could not afford the 2K it would cost me out of pocket and I was not going to have it done.  I told him I would have another mammo which means nothing to me and an US.  So he was OK and understood how I felt.  He wants the mammo even though he agrees they are pretty worthless on me but he said you never know what it might find.  Also I told DH every time he does a breast exam he tells me how lumpy my breast are. How do you know what lumps are good or bad?  I can never tell all I feel are lumps. Sorry I am winded just a bit frustrated.  Oh and he ordered PT on me since I continue to have problems and I am active in yoga and my RO did give exercises which I do but I am still having muscle issues. We talked about my % of recurrance which my distant and local are pretty low but he says that I am higher than normal risk for a 2nd BC because of my history.  So there again why do I want to keep the enemy around.  I feel like a sitting duck.  It is so much easier for them to say lets just keep checking you.

Ok so then i get home and go see my Dad in the hospital and when DH hubby left the room he wanted me to repeat what the Dr said the other day about the chemo not working.  So I told him everything again and he said he was going to keep doing the chemo he was not ready to give up and the cancer was going to have to work hard to get him.  So I guess that is a good thing because in the beginning he said he was not doing chemo and I had to talk him into going to talk to the MO.  We talked about all the SE's he is having and will continue to have and it means he will continue to be in and out of the hospital and he said he understood and wanted to keep going.   

Sorry so long just frustrating day and now I have to go for mammo and US, but my bloodwork is all good.

Sherry.. first hugs to you  you have had alot to deal with today! Im glad your dad is not giving up though that is good. I know with all the different opinions on what you should do regarding bilat it must be so frustrating. My opinion is to follow what you think is best and are most comfortable with. You have that inner voice in yu telling you what to do , just listen to it. When  decided on my bilat my breast surgeon thought I was being extremely aggresive but said it was my choice and she would support it well AFTER all the pathology came back she said well i thought you were being aggressive but you made ythe right choice, not only did they fund 2 different kinds of cancers I had pre can cells, so listen to your heart , Hugs

Junie,,, you go girl!!!!!!

Jo always room for you and always a  WHACK for ya too.... heeeeeee heeeeee

Thanks tink.  yes my inner voice told me long ago that I needed to do a MX.  Just wish I had listened sooner and asked more questions in the beggining.  But I do have options now and I am going to take them.  Just don't feel safe with these boobs any longer.  But vain enough that I want immediate reconstruction. haha.  the things we find out about ourselves along this journey.

Jo yes we did!!! haha

Thanks all just a bit frustrating that in the beginning my BS did not give me all my options.  She just told me what to do and I did because I was in such shock.  She is a very skilful surgeon but it was not her place to make decisions for me.  Now I am trying to deal with it.  I like the fact that all my doctors that I have now will tell me their opinion but it does make things frustrating at times.  But as tink said I have to listen to my inner voice which I am doing this time around.

Hi - I hang out on this site but don't post much.  SherryC, I agree with everyone else to follow your heart.  At first I couldn't believe the Dr's wanted me to make decisions.  I mean what in the heck do I know about all of this and how many years of school did they attend - shouldn't they be telling me what to do?  But I realized after it was all over it's because it's a very personal decision and what I might be very comfortable doing, someone else thinks is crazy. 

I did a BLMX with reconstruction (lat flaps) and have no regrets.  

good luck with everythiing you are going through. 

I know I need to get over this being angry with my BS for not giving me options.  The fact is she is a very nice person and a very gifted surgeon, but all the same she was wrong in not giving me my choices.  I know the anger is only bothering me it is not bothering her and i really need to get over it.  I think once I can get all my surgery behind me I'll feel so much better about all of it and hopefully will be able to move on.  I pray I can start moving on before then. I feel like it has a hold on me that I am not happy with.

ann329 Just jump in and don't look back as that is what I did.  I started on the last day of rads  and I am a year in a half into it and there are so many that don't have SE and sometimes the ones that do in the beginning seem to find all the answers they need to get over the  hump.  We are all here for you, so please let us know how it goes.

Sherry Oh my I don't even know where to begin.  I am soooo sorry that you now have to be dealing with this after so much time has passed and now your poor Dad.  I know I have said this so many times but I feel like so many of us keep getting dealt with unfair hands and YES we are STRONG, but shit I feel like we could use a break.  Not that I want to pass  this shit onto someone else, but enough is enough!!!  HUGS!!!

JO and Tink where the heck are you gals?  Are you hiding from Paula????  Maybe your hiding from Sandee......well you cant hide from me, as I am going to find you somewhere somehow.......

Kiss kiss ladies!!!

Ann welcome aboard sorry you are having to join the tammi train but we can be loads of fun around here. I just jumped in with mine and even though I did have SE's my MO kept telling me my body would adjust and within a couple of months I was over the SE's. Many people don't ever have any SE's so hopefully you will be one of them.

Monday is DH and my anniversary 24 years. We are going to Austin tomorrow to stay in a really nice hotel downtown and watch the bats fly off of Congress Ave bridge. They say it is amazing. It is listed as one of the must do's in Austin so we will do it and check it off our list. We will be downtown and they have lots of amazing restaurants so we will eat good. You girls be good around here because I will not have my computer with me. I need to get away and may just take a sexy nighty with me. DH will be surprised. hehe

Sherry - Happy Anniversary early.  You go girl with the sexy nightie!!!!

Ann welcome the gals around here are great.  Just jump on in anytime.

Sherry sounds like a ton of fun.  Sounds like another Tammi girl is gonna get her freak on!

Between BMX recovery and dealing with chemo I completely forgot about our anniversary.  So next year will be a double celebration.  

Well the hot flashes still havent let up and the night sweats have gotten insane again.  I guess I will have to try yet another pill to ease thru them.  I have about 10-20 a day again and Im tired of it. To tell you the whole truth Im just tired of the whole BC thing.  I still am having left over chemo issues and the tammi isnt helping matters either.  The only positive is no period yet.  I know that taking this pill is just one more added assurance, but the SE are driving me insane!  But I will keep taking it anyway.  Thanks for listening gals.  

We had a birthday party for my mom tonite.  Me and my sissy had her older then what she is.  Just by one year.  I do know I am very blessed to have her by my side thru all of this.  She has taken great care of me.  It was a fun one.  Lets just say she got another education in slang again, lol.  Between the 5 of us kids and a few spouses she is current on some of the slang.  We did try and keep it as clean as we could for her though. Lets just say she now knows what a BOB is.  I didnt start that one my sissy did. Plus she asked what it meant so we had to tell her.   She does have a naughty side to her sometimes.  Have a fun night girls! 

June I have come out of hiding just for the pillow fighting, lol!  WHHHHHHHHHACK BACK!!!!

I loved the article.  It brought tears to my eyes Jo.  Thanks for sharing!  Its so good to see the BCO group in an article!

Well went to Dr my PCP she gave me something for my depression,and she knows what other meds I am on.I decided to call my MO and ask if I could take this they told me NO cant take it with tamoxifen,If I did it will not work.I cant believe this We trust our Dr and they do this.I just say always ask your Mo if you can take something now I have to wait till Monday so my Mo can call my PCP and tell her what I can take I just don't understand