Topic: Boyfriend broke up with me a month after mastectomy

Forum: Singles With Breast Cancer — Singles with breast cancer who want to connect.

Posted on: Aug 6, 2011 07:07PM

Posted on: Aug 6, 2011 07:07PM

voicewriter wrote:

I was just wondering what others think about this.  I was in a three-and-a-half-year relationship.  We had issues, things weren't great.  We broke up probably six or seven times.  We were engaged at the time of my diagnosis of DCIS.  We actually broke up the morning of my mammogram, and then after that, he professed his undying love to me, wants to be with me mind, body, and soul, blah, blah, blah.  So he was with me through all the crap -- lumpectomy, MRI, mastectomy -- but very emotionally difficult.  One day, supportive, the next, a jerk.  He was washing dishes the night before my mastectomy, and Mr. Cheapo goes, I wonder what it's going to cost me if I have to stay at the hospital all day tomorrow.  Imagine???  He also said to me during the week that I was home recuperating, he didn't get to have any alone time with me, because my teenage daughter was on the couch between us the whole time, and I didn't say anything, and he didn't want to be number two anymore.  This is a 50-year-old man we're talking about. 

Anyway, I could go on and on.  Bottom line, broke up a month after my mastectomy.  I brought it up, but he took the ball and ran with it.  I was pretty devastated, and said to him, I can't believe you're doing this a month after my mastectomy, and he said, " You got a clean bill of health.  You're out of the woods." 

It's been four months since we've been broken up, and I'm still hurting from the whole thing.  Do you think this is something you could ever forgive someone for?  I feel like he abandoned me in the middle of the hell of going through what I went through, and he thinks I'm out of the woods!

Log in to post a reply

Page 6 of 7 (62 results)

Log in to post a reply

Aug 22, 2011 10:53PM voicewriter wrote:

I hope so.  I am so devastated from all this.  I really have no idea if he broke up with me because of the mastectomy -- I don't think so, as we had broken up many times before -- but the fact that as my boyfriend, my fiance, he was able to walk for good right after my mastectomy, what kind of person does this? 

Log in to post a reply

Aug 22, 2011 11:18PM survivor11 wrote:

Truth is, we will never understand how men can do the things they do. Most will claim fear of the unknown, not being sure they can be strong enough for us. What a load of crap. The fact is that you thought this man was more than he could ever really be. We want to believe in the best of the ones we love, and it comes as a complete shock when we are faced with the fact that "their" best is just not enough for us.

Dawn Dx 4/21/2011, IDC, 1cm, Stage I, Grade 1, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
Log in to post a reply

Aug 22, 2011 11:22PM Cat123 wrote:

A good man doesn't do this.  You deserve better.  Honestly.....you will meet someone great.  If he can't deal with you and what has happened, you don't need him in your life right now.  Get your health back and then get out there and start having fun....that will happen for you.

Cat123 Dx 7/29/2010, IDC, 6cm+, Grade 3, 4/17 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
Log in to post a reply

Aug 26, 2011 08:05PM dixiebell wrote:

voicewriter: hi.. thanks for the compliment.   Drains out today!!! YIPPIE had them 17 days yuck. I am so glad you mentioned PT because I was not offered it. I had to ask. I have very little range of motion in my left arm! I must say my girlfriends have been great cooking for me for 2 weeks straight.

Back on topic, Men yes we want and need the companionship but it has to be the right man. I keep saying my King awaits me ..... SOMEWHERE lol. Smile Yours is waiting for you to find him too! Wink

BMX 8/10/2011 Left radical / right elective simple with 1 step alloderm reconstruction nipple and skin sparing Oncotype score 5. No chemo. Dx 7/20/2011, ILC, <1cm, Grade 2, 2/18 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 8/10/2011 Lymph node removal: Left, Sentinel; Mastectomy: Left; Prophylactic mastectomy: Right; Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right) Dx 2/2/2014, ILC, Stage IV, ER+/PR+, HER2- Hormonal Therapy 5/25/2016 Aromasin (exemestane) Radiation Therapy External: Bone
Log in to post a reply

Aug 26, 2011 08:10PM dixiebell wrote:

Oh and I bought the best t-shirt today. It said "hell yea they are fake, my real ones tried to kill me" All you can do is laugh right!!!

BMX 8/10/2011 Left radical / right elective simple with 1 step alloderm reconstruction nipple and skin sparing Oncotype score 5. No chemo. Dx 7/20/2011, ILC, <1cm, Grade 2, 2/18 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 8/10/2011 Lymph node removal: Left, Sentinel; Mastectomy: Left; Prophylactic mastectomy: Right; Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right) Dx 2/2/2014, ILC, Stage IV, ER+/PR+, HER2- Hormonal Therapy 5/25/2016 Aromasin (exemestane) Radiation Therapy External: Bone
Log in to post a reply

Aug 27, 2011 02:59PM voicewriter wrote:

Dixie, so glad you got your drains out.  17 days is a long time!  Glad I told you about the PT.  That will help, for sure :)  It's great to have people cook for you.  I had friends bringing over food for me too after my surgery for a couple of weeks, which was a big help.  And I've seen that T-shirt.  I should get one! 

As for the man thing, I'm still struggling.  The worst part for me is knowing he's seeing someone else.  And I tend to be obsessive, so struggling with letting go of that one.   As for my King, I'll take a Prince.  That would be just fine, lol!! 

Log in to post a reply

Aug 27, 2011 03:22PM panamajayne wrote:

voicewriter,  give Time Time, someday you will be so thankful he walked away.    Forgiveness does not mean we have to forget.  Simply put he probably just isn't capable of giving you what you need.    Better times are waiting for you, get ready.

I don't just believe in miracles, I depend on them
Log in to post a reply

Aug 27, 2011 03:28PM hrf wrote:

Voicewriter, your feelings are very normal so don't beat yourself up over it. In time, the pain will become easier to tolerate.

BRCA2+ first dx in Oct. 2004 2nd dx Feb. 2009 a new primary
Log in to post a reply

Aug 28, 2011 01:17AM voicewriter wrote:

Panamajayne, yes, I know, and hope I get to that point.  I am far from forgiveness right now.  I know that I need to in order to move on, but it's not easy to forgive him.  And yet, I miss him and want him back, which is totally insane!  Because I know that I would never be able to let go of my anger and resentment over all this, and the relationship has sucked for a really long time, and it's probably just because I'm lonely. 

And hrf, I'm beating myself up a little bit less -- some days better than others :)

Log in to post a reply

Jan 12, 2018 10:13PM waytooanxiousmommy wrote:

I feel ya @voicewriter. I was dating someone before dx and stopped seeing him just before. He does not know I have cancer and sometimes I miss him being sweet to me but I am glad I ended things. We had been dating a few months and he was just divorced and not ready for commitment. Whatever, I don't need someone confused in my life right now no matter how good he was to me and how much I enjoyed being with him. I have cancer and I need to focus on me and I can't be insecure in a relationship at a time like this. He did take responsibility and promised he was going to do therapy and take it seriously to get over his stuff. I believe him. He was a good and loving person but I have decided I don't want a man unless he shows up healthy and knows that he wants to be with me. I will just walk away just like I walked away from this guy who was not ready for what I was ready for. Love yourself and nurture yourself with love from friends and family and if you have a pet cuddle up with them. You are #1 and don't let a man suck your energy at a time like this. I know easier said than done and yes I have my moments of missing him too but I am very happy to have ended things just before dx.

Page 6 of 7 (62 results)

Scroll to top button