So...whats for dinner?

Just received an email from my mother: " I am more worried about what to wear than the money!" Yes, she has figured out how much it costs to eat there....

My mother was raised in money. She inherited money when I was just a child. In fact, she went to court to have my sister and I taken out of that will. She didn't think it was fair that her siblings had no children, while she had two, so her family would get such a large percentage. We lived as though we had no money. My parents never touched the capital.

My mother buried her sister who died at the age of 48 from breast cancer, having run through her inheritance to pay for her care. She then buried my brother who died at the age of 29. She then fought for my sister's life, twice overcoming horrid cancers. And now, she is looking at loosing her first born. Me. She so wishes that she could buy me health. She knows that she can't do that. But, she can offer me a lunch at a Guy Savoy restaurant. Sometimes, I have to just say no. Paris is not the place to say no.

And yes, we have to upgrade the clothing!

*susan*

Susan, I was my Mother's Power of Attorney when I was 26. She made a "living will" which is an old term , but your husband's PCP can help you have him make his wishes known . That was the greatest gift my Mother gave to me, because you will be able to honor them without wondering if you are doing the right thing. . The Alzheimer's Association in Ma can help and is a good resource. Your children are old enough to help too, although you might think that they are not. Hugs to you and your family. Your PCP can help you decide the trigger, or a Geriatric Psychiatrist can and this should involve an attorney to manage the financial and legal issues

MombieZ, the tacos sound like good eating.  We welcome you to our kitchen table discussion of what we cook and eat out at restaurants.  Some of us are not well-organized so we can learn from you. 

I heard an interestingfood news tidbit on PBS yesterday morning on my way to the golf course.  Home cooks who watch cooking entertainment shows like those on Food Network and who cook the recipes they see chefs like Giada etc. preparing gain an average of 11 lbs!  Those who enjoy watching the chefs but continue to eat out or cook their own simpler recipes stay the same weight.  It doesn't take a genius to figure out that you can't cook like Giada and look like her!  I'm convinced that those bites she takes on camera are all she eats of those fat and calorie laden dishes.  Not true with Ann Burrell, Ina Garten and other overweight chefs. 

My mother-in-law was one of 7 girls and she was the only one unfortunate enough to get Alzheimer's.  The sad thing is that she knew early on that something was going wrong in her brain function.  One year when she and my FIL visited us in Louisiana, she was memorizing poetry and hoping to "exercise" her memory.  She stayed home with FIL until he couldn't deal with her any more.  He wasn't a patient man and it was painful to be aware of how un-gentle her care was.  He put notes everywhere.  They ate dinner early at a certain time in the afternoon.  The "trigger" for him that he couldn't rely on her to perform her duties was when she prepared dinner one afternoon about 2:30 or 3:30.  He had to take over the cooking, plus they ate out on certain nights at local inexpensive restaurants.  He was a regimented man so her disease was hard for him to accept.  He kept trying to "teach" her.

One remarkable characteristic that we noted about my dear MIL was her ability to "cover" her confusion.  When we called long distance to talk to her, she took clues from our conversation and managed to carry out her end of the give and take.  I think this is characteristic.  Eventually FIL had to place her in a home.  He visited every day at lunch time and took her one of those high-cal Ensure type of beverages and also badgered her to eat her lunch.  She always watched her weight and as she lost control, she gained weight.  She was in her 80's when she passed and by then I don't think she knew any of the family.

I was assigned the job of taking her shopping when we visited one year.  It was a nightmare and I didn't do very well. 

Bedo's suggestions all sound excellent.  I am non-medical and would rely on outside advice and help.  It's so unfair that you have this to deal with in addition to your own health issues, Susan.  Hugs and lots of mental support.

Nance, hope your dad is all right.

I am no longer gray-haired! Pleased with the color job.

Probably stuffed shells again tonight with a veggie and salad. May try mint peas with fresh mint. A friend cooked this for a church supper and it sounds super easy and good. I supplied her with the mint

Mombie, Hi! I am one of the "incompetent cooks" I was vegetarian since age 16, but in my dotage... the last 5 years, I began to eat shellfish and then fish, as I felt I needed the protein. Your tacos made me hungry. Whenever I hear the term "fish tacos" I want to gag, but I wonder, has anyone had them and are they good? How do you make them? Any recipes ideas? What kind of fish?

Susan, If you haven't read it, "The 36 hour day" is an excellent book that came out in the 70s and has been updated since. I has excellent advise for caregivers and I can't recommend it enough. Your library should have a copy. As far a clothes, I think they all wear black in Paris with red lipstick, wear lots of perfume., have affairs, smoke Gauloises cigarettes. Yeah. that sounds about right. That's my advise to your Mom... well not the cigarettes. Or affairs. I am not a world traveler like you and can't wait for some pics.

And yes, Carol this reddish blond is my hair color. I paid for it. It's on my head. And it's mine.

Hi Goats! Glad your goats made it through the snow!

I love fish tacos, too.  Like you, Bedo, I thought the concept was weird until I ate the tacos, first in CA where there are fast food places selling nothing but fish tacos.  The only thing really "different" is the popularity of shredded cabbage as an ingredient.  Now I'm seeing fish tacos on menus here in our area.  Even at more upscale restaurants.  So fish tacos are in the mainstream.

I could eat good fresh fish several times a week.  It's a favorite food.

We're invited to a crawfish boil birthday party on Sunday.  The darned weather man is talking about rain on Sunday!  With the temperature as warm as it is now, I would stand in the rain to eat some good freshly boiled crawfish. 

Susan, I love your mother just from hearing about her personality and character.  It makes me happy to know there are people like her in our world.  I wish there could be a video of the two of you dining in Guy what'shisname's restaurant.  I had not heard of Guy. 

I have fallen down on my responsibility to learn this new camera, so I used my time waiting for the chicken to cook to take a few pictures. I did not straighten up so please be gentle. As you will see, my kitchen has almost no cabinets. There are two tiny things to the left/right of the stove, and a larger one under the sink where we keep cleaners, etc. To solve some of my storage issues, I have the pans hung on the wall. The island gives us most of our prep space, but they didn't do storage so you could sit and eat there.

The stove was purchased on ebay and I do love it.

Thank goodness there is a kitchen pantry. The kids get most of the left shelves, we get the most of the right. Bowls, measuring cups and tupperware are shared.

And here is my secret weapon.... the basement pantry which we added when the kids moved home.

And since I was taking pictures, a preview of our dinner. Tandoori grilled chicken, lentils with garlic, basmati rice, and some naan bread.

I really do need to make everything pretty again, and take a picture of my spice rack.

*susan*

Oh Susan, I'm so thrilled! I feel like I've been invited into your home. I love it, it reminds me very much of Julia Child's kitchen. Thank you for sharing (and the dinner looks wonderful!)

Yup - BCO is having issues bumping all of us back to page 1 post 1. Several folks have reported the problem.

Susan - the pictures are great. LOVE the color. And a basement pantry - be still my heart. I have no pantry at all so I even keep some things in the garage if they can stand the 100+ degree Houston heat & humidity.

RE: your DH, I like the idea of a specialized "elder care" attorney. Do you have access to a 'geriatric' doc group? They start working w/early onset patients at 55. Even in Houston those docs make house calls. Someone mentioned getting your kids more involved. That's an important issue since you will need their support rather than the normal "super mom does it all". I'm assuming you have a list of every day things that would be warning triggers, like leaving the stove on, but I agree about predators and the need to protect check books & limit credit card access. I do think you should "freeze" your files at all 3 credit bureaus so no one can open new bogus accounts. The 'trigger' that Alice created in "Still Alice" was a heart breaker. Oh, I hurt for you. Dreaming about your wonderful trip & glad it's soon.

Nance - I'm sure your Dad's furious. Hope he can be patient so you don't spend the weekend running back & forth. How dumb to send an elderly man home alone w/a foley.

Went to a "senior expo" yesterday w/seminars and lots of booths and every kind of information & service set up to give advice & pens & koozies. Last year they served BBQ plates w/all the trimmings. This year it was a sack w/a turkey or ham sandwich on plain white bread (not even potato bread or sourdough), a bag of Fritos and a rock hard brownie. I ate my sandwich for dinner tonight. Ugh.

Susan, What Eric suggested and did with his mom is exactly what the estate attorney wanted to se t up for my Dad and me when My mom died, although I am an  only child--of course, Dad refused to do it, but you are dealing with a better mind set.  Surely there are a couple of t rusted friends and his doctor who will step in if you want a consensus.  Also, you need to do what is necessary, in both of your best interests, regardless of promises made.  If it is better for him to be somewhere else from a care prospective, so be it....dear girl, you can only do so much.  Does he understand what is happening?  My heart just hurts. 

Dinner was a Rueben with fries at the local greasy spoon with a pal who wanted to eat fried chicken.  She takes the skin off it, and it is all I can do to keep from reaching across the table and taking it....LOL.   I am loving my dad from a distance today, as I was at his house and did about 5 things in an hour erday when he got nasty about something I had nothing to do with, and I just had to leave. I spend 1.45 hour on a bus to get to him when I can't find a ride.  Missed first bus, so walked to where I can catch the second one to get there...Then when I left his house, I  Missed the first bus, so started walking, but it was cold so I caved and called the friend I ate with and she picked me up at the Catholic Church 3 blocks from his house and brought me home.  Tomorrow is our Mennonite Relief Sale, and I am going.  Hate to go with this damn cast, cause I always stock up on baked goods, and crafts, etc. But I might take my "old lady" cart with me.....The have Pineapple Pie....... Another friend is picking me up at 4pm.  We will have fried fish (me it's lent) or BBQ chicken (other friend isn't catholic)  Will take a fish dinner to my Dad and see how he is then. 

Red, ROFLMAO! Thanks, I needed that!

Just read your anecdote to my dh and we both got a good laugh, Redheaded!  I so admire you for your persistence in being a caregiver for your hard-headed cantankerous dad when you need a caregiver yourself.  I'm not Catholic but I would go with the fish, too.  We have lots of Catholics in this parish and not eating meat isn't a hardship with all the seafood available.  Our Catholic churches sell fish dinners on Fridays, either drive through and pick them up or dine in. 

Love your kitchen, Susan.  Would love to sit on a stool out of the way at the island and watch you cook.   But cannot imagine living without cabinets.  I will take some pictures of my kitchen with cabinets all the way to the ceiling.  DH built them and a pretty pie safe and a buffet both with storage.  I don't have enough, though, and am using the top of the refrigerator.  Also have my big stock pot and some other items in the laundry room, which has some pantry shelves and houses the freezer.

A friend had a wonderful rack for hanging pots over her llarge island.  She has since moved.  It was a new house with a gorgeous kitchen and big walk-in pantry.  I always thought I would like to have the rack with hanging pots.  My ceilings are only 8 ft.  This is a 1970's ranch house that we renovated but you can do just so much. 

Wow! I'm AWOL for a couple of days catching up on long overdue friend meet ups and errands....and return to a frenzy! First off, welcome Mombie! I like fish tacos as long as no tilapia sneaks into them.

Susan, I concur with so much of the wisdom already presented here regarding DH and protecting him, his assests and rights. My guess, knowing your level of organization, is that you probably are already connected with an elder care lawyer. If not, I have a friend who may know a good one as she worked for many years for one in our general area. Also, DH is good friends with a woman from Concord who has made care of the elderly (especially including those with Alzheimer's) her life priority. She has started a not for profit group called, Circle of Life Partners, which you can access through this link: circleoflifepartners.org, and you can certainly use Bob's name if you choose to call her for a consult. I also agree with Bedo that DD needs to be involved in this planning if she is not already. But painfully poignant for sure. I'm hoping that she has a really good support network within her graduate psych program. ((((SUSAN, ET AL.))))

Meanwhile....I love your "Cambridge kitchen" Susan!!! I enjoyed cooking in a kitchen like that of a friend when living in Cambridge many moons ago. Makes me nostalgic. Love all those photos! I actually love when our group members share any photos....I tend to be visual in orientation. But these are particularly sweet! And chicken tandoori....be still my rumbling tummy!

Met some former colleagues for lunch at Cheesecake Factory and had a very nice salad of greens with beets, asparagus and goat cheese. Their salads are so large that I had the leftover portion for my dinner tonight. DH had a dinner meeting after spending a large part of his afternoon with DS2 and cohorts at a sports bar watching basketball games....tough life! I can't complain...I Was very happy getting my things done today. This was DH's first serious trek into town, then into Cambridge, and successfully done with the exception of finding no open handicapped parking spaces.

Nancy, I am sorry to learn about what you and your father are dealing with. I do hope the infection resolves soon. And Red....or was it Minus, (unable to get this damn screen to scroll back) that vignette about the catheter was hysterical!

Hi to everyone I didn't address....and hope to see a pic of your "new" hair Carole.

Not trying tomcorrect any typos...sorry.

MombieZ, the only thing on my calendar 2 months in advance is dr. visits!  Or major happenings like departure for the summer!  I'm in awe.  Our thread founder, Laurie, made out weekly menus and did her shopping for ingredients.  She has two small boys and is very busy so we seldom hear from her lately.  I think she had a basic rotation of tried and true recipes.

I have gone so far as to stick a calendar in a kitchen drawer to facilitate making a daily notation about our dinner menu.  "Menu" is a stretch some nights when we fend for ourselves with warming up leftovers of choice.  My inspirations for dinner vary:  (1) what's on sale or looks good at the supermarket on frequent trips for this or that needed item (2) what people on this thread are cooking (3) articles in the three cooking magazines I receive (4) what's in the freezer (5) high numbers on the bathroom scale (6) how tired, lazy, ambitious I feel.  Oh, the calendar project was never successful.

With all that said, dinner tonight is at the very nice restaurant at our country club.  I have a birthday coupon for a complimentary meal that I need to use in March.  We're meeting another couple for cocktails at the adjoining bar.  Chef Hosie is a good chef, if a bit heavy with the salt in his soups.  I'm looking forward to not cooking.

Lacey, hair color is just one degree lighter than the color base my hair lady was using.  Her reason for going a bit lighter was the hope that I could skip the highlighting step.  My gray hair was nicely steaked rather than a solid color so the artificial color is a bit streaky too and more natural looking.  Natural hair is never a solid color which is why it is so much prettier than artificial color.  Black is the worst dyed color.  But then desiring "natural" color these days is archaic.  Younger women go for the purple, green, red.  And it looks good on some of them!   My hair is a bit shorter than my former avatar but similar in color.  Sorta beige!  I'll put up a new avatar.  Must say, though, for all the popularity of selfies, I don't do well with them.

Susan, do you not have cabinets because that is the norm for "Cambridge kitchens"?  I learn so much on this thread!  Will have to look up Guy.