My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer

@irishlove - Oh I am so sorry about how you are feeling. I too get extremely lonely and have big family issues, but like you say, they are personal, and unlike you, I have not had the courage to talk about them. Please know that I am thinking of you and in your pocket through all of this. I have been truly amazed at what you do accomplish, given your multiple health issues. I could never be out there gardening like that, and taking care of all that outdoors (plants and animals) like you do, although I would love it. Know that we are always here for you and care very much! Hugs.

Good evening sweet ladies. Thank you for your support and kind words. My heart is full of thankfulness for you ladies, my sweet friends. I guess this journey is a very lonely one. I had heard friends either are with you for the long run or run the other way. But when it comes to family, I'm so hurt. I am fortunate to have a good relationship with my husband. God bless him he's not well and yet listens when I'm struggling.

@shanagirl In your pocket for tomorrow. I know you really struggle with pain and I wish you were feeling better. I hope the pain medication can give you better relief. I'm sorry you carry your hurt quietly. If only they had better insight.

@goldensrbest Well happy 7th birthday, beautiful girl. What a great smile and picture. Thank you for your supporting words.

@cookie54 Thank you for you kind words of support. And that big hug. Yeah the sports are a good distraction.

@intolight It's so hard when the grandkids are living with us and our illness is all they know. I sometimes wonder if my DGD (age11) is angry at me. She wasn't going to school for 2 years, home schooled (not very successfully) by Mom and we were always pushing for help for the little girl. I guess I raised my kids, but when you see something so off, you just have to say or do something. My immediate family is small, only one grandchild, and like any grandparent you want to seem them succeed They moved out not too long ago to a camper. It's better for all of us, I guess. Your daughter and granddaughter are so fortunate to have both of you helping. It does take a village.

@threetree Oh I'm sorry to hear about your family issues. When you you're ready, we are here. Or perhaps a therapist could help? Does it take courage to say I'm lonely or desperation? I think I'm just desperate and already suffer from depression. Never had this condition until Stage 4 MBC.

@chicagoan You know, you're right. We do all we can to see them succeed. I would just like a phone call or card or lunch once in-awhile. When did it ever become ok to not give your folks a card for Christmas or a call or Mother's Day. Guess this generation doesn't have time or appreciate such sentiments.

@eleanora Oh you are so sweet. Wish you could come visit and we could go stick our toes in the sand. I would never evict you, you're too sweet…

Irishlove (Laurel)

@irishlove

Just wondering if some sessions with a therapist might help? I have a Zoom session every other week (could have it more frequently, but this seems to work for now). It is just "talk therapy", no medication prescribed, as she is a licensed social worker and therapist, not a doctor. Took a while to find the right "fit" , but it was worth the effort. I can vent to her and say things that I would not say to anyone else at this point and I find it helpful to get things out in the open. I am on traditional Medicare and the sessions are fully covered.

@irishlove - I don't talk about my stuff largely because I don't think anyone wants to hear it, and I would feel like I was just "dumping". I do have a good old friend, and my sister-in-law (who's also caught up in some of the same stuff I am re the family) and they both know the parties involved and the behaviors, so they are some comfort and help for sure. They do understand and lend an ear, and in the case of my sister-in-law, she too is very affected by all of this, so we can share. It's just such a darn shame, as I'm sure you know - like you said, just a Christmas card or a call or an email now and then might be nice.

@eleanora - Good to know that talk therapy sessions are covered by Medicare, that's news to me. I did try a telehealth conversation with a social worker who used to be at my medical clinic a couple of years ago, and it was a disaster. I told her a little bit about my family situation and at first she said that as a social worker myself (I am) I would know that as social workers "we always meet the client where they are", and then she proceeded to tell me how wrong I was about my thoughts and assumptions that I had just shared with her re my situation! Seriously! Well, needless to say, I never wanted to talk to her again. She moved on to some other location and I had no interest in talking to the new or any other social worker there associated with my medical clinic. I totally understand, Eleanora, how you had to find a good fit, and that is so important. I don't know if it would be worth the effort of looking around and asking for recommendations or not. Even though I too am a social worker, I really don't have a lot of faith in talk therapy for a lot of reasons. When I was in social work school we had two groups. One that went into mental health counseling and one that focused more on things like running food banks. I was not in the mental health counseling group and was always a little wary "iffy" about that business. Oh well, life goes on.

@mara51506 - Good luck with your CT today; in your pocket!

Everyone else have a great day. This September weather can be so nice most everywhere.

@mara51506 Glad to hear things worked well for you today. Sorry about the multiple sticks. Hoping you're not too bruised.

I had my port flushed today. It only takes about ten minutes but it is worth the drive and bother to keep it functioning well. At least this time it worked well. We met my DBIL and SIL for lunch after so it was worth it. We are home now sitting listening to the sounds of roaring thunder.

Mara, I request my port to be accessed for scans but there is rarely a qualified nurse available to do it so I just accept the needle stick. Sometimes I get lucky and there is one, but not always at a clinic that is close.

@mara51506 Glad all worked out with your transit issues and you were able to keep your appointment. Multiple sticks stink for sure and you have such a good attitude about it. Fingers crossed all remains stable.

@intolight Glad you also added in a lunch date after access. Certainly nice to treat yourself.!

@cookie54 Yes, I am glad I got a ride and made it with 5 mins to spare.

@intolight Yes, the needle sticks are fine, they went through my hand finally though if the tech could not get it, the vascular nurse could have. Not much bruising which is nice. I am glad you had a good lunch with friends.

The Paratransit still have to ratify a deal or they can go out on strike the 21st of September. If they do, I will be forced to take the bus. Still need to get over fears of getting off the bus. Those kinds of issues should be less once my treadmill comes back, DB has confirmed he will bring it. Clearing out area where it will go, if not, can use it elsewhere. Big box in front of closet can stay, other boxes go elsewhere.

I am presently doing some laundry, got a blanket and a few clothes to do up. Washcloths used for cleaning will go into smaller washers after use. Reusing wash spray bottles with a label for different cleaners. Cleaning out toilet but think there is scratches to porcelain because after scrubbing out and soaking cleaners, it will not come out. Happened during the plumber visit. Oh well, nothing I can do about it, keep rest sparkling as usual.

I feel like having bean centric meals, got chipotle and green beans mixed together so thinking of dumping a bunch in the steel pot, sprayed with canola oil, add a dollop of garlic spread, little butter, dump a generous amount of beans. Putting in cheese and some tortilla strips. Not toasted just soft, mix together, let sit on the burner with a lid. I can add flavour with any of the over abundance of stuff I have by adding tiny amounts. Should be a good meal with lots of protein, will not take long either.

I obviously forgot to post this, I did have the bean centric meal, put some tortilla strips in, some peanut butter protein powder and some cheese, it came together as a super thick and creamy refried bean texture. I was pretty good if I do say so myself. I did not get hungry for a few hours, that is for sure.

Well, not much sleep overnight but that is OK, feeling pretty good anyway.

Started laundry, not sure about my first meal. Thinking of a couple of eggs, add some beana and cheese into the magic bullet then add the mix to a muffin pan, fill up each one less than halfway. Bake on 375 and make egg muffins. Would be nutritious and a good way to use up food and get some protein. I have to say, having beans blended into eggs makes them more palatable. I do not love beans but since I am not really a veggie lover, easier this way. Option 2 would see a couple of eggs, whipped first to avoid an explosion, still have beans added and then chop the cooked eggs and beans, add to a pan to be fried in canola spray, bit of the plant butter which I do not care for and some garlic spread as well.

Also in process of moving large boxes off the end of couch just in case the treadmill shows up tonight, need to ensure there is enough room. I am waiting for DB to bring it, not calling him all the time for it though

I have also stumbled on to an assist in getting up, a lift chair should I fall in the house. Out of my budget currently but would be a good thing to have to get me up without calling an ambulance or brother. The one on Amazon looks to be foldable and does not weigh a ton. Now if I happened to fall outside, I may have to rely on regular bus if Paratransit votes to strike would have to call ambulance to get help getting up. Still am doing squats and bridge pose and the ankle rotations and the up and down to keep that up. Hoping the treadmill does its job and gets my legs to a stronger point knowing that if I do not make use of it I also plan to keep walking on the spot to make sure feet are lifting as the should be. Not a march but ensuring legs are lifting enough.

I do hope all have a good day and in pockets for all.

@chicagoan - I am so saddened to hear of your news. That's pretty over the top about how they didn't look very hard; especially given that you had had cancer there before. It's good that you were so vigilant and sensed something no being right. I'm glad your oncologist at least is on it, and that there some basically immediately available treatment possibilities in the way of surgery, etc. Will you have help during your rehab at home? Yes, Sondra had all that trouble with her hip. Chicagoan, I am thinking of you and have my fingers crossed big time. Know that so many of us here are with you and in your pocket. Please keep us posted. Wishing you all the luck in the world!☘️

Chicagoan- So sorry to read of your news. Please keep us informed of what the oncology orthopedist says.