May 31, 2021 09:03AM lw422 wrote:

Yes, I often feel that cancer has hijacked my life and all I do is stuff I DON'T WANT to do. However I don't get nuts about my diet; I just carry on and eat what I can during chemo. My MO told me he didn't want me to lose any weight so if all I can eat is ice cream, then have the ice cream. I also don't bother worrying about my creams, lotions, etc. Why add stress to an already stressful situation?

When I lost my hair, I cried for days about "cancer taking everything from me" like a big baby. I still have my wonderful family and everything that's truly important, so obviously cancer ISN'T taking everything away. I suppose it's all a matter of perspective. All of us have meltdowns and go through tough times with this crap, but we just have to hang in there and hope that it's temporary.

I don't believe that anyone who has had a cancer diagnosis comes out of it unscathed; we are all changed by cancer forever.

May 31, 2021 10:11AM alicebastable wrote:

Does cancer change a person? Sure, but depending on the type and stage, it has more of an impact on some people than others. I didn't have chemo so in some ways I got off easy, but I've had other cancers so it probably gets into my headspace in a strange way - I may not worry as much about recurrence, but I wonder what the next cancer will be. And my least scary cancer, basal cell, resulted in one of my largest surgeries with a pretty visible and annoying (tingling) facial scar, so that reminder is with me every day. But my life was also impacted by my hip replacement and my back surgery and at the time, they were much harder to go through than the lumpectomy - and with my rotten joints, I will inevitably have more joint replacements, plus I have other health issues that put a What If and colorful question marks over my head. I do think how you're reacting now, with a fresh diagnosis and the emotions that brings, will be different later on when the immediate surgery and treatments are done. The cancer thoughts will always be there, but usually not as intense (unless you let them be), and not as constant, and there will be times that you won't think about it.

May 31, 2021 11:12AM - edited May 31, 2021 11:27AM by ShetlandPony

LOJ, I totally get that feeling "if I do one thing wrong I will die". I think there is a struggle to find control in the madness. It's a little tricky because taking good care of ourselves can make us healthier, and yet as others have said, there are no guarantees. What helps me is to remind myself that tweaking these lifestyle things like diet, exercise, and sleep does not have to happen all at once, and you do not have to be perfect to get benefit. A physician once told me that after his heart attack he adopted a scheme where he would eat healthy Monday-Friday, and eat what he wanted on the weekend. This kind of 80/20 idea has been helpful to me in saying no to stress-inducing perfectionism. So maybe one week you decide on and purchase some bottles of a special drink to take to gatherings as an alternative to alcohol. (Mine is a natural fizzy fresh ginger drink.) Maybe the next week you find a lipstick with ingredients you trust. You don't have to overhaul the whole makeup kit at once. The following week you decide to take an evening walk two out of seven days. Maybe you can work up to six days per week from there, over the course of a couple months. (Notice we do not go to expecting seven days a week!) Small steps instead of overhauling everything at once.

This brings me to the second point, which is in line with some of moth's advice above. When you are in the crisis of new or intense treatment, focus on that and go easy on yourself about your healthy living goals. Later you can work on other things, when you have had a chance to recover some energy and catch your breath.

As far as what to do, people focus a lot on food, but the factor with the most evidence behind it is exercise! And remember that lowering stress, increasing social connection, and finding meaning are just as important. The mind and body are connected, so if you are stressing out over your dinner, that's not great. This is to give you permission to relax!

You are doing fine, LOJ. You are handling it. All normal reactions.

May 31, 2021 11:25AM elderberry wrote:

LoverofJesus: What you are going through is normal. Yes, it makes you an emotional wreck. Your life has been upended. I know that a few months into treatment I would see my reflection in the mirror and I would think "Who is that person?" Bald head, rash on the face, big lump on my chest where the port was put. Life does go on and things settle - even the routine of endless appointment for scans, treatments etc. You are still you.

I do have those days where I wonder if I ate too much tofu for estrogen levels. I wonder if I need more kale, less cheese. It can be crazy making. I get tired of people asking me when treatment will end and I have to save "Never" and explain things. Most days are just normal days for me now. I look forward to everyone I know and love having been vaccinated and we can get together to laugh, love, LIVE. If you are suffering anxiety - ask for meds. If you have insomnia - ask for meds. It is okay to do that and if it helps you get through the days then please do it. I asked my MO if I could have the occasional glass of wine and he said "Of course, why do you think we are doing all of this?. So you can enjoy life" Don't spend a second longer on worrying if your deodorant caused your cancer or if your shampoo isn't GMO . It will get better.

May 31, 2021 11:33AM - edited May 31, 2021 11:34AM by ShetlandPony

You mentioned all the medical appointments that take over your life. Even there, you can make them work for you. Enjoy chatting with any people you meet on appointment day. Bring music or some other entertainment you like to the chemo room. And try to get the schedulers to work with you on scheduling in a way that minimizes the impact on your real life.

There are a lot of threads here where people debate the alcohol question.