Best Of

I got scan results back from yesterday's CT and bone scans, and they aren't looking good. In the past they've always been relatively stable. These seem to show progression in both liver and bones. The doctor added a note in MyChart saying that he realizes these results don't look good and offered to try and schedule an earlier appointment than our currently scheduled date of Dec 31 to go over all of this, if I wanted to, but he says he thinks Dec 31 should still be OK to talk about this and possible next steps, as the pace of growth is still slow. I told him I could wait until Dec 31st and that yes, the results were very disappointing, to say the least. They did a CT scan in the ER last November on the 11th, and none of this showed up at that time, so I'm really surprised that this seems to have all come on so suddenly. We have had a long stretch of very rainy and damp weather, with lower barometric pressure (caused lots of local floods and road closures), and I think that as always that had already made me very sore and achy - had very sore chest from costochondritis/arthritis type pain, plus general arthritic pain all over. I'm wondering just how they know the difference between cancer causing things to light up versus other things like arthritis. Also, I shivered for an hour solid through the whole bone scan and don't know if that affected anything. I asked the tech if my shivering would cause any problems and he didn't seem to thinks so. I just couldn't stop. Those scan rooms are always cold, because of the machine needs, but I've never shivered through the whole thing before, but yesterday the whole hospital/clinic seemed cold (more rain and dreariness all day) and my friend who went with me was cold too, but she did manage to warm up a bit better than I did. The scan tech thought the whole hospital being so cold was due to the large windows they have there, plus the really bad weather, which made sense to me. Now though, after reading these results, I'm shivering again, and am wondering if the shivering is part of an anxiety/panic reaction. I have never shivered through a scan before, and I also had no idea when I was getting the scan, that the results would look as bad as they do, so I don't think I was any more anxious yesterday than I've been with scans in the past. Anyway, I'll stop. I'm just a rambling mess right now and don't know what to think. It wouldn't surprise me if some of this is progression, but I also can't help wondering about all this weather and arthritis kind of stuff too.

@threetree I wasn't sure when I went into the appointment whether I would accept chemo expecting that is what she would say. A big part of me was ready to say "no" I am done, but I just couldn't not try. I know several ladies who have done well on chemo for a long time and I decided I at least had to try. Also, my DH was with me at my request (he usually doesn't go in) and with him sitting there I just couldn't say I was done even though we discussed this and he told me I didn't have to keep struggling for him. I have been fighting this decision for a long time. Part of me wants to keep all this from my grandkids and just slip away. What is the answer? I don't know.

@threetree Thank you, it is just very busy now, got more appointments added including Jan 7 as surgery date. In between the pre admit stuff, there will be another CT and MRI as well. I just want to be done and out of the superbusy time. I really have no choice but to get this out of the way. Once I am cleared, can just walk circles around my hallways near my room like I did last time but wearing sneakers this time.

Also need to bring charging equipment for my phones and tablet with me and get real food brought over when people visit with me.

@shanagirl I admit that I have been dozing a lot on the couch but that is fine, I will make food and cleaning a priority and pack up my little red suitcase to hold everything. I do know fur babies will be in good shape while I am gone. Not sure 3 days is realistic to get in and out like the last time since Jan 7 is surgery and they do not let you out over the weekend. Looking to be at least 5 days. If I do as well as last time, it will be quick.

@eleanora Thank you, I am glad to have the support of my family here and in real life. Appointments galore coming up.

I slept all night on couch unbroken, weird but there it is. Feel fine. got laundry, floors, cat area and sink to clear up as usual.

I have two more appointments coming up, pre admit stuff for upcoming surgery. 730 am dec 23 and and 10am dec 30. SIL called with those, problem is that my phone does not ring long enough, think it is only 15 seconds and have not found the right code to make it last for longer so when my phone did not pick up they called her. Oh well.

Again, will keep saying that I will be glad when all the preadmit stuff is done and get down to the actual surgery. My biggest issue for myself is just fatigue, when I was going through this the first time I was hopped up on steroids and no almost 10 years later, it is just a lot. I am still feeling pretty positive currently.

Meal is looking like almost a snack, going to crisp up some black beans in air fryer, once those are done, take queso and heat it up separately. Put beans, some tortilla chips and Doritos crunched up and have as more of a snack type vibe. Thinking of an egg tortilla later.

I do hope everyone has a good day, in pockets for all of us.

@mara51506 So glad you were able to get some good solid sleep as your body is recovering. Hope the humidifier helps, I sleep with one every night helps me with the dry forced heat in my house.

@threetree It's nice to see you but I'm sorry to hear you still don't feel well! I can't imagine your frustration in trying to get to the bottoms of this.I hope they're right and it was electrolyte and magnesium levels that were off. Fingers crossed for extra strength and a return to feeling like yourself!

@shanagirl Thank you for your words. I am actually feeling more positive now that things are on track. Yes, day of surgery may be a bit nervous, but that is OK, hospital stay is blah but oh well. I plan to be in an out in 3 days if surgery is on a friday. I will also bring along chargers to plug my phone into and get to look forward to steroids but I do find I can nap pretty well and have a nice sleep mask I can take there as well and listen to my rain.

As to the after surgery part, I will see and have a call with my cancer clinic social worker in January. If I am honest, I will be glad to get back to a more normal routine of Herceptin and the odd scan, echo and routine MRI. I like my quiet life over here where the most exciting thing for me is a good tv program, soap etc and what to throw in my air fryer next.