Exchange City
Comments
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Man what is it with this crying thing....all day I was teary and I felt like I couldn't find a room to be by myself and just cry. I hate that my family doesn't understand why I want to cry and I hate that I feel like I have to explain it. I hate the fact that everybody is so proud of me for being so strong when in fact there are times I just flat out don't want to be strong. urgh!
Thank you girls for being here to vent to. Like Laura says....all together now, BREAST CANCER SUCKS!!!
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Laura- thanks for the input- I did make an interview with him- he is about 45 minutes from me. I have a call into Tracey but she must be on a trip because I haven't heard back yet about her story. But I am going over there to meet with him!!! I just know the guy I am going to and I have communication problems and I just need to be able to talk better with my PS!
Jean- I cry at inappropriate times too. I think it all catches up with us sometimes. We are trying to live normal lives but have been going through a lot. It is so overwhelming to make some decisions and I think at some point there is a breaking point!!! Also to see hatefullness in others is not pleasant at all. I have some gossipy/mean neighbors and just to see their true spirit is hard to watch. Granted I have also been surrounded by beauty but the meanness in others is hard when you are going through so much!
Bukki- thanks for that- I feel the same way- I would want my patient to participate with me?! I guess there is a bit of an ego with this guy- but he has not shown me pictures or let me see the TE's and/or implants. I really need to see all this stuff and take more of a participating role. Maybe not all women are like that but that is my personality and he is making a ton of money off me and is working for me!!!! I need to feel good before going under the knife again!!!!
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Deborah- I knew you would appreciate/understand my need to get a doctor who will participate with me!!! I would like to trust my PS because I do really like him - he is very personable - but you are right in the end it is not about that now- I need to see pictures...hold implants...talk about what is going into my body- what is happening with the divot- all very normal seeming questions to me!!! So I need a guy who can sit down and explain all that to me!!! I should have done all this in the beginning but just went to the guy my BS liked. Now I am looking outside of the hospital she works out of and at many more options. I am sure I will find the right fit. I feel the same way- he messed up- (maybe) put the wrong type in so I have to go through another surgery and now I need answers!!! I don't care that he is frustrated and he should never tell that to a patient!!! It is frustrating to start over but I feel OK with it and need to follow my gut on this!! I think in the long run it will only cost me a couple more months of wearing the TE's and that's OK if I get a doctor I feel OK with going into surgery! Thanks for all your input!!
BTW-the second opinion doc told me he also used to use SSP's that they are an old company and that the reason he switched was that the mentor guy bugged him so much that he finally couldn't take it any more! So, I guess SSP's are OK?! But believe me I will be asking because I no longer want that brand in me!0 -
6/11 - Hood1980 - Implant one side to balance the other
6/13 - qutpy - Exchange surgery
Good luck to those of you having surgery this week
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I am w/ KMMD, Hood adn Qutpy - Best wishes this week!
Yvonne - Congratulations and wow - I am so relieved you are okay. Thank goodness!
Ladies - Thanks for all the kind words and support. At least I feel like I am not alone in the crying bit. Hugs!!!
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Jean, I'm so sorry that happened to you, but it sounds like it's been building up for quite a while and you've been keeping so busy it just snuck up on you when you least expected it! Did you at least feel a little better afterwards? I hope so.
Jazzy, I know how you feel, when you can't find a private place to cry without having to explain what's wrong, I usually end up in the bathroom. The threat of cancer never goes away, it's always looking over our shoulder, but it's hard to explain to our loved ones, who just want it to be put behind us and get on with life. Hope you're feeling better, oh, and I saw your pics and you do not look fat! I knew it!
Cheri, good luck with finding the perfect PS for you!
Yvonne! I'm so glad you weren't hurt in your wreck! Congratulations on your new grandchild! That will be a great story to tell her when she's old enough! Hope your new ones are safe. You waited long enough for them!
Everyone, I am 6 days out of surgery, feel pretty good. I posted pics on the forum, if you're interested. Thanks for all of your support through this.
Deen
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Hi all,
Thanks for all the support and words of experience about the "iron bra phenomenon". I just need to know it WILL go away. I've been reading your posts and it quite a trying journey, huh? I feel so headstrong about -- "Well if the implants don't work out, I'm done -- no fixing, I want to move on" -- but I'm learning that really I'll know nothing if and until I am there. No early decisions for me, just listening and learning.
As for the crying jags a number of you have mentioned -- I'm with you. I do think part of that is the body releasing stress and also a physical reaction to the trauma of the experience. When I just start crying out of nowhere and can't figure out why - "Huh? What's this?" - I think it is my body just expressing it's own levels of grief and sadness. I'm just trying to roll with it.
Oh!!!! and someone mentioned - Cheri2 - about hateful people and about how gossip and all that bothers one more. I am absolutely feeling that. There is something about this experience that has caused me to go deeper inside (and I practice meditation, etc.) than ever before and I am acutely aware of any "toxicity" around me. Darkness, pettiness - I'm lucky not to have too much of it in my life (after years of setting boundaries) but when it shows up - POW! - undeniable poison. Can't have it. I feel too precious now.
I feel so honored to be able to be here with you all!!!!!! So grateful.
Beautiful sunny warm day in Providence, RI. Hope it's lovely where you are too!!!!!!!!!
Geena
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Welcome baby Ella--I love the name!
Hugs, Jean, you are going through so much with your work and bc airports make even the strongest cry! I hope you have a wonderful Sunday and feel rested. I know when I get back to work I'm going to me more emotional because of the stress and, well even good work, is tiring, and that makes us vulnerable to our emotions.
Jazzy--I owe you a PM. I get what you are saying, my friends keep telling me how strong and resilient I am, and I think I am on some days, but often I silently think to myself I wish I didn't have to be so strong and resilient. I think people think we are so strong because we are, but also because we are being strong for others, when what we might really need is to just crater. Last night I sat back and allowed myself to feel the feelings I had when my PCP called me and gave me my dx--I just felt the feelings and sobbed.
I do have a great therapist to talk with, but I asked the question yesterday if many of you are still emotional, mostly because I think so much of all you, I wanted to take a pulse on where I might be in the healing process. The oncology nurse at the hospital where I've had all my work done emailed me the other day and responded telling her this and that, and she emailed me back and said, "You sound great, you are clearly thinking like a survivor, and that's just where you should be." OK.
Deborah--Maybe we should be marrying a PS! I would be happy to marry a PS, geez, I'd be happy with a nice dinner date and good conversation.
Love--Karen
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Geena--Loved what you just wrote about boundaries, and your body expressing itself. Thank you, you are precious.
Hugs--Karen
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Hi Ladies,
Recovering from my exchange on 5/29 (I think I had it posted as 5/30, too much on my plate) anyway I watched the massage video which was much more helpful than anything. I forgot to ask the doctor about the massage when i went in thursday to get the drains out and read somewhere about massage. so I called the office later and they said oh yes you massage 2 weeks after suregry. sometimes i feel like if you don't know the questions to askthen nobody tells you anything! I love my PS and know he is very good, but you all know it all!
Wearing a sports bra for 2 weeks then I graduate to any style I would like to wear. Bra suggestions? My real question is....on the out sides of my breast, (where my arms are) especially on the left, it goes in, is that what some are calling a divot? It is more on my left than on my right side. I did not go very large, 350 Naturelle hp silicon implants.Still swollen, friday it was one week and they are starting to come into shape more. Last question? Is it alright to sleep on my side, it hurts, but I am so tired of sleeping on my back since December! My next PS appt. is one week before my tattoo and nipple in late July, is that normal? My husband took out 2 girls to the beach this past week and came home last night, it is nice to have them home, sort of lonely by myself!
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Yvonne-good news and bad news, why do they come inpairs? Congrats on the new grandbaby, aren't they fun when they are someone elses responsibility? So glad you are safe. You must have a guardian angel watching over you!
Jean - I cried every day for 3 months straight, but I am MUCH better now after 8 weeks of counselling, antidepressants, sleeping pills, and ativan as needed (aren't drugs great?)
Robin0 -
Thanks everyone for your responses. My swap out surgery will be June 11th and it can't get here quick enough for me! I had my mastectomy in November so I've been boobless now for going on 7 months! The TE's have been most uncomfortable and I won't miss the "iron bra" feeling! Especially since the Left one sprung a leak and deflated.
My PS told me to plan on 7-10 days off of work, so that's the number I told my co-workers. Don't want to rush back into things and end up being sorry later! I love reading everyone's posts. It gives me more of an idea of what to expect. 0 -
to NVDiane: I know how you feel about co-workers. Mine were completely supportive at first. Now, they're tired of me having to be gone for all of the drs. appt's that I have. It's not like I planned on getting BC so that I could have some time off of work! This is a club that no one ever wants to join, but here we are. Hang in there and know that there will be light at the end of the tunnel!
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(((Yvonne,))) Congratulations on the new grand daughter, if you get a chance, upload a picture of baby Ella. Sorry about the accident, put I am so thankful that you are safe and that you nor anyone else sufferered major injuries.
(((Geena))) WOW! you said some powerful things today that hit home with me. The darkness and pettiness of others can affect me sometimes, but your response to Cheri and cookymkr were so helpful to me right now. Your observations put a lot of stuff in perspective for me regarding work relationships. Jan
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Yvonne--I'm so glad you are OK! I got so excited reading about the baby, that everything that came after that was a blur. I'm sorry. Someone is watching over you. Hug the baby, and go car shopping. Do post pictures when you can!
Hugs,
Karen
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YVONNE!!!! OMG.... Lady... PRAISE GOD>.. WOW.. you need to BE CAREFUL!!!!! BE CAREFUL!!!!!! SLOW DOWN G.am! I am soooooo happy you are ok....
And to Ella... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.. I am so happy for you!
I am scolding G.MA though.... SLOW DOWN!
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Cheri: Your PS' comments to you....that is what frosted me! A medical professional does not say that to a woman who has been diagnosed with breast cancer! We had no choice about getting breast cancer. We have no choice about whether the cancer returns. But we do have a choice about what we want our breasts to look like after we lose the ones we came into this world with because of this disease! We need to have some place in all of this cancer stuff where we feel we can have some control of the outcome. To be denied this is outrageous.
Yvonne: Praise God for sparing YOUR life and for the new life in the form of Baby Ella!
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I agree Deborah.. Cheri's PS ........bleck.
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YVONNE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So thankful that noone was hurt......Congrats on little Ella.......
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wow someonr is watching over us Yvonne...
Jean you tell your old partner to leave you alone or he may someday see a mob of ta ta sisterhoods after him
take care everyone
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Just a quick check-in on my way to bed to let you all know I'm still here! Been busy caring for my daughter--very stressful, since she doesn't have insurance and we're paying for all her treatment while trying to keep on top of all my medical expenses. Not sure how long I can keep this up, but you do what you have to do.
My fat grafting seems to be successful--it was on May 27th--the area is still a little tender, but the bruises are almost gone, and I'm very happy to have my cleavage back! I see my PS in about 3 months to decide on nipple recon--told him I'm not sure I want to bother, and he said he'd be talking me into it--explained how the incisions work and the tattooing covers the scars. We'll see--just happy to be surgery-free for a while.
I'll try to catch up with more of your posts and reply to them--thanks for your patience! Lots of exchanges this week--best wishes to all of you!
Suzie
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Hi all,
I'm getting so much out of being here. JAN - it takes BALLS to be so strong with the docs. Good for you! I am inspired by that.
I'm seeing my PS for the first time since getting out of the hospital after bilat mx and expander placement today. I'm nervous. This process has been so physically painful for me. Right now there is a FABULOUS dome growing towards the top of my left expander, slowly filling out in a lovely watermelon color. Somehow I don't think this is normal....
The adventure continues!!!! Geena
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Hi Girls,
I have been reading your emails about crying at different points and wanted to jump in. Having to go through this TE process twice had been a real "tear motivator" to me. It seemed like I had been doing better, but lately (7 months) I feel less and less like a conquorer.
I had been putting a few posts on the "I was fine, but 6 months later..." site. It really helped to see others who voiced the same feelings that I have had, especilally when many friends ect. expect you to put it all behind you, because, after all I had the "good" cancer. Even though we make efforts to be normal in public, as we all know, it is far from over for us.
My husband (without me knowing) actually signed onto the forum and wrote a touching piece.(Rossb) Even though he's my DH, it helped me to see his thoughts in print. Some of you ladies might enjoy reading his post. He also recommends a particular book for husbands that helped him a lot.
Many of you seem to be so close and have developed such deep relationships. Your ties are evident from all the posts you write to each other. I think it is great that some of you are planning to get together in Vegas. After all we've been through it was time to think BIG!
Candi
Candi
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Thanks for the well wishes everyone!!! Come on Thursday!
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How exciting Joyce/Hood... wahooooooo
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OK- I have made 3 consultation appts (one is with Tracey's PS) for the week I get back from FLA!!!! Wahoooo!!! I am on my way to finding a better PS!!! I am hoping they can get me in and switch out these TE's soon after!!! My under arms are very uncomfortable!!! I will keep you all posted and am very excited to get some control of this! My insurance company will pay for as many second opinion appts. necessary!!!
Geena- yes poison/toxicity- I feel that too and it is a strange super power I now possess- I can see a person's soul!!! From old friends, to church friends, to neighbors- I can see them clearly now- it gets a bit overwhelming sometimes and we just need to cry!!!! Some have been amazingly beautiful - some ugly- and yes a lot of friends have been move to the acquaitance list and a lot of acquaitances have now been moved to the great friends list! Well maybe I have two super powers- I now possess metal cracking- run into walls and don't feel them boobs!
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Hey, y'all! Just got back late last night after being gone for a wonderful week of much-needed family togetherness! My dh and beautiful boys (21 and 17) and I talked a lot about how this cancer journey has changed us all - and a lot of it in good ways. Funny, a friend who was dx'd a year before me told me that I would feel amazingly blessed throughout this whole experience. I thought she was crazy at that time, but now I can absolutely see what she meant.
Seems like I've missed a lot this past week! Mostly good stuff, though, which makes me happy. Congrats on the successful surgeries and dates (YIPPEE LAURA!!) Hope everyone is hanging in there......
I will make one recommendation..... be careful if you fly within 24 hours of a fill - the air pressure changes are not fun!! (Luckily it didn't last too long...
Cheri - I though of you when we passed the Great Bridge exit! Sorry I didn't have the opportunity to catch up with you this time. Maybe next year......(with our new soft foobs, no less!)
Val
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cheri- Where in FL are you going? West Coast? JUDY
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Val - thanks so much for the fill recommendation before flying. I am scheduled the day before I leave to fly to the beach - doesn't sound like that will be fun.
Denise
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Judy- I think your article is great and so are you for being so strong and positive.
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