Best Of

Cookie, I did see a couple of trash compactors, very expensive for me but good idea. There is a manual one so can look into that and what is involved.

Candy, although hearing about others passing with cancer is sad for me, I find that for myself, I cannot allow myself to give too much thought to my own situation. In the back of my head, I know that I am terminal, I have DB and SIL who I don't think they think I will die anytime soon. I don't bother to remind them. I am just going to keep getting MRI, CT and echo. Dr app't every couple of months and my brain has learned to shut the cancer worry down for me. I do worry alot about everyday things so I think my brain has just learned to put cancer in the back ground. I am an anxious person as well so have to really work on internal dialogue to send worrying thoughts away or mentally play a song to distract. Otherwise the internal head bleed would drive me insane along with fear of brain mets or further loss of balance.

AH the old onc trick of ordering a range of labs when you complain about fatigue in order to looked like they have control over that. Look, in winter my B12 goes wonky every year, or vit D, thr latest was Folic Acid which meant another pill. I get my thyroid tested quarterly too. Meanwhile the anti depressant to help me sleep means I can't wake up and thr lymphadema means I get tired lugging my leg around and thats before we get to the actual chemo. I know they want us to have quality of life and live like its a drug commercial, but its not happening. Frankly lets fix whats wrong then worry if I've got energy! Also, I stopped taking the folic acid a few weeks ago when the c diff popped up because I couldn't deal with one more pill on a daily basis. Not sure if they've noticed yet!

Had a massive craving for hot fried food show up last night (onion rings) but was watching my cooking show tonight and oh man hot spring rolls! Sent hubs around the corner to the Chinese for two and they were super hot, homemade, and crispy but not greasy. Just perfect (maybe a bit salty but that could be my wonky palate). I may score those onion rings Monday after chemo and a super super long day of tests and treatment.

Covid I think I had 6 vaccines and then I'd finally had enough and figure ill get it with flu shot and call it good. I'll take care to sanitize hands and mask up on our trip, though. I'd prefer not to have a family party, and my counts are strong, but I'm not sure how mom will pass that off to everyone, some tricky relationships in there. Small enough family that we could maybe do just a home visit rather than a party. My cousins are all too boring anyway and my siblings aren't near.

Otherwise trucking along just bored even with things to do.

Sunday Edit - Ohhhh I am crushed CRUSHED by Shannen Doherty passing. Catching up on her fight and seeing her still traveling late last year, starting a podcast, it really made me feel hopeful, even after she got the brain mets. I agree with you Mara about the whole 'lost her fight' - hell, she was living it up to the maxx this last year with that big trip to Italy and still fighting her ex-husband over medical payments or whatever. She was a fighter in a lot of ways, but she never lost to MBC. Brenda Walsh 4 ever!

This cancer crap continues to bombard us. May we all have just one day of peace🙏🏻

Mara, the phrase "smart as a bucket of apples" also cracked me up! In addition to the "burns my biscuits" phrase, you all are an excellent source for new hilarious idioms! I do say the phrase, "rats, cats, and bats" when I'm trying not to curse, but sometimes the good old f-word just works best.

Is anyone else as put off by Marie Osmond's TV ad? She says, "You know what sucks? Getting old!" She then goes on to hawk some supplements.

I'd love to send her a message saying, "Getting old does NOT suck! Dying young sucks! Not growing old because cancer is killing you sucks!" OK, rant over.

I woke up in pain last night. Breastbone hurt so much I couldn't get a breath. Now it's my upper back that hurts. O2 sats are OK, and, of course, I Googled pneumonitis last night. I don't think that's what's going on, but this hurts.

I’m not really afraid of death, I’m afraid of pain.

While I am also a Christian (Catholic to be exact which has all these crazy rules about death), I will echo Will Rogers - if there are no dogs in heaven, then I want to go where the dogs are!

Good morning. The news I read on Shannon said she was dxd with BC in 2015 and went into remission two years later. It returned as stage IV in 2020, later metastasized to the brain and she had brain surgery in 2023. I do not know what the new approach was she tried after that. At some point she did publicly say she would need cancer treatment for the rest of her life… that is the message the public needs to hear about stage IV. It is true we are all different, but it is always sobering to read when one of our own passes.

Candy, I relate to your fear. A Christian is not immune to death or the fear of death, we just have a special hope about the other side of death, but somehow I am tiring of the fight. NOT giving up, just fatigued after eight years. I have to remember that at some point we all are going to die and this is probably going to be my way.

It is hot here in CO as it is in most places, an annual occurance here, but hopefully today should be our last day of over 90° weather for awhile. I will hunker down with my mini AC unit and think cooling thoughts. For me that means I won't be crocheting a blanket!

Mara, I love reading your posts. It is like a morning chat with a friend over a cup of coffee.

Thanks everyone. On my way to Manhattan, hoping to get some cheap tickets for a broadway show. Singing is good for the soul, yeah?

I am late commenting about the loss of Shannen Doherty. I did not get on here as much yesterday as some days. When I heard the news it was sobering. She was diagnosed in 2015, right? The report said 2015, with reoccurrence in 2017, and something about 2023. I do not keep up with her blogs. Anyway, if it was Stage 4 since 2015 that is 9 years MBC. I am at 7 years this Fall. I know mine is stable, and I am only on 2nd line therapy, and mine is not in the brain, but I do have bone and liver. It is just sobering to hear of someone else dying of this disease. Even though each case is individualized we all still have the same disease- Stage 4 MBC. We all have that in common. And when someone passes it make me think how serious my condition really is. Oh my gosh, I have terminal cancer. I cannot think too long on it or I start to get panicky. I am scared of going downhill. I am a Christian, but I am scared of death, the actual dying.