Stop Smoking Support Thread
Comments
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Great job Nicole...I wish I knew how to put firework on this site...
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Welcome Nicole!!
You are absolutely right... Quitting is hard but it can be done! You quit for 12 weeks and then, in a moment of extreme stress, went back to smoking. I'm sure you learned alot about what worked for you! That experience will help a lot if/when you try again!
Sorry to hear that you may now be facing your own health issue... Just know that this site is filled with very knowledgable women who can provide all kinds of support!0 -
Malleme,
ALWAYS good to hear from you!
As a collector of quotes that I like.... I liked and have copied the last sentence in your post!
Hope all is well with you!0 -
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Jo LOVE the picture!!! TGIF!
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Fear is a type of belief that is based on the notion that something "bad" will happen.
"I smoke because I'm afraid....
.... I won't know who I am if I don't smoke."
.... I won't know what to do if I'm successful. How do I live my life without my cigarettes?"
.... it will be painful to quit."
.... I might gain weight."
.... I've tried so many times, I might fail again."
.... I might lose control if I don't' smoke."
.... to quit because I think I'll die. My sister quit smoking and died ten years later. I'm afraid the same thing will happen to me." Some fears, like this one of dying in ten years, are irrational but that doesn't make them any less powerful. All fears are rooted in this feeling of dread and uneasiness that something "bad" is going to happen. Often the label of "bad" is used when really it is only that something "unknown" will happen. Sometimes instead of acknowledging the underlying fear, it's easier to feel angry, resentful, guilty or needy than it is to feel afraid, which just keeps you locked into smoking. How do you feel if you are out of cigarettes and there aren't any in the house? What do you think will happen if you can't smoke? What do you think will happen if you do quit? How do you feel about changing from a smoker to being a non-smoker?
Fear takes away your power for change and keeps you stuck where you are because fear implies vulnerability. Taking action in the face of fear takes courage: First, just to acknowledge you are fearful is courageous because it's hard to admit the vulnerabilities that fear exposes. Second, it takes courage to step outside your comfort zone and to do something about your fears, instead of staying stuck. While you may not know what there is to be afraid of, just the fear of the unknown is scary. Change is risky because you don't know what is on the other side of that change. Some smokers resist changing out of fear for a long time.
You can break through your fears once you identify what you are afraid of so you can begin to learn what tools you need to be successful at overcoming that fear. The fears of quitting usually fall into one of several categories: loss of approval, loss of control, loss of enjoyment and a lack of skills.(this is an excerpt from my "Crush your Butts " book--which covers the psychology behind successful quitting--I'll send a free copy to anyone who wants this one too).
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"I can't" versus "I don't want to" or "I'm unwilling to"
At the end of the first session of the stop smoking classes, Dorothy said, "I can't eat oranges because they give me hives. I can't eat carrots because I don't like them. I can't exercise because I don't have the time and I can't drink more water because I don't get bathroom breaks at work."
"What do you want from me?" I asked,
"I want you to tell me I can't quit." Dorothy said.
Saying you can't do something, is setting yourself up for failure because often you won't even try. The statement "I can't" means it is physically impossible to do something. All the things Dorothy said she couldn't do have nothing to do with whether she had the ability to quit smoking or not. Everything she mentioned was something she didn't want to do. She was making excuses because she really didn't want to quit. She didn't need to eat oranges or carrots, exercise or even drink water to be successful at quitting. Yet often when a smoker says "I can't" what they mean is "I don't want to". There is an unwillingness to try different skills because the motivation to quit is not as important as it is to continue smoking. When the desire to do something is strong, you find the ways and means of accomplishing what you want.
Jeff said almost the same thing as Dorothy, "I can't eat more fruits and vegetables."
Jeff had his lower jaw removed due to cancer caused by smoking. He had no bottom teeth to eat with and was on a totally liquid diet. It was physically impossible for him to eat fruits and vegetables.
"But I'm not going to let that stop me. I can do everything else because I want to quit" he said.
Sometimes saying "I can't" means, "I'm not willing to do this." But it's easier to say, "I can't" because that implies you're not responsible for the outcome. Once you say "I can" this means you take responsibility for your actions.
Rita was a middle aged woman who had returned to college. She smoked while she studied at her kitchen table and couldn't figure out how to avoid smoking there. I suggested she try studying at the library.
"Oh, I can't do that!" she said. It really didn't matter where Rita studied, what matter was she was her unwillingness to step out of her comfort zone to try new things to break her addiction to nicotine. Something as simple as moving to a different chair at her kitchen table may have been all she needed to break her pattern. So focus on what you can do and what you are willing to do, not what you are unwilling to do or don't want to do. There are always alternatives.
This is the reason why I rarely tell smokers exactly what to do for each cigarette they smoke. Because they may be unwilling to try, so the challenge is to find something you will do, not what you won't do.
John was in a class and kept saying "I can't quit". He really didn't want to quit but needed to stop for health reasons. He was smoking more by attending the class because he was thinking about cigarettes all the time. I told John every time he said "I can't" to change it to something that he could do, something he was willing to do.
Maybe you're in that same place, not quite ready to quit, but what can you do, what are you willing to do? Maybe, this is something simple such as waiting 5 minutes to light up after a craving hits. Maybe it is deciding to only smoke outside, or stop smoking in your car. Maybe it is working on your Reasons to Quit card and reviewing what's important to you, before lighting up. There are always alternatives when you say "I can" and no alternatives when you say, "I can't." When you really don't want to do something all kinds of rationalizations are used and are hidden behind the words, "I can't."
If you have been saying, "I can't quit smoking," change that phrase to, "I can quit; I'm working on finding the tools that are right for me. I'm willing to keep trying until I figure it out; regardless of how long it takes." You need to believe you can be successful at quitting. By taking small steps instead of leaping forward, you can build the confidence to quit. The process is easier as you change your belief from "I can't" to "I want to, I can and I'm willing."
Be a realistic optimist
Three months after Karen quit, she was disappointed because she was using one or two pieces of nicotine gum a day. She had expected to not need anything by that point. I reminded her that she had smoked for 50 years. It is unrealistic to think she would be able to change so quickly, instead she should rejoice at the progress she had made. Three months quit after 50 years of smoking, is a huge milestone.
Some unrealistic expectations about quitting are: underestimating how long it may take, how many times it takes to be successful, or what quitting should look like. Be willing to give up these beliefs. Be gentle with yourself. Think of all the years where cigarettes have played such a big role in your life. It takes time to learn how to be a non-smoker again. Often smokers give up too soon in their quest to be smoke-free by the unrealistic expectations they place on themselves. Remember the baby learning how to walk, the leg muscles take time to grow stronger and learn coordination. Learning how to become a non-smoker requires the same patience you would show that baby. How long do you let a baby fall on its butt before you start calling him a failure and tell him to give up?0 -
VJ, I,m not the Karen in you story, right? That would make me 90! lol. My computer is in the shop and I'm trying to use my DD's laptop that has no mouse jut this pain in the neck tap tap thing, so I may be MIA for a few days. I finally conquered that cold, it feels so good to be normal again. Hi seaside, always nice to see you back, Jo - tough week?, I'm glad it is Friday for you. Lisa, I thought just like you that I'd never be able to quit, so my daughter and I picked a quit date together, just like you having a partner in CindyD. My first step was to have the e cig ready, my second step was to wait 10 minutes after I wanted a cig., to light it, you can go in little tiny steps like that. Take as long as you need to, don't figure on a cold turkey approach, that was so scary to me too. Figure out your own set of doable third, then fourth steps, or you and Cindy figure them out together, don't forget you can PM each other to discuss it and vent to each other, as well as vent to all of us, we are all here for you. talk to all you when i get ny old, familiar computer back, Karen
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No Karen. All the people in the stories I use are real people but I didn't use their real names.
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Jo love the pic
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Jo.... Loved the pic!! You can just feel the joy!!! TGIF!
VJ... Thanks for the info... That subtle switch in internal dialogue from I can't do any of it to.... but I could do this one small thing today is HUGE.... And before you know it, those small steps add up to big results! Step by step and day by day!!
Since, i talked about my love for quotes.... Thought I would share one of my favorites and one that I have said more than once to myself when the going got tough.... "Nothing is Impossible.... The very word itself says "I'm Possible"...
Karen.... I must admit I did read the name in VJs story and thought of you... But I knew you didn't do the gum so it couldn't be you....lol
Sorry your computer is on the fritz.... Trying to use one you are not used to stinks but, better that than being without! My how life has changed in the last decade...lol0 -
In the winter months, my job is crazy busy for about 5 months and Fridays get to be the day that I look forward to. The pic was my end of the week happy dance. So glad everyone enjoyed it. I do like to throw in some fun stuff every now and then - I don't think anyone would mind too much.
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Can anyone recommend a specific e cigarette?
Cindy
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Dear Cindy, I ordered mine on-line, but it was expensive. I believe most smoke shops now carry them, check them out, ask the owner for his/her rec., make sure it has a step down in nicotine component to no nicotine. I believe Jo may be able to give you more info on those availailable in a smoke shop. It's' good you are formulating a plan. Keep up those baby steps, they will lead to bigger progress. Karen
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So today is like day 22 or 23 that I have been smoke free, yesterday was really hard, it was the first day since my surgery that I worked a full day, that would have been about 3/4 if a pack for me. I never smoked at home around my kids, they are all grown now but I still never smoked in front of them, oh they knew, because I am sure they smelled it, but it was a "secret" that we all kept. Anyway there were a few times yesterday that I almost bought a pack to have just that "one" just to see if it I still needed it. I resisted though, I have played this game before and I know that that one will turn into the whole pack before I can stop. I still wake up in the morning with the thought that I can't wait to get my coffee and have the first cig. then reality kicks in and I am a little dissapointed for a second. But, I can feel a definite difference in my breathing the last few days, it is so much better.
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Dear djerro, 22 or 23, that is a lifetime for a smoker, you are doing so well!!!!!!!! Those certain triggers, for ne it was the first with my coffee too, and the brief disappointment, you explained it so well, are so intense but you resist. The strength you are showing and the courage, you go girl does not sound strong enough for you, you are almost to a month! Djffro, you are doing a fantastic job, you non-smoker you.hugs, Karen
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Dear Jo, how goes your relaxing weekend? I''m getting a little used to this laptop, but still miss mine, hopefully it is fixable. I had no idea how many people you were responsible for, no wonder the high stress! My daughter was up here to visit and she was smoking, the craving was strong, just shows me how strong you must be, it's tough. Karen
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Cindy - If you search the internet, e-cigs will vary in price. The cheapest is not always the best. Get the one you can afford. It is the initial cost that is expensive but after that, if you calculate the cost of the smoke juice, etc it is pennies compared to the real thing. Like Karen said, I got mine in an electronics store in my local mall. I do believe some local smoke shops carry them as well. If you can get one locally, you are much better off particularly if you have problems with any of the components - then you don't have to wait for the mail. Also, make sure that whatever one you get, you can step down on the nicotine content.
Karen - Been busy today doing laundry and cleaning house. I had to fire my housekeeper - she just was not cleaning to my standards and I am not that picky. Have to go to Walmart after while and get some new lampsshades. The puppy was running around the other night and knocked a lamp off the table and broke the shade.. I have needed new shades for a long time - now is my excuse to get new ones.
djfrro - You really can do this. The more days that pass the easier it gets. I have those days as well and I live with a smoker. DH is still smoking in the house but confines it to the kitchen and my car is off limits. Stay strong and just take it one day at a time.
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Sunday morning greetings! Hope everyone is enjoying the weekend!
Yesterday I took some baby steps. Itty-bitty, teeny tiny baby steps...but big steps for me. I really want to get to a place where I can believe I can do this. Yesterday I took my son to his friend's house about 15 mins away, then had to run to 2 other stores. Normally I would smoke at each stop but I wanted to see if the cravings would go away if I was distracted with something else. And yes, they passed. Then when I got home, I had to work outside until dark helping to repair our bridge that was lost during Irene. I had my 1 smoke before I went out and told myself I could smoke if I wanted to (had them in my pocket) but again wanted to see if the cravings would pass with distraction. I made several trips back to the house for miscellaneous items (where I would typically light up) and told myself, "NO, maybe in a little while." I managed to go about 3 hours!
Today not doing as well but I needed to know that cravings do pass. On the other hand, I had my smokes with me and kept saying "You can smoke if you want to but you are choosing not to at this particular moment."
So I know this is really minor in the grand scheme of things but it was a step for me. What I learned from that little experiment was that distraction helped.
Just wanted to share and hoping these little things will help me when I finally settle on a quit date.
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Lisa -That is fantastic that you could do that. Little steps - big victories. You are going about this the right way. This is one beast that is hard to get rid of but can be done.
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Thanks Jo! Since I have never quit smoking even for one single day, I thought it would be helpful in at least identifying the triggers. I'm trying to put each one off, even if just for a few minutes. (For instance, I am getting ready to get dressed to go help with the bridge. Normally I would run outside and take a few puffs, THEN get dressed. But now I'm going to put off this smoke until I am fully dressed.) Minor, I know... but baby steps!
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Lisa - The hardes trigger for me was the car. Now that I use an e-cig it is not so bad. I don't always puff on it in the car but it is in my purse just in case. Everytime you put off that cig for even a few minutes - that is progress in the right direction. We all have tio find a method or methods that work for us. Hang in there and stay strong. HUGS
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Oh Lisa, two days of baby steps, you are doing it, not baby steps for you but a chage in attitude, that is a major step, you are using the cigs. as a binkie! Some day you will be ready for the e cig binkie. You are doing great, still don't have my computer back, so I will not be on as much, but you keep going girl, YAY. Karen
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Oh Lisa, two days of baby steps, you are doing it, not baby steps for you but a change in attitude, that is a major step, you are using the cigs. as a binkie! Some day you will be ready for the e cig binkie. You are doing great, still don't have my computer back, so I will not be on as much, but you keep going girl, YAY. Karen
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Lisa,, oh I'm so thrilled for you..your making the choice, moments suddenly add up to big steps...Stay strong. You made my day... Go girl...
Malle0 -
well said, Malle.
hello Jo. I told ya I was lurking here. great info.
good luck to all quitters! i hope to join you all real soon!
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Dara - You can join us anytime. We can help you with that first step. Come back anytime.
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going to be another hard day, getting ready to head out to work. Will be in the car alot, my usual smoking time.
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djfrro - Driving was my biggest trigger - now I have an e-cig and that takes care of that problem.
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OMG!! I have such a hard time not smoking in the AM... got really annoyed at myself today after smoking probably 4 in a 30 minute period... I found a box of Nicotine Patches I bought several months ago. I figured I'm home all day - put one on and see what happens. Well. What DIDN'T happen! I have not had a cigarette since 9:30 this morning (EST)!!! And I was around 2 guys working on my bridge today that were chain smoking! I kinda want a cigarette (because it just seems like that's what I'm supposed to do) but I will leave this thing on for another half hour.
I must say I have quite the buzz going on... I am a "smoke as soon as feet hit the floor" smoker, about a pack a day and put on a 21mg patch. I REALLY think I can go without cigarettes if I keep this on. But I have a feeling they are too strong.
I have never done this before...ever.....ever....EVER! I have had nicotine gum that just made me sick... I can't believe I went all day!!! Now... here's the bad part.... (go ahead and smack me....get the ruler) - I am getting ready to take this thing off! I put it on this morning because I wanted to see if it would help, pretty sure that it wouldn't.. It did. But boy do I want that one cigarette before I go to bed!!
So....should I set my quit date and start with the 21mg (that I'm using now) and be in lala land all day? Or try Step 2 and hope that works equally as well? Don't get me wrong, I definitely want a cigarette but I'm afraid of a nicotine overdose if I do. I guess I could always try Step 2 and if it's not as effective go back to this one?
But this gives me confidence that I can do this with NRT (but still need to be nicotine free to have the DIEP!)
BUT I AM TRYING!!!!! Proud of me today!!!! (And I'm sorry if this message is loopy - it's the patch!) LOL
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