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6 month followup today and Im scared

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I originally had my next 6 month followup scheduled for May 16th...yesterday the onco's nurse called and said that since the Doctor knows how stressed I got the last time he wanted me to come in today.....so last night was a rough night as I couldnt sleep and this morning Im at work trying to keep my mind busy but getting more nervous by the minute!!!!

I dont understand this.....I have been NED since my last scare back in Oct 07.....why am I so stressed about this???? I have been feeling absolutely wonderful, almost like my old self and life again, but with a better outlook on life now....

Is it because I keep reading about the dreaded 2 yr mark?? I keep seeing things that say if its going to come back it usually does it in the 1st 2 yrs(Im almost at that mark, Im at 18 months now)...then once you pass that mark your looking for the 5 yr marker...is it always going to be like this???

I know none of you know the answers to my questions but it sure helps to voice them.....I dont say anything to my family and just keep my stress hidden as I dont want them to worry needlessly....

I really feel that I will get the all clear again today but.........

Im scared :(

Thanks for listening

Jule

Comments

  • SusieSwan
    SusieSwan Member Posts: 17
    edited May 2008
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    Hi Jule,

    I completely understand...I'm having my first mammo next month and am scared out of my wits.  I guess it brings back all those feelings of what started it all.   I was thinking of starting a post on "pins & needles" because that's what I feel like I live on these days.  Like you, I'm petrified of these first two years and every new ache, pain, symptom immediately sends me into a tailspin.  I hope year two goes much faster than this first one.  I think I'll be able to exhale a bit after year two.

    Hugs,

    Susan

  • jpann39
    jpann39 Member Posts: 92
    edited May 2008
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    Thank you Susie....

    I feel like such a baby.....I really feel that everything is fine so I dont understand this amount of anxiety...

    I will keep you in my thoughts for the all clear with your mammo next month!!!!!

    And yes, the time does seem to go fast....I sometimes find it hard to believe its been 18 months already....its almost like it happened to someone else, well except for days like today....then its VERY real that it happened to me....

    Hugs

    Jule

  • jpann39
    jpann39 Member Posts: 92
    edited May 2008
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    Thank you Mamhop

    I had my appt and Im NEDLaughing......I was so very relieved to head those words....I tried to talk him into moving me to the once a year plan but he said that he really wants to do one last 6 month and then we will discuss the yearly visits.....I will have that next one in Nov. which will be my two year mark....

    Im happy to hear that you are doing well!!!!!

    Jule

  • lag
    lag Member Posts: 53
    edited May 2008
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    Jule I feel for you but please try and relax, if it makes you feel any better every single time I have a check up I am a nervous wreck.

    lag

  • jpann39
    jpann39 Member Posts: 92
    edited May 2008
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    Lag,

    Everyone tells me it is normal, but I feel so silly now that its over and I had such great news...Im really hoping that as time goes by and I continue to receive good news those feelings will calm down..this is the first time since being dx'd 18 months ago that I have made it through an appt in that building without either leaving headed for surgery or treatment so Im hoping that the next one in Nov I wont get so nervous.

    Jule

  • wishiwere
    wishiwere Member Posts: 934
    edited May 2008
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    {{{jule}}} I have no idea if it's normal, but I am pretty sure it is!  I certainly know I felt that way when I went in for new lumps that they say are nothing.....although they could all feel them, and did digital mammo's after the Clinical exam, then an ultrasound and still the BX says they say it's nothing, but normal breast.  Hmmmm...one was tender as my first lump was back in oct.  The other is a ridge type, but not bone, def mammary.  I have to believe, but in the back of my mind.....and it's only been 3 months today I finished chemo :(  Can't imagine what the next 5 years will be like.  Most certainly, I'll be posting as you have and have the same 'silly' feelings later when I hopefully get an all clear! :D

    CONGRATS on this 18 month all clear!  HOpes and prayers for many many more years of NED! :D

  • bluesky
    bluesky Member Posts: 144
    edited May 2008
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    i feel the same way, i have my 4 month follow-up next thursday, i am 18months since dx and i am terrified to go, i have to go every 4 months because i'm stage 3. i had an us and mri this past october and it was clear. these visits next week are with the onco and the bs, routine breast exam, blood work, i went in january and i was not as nervous, this time i am so terrified. i do breast exams i don't feel anything, but my left breast where i had the lumpectomy is so hard to tell whats going on because i had two surgeries, i'm so afraid that they are going to find something. i don't know if it ever gets better.

  • pmajenski
    pmajenski Member Posts: 1
    edited May 2008
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    Hi to all.  My name is Pattie and I'm new to adding comments to this site. I'm 39 and was diagnosed 10/18/07 with 2 lumps in my left breast (Her2++; ER-/PR+, Grade 3, 0/6 nodes).  I chose the double mastectomy because I was so freaked out after having been misdiagnosed for 2 years--I felt the lump 7/05 and was told that it was a simple cyst!!!  It was the right choice for me though.  I am still in chemo and already have anxiety over future appointments.  I think that we all are going to have to live with this anxiety!  I don't know the answer except to do what you did and reach out to others who have been NED for awhile and get solice from them.
  • sunshine2003
    sunshine2003 Member Posts: 4
    edited May 2008
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    oh, oh....don't want to say this - but coming up to 5 year mark - I have a lot of anxiety - appointment is this Friday.  This is the last of my 6 month check-ups.  I will, hopefully after Friday - be on 1 year.  My doctor told me that most recurrances are not picked up at the scheduled 6 month appointment - but by patients themselves finding a symptom that is persistent (for more than 2 weeks) and then follow it up with the doctor.  I try to keep saying this to myself - and think about how well I truly feel - that appointment is not going to change things for me.  Things are what they are - so breathe deep and try to relax!

    With hugs to all (as I flutter with anxiety)

    Janet 

  • juli0212
    juli0212 Member Posts: 801
    edited May 2008
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    Hi Jule...juli here, lol.

    I think MOST of us go thru that anxiety.  I'm just past a year out of treatment (the last radiation was end of Feb. '07)...and my onco has me coming back every 2 months...we found a lump in OTHER breast, biopsy----negative, thankfully.  Now there's bone pain in the top of hip.  So, gotta check that out too.  It seems there's always something that we try NOT to focus too much on....but after having cancer, well, how can we help it?  Just KNOW that you have TONS of support...we ALL understand how you feel.  Let us know....juli

  • jpann39
    jpann39 Member Posts: 92
    edited May 2008
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    Thank you ladies for all the support...Im learning to live with the new normal...daily life goes on as it should...

    Hugs

    Jule

  • PhyllisCC
    PhyllisCC Member Posts: 18
    edited May 2008
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    Hi,

    New normal?  It sucks!  So glad you are all doing well. I'm one of the"lucky" ones with DCIS.  I just had my  6 mos. mammo....they came out and said it looks okay, but we need to compare to previous mammos.  Guess what, two weeks later I'm still waiting.  Call them... we need to get other films from archives (6 months ago?)  I have my exhange surgery scheduled for next week and was hoping to get info on the "good" side before then. I hate the "new normal" but know why we have it.  Thank you for letting me rant...as I know I'm one of the lucky ones  Hope you are all well and thanks for listening.  Phyllis

  • KT2815
    KT2815 Member Posts: 1
    edited May 2008
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    I am also new to posting comments.  I was dx. 10/05 and I still get scared everytime I have a follow up especially because I was having symtoms 6 months before I was diagnosed.  The mammogram (six months prior to dx) was negative as well as the ultrasound.  WHen the large lump surfaced in October the mammogram and ultrasound were again negative.  The biopsi was positive.  I had a mastectomy and lymphnodes removed.  Three nodes were positive.  I had three tumors in the breast removed!!  Always advocate for yourself if you are not felling well.  Best wishes to all of you.

  • Tulip2
    Tulip2 Member Posts: 1
    edited June 2008
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    Jule:

    I understand completely the nervousness everyone is feeling on follow-up appointments.  I'm going for my 6 month followup today and have been nervous as all get out for about 3 days...I know the chances are slim, but they were slim when I was dx. 

    We all just need to help eachother and allow the venting and whining.  "Non-Club" members can be there for support, but really have no clue of what we're going through.  It's wonderful to have a forum like this to go to.

     Hugs, Tulip

  • jpann39
    jpann39 Member Posts: 92
    edited June 2008
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    Hi Tulip

    Thank you for the encouraging words and yes you are very right "non-members" as much as they try dont really get it...

    I hope all is well with your followup!!!!!

    Please come back and continue to let us support you when you need it....this is a great place with many many knowlegable people to help when things get crazy...

    Hugs

    Jule

  • Tugwife
    Tugwife Member Posts: 1
    edited June 2008
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    I guess I'm getting scared to, my 1st 6 month mammo is on Thursday.  i had a lump removed in dec 2007 the cancer had not gone to lymph nodes.  Just real scared of what the mammo will show.

  • jpann39
    jpann39 Member Posts: 92
    edited June 2008
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    Tug

    It is scarey and I wish I knew how to help calm your fears.....Im suppose to have another mammo they recommened at my appt in May, but so far havent been able to talk myself into doing it....I know I should and I did talk with my oncologist about it and he said that I could wait until my next appt in Nov...

    You will do great!!!!!

    Please let me know how things go for you....

    Jule

  • gameover
    gameover Member Posts: 1
    edited February 2010
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    I felt that way when I went in for new lumps that they say are nothing.....although they could all feel them, and did digital mammo's after the Clinical exam, then an ultrasound and still the BX says they say it's nothing, but normal breast. Hmmmm...one was tender as my first lump was back in oct. The other is a ridge type, but not bone, def mammary. I have to believe, but in the back of my mind.....and it's only been 3 months today I finished chemo :( Can't imagine what the next 5 years will be like
    ||70-536 questions||microsoft training||70-630 exam||
  • waniyetu1025
    waniyetu1025 Member Posts: 1
    edited March 2010
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    Well it seems that I am having blood discharge after lumpectomy. After being diagnosed with "Tripple Negative" stage II B. My diagnose was Mar 12, 2008.  Well 2 years this happens went in for surgery yesterday for a ductal biopsy...waiting now for my answer if Cancer has come back or not...5-7 days and I will know. So yes this is very stressful for all of us.

  • lrm216
    lrm216 Member Posts: 534
    edited March 2010
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    Jule:

    I have to join this group too and say I am petrified as well.  I am 6 months out of chemo - finished rads in early December and hit my 1 yr. diagnose of triple neg on Feb. 23rd.  I go for my second "three month" on Tuesday, and my second 6 month mammo and first "both of them" mammo on Thursday with the BS.  I have felt fine for the most part, but have the occasional muscle aches, lower back pain if standing too long (had that before diagnose too), muscle aches in back of neck (but am on computer at least 11 hrs. a day) - so therefore, don't know whether to mention these things to onc and possible go through the more dreaded bone scans, ct's - or just go on my merry way and not mention anything as they all come and go.  I don't want to know what's really going on inside me - yet I don't want to be stupid either.  God, I hate this freaking disease.  Is this what we have to endure for however long we are here?????????  I don't know whether I will live through all the dang changes this crap has brought into my life.  Good luck to us all, and I will be thinking of all of us heading for our next appts. this week.

    Hugs to all,

    Linda