Can we have a forum for "older" people with bc?
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Hi, I am 68 years old and have estrogen recptor breast cancer 3rd time. I did not have reconstructive. This first time I had this was 1984 at the age of 43, then again in 2000 right before my 59th birthday. First I had the right side removed and all of lymph nodes (5 positive) 1984, then 8 1/4" colon (wasn't cancerous, but flat polyps could have changed) and the left breast at the same time. Last year in November they found 9mm lung nodule and new oncologist thought it was from smoking even though I quit for good in 1992. I said no--check it out it is estrogen receptive breast cancer--sure enough another layer of lymph nodes and they took part of the one that was having a problem and confirmed it along with the pet scan and cat scan overlay. I am on Arimidex. I never ever had chemo or radiation. The first oncologist was ahead of his time and knew the European medical facts on Tamoxifen, so I took that for 9 years. Had my ovaries and hysterectomy in 1993 and they took me of Tamoxifen.
I was on Crestor and Arimidex and having very bad stiffness in legs muscle and joints. The Crestor was the main culprit. I am off of it and feeling better, with only some stiffness and aches in joints, but now minor and can resolve with an occasional 1 Aleve.
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Welcome Joy.....sorry you had to find us, but glad that you did. Sounds like you have been through a lot. Interesting that you took the Tamoxifen for 9 years. We have had a big discussion on to take or not to take Arimidex for longer than 5 years. I am hoping they will have some thing once I am through my five years of Armidex. Hope you will come back often.
I worked today and I am done in so I'm going to go for now. Hope you all had a good day and I'll see you tomorrow.
Hugs, Jackie
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I need a shrink maybe, I am feeling so resentful towards my family. I made a promise to my Mom years ago that I would never put her in a nursing home, but she will not accept help from anyone but me! She expects me to do all her shopping and cleaning, alot that I have a hard doing for myself yet alone again in her apt. If someone else offers she tells them no, she doesn't want to be a burden on anyone, then she calls me and I have to do it. I am raising a 6 year old, trying to help Mom, and really should be going to work to help out financially but I just don't seem to be able to find the time or energy to do this, I feel guilty that I am not doing my share but I am tired and just want to stay in bed and cover my head, I should just run away and not look back.
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Hugs Susan. My mom is now 96 and has been in a nursing home almost 8 years. When she began to fail, left water running and small floods, would not answer the phone because she did not put in her hearing aids, left the stove on (fortunately no pot on ), etc. we had a long talk with her doctor and the doctor convinced her that she needed to be in the home. At the time I was care giver for my husband, who was dying of lung cancer, oxygen 24/7.
As much as we all resist changes and do not want to go back on promises, such as you made to your mom, sometimes we just have to say enough is enough. Can you set up an appointment with her doctor and let them know you cannot do it anymore? YOUR health and well being are being affected. Taking care of a 6 yr old is enough to wear out the most energetic person. Is an assisted living place a possibility - not a nursing home, but somewhere she is monitored and people are available to help her as needed.
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JO - I think you said it very well. I have an aunt just like your Dad!
SHARON - You can come to the Amish market with me any time.
JACKIE: You need to rest darlin'. You're doing too much.
JOY: Welcome. It does sound like you have been through a lot. Keep coming to this web site where you will make a ton of new friends, gather lots of love and support, and just plain complain to people who can relate!
SUSAN: I don't know what to say - but you have an awful lot on your plate. Can you sit down with your mother and discuss this? Ask her to let others help her. Maybe get your church involved? I just don't know as both my parents were independent and working full time jobs when they died. I never had to make that decision. God bless you.
JOY: Welcome!
If I have forgotten anyone, blame it on age (although even young I couldn't remember anything!).
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Good morning grand ladies.....Jo and Susan.....the most important ( though really it all was ) thing I read that Jo said to you was......."You are not abandoning your mother...only making different arrangements". I was fortunate that I too never had to choose FOR my parents where they should be. My Mom took care of my Dad until he passed on......then I helped my Mom until she passed on. Mom was able to be in her own house but in her final hospital stay knew that she would not be allowed to go home again.....she needed a special ByPap ( sp. ) machine 24 hours a day....and even then she would have oxygen crisis. Right after her last crisis......( something told me to go back to the hospital which I never did when I left at night ) she told me she was ready to go.....had done everything she ever wanted and had had a good life, and it was time. That next day in the early afternoon she passed away.
Susan....It may be hard to find the strength but it is not about keeping your word --- when you made that decision things were a whole lot different and I'm sure it seemed like it would not be the deeply stressful burden it now has become. God did not say it would be easy...he said it would be worth it. You do have some tough decisions to make......but I think if you take care of you ( very important ) and you take care of your son ( our next generation, so very important ) you will do what is needed ( assisted living or what ?? ) for your Mom and be able to look back knowing that each got CARE they deserved. I beat myself up a lot for not " understanding " sooner that I was living/sharing the last few days of Moms life with her. Then somewhere in my grieving I realized that she never looked at things like that because she didn't really know that either......sometimes through things we have said at one time or other we transpose feelings back and forth so don't let guilt rob you Susan of your ability to do what is HEALTHY for all of you --- not just your Mom.
Kathleen and Jo....thank you. I was pretty done in yesterday. Had to keep going into town last night and get the feral cats fed.....then my screen room kitties when I got home....then the two small dogs. Some days can get full when I don't actually expect it.
Nancy.....the assisted living is great if there is something like that close enough for Susan. Although the folks could feel a bit of resentment.....new friends could be made and even some stimulating activities that could be enjoyed......sometimes I think these things could be " better than we ever hoped for " once we get past the initial hurdles.
Hope you all have a wonderful day. Sun is out here right now but due for more rain. A little "steam " in August which is mainly hot and muggy anyway....but Friday if first day of our three day Balloon Fest and I fear it will be miserable. For anyone not familiar ( though I think you all probably are ) here in Centralia......the balloons and their pilots are where we can wander right up to the balloons and chat etc. I think most places.....the public are kept separated as the helium is so flammable. Also here they do a glow at twilight which is stunning as all the balloons are lined up around " Catfish Pond " and not only do we see the glow but the mirror image reflection of it in the pond too......very,very pretty.
Hugs and prayers for all.
Jackie
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Susan , I've been there and your damned if you do and damned if you don't. After saying that ...you need to take care of yourself to take care of your 6 year old.
I made that promise and I kept it...but at the end of the day there was nothing left of me. I was completely spent. I, however, didn't have a 6 year old but I had college students. I missed a lot of their high school and even junior high. Trying to run two households. She wouldn't move in with us...but that's a long story.
Sometimes( no Alll the time) you have to do what is best for your child. I'm sure your mother would understand and if she doesn't ...that will be harder on you....my mom just outright refused. I don't know how you can approach this. A social worker or other family members may help. ( I had two siblings who didn't see the problems but they were hundreds of miles away)
Your child needs a mother. I'm telling you to do what I wasn't able to do ...so I have no right to say any of this. But looking back. I chose to do what I did. I ended up sick, tired, depressed and had BC a year later...maybe it was a coincidence.
I'll pray that you get the help that you need to do this from God, family or wherever.
Assisted living is not what it was 20 years ago...she will be better off there where there are people who can take care of her 24/7. She may even thrive. I have seen 3 different aunts and friends do this and not look back. It's personality too... Just don't let the guilt do you in. YOu have done the best you can and that is sufficient.
I've told my children to find me someplace and don't look back. I've had a good life and so should they. Bless you.
Maire
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Susan, you have a lot on your plate. It is not unusual for elderly parents to be unreasonable. I think it's just part of being elderly - I've heard it so much. I also did not have to deal with it but JO's excellent, well-written post above is probably what you will need to do for your sanity and health.
Until you can get her to go into assisted living, a senior residence or a home, can you have others go with you when you go to help. Maybe if they are around often with you she will get used to them and then allow them to help when you are not around?
Hi to all. Said I was going to sign off an hour ago so hope everyone has a good rest of the night.
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Sue - Jackie is right. Nursing Homes are not what they used to be. When I was in the rehab center for my shoulder, the entire second floor was a nursing home. There was a beauty salon day, a nail day, activities scheduled most of the day, a communal dining room, a lovely area to sit outside and very pleasant nurses, aides, etc. The one I was in even had a corridor that connected that building to a professional building where my podiatrist, orthopedic surgeon, and physcial therapist are. It seems that assisted living would be a great move for your Mom, for her as well as for you. Then, if she must go into a nursing home she will be acclimated.
Maire - you're a good Mom!
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Jo, what kind of stuffing for the peppers? I know they freeze well because I used to cook big batches of stuffed peppers for the freezer, too, when my father was alive and had a big garden.
I'm driving my 87-yr-old mother to her hair appointment today. Must get moving around here.
Hope everyone has a good day.
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Hi ladies - gardening, flowers (photography of flowers), veggies and even freezing - you guys do it all!!! I have a treatment question and altho I tried the other threads I come back here to ask my questions because you all seem to have the wisdom and perspective which I admire and find so comforting.
I took my first Tamoxifen pill today - I must say I find it a little depressing - somehow makes this whole thing so real. Onc says 7-1/2 years is the rec dosage now but who knows what the recommendation will be once we get there. Somehow makes this whole cancer thing stuck with me now. The surgery was so short-lived (relatively) and this seems so long-term.......
Anyway - my real question was about the zometa. Onc says an infusion once every 6 months for 3 years. But today in one of those spammy emails about buying meds from Canada, I looked up zometa and they have a pill form which is w-a-y cheaper than the drip method (not yet clear if my insurance is going to cover this). Has anyone ever heard of anyone being prescribed zometa in a pill form to be taken every day? I haven't found anything written about this anywhere, yet they're selling the med so someone must be buying......
Thanks for any input here - have a good one, ladies.
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Hi there, it is a beautiful early spring day here. I will try to go for a walk later on. Not able to drive for a few days - never thought about that. I am a bit sore this morning after having no pain yesterday. BS said she took very wide margins around the lump . So heres hoping for a good path report.
MiL lives in a retirement village and is always so busy it is hard to find times when you can visit. We have been discussing what we will do in the future and we hope to stay here for about ten years as it is very convenient, close to buses and 10 mins from the centre of the city. After that I am not sure. My mother lived until she was 94, had a 'granny flat' at my brother's house but she wasquite active almost right until the end. So we have been lucky in that respect. My brother who is 70 has just bought a place in a retirement complex so that they will have security etc and the children will not burdened with looking after them.
Our biggest concern is my sister who is 72, has absolutely nothing other than her pension which is very small. She is living with us which is mostly fine but there are times when I would love to have the house to myself. I hate the stress of having to deal with her son who has been the major problem in all this, he has bullied her out of every penny she has had and that hasn't been much. So I am not sure what will happen in this situation. She does go and spend some time with another brother.
I shouldn't complain as I am alive and I have a wonderful family.
I am always fascinated by the treatments and tests you in the States have. As our health system is mostly public funded they do not do any unnecessary tests or interventions. Example when I had chemo I did not get neulasta injections or any other such ones, they are given only if really needed. the oncs here perfer your own system to recover which in most cases it does. If you really needed it you would get it but not as routine as some of my friends here have done. Scans are only done when needed not as routine. So things like Zometa are not an option here just yet. Please don't think we have a second rate health systembecause we don't. It leads the world in many areas - I think sometimes being so small means peolpe are very creative with treatments etc.
I had better get dressed I suppose. Not sure how I am going to have a shower with this huge dressing acroos my upper chest.
Love and blessings
Alyson
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Glad you're doing OK Alyson, won't be long before you're tripping about as normal.
I just hope I don't have to be pushed into a nursing home...it is one of my greatest worries.
I know my son won't be bothered, the sooner I'm gone the sooner he gets his hands on my money...or SO he thinks !!! He pesters the life out of me now for cash. It falls on deaf ears tho', I spend what money I have, on whatever takes my fancy, and intend to go on spending as normal. No being careful for the kids here ! He very rarely visits me, and when he does, its ALWAYS with a moan for cash. He keeps on reminding me that his wifes parents help them out a lot....well, silly them I say. He has asked for great big amounts to fund a new house, to fund his electricity bills, and buy him a car, but I always say no. I admit I feel guilty refusing, but what I have I have earned the hard way, no-one left me a cent, and I don't intend to leave this young man a cent either ! ( well, at 42 he's not so young !) I got a snide comment when I bought myself a new car 3 years ago, he asked DD 'why was I wasting all that money at my age?' I am planning on wasting some more money next year, on another new car !!!! Ooops, that'll be me on the naughty step then !!
My DD and my sons' children will share what's left when I have finished with it, his half will go to the next generation because of his pestering. He hasn't once in FIVE years, asked me how I am, was not there for me at dx, never offered me a lift to hospital, never made me a meal. DD did all the helping. Glad I won't be here to see his reaction !! There will be an earthquake !!
I have instructed DD to just lock me in my bedroom to go slowly mad. I really would go mad were I to be put in a nursing home among others...I'm a loner and would hate all this jollying along that goes on. My mother and my Aunt are both in nursing homes, and its toe curling to me to see the childish way they are treated, and the silly things they do all day ! Communal living is just not me. My mother is a bit standoffish like me, and wants to be left alone in her room with her TV, but they keep coming in to fetch her to make her 'join in'. Were she of normal mind she wouldn't leave her room, but has become institutionalised now and goes with the flow.
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Hi Allyson, glad to hear you are feeling like a walk. How did the shower go? I wasn't allowed to shower after my lumpectomy right away. But a walk is good medicine for me but not today as it's 90s and humid here.
You are a great sister to be so supportive.
Unlike my mother my MIL is very independent but says she will consisder assisted living when she needs it. Everyone is different and I think it comes from their life experience. We can just try to do what we think is best and not look back. But Isabella, I know exactly what you mean. I didn't do well in the hospital when I was there for 2 weeks years ago. I like my privacy. I think that everyone should have their own room. You must realize I shared a room with 3 sisters so I don't know where I got this attitude.:-)
It's interesting to hear what kind of medical treatment you are getting. I have a great plan here but there are many people with no insurance. I'd just like the doctors to make the decisions and not have the insurance company second guess the doctor.
One of my experiences with an insurance rep ( who sounded like she was 16). She told me that I should have had my sentinal node biopsy on one day and my lumpectomy the next day and then it would be covered. But since I didn't do it on two separate days, they would only pay for one procedure. When I finally stopped laughing and crying, I asked her where she got her MD. Fortunately I didn't have that problem with the mastectomy and node removal.
Right now I am waiting for my first PET scan approval. I guess I will call tomorrow and see how it's going with the insurance company. Also waiting for tumor markers. But mostly looking forward to the weekend. Maybe I'll go to the beach and watch the big waves from hurricane Bill.
And thanks Kathleen. I needed that today. I've got great kids so I must have done something right.
Jo....I'm going to look for peppers tomorrow...my dh's favorite. It will be a treat for him.
Good weekend to you all. Maire.
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yesterday friends and I had lunch at a pub/bistro while on a day trip with wineries and all sorts of good things - and had the best hamburger ever! The outside patio with lovely sunshine and some very good friends helped. It was beef - although I like the idea of Jo's recipe. The toppings made it - caramelized onions, a bit of procuittio (sp?), some garlic mayo, lettuce, tomatoe - and some blue cheese. Yummmmy!
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Doc left message so I got good news on tumor markers after work. Thanks for good wishes and the recipe Jo. Another reason to celebrate Friday.
Have a good weekend all
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JO - you are making me wax nostalgic. My dear grandmother made stuffed peppers that I could eat until I popped. She was a great cook. I loved her so. Now that I am a vegetarian, if I want stuffed peppers I will have to make them with a soy substitute for ground beef. She also used to make a dish where she fried some ground beef until brown and added flour and milk to make a gravy. She then put it over boiled potatoes and green beans on the side. Our tradition was you could have any dinner you wanted on your birthday (everyone had whatever you wanted). They hated my birthday because I would want "meat and gravy."
Good for you Isabella! Enjoy!
Alyson - so glad you are doing well enough to go for a walk. Like you with your sister, my sister took me in (I am the oldest). She is rarely home as she is a physician and works long hours. I hope she feels like I contribute by keeping her dogs company, letting them out, feeding them, doing the laundry, making appointments for home repairs, etc. Before I moved in she was so rarely at home that the neighbors that this was a "FBI Safe House!" Anyway, I am very grateful as I am sure you sister is for your generousity.
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Wow, I can't believe it has been 2 months since I posted in here. Hope everything is going fine.
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Kathleen....I love that picture and the sentiment. Hi Deborye. Hope all is well with you too.
Hugs, Jackie
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Hello B/C survivors all. I have been hanging around this site for quite a few months and just decided to write. I am so impressed with all of you. I am 8 years out this October. I am still seeing o/c every 3 or 4 months. My tumor marker became a yo-yo as soon as I got off the arimidex. My friend tells me that the worry and anxiety I have is not normal. Sort of over the top I guess is what she means. I try to not worry but I have panic attacks every time I have to see the dr. I had a dbl masc and trip out when I feel the lumpy scar tissue. I was told that the lumps are where bleeders were tied off during surgery. I had a cat scan 4 months ago and it was normal. I wonder If I will ever be normal. I feel sometimes like I am loosing my mind. I am a Christian and I pray for peace. I wonder what I am suppose to be learning. I am just glad that I have this thread to come to and read. I feel like I know you wonderful, strong ladies and I pray for all of you each and every night.
I love the cat pic.
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p.s. I'm 63 years young. Was married 35 years. My Husband died in 2003. I hope you all don't mind if I write once in a while.
God's blessings on all.
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Good morning ladies and GOOD MORNING DEANIE. We are glad you decided to drop in and see us. Pull up a comfy chair and relax because we do know how you feel. Just so you know.....none of us are probably ever quite normal after bc. Also none of us truly understand exactly why. There are so many different disease processes and we brush ourselves off afterward and get back in the game. This one seems to hang around like an albatross over your neck and you just can't shake it.
Jo is 200% right. No one who has not had the experience of this monster really gets it because just like us......they have a medical interlude of something --- get well, and seldom think about it again ---- as long as it is not cancer.
Hi to Isabella, Lassie, Deborye, Maire, Kathleen, Momushka, Alyson and anyone one else....I'm thinking about you all today and hoping you have an enjoyable week-end.
Hugs, Jackie
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Good Morning All,
Thanks for the kind words. I am getting ready for work. I own and operate a small antique store here in Hanford. It keeps me busy and I love antiques so it is not really work to me. Hope you all have a great day. I will write more later.
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Indeed! Older women seem to have different concerns, etc to share than the younger ladies. It would be nice! I'm presently 59, pushing 60... so personally speaking, I think it would be nicer sharing things with women my age...like 50 and up. Post menopausal would be great!!
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Hi Nancy, this is an interesting thread. I'm 57 and am er- pr- and her 2neu 3. Not sure what that'll mean this time around. I had a lumpectomy and 33 rads in 07; the cancer came back in the same breast and I am recovering from a mast. 3 wks ago. Right now I have an infection from a drain site. So thankful the Dr caught it as we're taking a son back to college tomorrow. I'll be relying on my antibiotic for the trip. I am just starting to wrap my mind around this recurrence. I had believed that all was well after my last check up in June. But suspicious spots appeared on my mammo in late July. One thing I can say for our healthcare system is: I'd never be this far on my 2nd journey to recovery in any other country on earth. It's amazing what doctors can do with their "team" concept in our NE hospitals. I am soooo grateful. Hope I can locate this thread in the near future. I haven't been on much after completing the treatments with other Nov Rad Gals in "07; that was a good source of encouragement. Have a peaceful day. arby
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I am bored.
There I was sat sitting trying to read, I actually managed to get DH to switch off the damned TV, then I couldn't find anything to take my fancy. I was busy watching a big fly swoop back and forth in my sitting room, then it went and plopped into my glass of wine, so my entertainment was up the swanee for tonight
and my wine undrinkable !I feel much more at home back at my pc, but get into hot water for not being sociable !!!
Isabella.
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This is being sociable! you are with all of us. And if you are bored, that means that you have some energy - that's a good thing. But that fly sure needs to be gone.
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Arby I too hope you can get back here.......I have put my favorite threads in favorites or I think on some computers...it may say bookmarks. That usually pops up somewhere ( I think usually along the top when you go onto your Internet to get here. It is a great way to always know where your friends are. Sorry to hear you have a recurrence, but I think you are right -- you are taken care of quickly here. Hope you will come often.
Isabella....I definitely think flies ought be barred from getting into glasses. I found one in my coke at a restaurant a few days ago....sure squelches the appetite pretty good though. Lassie what-a-ya-say.....should we draft a law before this gets out of hand.
Have a fantastic evening ladies.
Hugs, Jackie
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Hi all,
I'm doin just fine. Busy with work and working out in the yard, starting to get some tomatoes and squash, and lots of herbs in my garden. Welcome to the newbies. I have been here a few years and mostly on the chat room. It is alot of fun and you meet wonderful ppl on the boards and chat room. Don't know what I would have done if I did not find this site, it has been very educational. Answer most of my question and made me very knowledgable about this rotten disease. Lost my mum 13 yrs ago to BC.
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Good morning ladies! Welcome newbies! As others have said - no one who hasn't had it can understand. I think it might be the "cancer" diagnosis because my uncle had colon cancer with chemo more than 10 years ago and he still gets the willies when he has to go in to be checked. Debnorye - I wish this old body could still get down and garden but I am afraid I'd never get up!
Jo - I thought you knew my sister was a physician. Yes, she works incredibly long hours. In fact, when I moved in with her I thought I would have to get used to living with someone again - no fears, she's never here! In fact, before I moved in, the neighbors thought this was a FB I safe house as they never saw anyone and the blinds were always down!
Jackie - how are you? I do the same thing - put them in favorites or I would never find them again.
Enjoy the rest of the weekend ladies!
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