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Ive lost it... anyone else panic before surgery?

I ran out of xanax last Friday and figured I was doing great.
Last night I started losing it.
I called the dr. today and the secretary gave me a hard time.
and they did NOT call me back. so here I sit, totally shocked and in a complete panic about my surgery on Wed.

This is the first I've lost it since the diagnosis.
I know I'm allowed to cry.. but .. I was doing so WELL!
now.. ugh..
I'm really tempted to call that Y-ME 24 hours hotline,
has anyone used it before??
I don't want anyone to think I'm on a big pity trip.


  • Chelee
    Chelee Member Posts: 36
    edited July 2007
    GMG, I am so sorry to hear your in a total panic. Believe me...that is TOTALLY NORMAL. I think I speak for most here...we've been there and done that. And YES...I HAVE called Y-Me and they are GREAT! In fact when first DX I called so many times that most the girls all knew who I was before I even told them. lol I didn't have anyone that could relate or I could talk to. Those women were fantastic...and best of all as you said...they are there 24/7. I talked to them...cried to them..and just wanted someone to calm me down...they did it all. So YES...don't hesitate to call them...thats what they are there for.

    Don't try to tough things out when you have resources such as that. Those women feel GREAT knowing they are helping someone. And believe me...they SO UNDERSTAND what your going through. So if you haven't called them it now. Go grab that phone girl. You hang in are going to be OK. I know its hard to believe right now...but you WILL get through all this. I didn't say it was easy...but you can do it. Please hang around here and keep us updated..we are all here for you.

    Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

  • stacey2930
    stacey2930 Member Posts: 14
    edited July 2007

    I wish I could give you a few of my xanax! I would probably cuss out that secretary and MD!!!! it is deplorable that she would not be sympathetic to your needs being that you have been through so much already. Call them back and get something for your anxiety. I remember I had a total meltdown when I was contemplating having my ovaries removed. Take care. Hugs, Stacey

  • tmn58
    tmn58 Member Posts: 2
    edited July 2007
    Don't feel bad, we have all been there. I am sorry that your dr's office was not sympathetic and they should have called you back! Call again and again until you get the help you need.
  • karol61
    karol61 Member Posts: 36
    edited July 2007
    Sorry that happened to you.

    Yes,I panicked before surgery. It's completely normal considering the fact that you ran out of Xanax and your diagnosis.

    Call the dr office back and if you can't speak with your dr then ask for a nurse. The dr office should help you.

    Hope you call and get the support that you need.

  • sahalie
    sahalie Member Posts: 1,145
    edited July 2007
    I am so sorry you have to deal with this. Everyone is right. Call the office and demand to talk with a nurse then tell the nurse you want a call back from the doctor.
    Also tell them you need your xanax filled pronto at your pharmacy. I took xanax before my surgery as I was also panicked.
    One other thing. When you speak to the nurse, ask her if you can run in for one of the millions of samples of xanax they have in the doctor's office.
    There is no need for you to have to go through this.
    You do need all the support. Good luck. I'll be thinking of you on Wednesday. Blessings.
  • purplemb
    purplemb Member Posts: 593
    edited July 2007 me, I'll come over...!!!!
  • sschmidt
    sschmidt Member Posts: 7
    edited July 2007

    All the above is great advise. I cried for months. When i asked for meds for panick and anxiety the doctor, surgeon after biopsy, said....why are you crying you should be happy. You only have stage turned out to be stage 2 after nodes ere removed. He gave me plenty of drugs but he did it under pressure. Give them pressure!

  • joanne_elizabeth
    joanne_elizabeth Member Posts: 19
    edited July 2007

    Sorry to hear you are going thru this. I had crying jags for weeks before my 3 surgeries and in the pre-op I was so upset they IVed some kind of tranquilizer and knocked me out as soon as I got on the table. Who wouldn't be upset? My surgeon asked me why I was crying. I felt like saying why the f--- do you think I am crying, but I didn't. Now I jsut have insomnia most days, but still sometimes just have to cry.

  • Shirlann
    Shirlann Member Posts: 60
    edited July 2007
    Well, I sure hope I live long enough to KNOW some of these medical people have had to face cancer without any help from the medicines that take the edge off. Have had to face cancer and not had a kind word or any help from those people we entrust with our lives.

    Most of us end up with Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome, at one level or another. Much like the vets, we are afraid, down deep, we will die, we go through very difficult treatment that takes freakin' forever, then they say, "BYE", and wave us out the door.

    This is just the beginning. Most of us do very well getting through treatment. Because we have no choice and because we know someone is watching us and caring for us.

    Then, so long, and we are dumped into our old world. Except our old world is gone. Relatives and even some hubbies say, "Why are you depressed, upset? You are fine."

    You are not fine. Knowing this is just the beginning of the recovery process from this ghastly journey helps a little. Knowing we ALL have this dread of everything and anything helps a little. Talking to others on this board helps a lot. And if necessary, anti-depressants for a year or so can help too.

    Just understanding that it is perfectly normal to feel like a lost sheep helps. When people keep acting like you should be perfectly okay and you are not, this just further erodes your self-confidence. Both in you ability to get through this and confidence in your body, the body that has betrayed you.

    We all go to this dark place. Hopefully, not for long. We all lean on each other for a kind word, encouragement, a laugh now and then. No one who has not been through this can truly understand what it is like.

    Gentle hugs, Shirlann
  • Chelee
    Chelee Member Posts: 36
    edited July 2007
    Shirlann, Very well said! I couldn't of done a better job. You said it all!

  • nanc512
    nanc512 Member Posts: 38
    edited July 2007
    I'm so sorry to hear this. I have had lots of trouble dealing with this whole thing myself. Call the pharmacy and have them call the doctor to get the refill. I am in the medical field and that's not unusual. When friends of mine have a rough time getting through the office staff at their doctor offices, I tell them to call the pharmacy and have them make the call.

    Let us know how you are doing.

  • AnnieBird55
    AnnieBird55 Member Posts: 3
    edited July 2007
    Hi GMG,
    I panicked too. I lost it when in pre-op. Huge anxiety attack. I tried to be the tough chick and pretend to be brave going in to my double mast. But I really lost it. I was shaking.

    I think it is OK to do whatever you believe you need to do to help yourself calm down. It is easy for any of us sitting here to try to calm you down, but we sit from a different point of reference. We are not in your shoes at this moment, although we have had had the procedure and we know similar fears.

    We live in a time where we are so paranoid about drug use/abuse. I believe (and my doctor did too) that it is normal for anyone heading into a surgury to panic and there is NO reason NOT TO prescribe something to calm you down.

    I was afraid to say in the pre-op room that I was losing it. But I finally spoke up to the next doctor I saw (the anesthesiologist), and he put something in my IV and whatever it was it calmed me down in a matter of seconds.

    You have a day before surgery so I hope you can get in touch with your surgeon or PCP. (Try calling both). Whether it is Xanax, Antivan, Valium ...just ask.

    Calling YME is great. I called it once. Wonderful talk. It is good for the off hour times when yo may feel like you don't want to distrub someone ;-).

    Shirlann had a really good post.

    PS: You can PM me if you wish...we can talk or email.
  • candie1971
    candie1971 Member Posts: 2,467
    edited July 2007
    My positive thoughts and prayers are with you. I was the same way--panicked before surgery. I am 7 months post chemo and I will never be the same.

    Shirlann--you said it all!!! My feelings exactly. GMG--just remember we are all here for you. Keep posting here so we can all stay in touch and continually help one another. GMG, have you tried the chat room? I go there all the time--I love it!!! Great support and friendships.
    The best of luck for your surgery--you will be fine!!! Think happy thoughts. What is your diagnosis? Will you need chemo/rads?

    Hugs and prayers,

    PS--PM me anytime!!

    life is a long song--Jethro Tull
  • whoopsiedoodles
    whoopsiedoodles Member Posts: 224
    edited July 2007
    Oh, dearest sister, please don't try to feel like you need to be STRONG. Panic is not something you want, but if it hits you, go with it. Don't try to cover it up. We are all here for you-some of us have already been through that part of the journey, some of us are right alongside you, and others are just beginning. Oh, how this journey sucks, and it is terrifying! However, you can and WILL get through it.

    I'm sorry the doctor's office was so lousy. Sometimes they get so immune to the fact that we are PEOPLE and not just patients.

    Keep us posted.
    Love and prayers, Deb
  • ravenn01
    ravenn01 Member Posts: 2
    edited July 2007

    I kept so busy that I was tough. theb I got to the hospital ....big delay and totally lost it with the admissions doctor. I was totally off my head about the delay and told him I was going out for a smoke !!!!!! I knew I was being ridiculous, then i lost it and strated to cry. i was so embarrassed at the time as am usually tough and stromg. now six years on and surviving... im not at all embarrassed, i was just being normal. cry and lose it honey , then it will be okay,

    best off luck
  • ravenn01
    ravenn01 Member Posts: 2
    edited July 2007

    Also - Ativan really helps. It has an anti anxiety effect but also andn anti enemitic effect so reduces throwing up during chemo . Saved my sanity and made me okay during chemo - talk about it with your Doc

  • nycmom
    nycmom Member Posts: 7
    edited August 2007
    I know this is way too late but may be useful to someone else. There are pre-surgery preparation classes- about one hour. See if your hospital has one. I took one loved it. It was based on Peggy Huddleston's book, Prepare for Surgery-Heal Faster. Also helpful ask a woman who has been thru the same surgery to talk to you about it- walk you thru, tell you what to expect.

    Yet another thing that is really hard is figuring out which doc to call-wish we had a list "for this, call this one" - drove me crazy- I'd wait for hours for an oncologist call back only to be told ask the surgeon. At least in pregnancy, you just have to call one person the OB--she/he doesn't say "not my department"
  • pnut2
    pnut2 Member Posts: 3
    edited August 2007

    GMG, how did your surgery go?

  • STLSurvivor
    STLSurvivor Member Posts: 8
    edited February 2022

    Hi, All. I totally held it together like a champ before and after surgery - there was so much to do in making sure I had people in place to take care of my kids, my private practice with me being the only doctor, and my house. Was still feeling pretty good when I came home from the hospital until the day after the first TE fill. Then the pain was so high, nothing was working well except Oxycodone and it kept making me fall asleep. Plus I didn't want the constipation.

    Little did I know that in some people, Oxy and Venlafaxine do not play well together. I had a major panic attack - sweating, crying, shaking, diarrhea, vomiting. But weirdly, also a little blurred vision. I think I had some mild serotonin syndrome! So I discontinued the oxy altogether, retried tylenol again with fingers crossed (suprised! No negative reaction). But I'm still not back to baseline. Now I'm dealing with the low grade buzzing of anxiety constantly, no appetite, obsessive thoughts, agoraphobia.

    I have had a breakdown like this twice before in my life and it was a bitch to crawl out of. I have no idea how to get out of it this time and the docs have been out since Friday (snow), Sat/Sun weekend, and probably Monday (holiday). If anyone has ever had anxiety before, getting through 5 days of hell is no joke! Can't wait until they can start adjusting the chemicals to get me back to baseline!

  • minustwo
    minustwo Member Posts: 12,988
    edited February 2022

    STL - The last post to this tread was August 2007, so you may not get a response. But your post is informative. I hope you get your meds back in line soon.

  • harley07
    harley07 Member Posts: 247
    edited February 2022

    @STLSurvivor - crawling out of the crater after panic attacks. is. one of the hardest things I've had to deal with. Please lean on those around you for support and burn up the phone lines to the doctors tomorrow to get help. I'll keep you in my thoughts (((hugs))).

  • exbrnxgrl
    exbrnxgrl Member Posts: 4,628
    edited February 2022

    Ask for Versed as soon as they start your IV. It’ll take your anxiety from a 10 to a 1 in seconds and has amnesiac properties so you won’t remember a whole lot and have to deal with bad memories. I absolutely could not have gotten through bone biopsies and multiple surgeries and procedures without it.Also mindful breathing can be very helpful. Take care and all the best.