Blog Discussion: When Time Becomes an Accommodation

When I hit the fatigue wall it feels like I have too much time...I want to work in my gardens or go for a long walk or clean the house but I just don't have the energy. Time passes so slowly. A good book helps but I want to move.

Living with metastatic breast cancer could lead to tough roads to navigate. There are many moving parts that overwhelm the system. This blog is beautifully written and drives home the truth that Time is a precious gift and a form of accommodation we could offer the many individuals affected by this disease. 

One's energy level, headspace, physical capacity, emotions, resolve, and spiritual state are but a few factors that dictate the day's pace and turnout. Understanding this reality could mean knowing when to wait, when to check in, when to offer help, when to reach out, when to hold back, when to speak up, or when to simply listen. For a caregiver, a family member, a friend, a colleague - it might mean being willing to hone one's sensitivity and awareness to these needs.

A short walk could easily deplete one's breath and stamina. A mundane chore could feel like a battle to win. A job task could quickly morph into a colossal hurdle. All these for what we call "ordinary things" we used to do.

Time to catch a breath, time to take frequent breaks, time to slow down, time to conserve energy - so that the day flows much gentler and does not feel stretched too thin - are accommodations we could give. However, in a world and society where great value is placed on numbers and productivity, Time as an accommodation is a rarity: 10,000 step-walks for ultimate health, a 30 minute-lunch break in an 8-hour job when people often end up doing "work lunches", house-cleaning and dinner prep so the whole family enjoys a meal by 7pm.

How many of these are we able to fulfill everyday? And if unable, how does it make us feel at the end of the day?

Another valuable accommodation is Space. There are days when social connection is vital while other times would call for solitude and silence. There are times when being seen and heard is a must for survival while there are days when receiving advice and words of affirmation is what the day necessitates. For caregivers, families, and friends - knowing the difference when to provide active, authentic listening and when to offer well-sought guidance is a crucial skill and a paramount accommodation to provide. It is like a dance embedded in the knowing when to move forward and when to take a step back.

Holding space for someone - safely and sacredly - is such an honor and a gift. Having even just one person in one's life who truly understands how to hold space for you, how to hold your heart with ultimate tenderness and compassion, and how to see through your spirit, is a blessing that promotes healing.