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@candy-678 - Candy, I would underscore what all the others have said. You are not bad, and I can totally understand your thoughts and can't say that those wouldn't/won't be mine too. I did the 4 dose dense red devils and the 12 Taxols, and one of the ways I got through it was knowing there was an end to the nasty stuff in sight. If I didn't know there'd ever be an end to a chemo treatment, I honestly don't know that I could or would want to do it. Sending a hug too.

Good points, ladies.

Seeq- I agree to your statement "I just hope I recognize when enough is enough before I get to that point". And sf-cakes, when you said "when I had chemo, I'd had exactly zero treatments and my body was as strong as it was ever going to get". That was me. I was a newbee at cancer. I did have my mastectomy surgery just prior to starting chemo (the red devil), but otherwise I was healthy (or so I thought). I feel much less healthy now.

I guess I just have to wait until that point of decision, but I cannot see myself valiantly struggling thru harsh chemo again. I don't know if I have it in me anymore.

@candy-678 No, of course you are not bad. It's a decision we'll all have to make. It would be nice to look into the crystal ball to see how many years - and what kind of years(!) - a treatment will give us to help us make our decision. We've seen some struggle with harder and harder treatments until the inevitable end. I know that's not what I want. I just hope I recognize when enough is enough before I get to that point.

@candy-678 — I did the "big guns" eleven years ago when diagnosed with Stage III triple positive cancer. Four dense doses of Adriamycin + Cytoxin and twelve doses of Taxol + Herceptin + Perjeta. It wasn't a walk in the park, but I worked through it. Of course, I was 47 back then and everyone responds to chemo differently. My next-door neighbor barely made it through two doses of Enhertu before she threw in the towel. She ended up passing six months later.

You guys have been through so much treatment that I totally understand why you wouldn't opt for IV chemo. There's no shame in saying "enough is enough." It's good to know your limits, and I'm never surprised when some of the ladies here opt for hospice over further treatment. Some of the hospice ladies have lived much longer than they expected and I'm sure they felt better being off treatment than on. Just a thought from a lurker.

Well, got micdonalds, had a free jr chicken so got those, fruitopia and fries, should be good.

@eleanora Yes diverticulitis is a huge problem. As soon as I suspect that's what I'm dealing with, I call urgent care, who come to house. Wonderful RN or PA's that are capable of diagnosing and treating. Augmentin usually clears it up but sometimes it's back within a short period of time. So I studied the food program to aid with healing the intestines. Biggest takeaway is sourdough bread. No refined breads. Only treat myself to fried fish once in awhile. A rather bland diet till healed.

Those blood suckers nailed me 7 times first visit to hospital and 5 second visit. I don't have any veins left. Love the idea of a midline. I mentioned it to head RN for next time. Yes about the fear but I believe it comes in cycles and stress doesn't help matters. I have PTSD from this last hospital visit. They would not let me out of bed, turned on an alarm that went off if I even hung my legs. Not easy having diarrhea and having to wait for help. Dignity is about all I have left in this life. Skull mets, as my old MO said it's still bone. So I'm not gonna freak out. No idea medical plan going forward. I hope they zap your mets to oblivion!!!

@tanya_djamila Oh the pictures are so enchanting. So happy you made more memories…

@mara51506 I still don't know how you keep up with all the house work and cooking. You are in my thoughts and prayers (if accepted) to know out that met forever… We have a grocery story called Publix, a bit higher end than most. They make a chicken and dumpling soup that is outstanding. You would need to get there by 10 a.m. or it's gone. Chick-fil-a has a great chicken noodle soup. Wish we had that soup guy from Seinfeld. Can't say the name though, as it would be sensitive to political situations nowadays.

@threetree Your so dear to be touched by my story. It was difficult as I imagine it was for all of us. Dear sweet Michelle's loss is so recent and her words are so sad. I hope that she finds a time that joyful memories will flood over her and dry her tears completely.

Show of hands of folks on a PPO plan versus HMO (which requires a PA to make a referral for you. I understand there's a larger premium and larger deductibles for the PPO, which I'm not sure is within our reach. Left a message for our insurance agent. No response yet.

In pockets sweet ladies for all your needs.

Irishlove

The not knowing what the next treatment will be like, what will the side effects be, will it even work, etc, is the fear I have each time I'm waiting for scan results.

I think chemo for early stage is more harsh, as the intent then is to cure. I went through it when we thought I was Stage 2 (turns out I was Stage 4 all along, they missed the growth in my spine) and it was very unpleasant. I know someone in my local MBC support group who's been on IV chemo for over a year, and they're still working (!) and have said it's manageable.

I don't know if I'd try it, though, honestly. When I had chemo, I'd had exactly zero treatments and my body was as strong as it was ever going to get.

Thinking of you all here, I've been tired lately but I read and think of you all every day.

I had the red devil , 6 of those and then after 9 Abraxane. It was terrible and I know I haven’t the strength to do it again. I’m on my first oral line it will be ten years in January I hope it lasts ten more years. I made the decision long ago never to go down that chemo lane again. No oral available, I will go off medications and see what kind of time I can still get. Its so difficult living life this way. Forever. Candy. I am right there with you . I understand completely what you are saying .