Can we have a forum for "older" people with bc?
Comments
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Yes -- any quote without a name is one of Cami's.
Jackie
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Iowa also has balloon vests. They are beautiful at dusk. But reflected in a pond would be twice as nice. Happy double birthday to Puffin and Dad. It rained all day here. Neighbor kids joined my grands to a magic jam, like a music jam, but showing off magic tricks.
I hate to see summer come to its end. I'll go back to my Iowa house and just come to the lake occasionally. I love my Iowa life too, just not as much of a care free kind of existence. Already the hospital called to find out when I can work in the gift shop (volunteer). Nothing beats a bagel on the porch by the lake with two little ones. School begins, alas.
Chevy my mom had a wringer washer, we had an actual ice box and out house at my grandpas cabin. We also had an outhouse and outdoor pump for water when I was little. We never did have a shower or tub because my Finnish heritage provided a sauna and clear clean lake to rinse off in. The sauna was delightful and a community social event sometimes. It was wood burning, not the electric wimpy kind at hotels these days. Sometimes it would be so hot and steamy a person had to breathe through a rag dipped in cold water. There were always buckets of cold water from the lake and birch leaves to assist with a massage. We would run and jump In the lake when we finally felt just too hot. And noe lymphodema precautions say no sauna, arrrrrgh!
Who can remember before you had your first black and white tv? I can remember when ours arrived. I was pretty little. Remember that tiny little white dot that would eventually fade away as it turned off. I named it "the moon on the doo doo.". Good night my friends. Time for the moon to shine through our windows.
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Minime! Yes, I remember before we got our first TV! My Brother and I used to walk down the block to the corner, because that Plumbing Company put a TV in their window facing out, and me and my Brother would sit on the lawn and watch it!
Before that, we would listen to the radio while we had "supper" and listen to Red Skelton, and the Shadow, and InnerSanctum! Remember those?
And how long it took for the tubes to warm up? And at midnight, they would play the Star Spangled Banner, and the TV would go off.... How fun!
I got my Mom's wringer washer, when we first got married! AND the galvanized tub... Used to set it up in this little hall-way, and wash our clothes, and both girls diapers! And then go hang them on the lines.
We had an ice-box also! But in the winter, we would put stuff in the window in the bathroom! It opened IN, and it had a shelf, and we could keep things closed in there, when they didn't fit in the ice-box!
We also had an Ash-pit! Dad built a concrete one.... we would burn our trash out there...... until one time my Brother threw in a cherry-bomb, and blew that thing all over the neighborhood!
My Dad was NOT happy! Chased my Brother down the block, and the both of them laughing all the way!
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Those distractions that turn my attention from
what I thought I was going to do today are not "rat holes";
they are Enchanted Rabbit Holes
with a Magical White Bunny awaiting in each.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie0 -
Mimi -- what fun. I had forgotten the about the dot on the t.v. We had one of the first ones ( in a house ) in our town. It sat by one of our living room windows that faced the front yard. My dad would take the screen out of the window and put the t.v. there ( it was a big one that perfectly fit the window ) and many of the neighbors and kids would sit on the lawn and watch. We could have paid for the t.v. charging admission, eh !!!
Had the wringer washer and galvanized tubs -- two of them. The first plain water tub usually got fairly soapy after a few loads, but the last rinse tub was not so much so.
Ah --the outhouse. I hated it -- no wonder I was constipated half of my childhood. There were spiders and wasps. Somehow the door would never close completely -- and had it done so, it would have been pitch black even in the day-time and you would not have been able to keep an eye on the bugs to keep them off of you. The buzzing of the wasps struck terror in my heart.
Outside, when anything ( didn't matter what kind of bug as long as it could fly ) got near you, you turned into a windmill instantly. Sure wasn't going to let any of those monster sized bugs land on me -- no thank you. Not a housefly -- nothing.
Well, sadly, no Balloon Glow last night. Shortly before we pulled in my BIL's driveway ( he lives on a street that connects to the park, so we park for free in his driveway ) there were speckles of mist on the windshield. A short while later they turned into raindrops. It stayed as a very, very slow, but consistent dropped rain -- and though it took a long time for it to even be noticeable on the ground -- the balloons can't get wet and be rolled for packing.
We walked all through the park and looked at what all the vendors had. The pottery lady was there, but I really didn't see anything that I liked. They announced that they would do the fireworks a little early ( they were not sure about the rain, but it never got any worse than the few drops at a time ) and so we were ready to un-fold our lawn chairs and watch. As always -- they were great.
Today it will be raining as well. I think for more of the day than not. No balloons again I'm sure. Don't know about tomorrow yet which is last day of the Fest. Will be really something if we have no balloons for the Balloon Fest this year. I don't know statistics on it, but it has rained before. Just don't know if we have ever been totally rained out which seems like a possibility this yr.
It was interesting and fun though to walk around in the very light rain and we stayed fairly cool as well -- though there was some humidity.
Hope you all are going to have a great Saturday. I should work for a while tonight, but depending on the weather it may be a short night. Have to wait and see.
Blessings
Jackie
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Hi ladies
Just to keep you all updated on SIL - guess what? He is still here and the house fell through! No big surprise there. First it was because he had told them he was going to sell the SUV he owes $8500 on ( he has a truck that is paid off). The blue book value was $9000, so he said he would come out ahead on the deal. Unfortunately, CarMax would only give him $3000.
So then( and this is the part that amazes me) he called his mom and she applied for a car loan of $8500- the car would be in her name but he would keep it and make payments on it, she was turned down, then he called his sister and she agreed to cash in her 401k and give it to him.
He got his old boss to lend him $500, and between his brother and mother, he got another $1000. He had absolutely no problem borrowing every penny from everyone he knew, knowing they really don't have it to give.
It really bugs me because when we were in Ga for the Fourth of July, he got $8000 back pay from the govt for something. He blew it all before we got home. Paid some bills,bought some guns ( one for his 11 year old), and generally blew it. Has no remorse at all.
Anyway, long story short, it ended up that he hasn't got enough credit history to qualify for any loan, he now says.
So yesterday, he had to have some fasting bloodwork done at 11am, then was going to the VA. to see what their recommendations were re housing. The bloodwork was so "debilitating" that he came straight home and slept for the rest of the day. Even missed his son's 6th grade "meet and greet".
He is supposed to go apt hunting today - not holding my breath. I offered to go with him. My daughter says if he doesn't find anything today- she and I will go and find him one tomorrow.
And the story goes on...
Anne
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Leeches sure can cling!
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Oh Wow Wren! Ha! I didn't know what you meant at first.....
Anne, I would just shoot the guy..... put him out of his misery.... I would not have anything to do with him, and it really makes you grind your teeth, for the way he is so inconsiderate of his own Son! He is a loser, and a leech for sure.... He will use anyone who is dumb enough to give this guy ANYTHING!
He should be on Judge Judy.... Of course she would tear into all the people that bend over backwards to HELP this loser.
It's called enabling.... He has it MADE! Everyone he uses must feel sorry for him.....! This guy deserves to live on the streets.... taking food out of the dumpsters!
People just have to learn how to say "NO."
Send him over THIS way..... I'll show him what "NO" means! Oh never mind..... He would discover all the Pot this State is involved with!
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Oh Anne, what a fiasco. Well, he was good on the speaking part but I think Chevy was right. He "talks" a good game but actually is a very lousy player. He sounds like he is full of charm -- getting all those people to hand over money to him.
If you go "find" him an apt. -- would he move or come up with a boat-load of excuses for the apt. not being quite right. It is hard to imagine this guy being REALLY on his own. I think he might benefit from a V.A. counselor who might help him understand that he is running away from the responsibilities of life -- regardless of what they are.
This is truly sad that he does not seem to be able to see his irresponsibility in life and that so many of the people in his life are enablers. As long as they coddle him and hand out money and take care of his needs -- he will never FEEL the need to change --- to rise above what for now are not such bad circumstances. We should all be so lucky and fortunate. He needs some real tough love. No one around to see that he gets it though.
Got my fingers crossed for you Anne.
Blessings,
Jackie
ETA: Just read what Chevy wrote and we have the same idea. This "champ" is surrounded by helpers and he doesn't need to change as long as he can keep the con going for them.
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Jackie, what a great location, by a lake, for a balloon fest. It's too bad that the balloon part may be rained out this year.
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Hi to all. DH and I drove to Detroit Lakes, about an hour's drive, to spend the day with rv friends we've known for a number of years. We met up with them at the Farmers' Mkt. in Detroit Lakes, which had some beautiful veggies. I bought leeks, beets, green beans, sugar snap peas, cucumbers, and three kinds of tomatoes. Purple plum tomatoes, yellow plum tomatoes and red slicing tomatoes. I also bought a loaf of bread and cookies from a bakery that comes from Fargo.
It was pretty warm today and humid for MN. Tonight we have the a/c on in the camper. It's supposed to rain tonight and possibly tomorrow and bring in some cooler air.
Wishing everyone a good Saturday evening.
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Oh Carole what caught my eye was the bread and cookies--especially from a bakery. oooooooo yum hahaha
The leech took a second for me too. But Anne they are there to stay until they fill themselves with enough blood. And that's what's happened here. He blew all that money not to help himself but to just enjoy what he wanted too. It's a shame to be caught up in this mess--find him an appment and pack him up and say good-bye 0r just pack him up and say goodbye, it's time he stayed at his family's house.
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Annie, lots of drama
Omg 23 miles really
U guy are so entertaining
Haapy weekend
Me
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I always thought when I would be older, less drama more quiet----doesn't always work that way.
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Okay, so Anne! Have you shot that guy yet? I'll come out there and take that kid, and shake some sense into him! He has no right to "use" all of you guys like that! I thought he was alone in the world.... but he gets "help" from EVERYone!
So no need to worry anymore.... Like Cammi says, pack his damn bags, put his little lazy butt OUT, and put him out of his misery. He is only a part-time Dad.... If he can straighten up someday, (probably like never) then he can be a part of his Son's life.... but you ALL would be better off without him anywhere around you.
He won't stop! If people just start saying NO.... then he has to grow up and get a life.
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Sandra -- sitting here wondering how your daughter is doing and if she is starting to feel at least a tiny bit better about her loss. It takes time but I was hoping that she was starting to get used to things.
Anne, we are all full of such great advice, but I know acting on situations can be often difficult. None of us have to think about or experience any of the nuances connected to any of the 'life' and 'times' happening and unfolding. We see and feel things from a distance and do not have to make decisions while being in the middle of the full essence of it all.
For the most part though -- I really do feel YOU/meaning HE, has to SEE and FEEL the need of change which is impossible probably while he has so many enablers. I hate to say it -- it may be true even -- that some help him just to maintain distance. In other words....keep him off their doorstep directly. Well, there I said that really snarky thing but reading some of the things you said about the amt. of monetary help he was able to pull to himself ----- I just got that sensation so strongly a couple of times. Help him monetarily so he'll stay parked where he is and won't come any closer.
Carole -- what a great place to meet -- a Farmer's Market. True indicator of like-minded people who are fantastic friends. Friends can meet in so many places -- a concert, a restaurant, someone's home -- but there is something so basic and earthy about meeting at a Farmer's Market -- where crops which are home grown and sold that enrich our life and health are presented to the public. No wonder we love hearing from you. Reading your entries I often get the feeling of love and sunshine and happiness -- sort of like the feeling of walking into a house where a couple or more batches of homemade chocolate chip cookies have just come out of the oven and you are invited to have a warm cookie or two with a glass of milk.
Cammie -- how right you are. We look to our older age as though a lot of life will ease up, especially the problems, because we know that we are slowing down and over-all leading a less intense life. Kids raised, house paid for and the car and dog too. Just seems like you should be able to enjoy some relaxation and that the score-card will display a whole lot more of it NOW.
Well, it is always something as Gilda Radner once said. What you think you need to see often just does not come. Even if we know that we grow more by the things we OVERCOME and survive well, there are still times when we would at least like to feel we have been able to REST UP a little better in-between. Here's hoping that we all get to feel there is a nice peaceful, restful break in between challenges.
Chevy, you are the practical Rock of Gibraltar for everyone. You just don't waver much and stay steady and so dependable. No wonder I look to you -- and read every little scrap for the inspiration I need.
Being able to come here is always an adventure. Sally ,Mimi, Joan, Wren, Mom-Mom, Sandra, Carole, Cammie, and whomever comes that day just adds another little dimension for me to grow with and another way to view life. It's wonderful.
Rained mightily during the night with lots of lightning and thunder for a while and then I just fell asleep. When I awoke this morning -- the rain was still coming down. I just snuggled for a bit, cozy and peaceful in my bed. Its being Sunday and nothing much to consider it was a great time to just stretch just so and then curl right back up. I knew I couldn't sleep anymore, but just loved enjoying that "little" sinful feeling of total laziness.
Hope you are all going to have a great Sunday.
Blessings,
Jackie
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Jackie, it rained here last night, too, but I had to take dh's word for it. I slept through the rain and didn't hear a thing. We had the fan on in the bedroom and I had my little foam earplugs in. This morning we get up and it's cool and overcast. DH cooked grits and eggs and toast for breakfast. Grits is a cool-weather breakfast food.
Now I'm thinking of cooking potato and leek soup for supper. I got a ham bone out of the freezer. I'll look up some recipes online and get some ideas since this isn't one of my common soups that make in the winter. I have those lovely leeks I bought yesterday at the Farmers' Mkt. and some new potatoes that aren't quite as "new" as when I bought them!
When I called my mother earlier to chat, my brother Gary answered the phone. He's a good cook and had brought her potato salad and shrimp stew and rice for her dinner. I was so glad she had company and a nourishing meal. I plan to call her a little later on in the afternoon.
Happy Sunday to everyone.
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Hi everyone, hope you all are enjoying your Sun.
Supposedly, Doug's BIL is here to help him take his "stuff" to storage and he will be staying with them and his mother till he finds a place.
It's funny, cause I basically had the conversation you all suggested above with him earlier. I told him the best time in his life was when he was in the military, where he had to do what he had to do, when he had to do it. I told him he has too many enablers right now, trying to fix what only he can fix. I said since you moved in here, you've given Tracy money for bills & stuff, and child support only when you wanted to. You knew that regardless of whether you gave her money or not, you still had a home, food, laundry etc. and that's not acceptable. I said you had $6000 at the beginning of July- you spent every penny of it- and only a small portion on bills. Yet you expect your family to bail you out yet again. And they are going to. His sister is going to co-sign a lease so he has enough income on paper. I said its time for you to grow up and take responsibility for yourself and your son. Jackie, you are so right that they will do whatever they can to keep him here, or at least not with them.
He keeps trying to blame everything on Tracy's drinking, which she has cut back on tremendously lately. I told him I totally agree that her drinking is a major issue- for her. His pulling a gun on a driver that cut him off, and his irresponsible behavior at the lake in Ga, which landed him in the hospital when we got back had absolutely nothing to do with Tracy's drinking.
I told him they are both drowning in their own issues, and their efforts to save each other are only dragging them down further, because neither one of them has anywhere close to a firm foundation at this point.
He keeps trying to go back and rehash old he said/she said conversations. He would never call her this or that, like she says he does. I said I had lived with a man for 42 years who would say awful things to me in a fit of anger, and 10 minutes later would deny on his children's lives ever saying them. So I wasn't interested in his denials.
He keeps saying he is trying- he has signed up for cooking school- I said you've "signed up" for a lot of stuff over the years. When you actually finish a semester, that will show a change for the better.
Believe it or not, it was a calm conversation. I stuck to facts, stayed very calm and conversational and left him with no way to defend himself.
And the beat goes on....
Anne
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Oh ANNE! You really said all that! You GO girl! That should give him a thing or two to think about! Just keep re-inforcing those thoughts and words in that little pea-brain head of his! He is not only a user, he is a blamer, and loves to put it off on someone else.
Just tell him "I don't believe a think you say anymore!" He tried so hard for you to buy into all his plans!
If his family has their blinders on, well then they can handle him..... He will be out on the streets again soon enough.... That kind of people don't change overnight..... just that you don't have to be part of his shenanigans.....
The sooner he is gone, the better..... I'm just sorry you have to deal with this....
You are very strong!
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Anne, Once he's out you might want to change the locks.
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Good for you Anne -- I feel better about the day for sure now. You were so right to stick to the TRUTH as well as the FACTS. This is something that almost never leaves much of an opening and a person who hides from truth and facts so often needs to LOSE those openings as much as possible.
I get amused somewhat by all the MISTAKES he makes due to Tracy's behaviors. We all have to go into "if only" land now and then. If only this had not happened, if I didn't have to spend all my money on --- but the bottom line is what are YOU going to do to fix YOUR situation now, regardless of what it is and who may have been involved at the time.
Most people get so use to confronting problems and solving them, they don't have time to connect them to someone else. I hope Doug will be able to understand that no matter what goes on, he in charge of being the best person there ever was and if he'd get busy working on that he'd barely have the time or energy to notice what Tracy is doing.
We had about 2 & 1/2 hours of dry time, but another little rain squall has just started. Wow !!! I bet the park ( where they set all the vendors up ) was or will be emptied out for sure by now. Some people go sort of late on Sunday as some of the vendors will drop prices right before they pack up to go home. Not sure too many people bothered this time. I wouldn't have paid to get in and walked around on the muddy -- and maybe mushy in some places ground. I'm not young enough to put myself through that anymore.
I did not fix breakfast this morning but waited until I had fed the feral cats and then I came home and sliced a bunch of Yukon Gold potatoes in a pan, and got out my small iron skillets to make us each a couple eggs, then some bacon in the microwave, along with toast with butter and apple jelly. I'm still stuffed and won't be hungry till 7 p.m. tonight probably.
Well, maybe tomorrow it will be dryer around here.
Blessings
Jackie
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Happy Sunday everyone.
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Jackie, thanks for asking about Stephanie. She is still pretty consumed with grief over her cat but her two siblings are helping her by listening.
Haven't been here much lately. I have had some problems with my eyes (happens every couple of month...leftover from the brain stem stroke a year and a half ago. They seem to have straightened out now so I can read again.
I saw my plastic surgeon a few days ago to discuss my next surgery, Sept. 19th. It was supposed to be the last one but he is not able to do all the things he had hoped, so I can "look forward" (??) to a surgery #6 after I heal from the upcoming one. He will be once again dissecting the left pocket to try to make the implant on that side happy. There is still lingering discomfort from the initial damage to my anatomy on my left side done by the serious infection someone gave me in the hospital. (Gee thanks.) That was a year ago. The plastic surgeon has done a great job putting me back together but there's still a little bit more to be done until I am free of discomfort.
Di and I are 12 days away from our Alaska cruise! I started packing over the weekend. I booked this cruise (top of bucket list ) just after my cancer diagnosis last year so it's been a long time to wait.
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The weekend is over hope it was a good one 4 all
Ann, tell him actions speak louder than words, he sounds immature n that he cant do anything on his own, easiers to blame others.
Cammie, chevy, jackie, etal Big hugs
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Morning gals!
Sandra, have you ever watched that show "Botched?" It is about plastic surgeries gone bad, or in other words, they can "fix" or repair what others have screwed up! I feel so bad for you, not getting what you wanted or needed!
This one gal had a "tummy-tuck" but she also got a serious infection, and these Docs were able to repair all the damage.Another gal had like breast implants the size of small Volkswagen's, and wanted them to be made, or filled even LARGER!!!! This gal was nuts... They refused! They said that her thin skin could not take anymore, that they would eventually blow-up.... break through her skin! She said she will not stop until she can find someone that will do them!
I just hope your team can "fix" you!
Anne, are you Sponger Free yet? Ha! We will all help you.... We will all come there, and drag that kid out by his heels, while he is clinging to the rug.... We will then throw out all his clothes, and artifacts, and "stash" out on top of him..... SLAM the door, and you will never see or hear from him again.
And oh yes! Most definitely like Wren says.... Change the locks! Maybe he will get the hint! Have the lock-guy run over him with his truck!
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You can create miracles in your own life,
and in the lives of those around you -
because you are a miracle,
and you are connected to the source of all miracles.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie0 -
Good Mon morning everyone
Yes, Chevy, I am happy to say that, at the moment, I am sponge-free. I say at the moment because not all of his stuff is gone yet, he has no where to put it until he gets a place to live ( he is with his mother, sister, BIL and 2 nephews right now). He stayed there last night, and hopefully till he gets his own place. He came back for round two of poor me yesterday afternoon, whining that "if only" yada, yada, yada. I again met him with calm logic, repeating over and over that he can focus on little isolated incidents, or look at the whole picture, which starts with the fact that they never discussed or made a decision to get back together. It was just a series of circumstances that happened, and without clear understanding together about what went wrong the first go round, and what changes each needed to make, and whether they had clearly made those changes, they were doomed from the get-go.
He actually said he felt like Tracy had kept him here just so he could do the painting and remodeling we did in June. I reminded him that the first conversation ever held about doing all that was when I asked him about doing it, in front of Tracy. I said that was the first she had heard of it herself, and further, I had made it very clear, more than once, that I was more than willing to pay him or hire someone else to do it. I told him he was crazy if he thought Tracy would have kept him around for almost 2 years to paint some walls.
He may be by today to see how his son's first day of middle school went, and he did ask if he could keep working on the garden until he can harvest it.
Since we have been through this all before, we can pretty much predict how this will play out. He will appear to be super involved in Dougie's life, but things will just keep getting in the way of him actually following thru on anything. He will insist on having Dougie on the weekends, but 9/10's of the time Dougie will end up with his grandmother, and within a few weeks, she will adjust to the situation, and come here for Sun dinner as she has been doing for years (since Dougie has been old enough to prefer playing with friends instead of sitting with grandmas).
There's a real good chance he will pick up with the old crowd and become a total loser like his dad, which is a shame, since he really could be a great guy. I pray he will chose the right path,but my priority in all of this, has and always will be my grandson. Thank God he is surrounded by uncles who have stable lives.
I am going out to lunch today with a group of teachers and support staff from the school I worked at for 15 years. We are celebrating the first day back to school, and the fact that we are retired and don't have to be there.
Have a great day!
Anne
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OMGoodness,
Some of the suggestions for eliminating Anne's problem are just too too. Like the tow truck driver doing a T. Stewart on him. Well, it does bring I'm sure a little relief to be able to laugh at some of our predicaments. If you laugh, you won't be crying in frustration anyhow.Just hope that he can move on though he does seem incapable right now of realizing no one FORCES him to make all the bad choices that he has. Most of the time when you are full of excuses, you don't actually hear what you say. Meaning, that it sounds so logical to you after making it someone else's fault for so long --- you are unable to HEAR the total lack of logic others do when you are speaking. I know this because for a while I wasn't hearing some of the things I said.
Sandra, glad your eyes are clearing up. My goodness, you do need them to get that packing done and your papers in order. I'm so glad that you will meet up with Di as well. I mean, it was going to be good enough beforehand. To find out fairly late that you can share this great experience with someone else is just most fantastic.
Other people generally notice things we don't and vice versa -- so having another person's eyes and ideas to me would be priceless. I'm always amazed when viewing something -- at the explanation the other party have of it.
Well, that is utterly or is that udderly stupid to keep wanting bigger implants when you are TOLD point blank that it is a mistake and will cause you problems and grief. I do sort of understand urges to do things --- like eat too much cheesecake or ice cream, or for heaven's sake, even gamble. But it is hard for me to get doing something to your body that defies total common sense and logic. Oh well, it takes all kinds -- and people like that help us understand why common sense and logic are such a treasure to most folks.
Be back later but in the meantime -- Happy Monday to my favorite logical and lovely friends.
Blessings
Jackie
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Anne - since I retired 4 years ago, I do something just for me on the first day back to school. Today I'm delivering a crocheted baby blanket because every baby deserves a warm welcome! Then it will be on to another round of ultrasound on my side. It's got to feel better soon, right? If not, sleepless nights will mean more projects get completed.
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We had gentle rain much of the night and it continued this morning. About 9 am one of our neighbors knocked on the camper door and asked if we would like to go to Bemidji with him and his wife for pizza at lunch time. We accepted the invitation and he picked us up about 11 am. Bemidji is about a 30 min. drive. We went to Giovanni's and had thin-crust pizza. DH and I had Italian sausage, green olives and mushrooms on ours. It tasted really good.
Afterwards we went to an ice cream place for some dessert.
So I've had my quota of calories for the day!
The rain has stopped for the moment. Tomorrow is supposed to be a nice day.
Hope everyone is enjoying this Monday.
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