Starting chemo January 2018

krose- such great news!!!

Thinking of you, Paisley! Today is your last chemo!!!!! xx

Ring that bell, Paisley!! Congrats on finishing the hard part!

Congratulations, Paisley! Sending postitive and loving thoughts your way for negative scan results. It’s so hard to wait but thankfully you will have the results the next day.

This group iswonderful and so supportive. Makes life easier!

Thanks Ladies!

Yes, it's a shame that we have to deal with the fear of mets and recurrence all the time. Even before I had the rib pain and bad bone scan, I worried - now it's just magnified! Can't wait to get this scan over next week to know once and for all. I'm trying to stay positive, but the unknown is just so hard to deal with.

Roxy - thanks for the "glow" comment - it's the steroids!!!!! LOL! Roxy, why did you think it spread to your rib? Did you have pain? Did you have testing done? I had severe pain in my chest and middle back which then the bone scan showed two suspicious ribs. My nurse today said that she's seen things before show up on a bone scan that turned out to be nothing, so I'm trying not to worry, but it's hard.

Krose - so happy to hear that your test results came back good! That's such a relief and so great!!!!

Amelia - thanks for remembering my last day! I'm so happy to be done. I had no sleep last night - was dealing with a fever from the taxol that I get every week, and also woke up dreaming about my last treatment. I think I was just so filled with emotions and thoughts, I couldn't turn off my brain. When I left the cancer center and got in the car, I actually broke down and cried - anybody else get emotional after the last treatment? I don't know what came over me. I guess it's just been such a long road and I was remembering when we left there for the very first time and how long ago that seems now.

Well, I will still stay active on this board, but I guess I should find a double mastectomy board to join now - I could use some information on that since that is my next step. Anyone have or will have a double mastectomy here? I'm terrified of surgery - I've had 2 c-sections, but this will be the first time I will be completely put under with anesthesia.

Thank you for all your support and informaiton. This group has been so helpful with getting through this difficult time. It's so nice to know we are not alone and we are always here for each other. I feel very lucky to know all of you! Hugs!

Hi all,

I have my last chemo tomorrow! I am so happy to be done!

Also, Paisley, I have had a bmx. The message boards on it here were really helpful!

Regarding recurrence/Mets fears, I know they are persistent. And, I would seek help (whatever that looks like for you!) early and often to manage those anxieties. Otherwise, they can rule your life! After this long journey, you all deserve better than that.

Best of luck with your next steps, ladies!

What a lovely group. I have gotten so much support and insight from this thread. A couple of observations:

I got a lot of external "congratulations" about finishing chemo on the day of the final infusion (May 30), but internally felt like the last few days (a week post-final-chemo) were when it really hit home, as the side effects were wearing off. No more smack down by taxol just as I was getting strong again. Huge relief.

And Paisley- I had a single mastectomy (I can't remember the abbreviations) the day after Christmas 2017. Honestly it was the least painful and least invasive part of the whole experience. I spent the night in the hospital but could have gone home. Axillary node dissection and port placement (Jan 2 2018) was MUCH more painful and unpleasant. I don't miss that sick boob at all- glad it is gone, along with its alien invader.

I am really enjoying this respite of 3 weeks between final chemo and radiation simulation (June 19). It is gorgeous here and the last few months have given me a great appreciation of being alive, outside, with friends or hubby or dog. I'll post this pic in one of the exercise threads, but here's a photo from my bike ride yesterday. Teton Canyon is my happy place in the summer too.

Paisley thinking of you. Hope your PET scan was squeaky clean. Waiting is so freaking hard.

Fingers crossed for you, Paisley!

I'm DONE!!!!! I am DONE with chemo! Yesterday was my last (11th) Taxol. Hallelujah! I have been waiting for this day since January 2nd when I started my first chemo. I think I was the first on these boards to start and one of the last to finish .....

I ENDURED! WE ENDURED!

I kept some of my hair - I have straggly locks that hang down that can almost be "justified" if I wear a wide headband. I went to that clinic for 16 Mondays of my life -- mostly spending an entire day there. I hope to never need to go back to that spewing machine ever again. che cung zing, che cung zing, che cung zing ---- I hate that sound.

Today I have to return for pre-rad simulation (couldn't they have done it yesterday?!) And I started 15 dose dense tomography guided rads on July 2. I'm to start Aromasin in the next 10 days.

This Friday I go home. I finally go home and see my family. My sister came to visit right after surgery back in November and my very best friend came to see me in February when I was undoubtedly at my very worst (during EC and zero immune system and a raging cough). My mother had wanted to come out but I held here back. No one needed to see me hooked up to a machine or with my scary clown hair or hear my hacking up a lung. I am pretty sure I will have a total emotional breakdown once I arrive at the airport. In fact, it is probably pretty certain that all of the suppressed tears are just waiting to spill out of me. Once my family sees me, I think so much of this becomes real. My 79 year father was diagnosed with early stage prostate cancer a few weeks back, and now we find out that our family harbors this weird gene mutation. My mother has told me it is her fault more than once.

I've kept up my psychological strength to get me through these past 6 months and 9 days. I've run on adrenaline while wearing a perfect mask (with the best eyebrow penciling I could muster) and told very few people. I hid it from as many people as I could and probably hid a lot from myself as well. This was not going to define me nor did I want to "look the part". I've sweat in that wig that I can't push off my face because the cap is visible - I've brushed off countless people that asked about my new "look" of straightened hair was just for a summer change. I've never let my guard down nor my port show.

My husband has rarely asked me how I feel. Then again, I haven't ask him how he feels. And my 9 year old has never heard of the word cancer .... or chemotherapy or has any real idea what I did on Mondays. All he knows is that I took medicine that unfortunately made my hair fall out but that the medicine is good. And I'm fine and will be always fine. I can only hope that we can all bury these months of almost complete detail of what was really going on somewhere where it will never haunt us.

I have never used the C word when describing my "condition". Tumor yes, C, no. I have a lot of issues to sort out in these next months and years - many physical and I assume the psychological may need to be dealt with too. I understand I will be under constant surveillance (also due to the horrid gene but "best genetic mutation to have" (as someone pointed out)) and I will be in constant fear of the other shoe dropping.

In November I will do prophylactic mastectomy when I do the change out from tissue expanders. I'm fine with that and even anxious to get the other boob lobbed off. I will get my ovaries out too -- why take a shot to suppress them when I can just dump them. They can also take my uterus and tubes and heck, even my stomach if need be. In order to survive I am accepting of voiding my body of superfluous and potentially insidious pieces.

After that full body MRI to check on things (can't do with expanders) and if I want I can could a CT scan tomorrow if it puts my mind to ease. Add in a colonoscopy and an endoscopy (hate those) and maybe a bone density exam? None of these tests shows things, though, until they are quite nasty .... I fear for my brain. If nothing else, I want my brain to always be spared.

My MO is on call for me 24/7 which is very helpful and I have my holistic oncologist and others on my team to always be there.

I just don't have anyone to help me with the fear --- the deep rooted fear that I don't know how these next years will go --- how many there will be --- or how my state of health will be --- or if I will ever have a day that I am able to "forget" this horrid scary journey.

be strong, sisters .... and when we can't be strong .... let's make sure we reach out to each other --- or others who have traveled this path that only the afflicted can understand....

Much love and much gratitude for always being here for me ---

Amelia xx

Sending healthy vibes your way, Paisley! It's so scary. It will be good to have some clarity, I'm sure. We are rooting for you, no matter what!

Roxy! You look fantastic. I'm so happy to hear you are feeling better. I am too. My energy is returning, and I'm trying lots of new exercise classes and getting back out on my bike. It's a relief to be able to do some of the things I used to do. My hair is growing in as well--"normal" is feeling a little more normal all the time.

HUGE CONGRATS, Amelia! How exciting to put this in the rear view mirror! You rock. And yes--totally scary to consider the future, but I'm finding one day at a time to be working right now.

My sister had her first surgery, and unfortunately she didn't get clear margins in either breast, and there's cancer in both sides of lymph nodes. She has her double mastectomy and the rest of her nodes out July 3. Please send her good vibes! What a journey for our family. It stinks!

Thanks for being here, everyone.

PET scan came back clear!!!!! No mets. Back on track with the original plan!!!! He thinks I have pneumonitis, so chest CT on Friday and need to see a pulmonologist now. But, heh! No mets! I'll take it! ThNk you for all your positive thoughts and support - it really helped! Glad I can finally relax and think back to the original plan.

We knew it! This is great news, Paisley!

So happy for you, Paisley! I have a back scan Friday. The original pain that caused the scheduling of scan has resolved but I’m still going to get it. I’m glad you can move on ! That was a long wait.

My MO also gave me a prescription for Effexor. Looks like they hand them out like candy! I didn’t really get hot flashes, thoug. I took a couple of pills and felt awful. I was told that it takes a while for your body/brain to stabilize, but I decided not to take it in the end. My mood is fairly stable right now.

I’d be interested to see what you thought, Olesya. There are some boards here on anti-depressants, and some women talked about Effexor.

And congrats on finishing radiation!

Hi all- Paisley I am SO relieved for you. Back on the train. Whew. When my PET scan came back clean in January it was a HUGE deal. Makes ALL the difference. Krose- hope yours is just as clean.

Okkate I feel for your sister and for your whole family. So much to go through in a short time.

Roxy you look FABULOUS.

I am done w chemo (as of May 30) and feeling stronger all the time. I go in next Tuesday for radiation simulation, then start my summer job (haha) of 30 trips to and from Idaho Falls- 1.5 hr drive woo-hoo. But if it helps make the odds of recurrence lower, then I am all for it. Although I must admit that, between the 30!!! trips and a recent bout with chemo acne, plus STILL not having hair (including eyebrows and lashes), I did have a bout of depression this week. Ooof. Riding my bike helped, but this is still a LONG journey and hard to remain upbeat all the time. My DH is working full time and having knee pain; I think he has a torn meniscus. So he hasn't been quite as supportive.

Are you all getting your ports out? I can't stand mine- getting it out on July 2- although it feels like an unlucky thing to do with recurrence in mind, I am betting on clean living and strength to keep the cancer away.

And one more question: were you given guidance from your ROs about supplements and anti-oxidants during radiation? I'm gathering info to see the range of advice.