Stage 1 , Grade 3,
Told there is 40% chance of spread to rest of body - breast cancer Stage 1, Grade 3. MRI schedule on Friday to look at both breasts and head.
I am crying constantly, screaming into pillows and blankets, standing under the shower sobbing and pounding on the walls. Can't think , can barely function. I am afraid of falling completely apart in public. Alone at night and not sleeping. headaches from crying so hard but can't take aspin for fear of surgery approching. I am falling apart at every seam. Only working 4 hours a day right now and am totally worthless while I am there. Wednesday I am seeing a new doctor, just somebody who might prescribe something for anxiety.... I hope I can last that long before just collapsing and loosing it front of someone. Is it just me? If it gets any worse I don't think I can take it. Thought I was strong and now I feel so weak and stupid. I am listening to soothing music almost 24/7, drinking wine at night.... and I feel like I am on a roller coaster just about to peak before the be drop. Was schedule for surgery not till late October due to surgeon's heavy schedule. Then today told of an opening for Thursday surgery. Then 3 hours later told bumped offf of Thursday because MRI's can't be completed before Thrusday... no openings untill the one I have scheudule Friday. Told they would try to work on getting me in for surgery earlier.
Can people work and function with both chemo and radiation? will I glow in the dark? If the cancer dosen't kill me, will the radiation finish the job? I am like a box of puzzel pieces just thrown in the aiir and scattered everywhere. I can barely remember my own name.