Bottle o Tamoxifen
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runor, thinking of you and hoping you find your better way. Glad you have here to vent,so vent away and don't feel guilty, please.
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well runor this is a super shitty time for you. I often long for a small quiet place of my own where when I clean it no lazy ass kid or husband is going to mess it up. I had the internal struggle and For Me I wasn’t ready to cash in my chips yet. But I still have kids at home and I didn’t meet hubs til I was 26 and married at 30. I can totally feel your pain. We are the authors of our own misfortune by letting them away with their bull poop for such a long time. That said there comes a time when you say to yourself... what about me? What about what is important to Me? Don’t I deserve to live out my days in peace?? I see that you are there. Now the question is where to next and with whom. You know we all support you. Take your time. It took a long time to get here, it’s going to take a long time to get where you want to be. With or without him. I know that isn’t much comfort, but it’s what I have for you just now.0
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You know, for me, there is value and therapy in writing. It can lend perspective. It can defray some of that roiling angst that rolls around inside. This has been helpful. Thank you to all who let me holler here. I hope to god this is tamoxifen talking and we come out the other side intact. I would hate to ruin over 35 years together to come out of a drug induced haze and think, wow, what just happened and why the hell am I living in Moose Jaw? (yes, there is a place in Canada called Moose Jaw. Also Spuzzum, which would be a close second). Hugs to all on this bizarre drug with this dirty disease and marriage on top of it all. It's insane!
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Runor I hope that you are able to find a way to get some space for a while. I think it is so easy for men as they age to continue to settle in, ignore their behaviors, and expect for things just to always be done for them. On the flip side, having a cancer diagnosis along with this little pill makes me a whole lot less accepting and acquiescent about anything. I am also older and frankly don't want to have to work so hard at times. We all were forced to go through significant life changes and sometimes those around us have no capacity to change with us. Then we are stuck with the problem of moving forward as is, confronting the issue and generating conflict when we are exhausted, or moving on.
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Here’s an idea that has quietly become popular. I have slept in the guest bedroom when my husband has been sick, and it makes a big difference in my quality of sleep. ALao a lot of people joke about man caves and she-sheds but I can totally see how they might be great.
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I smiled when I read this post. My husband and I started sleeping in separate beds about 10 years ago after too many arguments about snoring. So we have settled into the routine that we each have our own bedroom and sleeping styles and reading routines etc. It has helped improve our marriage. All that having to sleep together until we depart this planet is for the birds... Now that I have hot flash issues or cramps or sleepless ness with tamoxifen, I can endure them alone and not disturb him.
Carol
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runor - cancer, the drugs, the surgery, just getting older , feeling like all the treatments may just be prolonging things and not "curing". has made me a little less tolerant and less patient. Something I thought were "cute" a long time ago, now tend to annoy me. I think not living in the same town helps, it has been long distance since day 1. Now that we are both retired, spending a lot more time together, so far ok, but I think I am glad that we each have our own place. Not close to even think about separating. When I think about it, most of the "issues" are trivial. Maybe sweetie thought he was a bear when eating those blackberries ( I really miss not having blackberries). Does he eat salmon the same way? Dragging in oil/gas on clothes is not good for either of you. I do not have a "mud room", but people who do, tell me how much they like them. Maybe set up an outdoor changing room? Tell him if he cleans up the nachos he grinds into the carpet he can have them, but don't clean up after him.
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Well, runor, don't think that when you finish Tamoxifen all these thoughts will go away. I don't think it's the meds. I think it's 2 things....one is the finding and fighting cancer. It just opens your eyes to the bulls**t and you learn what you can and can't tolerate anymore, whether it's from a spouse, friend, family, co-worker, whomever. Cancer teaches (hopefully) you to finally put yourself first. And second is this damn covid virus. All this talk about depression during lockdown and I thought what? really? I'm loving this lockdown. I've been training for it my whole life. I'm an introvert and don't like most people or parties or whatever so I thought this is great! But months and months later, I'm starting to wish for normalcy again. Oh and as an afterthought, 3 would be this damn election. It can't be over soon enough for me! I see all this fighting and partisanship online and it just hurts my heart. So really it can become a perfect storm. Cancer, viruses and an election. 2020 can't be gone soon enough. I just hope it doesn't end with my incarceration for my DH's death! Or severe injury! Fortunately we are still able to work (outside) so we do have other interests. But I will also say we have been sleeping separately for years. He's a terrible snorer and I am a very light sleeper. I've also discovered the joys of white noise which helps me sleep like a baby. And during my 5 years on Tamoxifen, my joint aches would cause me to toss and turn all night so it really is for the best. And he also hates the white noise so there's that. And once I had the hysterectomy and started having hot flashes, I found a fan blowing on my all night is a life saver which he also hates. So really I'd have to say there's a lot I do that bugs him as well! But like I always tell him....I almost wish I was gay so I could have a wife like me! Someone who does everything while is life is just so calm and peaceful. Just today I was telling him the problems we've been having getting our mail regularly and he looked at me like I was speaking jibberish! The very idea that someone has to deal with all the "little" things in life! I do love him but sometimes I really don't like him. And one last thing....a few years ago my sister and I went in together and bought a little cabin at a lake in another state. We spend every summer there with her kids while her husband works and comes down on weekends and mine works and comes for a few day once a month or so. At first people were horrified. "Getting divorced" was whispered all around. But now I've got a couple of friends looking into the same idea. They see that we do just fine and we actually relish the couple of months apart. Way I see it, better a few months apart than a lifetime apart. And as a bonus, hubby has learned to do a few things on his own and appreciate more what I do. So look into a little "me" time. It might be good for both of you!
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Blue girl, I thought you were going to say you missed having bears and I was thinking, who misses bears, great, lumbering ass pains that they are. We are frequently the victims of bears around here and No Thank You. If I never bump into a bear again when I'm out pulling carrots, I'd be quite fine with that.
Carol and Lala, my parents slept in separate rooms for years. My dad was a gold medal Olympic athlete, if snoring was a sport. It was epic. Mom moved to her own room in a last ditch effort to survive. But with me and Hub it's not the sleeping together that's so problematic. It's...everything. It's listening to him chew. It's listening to him scrape and clatter the cereal bowl with his spoon. Today I was trying to do some pre-winter outdoor cleaning, lugged the lawn chairs to store in the hay shed. There is a mess of piled cedar in there, which can't be avoided, we are mid-project and the cedar needs to be somewhere. But then there is this rag-tag pile of moldy, limp cardboard. I'm trying to move it out of the way to set the chairs down. It is big and floppy and there is something piled under it. It's sliding around and I am getting impatient as I try to uncover whatever important object is under this pile of cardboard and find, finally, a 5 gallon jerrycan with about 1 cup of gas in it and an empty box that used to hold headlights. And I screamed into the afternoon air, "You're effing kidding me with this shit!" It's evidence, everywhere, of a life that is no longer managed, no longer attended to, no longer ordered but rather just set down, dumped, piled, kicked under the carpet. And it makes me rage like a crazy person. Like I have rabies. I have husband rabies. Foaming at the mouth running around with my eyeballs bugging out. Someone please shoot me! I am hair trigger over what seems to be my husband asleep at the wheel of life. He has just stopped...being. He has withdrawn into working too much, sleeping too much and doing things that betray his removal from life. And it makes me want to murder him. To shake him. Wake up, Man, we are here but for a short time and I hear the end of the line coming close, could you please OPEN your eyes, get alert, be a participating member, live with deliberation and purpose and intent and whatever amount of control we have. Can you step the hell up and attend to yourself a little more closely, imagine how your ways and views might impact the one who lives with you and for the love of god, do not come in for dinner with axle grease on the back of your neck!I do love my husband. I just think I might love him more if I saw him less and saw his mess never. It's time to take up drinking.
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Hi runor, I have been thinking of you and hope you are okay. I was thinking back to when I first started my nursing career and I had to float to the psych floor. There I met one of my coworkers mother as a patient. Back then if you were having a really bad time with menopause they put you on a shortstay in the psych unit. I remember when I went through menopause it was hard. Not only does it bring on depression, it changes your personality, you are either yelling or crying. I felt bad about myself especially the weight gain. Add in the insomnia and night sweats. Maybe some of that is what you are going through. Maybe your husband is going through male menopause.....not quite sure what that is! I bought my husband a lifetime (brand) adjustable folding table. This way he has to sit up to eat and it is easy clean up. My father in law when he came home he went into the basement and changed his clothes before entering the house. They had an outside entrance door. A coworker of mine removed all her clothes in the garage when she got home from work. Her shoes never came inside. Reading other post on this subject are very interesting. I agree with what Rah2464 said. I know my husband doesn't want to talk about the BC with me. Other times he might say I know that pill is making you act this way! I hope you can get away for a bit soon. Maybe when you return you guys can talk to each other and work it out.
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great big hug formyou
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Hello Everyone,
I initially signed on to Bottle o' Tamoxifen (in the early a.m. hours) to lament about weight gain... + other S/E of required hormonal treatment!
I am quite impressed by reading your stories; feeling sad that you all have to go through so many unasked for adversities... but I'm also glad you're here!
Roseanne7
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Ok. So I have a question that I don't know where to ask it so I thought I'd just ask the people I spend the most time with! Last week when showering I felt a lump under my arm, not right in the middle but a little off center. It was about pea size or a little bigger and somewhat sensitive to pressure. I showed it to my husband who said it looked like a cyst and he gently squeezed on it and pus came out. Ok. That was freaky but thinking ingrown hair gotten out of control? So I put triple antibiotic ointment on it for a few days and it just kept getting smaller and not painful at all. Then for the last couple of days I just forgot about it. Today when showering it was back! Maybe a tad bigger than when I first found it. Not painful. I gently squeezed on it to see if that would bring about pain and pus shot out! Quite a bit. And now it's actually smaller. What the heck?! Funny enough I have my annual checkup with my BS in 2 weeks which includes my mammogram. Do I just wait and show him and in the meantime continue with the triple antibiotic? Would you recommend I not wait? Maybe call him and ask if he'd want to see me sooner although I am out of town and couldn't see him till next week anyway. Try a different medicine? Maybe try hot compresses? I'm not REALLY freaking out but I'm kind of freaking out. You know how it is.....you feel lump and everything just goes kinda black for a second. Other than this....whatever, I'm feeling great, no issues. So what do ya'll think? Thanks for any advice.
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Hi Lala1
Just a thought. I had a big seroma that has taken a long time to come down after surgery (still have some of it now after 8 months...) It needed to be drained early on because it could get infected. So you may have an latent infection in the armpit area from removal of lymph nodes and lingering seroma. Just an idea. I would indeed call my doctor before waiting to next appointment though. Anything puss-like should be addressed..
Carol
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Lala, whatever the underlying cause, being able to express pus indicates an infection and antibiotic ointment may well not be adequate treatment. Please do call your doctor!
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HI Runor,
YES!!! OMG YES!!!! I have had the shortest fuse since starting Tamoxifen! I apologize to my fiance in advance because i can feel it coming on. Its is crazy actually. I am generally a happy-go-lucky person, always smiling, and I still am, but much snippier and bitchier. : )
To the fellow blogger who asked about heartburn, I never experienced that, but the weird "full feeling" has been a thing. I notice that I have a lot less of an appetite. The thinning hair is also REAL
! I cannot believe how much hair i am losing and i have very fine hair to begin with. I took a 3 week break from Tamoxifen and it sort of "reset" my system. I was having some shortness of breath and light headedness when I was over exerted, so the break helped all of that a lot, as well as the hot flashes. At the moment, I get a lot of bloating and I have a front "pouch" that I never had before as well. I read a lot of people complain of "tamoxifen belly", does anyone feel this too?
Thanks everyone. I am thrilled to have found this forum. No one I know is on this drug and there is no one to bounce ideas off of.
- Jennie23
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So, I have been on tamoxifen since end of June. My side effects seem to start and then settle down after several weeks. At first I had dizziness (now gone), then joint pain in my hands (now gone) and then heartburn started. The heartburn isn't completely gone, but it seems to not be as bad. I have also had the full feeling in my abdomen a lot - so, now I am hoping it will settle down. I take my 20mg tamoxifen diligently at 9am daily. I have insomnia (up 2-3 hrs per night), but I have never been a terrific sleeper, so I don't know if I can blame that on tamoxifen or not? I keep telling myself it is my 'anti-cancer' pill as I question whether I should swallow the damn thing every day or not. So far, I have continued to talk myself into it......
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Tamoxifen belly, thinning hair, short fuse, dry skin, etc.-- ABSOLUTELY!
I've started drinking tart cherry juice for my arthritis. Not certain if is helping that a whole lot but I am sleeping ever so much better.
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I stopped taking tamoxifen two weeks ago. My annual tvus showed I have a polyp, so the oncologist took me off it, said after four years I'd had most of the benefit anyway. So suddenly I'm not on any hormone suppressants, and waiting to see what changes. I'm looking forward to losing weight and gaining a waist! And I started taking mirtazapine at the same time as the tamoxifen, to help with the depression and insomnia. So I guess I'll give it a few weeks to get the tamoxifen out of my system and see whether I still need it. I have surgery next week for the polyp and just want to get that out of the way first, general anaesthetics always seem to send me off-kilter, and I get worse every time, this will be the fifth in four years. And though they think the pathology should be okay, waiting for biopsy results again is making me a bit jittery.
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Hi all!! I've been on tamoxifen almost two years. I am 51. I recently had the blood tests to determine if I am in menopause, and here are the results:
Estradiol: <10 pg/ml
LH: 8.4 mIU/mL
FSH: 17.1 mIU/mL
I got these results a week ago (via mychart) and my doctor has yet to call me about them. Does anyone here know by looking at these if I am in menopause?? And if so, what do you usually switch to after tamoxifen?
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I am long time naturally post menopausal and when I got breast cancer last January and completed treatments. my doctor put me on tamoxifen since the side effects from the aromatase inhibitors were not a good fit for me (e.g. high blood pressure, arthritis aggravation, etc.) . So you may not necessarily need to change. Ask you doctor for the pros and cons of both methods SERMS v Aromatase Inhibitors and then decide together
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Hi Everyone:
Hope you are well. I am new to this topic. It has been a hectic 3 months with diagnosis and surgery. I finished radiation last week. Saw my MO today. Based on my research through this wonderful site, I convinced him to start with a lower dose to build a gradual tolerance and hopefully control side effects. He agreed to 10 mg daily (starting 11/12...I told him I need a break post radiation) for a few weeks and then a check in. Of course, he eventually wants me on 20 mg daily but if I am miserable he is willing to be flexible. I have read that a lot of women take 10 mg in the morning and 10 mg in the evening and it is more tolerable than taking 20 mg all at once.
My Mom has taken Tamoxifen 2x in her life (1997 and 2019) and now has a fatty liver and in July had a DVT/PE. He is running blood work (Prothrombin 20210A, Factor 5 Leiden, MTHFR) to check the clotting factor to be safe. I have been taking a baby aspirin for 3 years but am worried about Tamoxifen and clots. MO said if I have an issue, he would prescribe Eloquis to prevent clots. MO is recommending Tamoxifen for 5 years and f by then I am in menopause he has recommended 5 more years of Femara. Has anyone else gone this route? He also said that depending on my estrogen levels he may want to also give me ovarian suppression shots. It is definitely a lot of information. Any tips to handle the impending side effects?
Be well.
Ginamarie
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Umakemehappy - my MO is very clear about me having to be 2 years out from any menstrual activity (even a light period) before considering an AI. She said an AI taken too soon can re activate your ovarian function. So for my MO, it is both time and bloodwork to verify ok to switch (unless you do ovarian suppression with an AI certainly an option).
GinaMarie - Maybe someone else with experience can speak to ovarian suppression with Tamoxifen, I didn't think that was routinely done because of how Tamoxifen works. Usually that is done if you take an AI.
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Hi
I have a question on the period.
I'm 48 and had regular period of 26 days lasting for 3 days before starting 5mg tamoxifen in Sep for a month then on 10mg till now.
This month my period was very weird. It came 2 days later than expected and very very light. The color is brown and looks the end of the cycle. and only lasted for 2 days. Did this happen to anyone?
I remember my OB said the tamoxifen could change my period, don't worry if I skip a period but do call her if I bleed in between period. Is it right?
So is tamoxifen going to make me go to menopause?
Thanks.
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Everything I had a similar situation, a few more days between cycles, very short and mostly brown like old blood. My doctor said the same thing about if I bleed between cycles, call right away. As for menopause, it can push it along. I've been 3 months without now, we will see how it goes. Good luck!
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mymomsgirl,
Thank you for the reply. So I know I am not the only one..
Good luck with both of us on this tamoxifen road!
I have asked the doctor if I should increase to 20mg and I have not heard from her yet.
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With DCIS I was told 10 was sufficient. It seems to work and SEs are minor...TT
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Everything I actually take 10 in AM & PM, it has worked out fairly well. When I tried 20 at once my side effects were awful.
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Thanks trmtab.
I hope the 10mg is sufficient too.
mymomsgirl,
So far I did not experience side effect. I was hoping to get hot flash so I know the medicine is working!
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I was on OS+AI for 5 years. I had my last shot in may and in August I started tamoxifen. I've been fine and really have had the same side effects. But Monday I got my period for the first time in 6 years. It's very different. It's light and I don't really have any other kind of period symptoms. I'm now wondering if it's not my period but irregular bleeding. Has anyone else experienced this? Bleeding is a side effect of tamoxifen. I can't get into see my doctor for a while.
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