Can we have a forum for "older" people with bc?
Comments
-
"Whoever you are, there is some younger person who thinks you are perfect. There is some work that will never be done if you dont do it. There is someone who would miss you if you were gone. There is a place that you alone can fill."
~ Jacob M. Braude
0 -
Mimi, what wonderful fun. For some reason I am surprised at the number of 'female' clowns. Females would be so natural at it, but I guess when I was little and even for a lot of yrs. afterward -- any exposure I had to clowns were to male clowns. Women as homemakers, and caretakers of the family ( kids ) would be perfection.
I am really touched by what you wrote Chevy. Thinking about all the years we spent in anger, resentment or pain from how our parents behaved. Yet, here we are -- people who are loving, caring, people. It made us stronger and more determined......and sometimes I do wonder -- if not for what I felt back then and how I responded, what and who would I be now.
Segments of our lives become building blocks, but while they are going on you sure can't see that. I think most of us see these things as almost one gigantic never-ending pain.......never realizing how much will come later in our life when WE are actually in charge. I'm sure that does help us define some of how we might view our parents and life situations later on. Every marker and height we attain gives us another difference in perspective.
It has a whole different aura and tone now and I'm able to see the value of these hurtful times and incidents as something that fostered growth. What happened then helped me to weather the storms that came and I look back now satisfied -- that had it all been smooth, carefree, and fun, I'm not sure I could have withstood what my life had in store for me. Hard to do, but sometimes, just sometimes, when you don't expect you will, and with some real soul-searching --- you see the GIFT behind it all.
Sandra, I loved both those password pieces. We have tried hard to maintain for many years ( since our first computer the same password, but a couple of times have had for various reasons to adjust it slightly so I am definitely not a stranger to having to put it in now and then several times. I hate that, but I think it is likely better for us.
Blessings
Jackie
0 -
Sandra- one of my former co-workers was bitten by a spider. It took her more than a year to recover. Don't remember all the details- it has been many years, but I do remember dizziness being one of them. Hope you DH feels better soon. Also sorry about your daughters kitten. They offer such unconditional love and trust. Unfortunately for us, that trust means making the tough decisions that are right for them, but oh so hard for us. Loved the password posts. I'm thinking "incorrect" would work for me. The other way is way too hard to remember.
Puffin - you look great- I'm all for slight fuzziness in pictures.
Update on family status: I told you last week that my DD that lives with me in Fl was having problems with her ex ( who is also living here) being territorial about this house. Well, the **** hit the fan Fri night and he packed some stuff, including the essential X-box, and left, saying he would be back later for the rest of his stuff. We were all relieved, most of all Tracy.
Imagine our surprise when we got up Sun morning to find him asleep on the couch. He says he has nowhere else to go. I sat down with the two of them and had a "come to Jesus" talk with them.
I told them they each had major individual issues to work on before they could ever think about being in a relationship, with each other or anyone else. Tracy is an alcoholic and is drinking more and more. I told her that had to stop now if she intends to be a single parent to their son. I have credibility to talk to her as I did because I was her 30 years ago. She as quiet then, but later when we were alone, she told me exactly what her plan is and it began yesterday. Not cold turkey, but with medical help.
Doug's mood swings and anger are scary, I told him. His response is that he is under the car of a shrink and they are working on getting the meds right. Sounds good, but he tends to only take the meds when he wants. He denied getting in to verbal confrontations with both my son and younger daughter. As a very clear example of his anger being scary, I reminded him of when he pulled a GUN out if the glove box on our way to my daughter's house in Atlanta for July 4th. "But he was trying to cut me off"- WHAT!?!-- I said what made it even worse was that his 11year old son was right there.
I made it very clear thar he needs to leave this house. His answer is that he can't find a new place right now because he is supposed to start culinary school in two weeks and has 4 Dr appts in the next 3 weeks. Plus the whole reason he is going to school in the first place is because not only will his tuition be paid, he will also get a housing allowance. It is all "too much" for him to handle at once. Having known him for over 20 years, I said that is just a delay manipulation, and once he actually starts school, which he has talked about doing for the past 18 months or more,then the excuse will be that he is too busy to move.
He later told Tracy(she wasn't there for that part of the discussion) that he had talked to me and I had agreed he could stay for a while. I never said any such thing!
My problem is, how do I get him out safely? My older son said pack his stuff and call the police. I am afraid of his response to that.
Just another day in our family...my older son goes back home to So Carolina next weekend and is already packed... Can't wait to get out of crazyville. I am uncomfortable going back to Ga until he is out and accepts the new situation. As always, thanks for giving me a place to vent
Anne
0 -
Anne, I think I will never complain again. You have so much on your hands and I can see great discomfort here. I do think you are right -- that young man needs to be gone and MOVING his own life along un-aided by other family/and or near family members.
I find it odd ( must be something to do with young people ) that anyone would be comfortable staying somewhere they clearly were not wanted. I would feel such stress and distress over this. Thankfully though your daughter seems willing to take control and ownership of her issues and try her best to work through them in a reasonable fashion.
Packing his bags and evicting him is a toughie if he resists. He does sound like he only has partial control of his emotional responses and is quite dependent on medications if he wants to come close to actual decent control. I do know that in many cases it takes about 6 months to actually evict someone from the premises. What a sad thing to HAVE to do with a child involved in the mix. Yet, he has proven to be detrimental to the household as he seems to not be able to have a consistent rapport with anyone there.
My heart goes out to you. Don't know if there might be any other adult around -- minister, or even this young man's Dr. who might be able to help him understand that he is an excuse maker and doesn't seem to have a clear-cut goal in mind and certainly isn't working toward much of any realistic goal right now.
Well, I'm going to think about this, but I've think I've pretty much exhausted most of the ideas I could think of for now.
Blessings
Jackie
0 -
Anne, HIPPA laws prevent the doctor from talking to you without patient permission. They do not prevent the doctor from listening to you. Even a note sent to his office might make the Dr realize what an issue this is. I totally agree with you that the situation is very dangerous if you just kick him out. Hugs and prayers.
0 -
Mimi our very own darling clown is back! Missed seeing your happy clown face. Loved the pic. Chevy, bitten twice on the butt... can't stop giggling about that although I'm sure it was painful. Anne, what a complicated situation you are living through. You always hope children will act like reasonable adults when they grow up, but so many don't. My two daughters were PITA's in their teen and young adult years but by the end of their 20's they grew up enough for us to start to develop an adult relationship. I adore them now at 41 & 37 and they seem to have developed a healthy relationship with each other and their brother, 29. Hang in there. Jackie, our very own mother hen, always knows the right thing to say. She sent me such a wonderful PM and allowed me to send it to my daughter, who loved it too. Thank you, gifted Illinois Lady. Minus, yes our Alaska cruise is coming soon. For those who don't know, another of our members, Di, wrote about an Alaska cruise she had booked and wouldn't you know, we are on the same ship on the same day! Looking forward to meeting her and having lots of fun. Wren (who lives in the area) graciously offered to pick up DH and me at the airport so I'll get to meet her too. GardenGumby, want to join the fun? We arrive at Seattle/Tacoma airport at noon on Aug. 28th. Anyone else within driving distance? The cruise leaves on Sat. Aug. 30th afternoon and gets back on Sept 6th. We'll have about five hours before we have to be at the airport to leave for San Antonio, so I'm up for a lunch date then too.
My husband Mike informed me last night that he didn't want me to come with him to the doctor. Although we never fight, we had a minor disagreement because I felt insulted and puzzled. Why couldn't I come? Was there something to hide? He has come with me for everything from the beginning of last year when I had the stroke, through all the heart procedures related to the aneurysm in my aorta, and every BC appointment for the last year including staying with me during all four hospitalizations after the surgeries. Why was he keeping me at arm's length? He would only say he didn't want me to come. What is it about men and health? Well, he went alone this morning and learned that his blood count is up 10% over last week. That's good news. He will continue to have weekly blood tests and as long as it is going up, he won't ask for a hematologist consult. Sigh. That's all the info I'm going to get from him. Aggravating. Men!
0 -
Hi Anne.... I think your guy is trying to "play" you guys! He will tell you one thing, but say the opposite to someone else. He will do anything to stay with you right now. Yes, I would be afraid too....
Can you talk to a counselor about this? I mean I would be afraid enough to just "talk" to a representative from the Police department.
I think I would maybe tell him he is not going to stay there any longer.... then tell him if he insists, then you will get a restraining order on him, and he will not be allowed to stay.
My friend's Son.... (My Daughter's X} moved in with his folks, after getting kicked out of several friends houses that he stayed. He used them GOOD! He was their Son, so they always believed what he told them. He couldn't hold down a good job.... They paid for his cell-phone, his truck, his storage locker....
This lasted about 2 years.... They got so sick of his drinking, and drugs, and not coming home for several days at a time, that they said "That's it!" Well they said that 3 times!
He is still gone.... for 6 months now.... living with one friend, and then another.... they don't care. He has alienated himself from his 2 Brothers.... not to mention his sick Dad, and Sheilah, his Mom.
So Doug will always have an excuse.... My Brother's Son did this too! For years!!!!!!!!! Finally they ALSO said no more.... He lived on the streets off and on.... but he was driving his Parents nuts....... They always manage somehow to get by..... but that isn't your problem. Whether he was your Son, or a friend.... not your problem anymore.
Your older Son is right.... Pack his stuff, and tell him to come pick it up, that he is no longer welcome in your home. But I would still get a restraining order on him..... So he won't do anything stupid, without getting arrested.
Will your Daughter do the same? Or will she take him back? If she will, then it is her problem, and not yours. But you can help all of you, by sticking to your plans....
I know this is hard, but sometimes we all have to do it sooner or later..... this is what any counselor would tell you...
So it's either HE leaves, or you guys do..... It's probably the same with your Daughter.... There is only so much you can do.... then it is up to them....
I don't mean to sound harsh, but I hear about this a lot~! My Brother said it was "Tough Love!" Just say no.
0 -
Sandra, It wasn't me who offered to pick you up at the airport. I don't remember who it was, but if they can't do it I'll be happy to. I'm definitely in for lunch/coffee/dinner while you're here. Don't forget to bring a raincoat and something warm. It might be warm but you never know about Alaska.
0 -
Puffin, as promised here are two frozen adult treats.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kvxKP46Tp8s link to people making Creamy Margarita Popsicles
http://www.pinterest.com/explore/wine-popsicles/ link to lots of different kinds of Winesicles and other goodies
0 -
Sandra.....it was MEEEEEEEEE....I am picking you two up at the airport with hubby....not that far away for me/us.
Hugs,
Di
0 -
Anne, I agree...with Wren.....write a letter to whomever ......HIPPA does not prevent that.....I wrote my sister's mental health counselor when she tried to strangle me to death....she is mentally ill, on assistance, and has a gun(
),,,,actually TOOK my mom & dad's gun....scares the poop out of me.....she yelled loud enough for me to hear, she hopes I die when I had BC, when I was talking to my Mom on the phone. She thinks SHE owns my mom and my mom's house, so I am not able to see my mom (she will be 96 soon)She dismissed the home care nurse and aide for my mother, since they were intruding her privacy (and hoarding) which it making it unsafe for my mom.
I always felt men with guns have a really really small penis.
Carole....I have written many post times lately and the disappear....or for some reason if I do not type continuously, my tablet will start typing backwards, not even able to place a sentence on a different line...so if you see a post that signed:
iD, sguH
it is me, saying:
Hugs,
Di
0 -
Puffin - you look mavalous!
Sandra - so sorry for loss of Maxwell I'd heard that the bite of a brown recluse was bad but didn't know how bad. Hope your husband is now on he mend. I so needed the laugh from the password post!
I know I missed posts the past few days. The surgery and trip home Wednesday went fine. It was the allergic reaction to the anti-nausea patch that did me in. This was Saturday and it got worse. My primary care said it was on the verge of infection this morning, so she extended an antibiotic and gave me steroid and Benadryl shots. I had a nice nap. It's still itchy but hopefully will get better now. I don't know if the patch was worth this!! I have done nothing for days so I need to enter the human race again.
0 -
Thank you Jackie, Chevy and Sandra for your support.
Chevy, my daughter was done with him a long time ago. They divorced almost 10 years ago and she was fine on her own. They stayed friendly after the divorce, when he was on the military, but she has always said no way would they ever get back together.
Then her Dad died- and she was very much my physical support thru his illness. Whenever he was hospitalized on the weekends, she would get up at 7, and take him some Dunkin Donuts coffee and keep him company so I could sleep in. Then we'd exchange places around noon.
She really had a tough time dealing with his death. I went up to Georgia for a while, but she was coming home every afternoon to his empty chair. It was during this time that Doug was medically discharged from the military, and moved back into her life and our home. He totally used her grief to manipulate his way back. There was never an actual choice or decision on her part.
In the year and a half since he has been back, when asked about their relationship, her answer has always been "he's here today- don't ask me about tomorrow". So she is more than done. I don't think he loves her anymore either- he loves the lifestyle.
He is living in a beautiful 5 bedroom home, that is reasonably clean and nice, in a wonderful neighborhood, with great neighbors. He has a garage for his tools, and all the "facade" of a normal husband and father, without any of the responsibilities. He does the yard work, and by choice has a vegetable garden, other than that, his time is his own.
One of the things I said to him yesterday is that he has to find something to do. He can't work or he would lose some, if not all, of his govt money, so I told him to volunteer somewhere. He said that was a good idea. I don't expect him to follow thru.
I also told both of them they were lousy parents right now, and if they don't get their crap together, I would take their son back to Ga with me or let him live with his other grandmother ( who is one of my best friends), so he decided to be a good dad yesterday.
He told Dougie he would take him to the movies. Dougie got all dressed and ready. When Tracy wouldn't go, that idea fell through. Then he told Dougie they would take the dog to the park. Couldn't find his collar, so again,nothing. In his mind, it was not his fault they ended up doing nothing. So he let Dougie stay home from camp today so they could have another day together- Dougies been on the computer all day and Doug's watching TV.
Doug was all excited to show me a condo he found for sale today. He says he even left a message for the real estate agent to call him back. Nice idea- but it takes at least a month to buy a house, and he hasn't even started the process of pre-approval yet. Again, more manipulation on his part.
Tracy locked her bedroom door last night.
0 -
Teacher!!!....wow what a reaction...was this from a scoplamine patch that you put behind your ear?
I always use them when I cruise for sea sickness.....and my last surgery they used one in the hospital before the surgery for "anti nausea"
I am allergic to almost all tapes, bandaids and sticky stuff...but SCOP patch has never bother me in more than 10 years of using them.
Hugs,
Di
0 -
Anne, your Daughter doesn't want to let him go..... completely. She thinks he will change.... He knows he can manipulate her, and she will always give in. It's their Son that is the only thing you should worry about.... Yes! I WOULD take the boy with you!
She will either stay with him, or leave.... but I think it is Mommarch that has gone through this with her Daughter, and them trying to keep their Grand-daughter!
He has big dreams, and a bigger mouth....
See I went to classes for 5 weeks for abused women when I was 64..... We all listened to the other gals talk about their lives.... and what they have lost.... THEY were seeking help, and they could GET it.... but not by themselves. You have to be willing to say enough is enough. But I would only worry about your Grand-son now.
Sounds like his Dad will always have some excuse as to what went wrong..... why he disappointed his Son! And your Daughter just sounds tired.... like she is giving up! But she has to take care of her Son.... maybe withOUT him! If he can be drunk and violent, that never gets better! Not without major help, and determination from your Daughter.
Man, I sound like I am on a soap-box.... but I heard so many stories from those women! How they always thought things would get better....! And did you know that the average time a woman will leave her man is 5 times! They always go back, sometimes it is too late to walk out again.....
But again..... it's all about the children..... that's all.
I wish I could help you more....
I meant to say.... All those years my Brother's Son drove them crazy.... when they finally DID lock him out, they came home one time, and he was living in their shed! He had stolen all of my Brother's tools in the garage, to get money for drugs, beer and cigarettes. They were always bailing him out from the jail! Going to court!
So he got about 3 women pregnant, and now he lives with any of them, AND his grown Daughter....! He is just worthless.....
0 -
Sandra....really scary about your hubby's spider bite, hemolytic anemia....and health....why wouldn't he want you to go with him to the DR.?
I sure know about the anemia....ask me about blood test...I think I have been subject to every blood test from my hemotologist/oncologist....my Haptoglobin was less than 1.....RBC in the potty, but then it has been since before BC.
Anemia makes me sleep a lot....I will be day napping on the cruise, (NOT on Glacier Bay day, one of my most favorite places in the WORLD......ahhhh serenity) otherwise I will be in bed by 6pm and ordering room service at 10pm.
Wren....where for lunch/coffee/dinner?
0 -
Anne, I am thinking of you and hoping your family situation resolves quickly as the stress must be hard to handle.
Sandra, I am hoping that your DH continues to improve and that he allows you to go to the doc with him next time.
Teacher, you poor woman ... yikes, that looks sore as well as itchy.
0 -
Di2012, will meds cure your anemia at some point or is it a chronic condition?
0 -
Di2012 - yep that was the culprit.
0 -
Sandra, thank you for the recipes but it'll be awhile before I can try them, onc says no alcohol while on chemo
0 -
Di, so, so, so sorry. Somehow in my addled brain I thought it was Wren. (Bet she was surprised to read that she had volunteered to pick us up!!!!
) Wren, are we going to get together for lunch? 0 -
0 -
0 -
Sandra, What hotel has the cruise line put you in?
0 -
Di, Sandra and Wren, if possible could I join you lovely ladies for lunch or coffee? I'm a real early bird for beddiebye so dinner may be difficult, but it sure would be great to see you!
0 -
It is late as usual for me, worked at the broom shop, took DGD for School Physical, ran errands.
School Physical OK. Dr. says she needs to loose a few pounds, since she had been home she has ate alot. I do not think that she had snacks at Foster Home, too many here. School will start soon and snacks will not be a problem.
Leaving Thursday for Iowa. Hope all goes well.
Sandra, sorry to hear about DH bite. My DH in 2006 contracted valley fever. It is a fungus that grows in the desert and when it rains it blooms and if you are in its path you get very sick.
Everyone have a great week, may not be on for awhile. Hugs
0 -
Mommarch-Iowa? Where. I'm on the Iowa/ Missouri border.
Anne- all the others have more experience with the kinds of terrifying problems you tell about. I trust their judgement. But be assured I think of you and wish I could be of more help.
Brown recluse spider bites are dangerous. A friend was bitten and needed doc care for quite a while. I'm not sure who was bitten. Chevy? Sandra's husband? It's hard to jump in after a week away.
But teacher that reaction to the patch looks scarey. Glad it seems a little better.
Wish I was heading to Seattle with you all. I taught school in Renton for 5 years and at Aannie Wright in Tacoma for one. Lunch will be lovely together.
I've settled right back into lake life here. Time for sleep.
0 -
Yes Mininimimiii.... It was me! It happened twice actually, because I would sit on the step of our back patio... And each time I sat on one, but didn't know it until my butt started itching, and burning, and the area was about as big as an orange! It dimples your skin, worse than an orange peel!
I finally went to the Doc's, and he knew right away what it was.... I just remember taking Antibiotics, and probably Prednisone.... THAT Doc prescribed Prednisone for EVERYthing! Also Benadryl. He told me to keep my hands off of it....
But I had so much fun with THAT bite, I got another! Now I sit in lawn or Patio chairs...
0 -
The simplification of
life is one of the steps to inner peace.
A persistent simplification will create an inner and outer well-being
that places harmony in one's life.
- Peace Pilgrim0 -
Hi to everyone.
Anne, I hope things at your FL home become more peaceful and harmonious.
That sounds like such fun for Sandra, Di, Wren and Garden Gumby to get together in WA.
I had an attack of vertigo last night. I got up to go to the bathroom and had to hold on to things to keep from falling down. What a weird and unpleasant feeling! This morning I still didn't feel "balanced," but now I feel fine.
Hope everyone is having a good Tuesday.
0
