Can we have a forum for "older" people with bc?
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I tried going back to see what I’ve last posted but couldn’t find anything. We had a great weekend in our downtown, which has bounced back from the flooding in remarkable time. Friday night tree lighting and a Beatles tribute band. Saturday a Memphis Motown Soul group that I sang and semi danced through.
At the one event we were with friends and made friends w a couple sharing a bench with us. The woman had super short hair, and as it turned out they were both from further upstate NY than us. Long story short - she has been dx with triple negative BC. She’s done 7 months of chemo and is scheduled to go in on 12/22 for a double mastectomy. She explained no expanders, she’s going flat and will deal with whatever comes her way. Any of us here who have had a MX who could give me some ideas of what, if anything, I could give her to help her through. I have offered to pick her up anything she needs, they live in the next gated development, and I think he still works. (she stayed in FL for treatments and I think he picked up a job to stay busy) Any ideas will be helpful.
I’m up to 3.6 miles on my bike. This FitBit really tracks you; GPS mapped. I’ve done what feels like a dozen projects around here - some easier than others. Still have more. No Christmas stuff up yet, I still have my glass pumpkins out. I remember those erasers w the brush. In high school the first time I used an electric typewriter I think I typed the same letter 5+ times in a row. Ssssss. Health insurance, I carry as a retiree from the state of NY. It’s a very good plan and I don’t look forward to Medicare. OH, Santa sent me an iRobot vacuum Wee oh, my house was dusty/dirty and full of my hair. It fit under the guest bed where my regular vacuum doesn’t fit. Just saying, I love it. Named it Rosie for the Jetson’s but think maybe it could have been Mr. French.
Next read I promise to take notes. I think I’m 4 pages behind at least. Be well!
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Sandy, my DH and I had season tickets to the Kimmel Center in Philadelphia. We really enjoyed the orchestra and actually came to know the musicians, not my name, but we recognized them and noticed when someone was missing. They used to have a restaurant there and we had dinner with family and saw the orchestra perform Handle’s Messiah. I think they closed the restaurant prior to Covid. I saw Ravi Shankar perform there twice. We had balcony boxed seats which had movable chairs and were more comfortable. I don’t know what made me think of this but we liked being up higher, better view and one never wants to sit in the first few rows of singing is involved because “spit happens.”
I do hope you get to see you doctor soon so you can get your bum taken care of! Sounds awful!Cindy, my first concert was the Beatles at JFK Stadium in Philly. Still have my ticket stub, including taxes, $5! Also, very cool about your biking! I can’t wait to get back to exercising again. I found out the gym I used to go to accepts Silver Sneakers so I can go back therefor free! Something to look forward to!
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"Spit happens." LOL! I remember when I was in my college classical choir, one of the pieces we did was Brahms' Ein Deutsches Requiem. None of us were native German-speakers, and we soon discovered that the pronunciation was definitely, uh, "juicier," than the Yiddish that allowed half of us to translate the lyrics. Our conductor, dissatisfied with our half-assed elocution, declared "Spit. It. Out. I wanna see rainbows in the footlights!"
One thing that my BFF who opted for a BMX and stay "flat" said helped her deal with the drains was a pair of slings that her neighbor made for her out of kids' pocketed washcloths and grosgrain ribbon. She was able to put the "bulb" ends of the drains into the pockets and then wear them over each shoulder (the ribbons functioning as straps) in the shower. She also liked a few blouses that had interior pockets to hold the drains during the day (and served as bed-jackets when she'd sleep on her back to keep the drain tubes from loosening). Her hospital also gave her a drain-holding camisole that came padded with "foobs." She remarked they were bigger than the breasts she had removed.
As for me, Scanxiety 2022 is now history. Just got the report back from this afternoon's annual bilateral screening mammo: no change, BIRADS 2. Repeat in 1 year. Celebrating with a slice of Hoosier Mama/Dollop Cafe's passionfruit meringue pie. (Had the news been worrisome, the pie would have served as comfort food). I took a couple of carb-blockers first. Back to "dead animals & leaves" in the morning. (Next slice? After next year's mammo, either way).
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OMG, Sandy, we must be on the same wavelength tonight! I just remembered I never commented on the things for mastectomy that Cindy asked about, and got back on the computer to suggest something to hold the drains for the shower or tops with inside pockets. I actually bought two of those shirts from Amazon for my October mastectomy, but the surgical bra they gave me had velcro pockets attached so I didn't need the shirts, and thankfully I never got rid of my belt for in the shower to hold the drains. Too funny about your "spit-it-out" experience! Going to bed with a smile on my face tonight! Thanks!
One thing I was given for my recent mastectomy was a pillow for the car to keep the seat belt strap from putting pressure on the incisions. Just another idea. My very talented SIL made some for me.
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chisandy - for my drain I had a drain tool belt my PS gave me. It was mesh so I could wear in the shower, tied in the back. I had two so I switched to a dry one every day. I wore it under baggy shirts. I think you can can get them at Amazon. I also purchased a mastectomy pillow from Amazon. It covered my entire chest and was lightweight. I was concerned about protecting myself from jumping kittens.
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I came across this Crochet Boob Pattern | How to Knit or Crochet a Breast Prosthesis (headcovers.com) when I was weighing my options.
I have lost some weight since all that. I have sewn a pad into my bras. I only had two pads so my bra with a missing hook (loop?) is temporarily retired.
I just switched insurance companies and my new one pays for transportation, so I rescheduled my mammo for next month. Nobody liked my old insurance. My previous one triggered PTSD (if you know my history). United Health Care. Now I will have Anthem BCBS.
Since starting the cbd/thc gummies for sleep, my Fitbit refused to track my sleep because it was so much different. I even had to sign back into my account. I am going to carefully wean myself to a smaller dosage of gabapentin. The $50 I spent on the gummies will go far. I have them cut into fourths and take two 1/4ths, one at bedtime, the other when I wake up early. I may be able to reduce that, too. My Fitbit finally accepted that I am me. I slept 7 1/2 hours.
We haven't seen posts from Colorado Cindy for quite a while. I certainly hope she is OK.
I am walking further now. Sunday I walked downtown with some friends to check out a house that burned. We were discussing whether it is repairable. No, it is a teardown. It was a VA group home and started in the smoking shed. They fought the fire from inside, to prevent destruction of personal possessions. The people who run it are looking for a new house. They lived onsite. There are a lot of rambling old houses in town, and many are converted to apartments. Yesterday I did half an hour on the treadmill after seniors class.
My son asked for a statistics textbook, some jerky, and two different brands of chewing gum for Christmas. My daughter has asked for the most beautiful sari made into wide-leg pants.
A friend has also asked for something made from that-- and promises to pay. She is visually handicapped but loves to dress up. Prefers bright colors. I steered her away from a bright red, which she wanted to have from neck to knees.
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We need to promote greater tolerance and understanding among the peoples of the world. Nothing can be more dangerous to our efforts to build peace and development than a world divided along religious, ethnic or cultural lines. In each nation, and among all nations, we must work to promote unity based on our shared humanity.
Kofi Annan0 -
Well, the problem I had that was "all behind me" yesterday is history--it popped when I squatted to feed Heidi for the third time in two minutes. Cleaned and dressed it and it was gone by morning.
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chisandy, I am glad that is "behind you". Sounds painful.
maverick, I had one of those velcro special bras. It made my life easier.
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Heidi is good for you. You ought to promote her to the position of "Best Doctor in the House" or something like that.
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I played 18 holes of golf yesterday and came home sweaty with a back ache. Nothing else I normally do causes my back to ache. Maybe if I played better, my back wouldn't complain! LOL. I have lost my passion for golf but it was a nice day to be out on the course, if a bit too humid, hence the perspiring. I played with two women who were pleasant company. Thanks to the summer like weather, the greens and fairways are green not a winter brown.
Today I plan to go the gym for some exercise, Lately I've been skipping the senior classes and doing my own cardio on the upright bike and the treadmill. I should do the machines for strength exercise, badly needed at my age, but I have to force myself. The cardio is more mindless with tv and ear buds for distraction.
One of my doctors increased my new second BP med and the BP is coming down into a more acceptable range. If I shed some lbs, I possibly could drop the 2nd med. but shedding lbs is easier to talk about than to do. DH and I enjoy a cocktail at night and I would feel deprived giving up those empty calories. We never have dessert except for a small piece of dark chocolate after dinner. I put the gradual weight gain over the past ten years to age and less activity. I once stayed busy all day working in the yard and the house and playing golf or tennis. Now I work a couple of hours and rest.
Wishing everyone a good Wednesday.
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Like most people, Aunt Hattie Mae explained, I saw my mistakes as failures--setbacks and defeats to disappoint, depress, or demoralize me. What they really are, however, are opportunities. Because it is from our mistakes that we learn the lessons we need to develop and grow. . . . Mistakes aren't just our teachers; they're also our motivators. They cause us to reexamine our choices, revise our plans, and, in some cases, reconsider the way we live our lives. And change them for the better. . . . The person who makes no mistakes doesn't usually make anything. And when you learn to see your mistakes for what they are--compulsory education--the harder you fall, the higher you'll bounce.
Patti LaBelle0 -
Good for you Sandy. Glad things are BACK to a more normal on the backside. During my quieter getting well days this past yr. I had a time of having to use a whole lot of Destyn for a bottom that was getting a lot of pressure 24 hrs. a day. It was a big relief to finally be able to quit smearing that white sticky cream all over.
Also know the feeling of seeing (thank goodness it has been minor this last yr..) the scale move the wrong way due to far less activity. I have some of it going on right now. Lately I've just been less inspired to do things. The desire is there, but it can fade so easily. Any little slow down and I'm ready to just go sit. I hope I can get a little inspiration going soon. I don't want too much piling up on me.
Going to go to Marion for my eye exam tomorrow. Hope the weather cooperates. It sounds like we could have rain. Warm enough though not to have anything worse from it. Then on the 15th. I will go have another bladder scope. This time it will done under local. I'm not real fond of that, but lately we have had great results from the tests and don't want to use un-necessary anesthesia. The whole thing goes slower when I am awake. I will I think have to go back to the ear Dr. as well. Still having I think excessive wax in my ear. Grrr. I was looking forward to less sociability needed from medical areas. Well, hopefully it will get resolved soon enough.
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Mary, my kitties are my assistant physical therapists.
Just read a "Real Self" article by someone documenting her Ozempic experience for weight loss. She is neither diabetic nor prediabetic, and reports that despite losing six lbs. and two inches off her waist, her dress size has not changed--she is still a ....wait for it....size 6/Medium!!! She has been taking a "compounded" version prescribed by a med-spa doctor here in Chicago. I am the same height as her, three clothing sizes larger (depending on style and mfr.--and the age of the item--either two or four sizes larger), and my BMI and a1c don't qualify me for a legitimate prescription--which would be unavailable should I become diabetic or officially obese. I find this person's vanity, and her doctor's indulgence, utterly deplorable. So should obese and/or type 2 diabetic people!
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Good Morning everyone! Sun is already out here, and I am sooo glad. I need the positive vibes the sun gives off!
Yesterday I had a visit with PS PA for a fill, thought it would be my last, but I need at least one more. Not bad news except the next fill is on my first day back at work! So, my kind PA agreed to come in early to do my fill, and I have a 7:30 AM appointment. I may be late for work, but it shouldn't be an issue. I emailed my boss and told him the I might be late. If it isn't ok just to be late and make up the time, then I will take a half sick day my first day back on the job, ugh. I hope it's okay.
My stomach has been in knots for the past few weeks. I know it is time to retire, I also know I need to go back to work and that I need a second surgery. Too much to deal with retirement and surgery at the same time. They haven't filled my job in weeks, so doubtful they will get a sub to fill in for the aprox 4-6 weeks off for the next surgery. I am hoping for no more than 4 weeks off plus one over spring break. On the other hand, they are having trouble hiring staff too, so doubtful that my position would be filled even if I retired early.
My friend and co-worker told me to do things with my best interest as a priority. She is right. It is my future, and my DH's, that I am facing. Not ideal for the students but they will survive. It isn't as if I wanted to get breast cancer for a third time! I still can't help but wish I could sue my former BS for lying to me as the impact it has had on me and so many others is overwhelming at times. Why couldn't I have been offered a bilateral mastectomy with tissue expanders the first time? To find out he lied saying it was FCCC policy and then going through the DIEP reconstruction on one side, is a difficult pill to swallow. Since he is deceased, not sure I would even have a case. I thought I let go of the regret, but when I see how it impacted my retirement and pension, it really makes that difficult to do.
Sandy, as someone who is obese, that "Real Self" article would make me mad too! I normally eat healthier and smaller portions than all of my normal weight friends, but I had thyroid issues as a kid and now lymphedema out the wazoo, so extremely difficult to lose weight enough to be considered simply "over-weight." Even so, it doesn't stop me from trying and that is my goal, but not using Ozemic, thank you very much! Errrr I feel sorry for you!!!!
Mary, you are so very talented! So nice to read your posts!
illinoislady, hope you have a safe trip to Marion today! Wishing you the best!
carole, 18 holes! Wow, I don't think I could do one as I am terrible at golf! I am definitely going back to exercising as soon as possible.
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Sandy, yes, especially once they get busy with kneading. I remember how my babies kneaded my breasts to encourage more milk. Tippy is my assistant athletic trainer, and personal scheduling assistant.
I have started taking CBD/THC gummies for sleep. 1/4 at bedtime, and 1/4 when I wake up during the night. My sleep has normalized to a level I haven't experienced for years. I have been reducing my meds, but I'm having problems with depression and anxiety. A lot of it is about issues in my life I have been too exhausted to resolve during my waking hours.
My PSA hasn't told me yet, but it is time to do a "sniff & pee". Then I eat breakfast and go to the gym. Another "s&p" when I get home. Then I will be writing.
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Good morning. It is a pretty day. I am going to do some shopping, take a walk, go to the library and have lunch with a friend. Hoping for a very pleasant day. Friday is the cardiovascular surgeon for my veins. I haven't seen her for a long while.
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Not knowing the full background history on a rescue dog makes for periods of uncertainty with their behaviors. We do know that she was attacked at a dog park, recovered and then taken back into the same park which triggered reactive dog syndrome. She also was housed with some pugs which was an untenable situation for both parties. Seems she may have spent a great deal of time crated to separate her from the pugs and while they worked. We are taking her to classes to help her adjust to being the best she can be by having confidence and to work on reducing her reactivity. She has made great progress in behavioral training, adjusting to my DH (she was male aversive initially) and yet, if another dog invades her personal space zone, she is still reactive. She growls, hasn't lashed out but the tail goes back between the legs. Last night she had reacted twice before we were doing the exercise on sit, stay and then long distance come (on long leash). This woman with this tiny cute yapper decides she needs to visit the aisle we are practicing on and the trainer asks me to call her to run past this yapper. Not happening because this dog was on a retractable leash (what was this woman thinking?) and felt like it had to defend the aisle as its property. So we waited until the woman left and she did well. So once she is triggered, she develops a protective stance and hugs the one side of the aisle while scanning the other side "on guard" behaviors. So while we are making forward progress in some areas, there are some backward steps at every class due to reactivity and she is exhausted by the end of the hour. She will graduate from this class next week and as much as we would like to take her to the next class, intermediate, the timing is an issue due to us traveling in January. This class would teach more about leash walking control, etc. which she needs. I may be able to get DD to cover some classes.
DD brought her leftover pumpkins here and they out them in the woods for the deer. The deer have had the best time. DSIL was able to smash the one but the largest one was left to soften but the deer knocked it off the stump he had left it on and pushed it around until they smashed it. The large shell is in the process of being eaten but the smaller one was gone quickly. Wonder of we will have pumpkin vines sprout next spring due to seeds they missed? Wish I had a few more pumpkins to put in the woods since this has been fun to watch.
DS and I went to Costco for the first time in nearly 3 years. I stocked up and shared some of my bounty with DD. I love their pumpkin pies and probably got my last one for this year. He has been making runs for us but this was something we did together in the past and I missed it. Sadly, they discontinued their Italian sausage sandwiches which were so delicious and large enough that we usually split one. Being a weekday, I thought it might be less crowded and it was, but there were still quite a few people there and only a few of us opted to be masked.
The rain has finally blown out and the sun is out again after 2 dismal days. High in the low 50's is predicted so I hope to get outside for some fresh air. The dampness has done a job on my knees so walking for the past 2 days has been uncomfortable even with Voltaren gel.
Hope everyone has an enjoyable day.
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It is fear, I think, that makes one cling nostalgically to the last moment or clutch greedily toward the next. Fear destroys "the winged life." But how to exorcise it? It can only be exorcised by its opposite, love. When the heart is flooded with love there is no room in it for fear, for doubt, for hesitation. And it is this lack of fear that makes for the dance. -Anne Morrow Lindbergh
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I am so enjoying everyone's posts. Just what is needed after a day that seemed over-long. It started raining last night and rained all the way to Marion. A little fog here and there with it. When it wasn't actually raining it misted enough to have to activate the wipers every so often. All we needed to do was get my eye exam. I have cataracts, but the right eye is worse than the left. They are not in a hurry to do the rt. eye since technically I don't see clearly in the left eye (lazy eye) that apparently got lazy when I had rheumatic fever at the age of 8. Found too late to do much about.
Since it was rainy and gray, we opted for dilation with one drop in each eye rather than two which worked out well. Dh makes me really nervous when he drives, and I avoid having him do it as much as I can. It was challenging for a little bit but then got fine. Got home late so I will be skipping one my heart pills (day time dos) because it is such a hassle when we go to Marion to get them all in properly. I'll just take the bedtime last dose. Had little salt today since we were off eating schedules as well.
Betrayal, I feel so for Regan. Just thinking of our Bill who took such a long time to trust although he and I bonded so quickly. He would hide behind me and wait for cues from me as to whether to slowly approach strangers, especially males. I hope Regan can get there or at least a whole lot closer. Sounds like she was left in an in-adequate situation for a long time and certainly didn't understand what must have seemed a bit like punishment having to spent large blocks of time in a crate. I was told that to dogs, mere minutes can seem like hours. Hopefully she will realize SHE doesn't have to take it upon herself to handle these things and that you are ready, willing and able to assist her all the way to success that was denied before.
I'm on the next page and true to form have forgotten everything I thought to say. Just know that I noted each and every one and did enjoy reading your entries and hearing about your day.
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Sandy I think I saw something on tv about people taking the diabetes drug to lose weight. I swear they said Elon Musk had used it. I can’t imagine at this juncture in my life, fat belly roll and all, taking any drug I wasn’t medically required to take.
I met with my triple negative bc friend. Her and her husband made their way to a store locally specializing in mastectomy product. She says she purchased a few items but was looking at Amazon for the bra, unless insurance can cover it.
Jackie, I’m with you on reading everyone’s post and sympathizing or laughing with each of us. Then I get interrupted or focused on something and all my good intentions (and thoughts) are but a blip, not in my memory. Sometimes I’m scribbling a note on who did what and what I think to reply.
Tonight we went down to Naples, on 5th Avenue for dinner celebrating our 27 years together. 5th Avenue is all decorated for Christmas, trees have lights in hanging orbs, street lamps all wound with lights, just beautiful. As we came out of the restaurant we heard music. Across the street from the restaurant was all a large tree all decorated and the choir singing Christmas songs. A few streets over was supposed to be “snow” and carolers. Our friends reported a lot of malfunctioning snow machines.
I’ve been biking just about every day. Yesterday over 4 miles, today just over 3. But no good deed goes unpunished … my hamstring has started hurting/aching. Not while riding but last night at a restaurant on a hard metal seat, and tonight on a semi cushioned booth seat. I think I maybe over doing the bike riding. Gone from upstate NY cold and no bike, to driving (sitting) over 3k miles, to biking 3-4 miles a day. Sitting on ice pack, and took Advil. I’ll skip the bike tomorrow and do something else less hamstring driven.
Mavericksmom- holidays/surgery/retiring, be gentle on yourself. You’ve got a lot going on. Reagan’s mom, you’re doing great with her. Mary, I might be wrong but you seem busier now than I recall previously. Could be from getting the sleep you need, and your lottery win of sari’s. Petite, you also seem to be doing good. Hoping everyone els is good too!
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Cindy, I enjoyed your word picture of Naples, which dh and I visited some years ago when we had friends living in one of those pricey condo buildings on the beach. Fifth Avenue was an amazing place for a stroll. At one time Naples had the highest per capita in the country. I don't know if that's still the case. It would have been incredibly easy to max out a credit card on 5th Avenue when we were there. I'm sure it's beautifully decorated for Christmas.
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I decided to stay home today, except for a walk up to Family Dollar for eggs and benadryl. No eggs, but I did get the pills. Then went to a neighbor's house for the eggs. Not planning on doing any writing, either. I have major surgery planned for my writing project, and it hurts. Even skipped gym class. I plan on baking cookies. It is snowing, and the streets are slick. I just saw a big truck backing down a hill. I want to avoid riding my bike on snow. However, Tippy has been very busy itching himself lately. Needs a benadryl and a bath.
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Regan is set to graduate from her basic behavioral training next Wednesday. I doubt she will be the valedictorian, though, LOL. She is the most senior dog in the class since most of them are in the under 9 month group and she is 2 years and 5 months now. We have only had her for 3 months and the progress she has made has been phenomenal but she still has a long way to go. She has some bad habits that are a challenge since getting on the couch when we are not looking; jumping on me and clawing me to death to signal she wants to go out and being stubborn in response to some commands. My DD has volunteered to take her to the intermediate classes we will miss due to our trip so I will register her for it. She needs the continuity and I would hate for her to again be the oldest in a class with all young pups.
December is a tough month for me because I had a mammo and U/S for suspicious mass the week of Christmas (7 years ago), the biopsy on New Year's eve day, lost my Dad on 12/8 13 years ago two days before my Mom's birthday. I celebrated Christmas in 2015 because I needed the distraction the normalcy provided but have found it difficult ever since to do more than the minimum. We have not had a real (or even fake) tree since 2015 and as hard as I try to reinstitute that custom, I struggle to do so. DH does do some decorating and I will rearrange it for aesthetics, I so send cards, but the rest of it I can't do. So Mary when you talk about your PTSD, this is mine and I can sympathize. I no longer have nightmares (about treatment) due to a med called Prazosin which is an old antihypertensive drug, not used much anymore for that purpose, but it is used for nightmare syndrome and it works. I do buy presents for the family, wrap them and look forward to their being opened but that is about it. Hard to explain why I feel like this and why I am stuck in this rut. I did see a therapist for several visits but found that she had no understanding about breast cancer, or any cancer for that fact, and felt her "just get over it advice" was a dud. Felt I got more empathy from my cats and dog than her. Okay, I have bared my soul and need to leave it at that.
It is a bright, sunny day that is about 10 degrees cooler than yesterday. I did get out for a bit with Regan. The past 2 nights I have been awakened at early hours by some howling animal that seems to be on the front lawn. First last night was at 3:30 and then a repeat at 5 AM. Since it is a full moon, I think if it happens tonight, I will get up to see if I can spot whichever animal it is. It doesn't sound like the normal fox noises. Do we now have coyotes? Whatever it is, I wish it would move to another yard. DH has not heard it. Mystery critter. Have a good day.
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Every time I sit down to write a post, I get distracted and my post gets timed out. Let’s see if if I can finish today. I’ve been keeping up, even writing comments to what’s been written. It’s so hard to keep up some times.
Dealing with my lower back pain seems to be consuming my day. I switch back and forth between heat and ice. I’m on day 4 on the medrol dose pack and have seen some relief. I’ve been riding the recumbent bike and doing the exercises the NP recommended. I had my post-mastectomy massage yesterday and the massage therapist worked on my back some too. REIKI this morning also was helpful. I guess I need more time and patience. Was hoping that I’d be out walking today.
I’ve read about taking drugs off label for different uses. Hadn’t heard about Otezla for weight loss. One of the drugs that I take for my facial numbness is also used off label for weight loss (in higher doses than I take). Remember Fen-Phen in the 1990s for weight loss? I wonder how doctors find out that drugs have other uses off label?
Betrayal - glad your pup is improving and that you’re able to continue the classes. Sorry that you’re having a tough time in December. I’ve found it helpful to go to the local Breast Cancer Support group. It’s sponsored by the hospital system and run by a psychologist. Breast Cancer.org also has weekly support groups via zoom available run by moderators.
I hope everyone is doing well and enjoying their day.
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betrayal, I wish I could physically hug you right now! I have been stressed out lately, due to current issues, and while I was grocery shopping early this morning, I got this "thought" in my head "Choose to feel blessed, not stressed!" I thought, wow, good words to live by, so I adopted that as my motto. I will let you know how it works out! haha I write this with love and caring, but you do need to "get over it" with your December gloom. Yes, you went through traumatic things in December. I can totally relate! In November 2018 I had a normal mammogram, but they also did a US because my doctor wrote a script for diagnostic mammo due to pain I was having in my left breast, the same breast that had IDC in 2003. The US showed shadowing and I had a biopsy the week after Thanksgiving that year. I was 100% sure I didn't have cancer again and went into literal shock when they told me I had ILC! That happened the first week in December. I had tons of scans and tests done in December, mastectomy with DIEP reconstruction first week in January 2019.
In early December of 2019, a year after my second Dx, my daughter's BFF's mother died from sepsis! Sandy had been diagnosed with Breast cancer and was treated with chemo prior to surgery. I had been in contact with her, mostly via texting, to give her support. She had a rough go with her first round of chemo, then the second round came. She didn't feel well the day after chemo, but she didn't feel well the first week after round one either, so she wasn't too concerned. That was on a Thursday. Friday night into Saturday morning she got progressively worse until her husband ended up calling an ambulance. They rushed her to the ER, she went straight to ICU and died less than three hours later. It is VERY ironic that I was looking for something in a drawer earlier today and came across the card I got at her funeral. I am looking at her photo as I write this. I can't help but wonder if I was meant to share this with you?
My point is that bad things happen and cause us to have bad memories. We all react differently and for different amounts of time. Change can only happen if you want it to. I am certain you want it to change, and you don't want to continue to dread this time of year for the rest of your life. Nothing can change the timing of our diagnosis and breast cancer nightmares, nor can it change your beloved father's passing, but joy is being sucked out of you because you can't let go. I know that feeling all too well! I had so much anger over my first Dx in 2003. I held on to that anger, those horrible memories for years. I don't know what happened or I would tell you how to do it, but one day, out of the blue, I just said "enough!" I had enough and I refused to let myself dwell on it anymore! I just let it go! I let go of ALL of it, my two lumpectomies, the fact that I was awake during most of the second lumpectomy and traumatized by it, the rough time going through 4 rounds of ACT chemo, being burned with blistering and sloughing skin by a heartless RO, all of it! I just had enough of it! Again, I wish I could tell you how I let go, I don't know how, I just did it. My life has been so much better ever since. I think the fact that you wrote what you did is a sign you are getting closer to letting go! It doesn't matter if you put up a tree or not, it is how you feel that is the issue. I REALLY want to give you a hug, but you will have to settle for a cyber hug!
As for rescue dogs, my DD's new rescue pup has giardia. While his life is not threatened by it, the stress of lose poop and special cleaning procedures per their veterinarian's advice, isn't making this the "happiest time of the year" for her family either. He is over 40 pounds, so he is a generous pooper!
That is a problem with rescue pets, they come with things no one knows about and all we can do is to try our best to make their lives better, while they make ours better because they are part of our world.
Cindy, my DS and BIL have a condo in Naples! I am going to ask them if they visit 5th Ave. Makes me want to spend next Christmas with them!
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Many people feel extra stress and depression over the holidays, even without BC. Hope you can began to move on but know it is hard. I know I figure dates on how long it's been since my brain surgery, BC, and my last drink, 2 of the 3 happening in the last 7 days in Dec.
A good friend recently pointed out to me that Christmas is both a religious and cultural holiday. I liked that as I was feeling like a hypocrite and found that observation very helpful. For those of us on the cultural side, it's about the joy of children and their aren't many in our lives. The little tree from Debbie arrived and staff at the food bank gave me a lovely poinsettia and I will get out the Spode Christmas china but that's about it. We quit giving each others gifts a number years ago, preferring to shop for gifts from Santa for the food bank. We did the Target run Wed. and had a nice lunch. I dropped things off yesterday. DD lives from pay check to pay check and always wants money. This year I bought a gift certificate for her Vets on Wheels in place of the usual Amazon card.
Hope everyone has a good weekend and the weather front moving eastward isn't too hard on you.
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Well, the tears are here on my cheeks. I hope it is a good sign that doing some purging of painful times and events might start the ability to successfully move past them. I think we likely all have 'stories', told or still un-told.
Not going to bore anyone with mine which are mainly resolved anyhow, but only to say that I feel like when we have these burdens there is some growth to be had by the experience. It is just mostly hard to figure out why we, rather than the neighbor, got this 'blessing' for learning purposes and just what are we to learn. I also will say that we don't have children around here anymore so don't much concern ourselves with holidays. I prefer (have done so now for many yrs. since my first bout of cancer) to look on every day as a holiday. I realized soon after my cancer that I had grown fairly complacent with life, on a treadmill where I barely registered most of it. When I became aware of what little control I had over my life I suddenly re-discovered the gift that it was to me. I also take the approach that in large part we are here to grow our soul, to make as much of ourselves as we can before we depart for what comes next
I saw that I was living a dis-connected life and for me it meant that I was being wasteful of my opportunities. I guess it took a huge upset (cancer dx), to get my attention so that I would LOOK at where I was, so I might take the leap to a better place for me. Well, I did find that place. In part it is here listening to people who are just like me - not in all details, but each time the stories come I have a sense that you all want to be better today than you were yesterday. And I do relate very much to choosing because sometimes life is so stressful the rut can be for a while a safer place, an easier place. I fault no one for needing it.
I too feel that we may not realize just what causes us to 'get' better. Just where we got up to the line and actually crossed it, but I do believe in a time and place for everything and maybe part of our learning is in patience. Hope is a beautiful thing and without hope and gratefulness, I'm not sure who I'd be but I'm sure it wouldn't be who I am now and I've learned to actually like myself, so something has been at work for me, and I kept willing it to stay with me. Sending lots of love and hugs to all.
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Thank you for your transparency Betrayal. We are all there with you in one way or another. Hugs from afar also. Things take me a very long time to process, reconcile. Cancer definitely included.
There is Museum I like in PA called the Brandywine River Museum. Even though no longer nearby we are still members. There is something bittersweet and even calming for me about visiting that Museum in the Brandywine valley, and most works by the Wyeth family. Particularly in December but always they have lovely nature-oriented exhibits.
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The T2DM drug being abused for weight loss is not Otezla (IIRC, used for psoriasis, Crohn's & other autoimmune diseases) but Ozempic (generic name: semaglutide). There is a stronger version, Wegovy, which IS intended for weight loss but it is in very short supply and guidelines require a BMI>34.
Hugs all around for those with less-than-happy memories clouding their holidays.
Had a scare (or two) yesterday. First, HK had to rush home early because her neighbors called and said her DH was extremely weak and had to be taken to the VA by ambulance, rather than in their car. Turns out he was extremely dehydrated (again) but now it's getting to the point where not even dialysis will work much longer. Not a transplant candidate, because he's a really poor surgical risk; and if he won't do the minimum in terms of hydration and not blowing off dialysis appts., he wouldn't put in the necessary compliance to make a donated kidney work w/o being rejected.
Then (much less dire), when Happy was smooshing his face into mine, his neck fur smelled of mildew. Uh-oh. Checked his food, changed his water--all good. Went upstairs to see if I could take a turn on the treadmill and the smell hit me even as I was at the threshhold of our bedroom door. I began getting postnasal drip and my throat burned a little. I knew I should have gotten those peeling ceilings repaired. I totally panicked at the thought of having to vacate to a hotel and board out the kitties while the mold remediators would be here. I nearly contacted the restoration/repair guys, but decided to call, rather than text, my HK to see how she & her DH were doing. I mentioned the mildew odor and asked if she'd noticed it too, and that it didn't smell that way until late afternoon. I also mentioned it seemed to be morphing into a combination of pine & patchouli (the latter of which has always smelled like mold to me). My HK mentioned it had to have been the Pine-Sol she used yesterday aft.: we had to stop using the lemon-scented version when it was recalled. I hadn't smelled plain Pine-Sol in decades, and back then couldn't put my finger on why I hated the scent. Turns out the stuff may have temporarily soaked into the wood floor, giving off VOC fumes as it evaporated, and Happy had been curled up on it. That also explains why none of the clothes, linens or curtains smelled of it. By bedtime the odor was gone.
But I didn't have much of an appetite for dinner...yet hours later (delayed stress reaction) I needed my comfort foods, lateness of the hour be damned. Ooops. Didn't touch food again till almost 2pm today. Meanwhile. HK's DH is much improved (at least physically). The VA is sending in a mental health counselor to help him tomorrow--he can't escape because he will be a captive audience by virtue of being hooked up to dialysis.
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