My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer

Mara - glad your treadmill arrived🎉🎉. Sounds like you are on the road to getting lots of steps!

Chicagoan - so happy to hear your appointment was moved up!

Mel - thanks for checking in. Your plate is so full taking care of Gabby. No doubt you’re tired. Remember the caretaker needs to take care of herself!

Here for pocket duty for all those in need. HUGS to all🫶🏻

@mara51506 Yipeeee on the treadmill! It's the little things that can make us happy. Love that your so determined….as usual.

@micmel I love your description of the wedding I could visualize as I was reading. Nice to see you, think of you and Gabby often.❤️

@chicagoan Soooo glad to hear your appt was moved up! In your pocket with fingers and toes crossed for a quick acting plan.❣️🤞

@cookie54 Yes, I am happy to have it with me. No steps on it yesterday but from walking around the hospital for my appointment to walking the grounds to locate my Paratransit ride home, I got 2500 steps which was more than enough.

Nothing on agenda today, got my annual rent increase. Only 2.1 percent which is fine, just need to adjust bills a little bit and do more budget boosting. Buy less expensive protein, probably hotdogs which can be ground up or more of the tubs of ground beef if still selling them. I also have to figure out a tomato sauce which I do not love the taste of, I will check if using WITH queso or KD powder cheese would taste good or smothering it in garlic type seasoning or spread would be better or adding to an egg and sending through the magic bullet would be helpful too.

I ordered a egg mcmuffin and hashbrown meal, usually up too late but able to get today which is good, once I have eaten, will put down the track and do some walking on that.

UPDATE, found a pressure cooker out back and a box of unopened food like KD, canned goods etc. I decided if somebody wanted them, they would not have left an open box, guess for me is it arrived for someone after they moved out so claimed them for myself. I will check email if anything is posted about missing items. The box was a box that was sitting outside a few days ago so I brought it into the building so someone must have opened it up and brought it out back. No point having it get damaged or just thrown out. Would never have opened a box.

Update, called SIL to let her know someone had cut the zipties on my walker and that I was going to keep it and practice using it so I can walk a bit, sit a bit and walk a bit more, figure that was a clever thing to do. But practice first. I let her know MO figured low blood pressure was the issue when I fainted. She went off on me, not yelling but telling me that she is frustrated that I call and do not take advice given by DB and her. I actually had a bit of a raised voice saying that fine, I will not ask for advice anymore. I don't need family stress on top of my own issues. I do not feel I need care. I do not call very much but she has now sealed it that I will not call at all, do my own thing. It is not nice to know that no one wants to even hear from me. She was annoyed sounding when I gave scan results yesterday. I do not need to have it obvious that people are annoyed if I dare to call. Not dumping on DB either. I am just tired of people in general treating me if I am bad because I do not do as they say. SIL is quite bossy, comes into the house and tells me it looks like shit and stuff. I think I will simply stay no contact and if I fall and go to hospital, take cab home. Probably skip trips out as she did state, no longer willing to listen about my health since I do not do everything she says.

They want me to get care but those on wait lists and not honestly needing all that. So f*ck her for right now. I am more angry that she seems to think I am a moron when knowing what is best and not listening at all. They treat me her and DB like my cognitive ability is all but gone. So for now, no contact and no groceries. When we do go out, they do not listen and talk over me anyway. It really is not fun at all. Other thing that grinds my gears is that I was not asking for advice but that I would practice using it outdoors and sitting and stepping. Oh well, it will take me a while to get over it because my first instinct is to scream at her which will not solve anything. Staying no contact works best for me. She wants to be my boss but I will be my own boss bitch with what I need to do.

Thanks for listening to my rant, just tired of being shit on by family for the crime of calling them. I will cry for a bit to release stress and anger because it hurts me only and realize that instead of 98 per cent of the time seeing or hearing from them, I will rely totally on myself. Probably cry a bit more for a bit and leave it alone.

@mara51506 Family can be so frustrating. What we are going through is bad enough without the added stress of dealing with that. So, so sorry you are going through this. You do what is best for you… I have a pressure cooker (it's an instapot) but haven't used it in over a year. Not sure why, but I just don't cook like that anymore. Maybe I just need some help with it. I tend to cook what is familiar and easy.

Thank you for the suggestions on what to make in it, yes finding it in the front hall and the open box of food was fortuitous for sure. I will see what I make in the instapot, has that label on there. Should be lots of stuff to make. I am not too sure where to store it but I will find somewhere, that is for sure.

As far as SIL goes, I am still feeling angry but need to let it go, easier said than done. Perhaps just practice using the walker by walking then sitting, walking then sitting. Not sure how much I need to sit but it would be interesting. No winter walking but who knows. I just need to realize that the only reason they stay in contact is out of obligation to my mother who told them to look after me. They were good at getting my condo ready for sale, paid them 10000 dollars for that, finding my apartment and setting it up. They did do things along the way to help out but the last year, they have written a book for me that is not true. They are convinced that any supposed advice I asked about is ignored. Even if I wanted to ask questions does not mean I need to follow what they suggest. They are convinced I do not tell my docs the truth about how I am doing, just saying I am fine. Not true.

At the end of the day, no matter what I would say, I will always be wrong period. I am an obligation they took on from a dead woman as well. Maybe I will remove the obligation, get serious about the exercise and walking with the walker if I want to be outside. Glad she brought that back. I am going to move couple things around and it can stay in living room.

After this post, I am forcing myself to stop ranting. It does not change anything. IF I see them, I am not going to discuss this latest interaction and in future, not discussing ANYTHING other than to say scans have been clear and only if they ask period. Hospital would call if needed. No more attending my appointments either. No need to obligate themselves to me anyway, just live their own lives. Already blocked Facebook as I do not like to see how the others live. At this point, younger brother and family gone due to toxic relationship, I can easily go quiet for a while.

Mara, I agree that a break from anyone who's getting upset with you when you make your own decisions (and don't follow their recommendation) is a really good idea. It's harder to do when it's family, and yet sometimes they can be harsh critics. I don't think you need any more criticism in your life, none of us need that! Also, rant away here. We support you.

Mara - happy to hear of good test results! Sorry to hear about family issues☹️. You are so right to cut off contact with someone that minimizes your self worth. I think all of us would do the same. The only medical advice you need to follow is that of your doctors and I don’t think your DB and SIL are medical professionals. We’re here for you to vent away…..

Well, as per last post, it was a fairly early bedtime, I could tell it was time to go to bed because I kept starting to doze on the couch, got myself off before I fell deeply asleep. I did wake up 3 or 4 times to pee but with all the water and the saline at tend of Herceptin, really not surprising. I was able to go to sleep after with almost the same dream. Put everyone in the world and every building in force fields that were able to give them food or IV nutrition. No one could be shot, buildings shielded and territory belonging to a people or country taken back by the shielding. Weird dreams for sure, I bet it is from all the news of the world. The force fields also cure mental and physical disease too. If only.

I am feeling pretty good today, got a laundry going currently, probably do more laundry later. I am also thinking of taking the walker out for a short spin to try out the walk a bit, sit a bit routine. If I do that will drink up a lot of water. I will see, would be nice to go to the nearby grocery stores if I only need one thing. Also nice to get extra activity before the winter. Planning some short treadmill walks as well, vacuum and likely a good mop.

I am at a loss for food at this point and type of food to be made, I can see myself using the instant pot and adding some rice or pasta, throwing in beans and seasonings. Decided to make a couple of eggs with a runny yolk and use them in tortilla

I hope all have a good day, in pockets for everyone and my own as I may take a walk with the walker and just practice sitting down as needed. If not that then treadmill with some tunes is good. Satisfied at this point with two to three days of treadmill use along with fast walking and swinging arms like a nordic track workout except walking on the spot.

Posting my thought on the queso bowls I like a walmart, realized I could simply make KD as normal and add some canned chicken shredded up and queso as well, use sour cream to thicken things up and get almost the same taste.

I did put a grocery order through, less money than I usually spend, couple of 12 pack of eggs, did not need the 30 pack and they are big eggs. Couple of the frozen meals, got a chicken and rice and vegetables from Michelina's, a lasagna and more queso, cannot have too much of that. Got some inexpensive chips as well, a rippled spicy barbecue, could add some crunch to a dish along with a 5 pack of KD which was a good price. Not buying the cheap noodles anymore as I do not like texture or taste. I suppose I could chop up the noodles so they are not long and cook shortened noodles in something else instead.

I tried out making an egg with a runny yolk. Heated pan to high and then turned it off and covered with lid, egg did not look bad but yolk was not at all runny, guess I will stick with microwaving and chopping with cheese and frying up the chopped mixture in my pan with seasonings or beans. I still do not enjoy eggs I admit that unless on a Mcdonalds egg mcmuffin but I do know they are good for me. Like some beans, I can chop them up with chips I have too along with the cheese. Eggs are good for me though and should keep it in mind. Only other egg dish I enjoy is the eggs benedict DB made back when we all did Christmas breakfast back in the day. Perhaps I need to read up on making hollandaise for myself and how to poach an egg better.

Has anyone used Invisalign to help straighten your teeth? My teeth had never given me any problems, but now (likely due to some bone loss from my meds) my lower front teeth have gotten all bunched up and have turned some. Met with the orthodontist today, would have to wear these little trays at least 20 hours a day. For a year.

It's ONE MORE THING wrong with me, also, so that's fun. I'm not sure I care about how they look, but they have started hurting a little bit. Just don't know how do-able having these trays in my mouth overnight and all day will be.

Well, wound up late to bed so just got up. That's fine, no other appointment til MRI on Oct 14, see doc following week. Not concerned at this point, that area has been pretty stable since 2018 and was dx with brain met originally in 2016, had surgery and whole brain radiation and met wrapped around a blood vessel. We knew there would be a recurrence so 2018 was not too bad. We now mostly check the blood pool hanging out between skull and brain, has not changed since discovered, I am not having symptoms so unconcerned.

I did sleep pretty well and woke up this morning to an alarm on phone going off, was charging it and lately a moisture detect message comes up. I use my blower to clear the connection port and a wee brush that came with the blower. It has stopped now and is charging so that is good. I could probably use a new phone, this one is pretty old but other than that message, it works well. I could probably afford to get a new phone but do not really want to.

Still warm today, going to be close to 86 here, tiny bit of humidity but that is no bother for me. Got a ton of laundry to do, not being good about getting stuff done the day I start it, its been wash twice, get to spin cycle and just stop. Tigger sitting on top of washers is very cute I must admit but gets in the way. Sink in kitchen is a mess too. Think I need to start on dishes and laundry and complete both. Not because of fatigue so much as I think of another thing, usually kitchen related and start looking stuff up that way. I do think I will cook up a frozen burger in the pan, had those a little while, found a bag of chips when I dropped the extra dry cat food in my bedroom closet and heard a pop so another bag of chips, probably use them to chop up the stuff I do not like so much with other stuff that I do.

Meal one was a frozen Michelina's rice and chicken with some veggies, just did the regular microwave, added a bunch of sour cream seasoning, bit of salt. Did another squirt of garlic parm mayo and small squirt ofsour cream and lime. It was very good. Later meal will be made from what arrives from the grocery store listed below.

Noticing plumbing is slower to drain but does drain, luckily I am keeping the wetdry vac in the laundry area, figure I can vacuum out the drain when dry and that would clear any issues. EDIT, drain is still draining, no vac needed. I wonder if it is a building issue because the plumber that helped me out was back yesterday looking at other apartments for the same issues. No worries for me because it is no problem to use the smaller washers to wash other stuff, I have 4, 3 of which were the 20 dollar variety which work quite well even though a total impulse buy.

I did put together a Walmart grocery, this time mostly focused on stir fry pasta and the knorr pasta side dishes, I can do alot with those and better than the soup noodles, it was around 40 bucks but will last a long time, more hershey chocolate almond bars as well.

I hope everyone has a good day, In pockets for everyone. A thought percolating in my head about exercise I may wish to do. I do treadmill itself couple times a week, small sessions each time total of maybe 30 mins or 3000 steps. I am thinking today, do the really fast march by leslie sansone, 2 to 5 minutes and get that done several times a day. Exercise is still hard today as Herceptin has still got me exhausted anyway.

Hi ladies it's been an exhausting week, my mil passed Thurs evening . Her children were able to be by her side and we gave her a peaceful sendoff. A weight has been lifted for sure and she is at peace. Will be another busy beginning to this week for services. Know that I continue to pray for all here daily.

@mara51506 Hope your enjoy your treadmill especially since the heat has crept back in ! We are also in the low 80's in NJ hope to get back to the chilly mornings and the 70 degree days. Glad your scan was good!

@seeq Oh that's great news for sure! Walking boot is progress and I hope it goes by quickly. Oh I hear ya on the high trucks, my hubby and son have full size trucks and I am 5'1'. Agree may be challenging for sure sounds like he needs to compromise.

Thinking of many here, wondering how @shanagirl is feeling these days? @irishlove GO PHILS, I'm sure you'll be tuned in tonight!