Can we have a forum for "older" people with bc?
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Jackie....happy dance that your computer is fixed!
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Di - right with you. It's so hard to get used to the new normal - and hard to shop for bras.
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Little Di! Don't cry.... don't even feel bad.... at least for very long.... They didn't even HAVE a Victoria's Secret when I was younger, and even THEN I didn't even think about how I looked... I DID look good, and DH used to love when I would put on frilly things and high-heels... It's like when we HAD it, we didn't appreciate it.... but now, forget about looking in the mirror... that scares me....
I guess growing older is just not for weak people... We just accept what we have, and go on... I don't like the way I look now, but I do my hair, and make-up every day, except when I'm staying home, and that makes me at least feel better.... I can't do anything about all the stuff going South on me... So I work with distracting people by not focusing on what is wrong....Ha! Besides, it happens to EVERYone.... even DH... but I still think he's "cute!"0 -
Joy increases as you give it, and diminishes as you try to keep
it for
yourself. in giving it, you will accumulate a deposit
of joy greater than
you ever believed possible.
Norman Vincent Peale0 -
Oh Chevy....what a nice way to cheer Di up.....and it is true. We can't have it all forever. I'm not sure we should. We need the experience of "older equipment". Hey, someone needs to tell those young gorgeous people to enjoy it while it lasts....or something my parents used to say -- until the bloom is off the rose.
Hey, if we knew what was REALLY going to happen some of us might just turn into sour-pusses early on and be hard to live with. As for me.....I guess I'm so glad that I'm alive and able to try to do things for someone or something else ( my sweet little feral cats ) and a few people too, that I don't focus much on what I don't have or may have lost. At the site of my lumpectomy scar much of it is hidden by the sags around the area.....if I could....I'd have a slight reduction, both sides, but more for the comfort of it all and to lose a bit of the sag then anything else. At my age.....don't like, don't look.
I think no one really cares much. If your a cheerful sort without too many frowns....your probably in. Being a decent cook won't hurt either probably. To me, it is all just a part of the learning......I have to learn some un-pleasant things and when I'm done on this Earth I hope I have managed to forge ahead....no matter what ended up on my plate. In the end....I want make something good of my soul......see, I've already given up on a perfect body in old age.
I hope you all have a perfect day. I'm thinking good positive thoughts with lots of positive energy for all.
Blessings
Jackie
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Happy Tues everyone
I had a lousy Monday. Woke up to a call from DD#2in Fla. She was taking my dog to the Vet. He had been throwing up all day Sun, and he couldn't stand or walk without leaning on the wall. I knew right then what the next call would be. We all knew Dusty was not doing well, but he always seemed to re-coup. Sure enough, the next call was that the vet recommended putting him down. He was in complete kidney failure and had a growth pushing onhis spine. The vet said it wasn't even worth finding out what the growth was because there was no way to treat it because of the kidney failure. Tracy had taken him to the vet on her own, so she called her (ex) husband, (they are currently living together), and her brother and sister. Jamie was too far away to get there, but Doug, Dougie and Tim met her and I got to FaceTime with Dusty one last time. Then Tim stayed with him till the end. Dusty was 15 and we had gotten him when he was 8 weeks old.
Then I got to talk with my RO about why it took so long (6 weeks) to get from first visit to start rads. She said my case was extremely complicated ( not what I wanted to hear) and they had to hit my mammary glands with the radiation, which is not typical. Trying to hit those glands without compromising the lungs or heart was the tricky part. She said everything she tried caused a different complication. She said she finally threw all her planning in the garbage and took a weeks vacation. When she got back, she started from scratch, and is now satisfied with the plan. I then asked if I was on the table for an unusually long time - between 30-40 minutes every day, and she said yes, that I again am a particularly complicated case that requires heavier than normal rads. I have to keep reminding myself that I am cancer free right now and they are doing this to lessen my chances of a re- occurrence.
Not the kind of day I was expecting. I was very happy to go to bed last night and start with a fresh day today.
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Anne, So sorry about Dusty. It's so hard. After all, they are the only family members who never criticize or talk back - just give love. Hugs.
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Dear Anne..... I'm so sorry about Dusty..... I know how you feel.... but I got to hold Lacee when we put her to sleep.... It seemed she just "knew" we could do this for her.... Same thing.... Renal failure, and everything else.... I just "wanted" her to get better, for soooooo long... I would carry her everywhere.... she had lost so much weight, couldn't eat... and then you know, it is just "time" to help them... The Vet did everything they could for her on her last week!
I have her ashes, and a special place for her on our dresser... I don't know when it will quit hurting when I think of her....
I broke my hip 2 weeks later, so that kind of took my mind off ot it.... but our pets, are just like our kids... ((((( Anne))))
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thank you for he kind words about Dusty. I know he was ready - we just weren't. As I said to my kids, there is never a good time to do this, but there is a right time, and this was the right time. I just can't imagine going home and not having him there to welcome me. There are two other dogs in the house right now, but Dusty was my baby.
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Anne, there's always that special one! How wonderful you had that love. And Dusty had yours. Hugs to you!
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My Easter did not go as planned. I managed on Sat. to get the sole of my tennis shoe caught in a crack of a curb and thought I was headed down. I twisted my hip and leg around as far as it would go, I finally caught myself by grabing the hood of my car. I could barley walk on Sunday, so no services for us. By yesterday when we got back from gathering yucca in the desert, the whole inside of my upper leg is one horrible bruise, from my groin to almost my knee.
We have a court date of May 22 in Florida for DG. Guess we will be going back to FL around May 20th.
Loved reading all your Easter Posts. Hope all had a Blessed Easter
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Jackie: I was thinking about your post and how it related to an incident I had on Sunday. My youngest kidlet, Caty, is a beautiful young professional. She was here with my DD and niece during my lumpectomy to help with the 3 yr old GD. Her exposure to my surgery was limited. She was around during and after my mastectomy but spent her time being worried and trying to get me to eat!
Sunday, we were in the kitchen talking & she asked if she could see my chest. Right there, I raised my top and it was on! I showed her where they did this and that and why. We talked about what was to come and what things might look like, including my choices. She wanted to know how it felt so I let her touch the scars. She thought the "baseball under the armpit" feeling was interesting and that there were so many scars. Bra questions (especially what I was going to do with all of mine that I wouldn't be wearing), implant questions and so on. It was great to share this with her and that sounds weird. But if we can find a way to use this horrible disease to teach, even graphically, to other women, then perhaps education will help them in some ways. I gave her the mammogram and early detection talk. I feel assured that seeing rather than just hearing about the disease will be a lasting impression. I know she will share with her friends. And if they want a show and tell, well, tops off! But, maybe not so much touching!
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Anne, I'm so sorry about Dusty, but your feelings about it and what you told your children are wonderful. We do miss the wonderful "friends" we choose to share a portion of our life with and it is always almost a perfect union. These friends ask for nothing other than to be at our side and 'allowed' to try and make us happy. They make no judgments of us and forgive anything and everything. In their eyes we can do no wrong.
But they were given much shorter years than ours so if we are animal lovers we will say a lot of good byes in our lifetime. Even after all my good byes, I still cry and wish for one more day. For most people it is in our nature to have some trouble letting go since we perceive that those four legged friends who share our life have no guile what-so-ever and that is hard to have with people. They have a special place inside us that people just don't reach. So....we miss them just as much as anyone we may have lost over time.
Just glad that they stay at the Rainbow Bridge and wait for us.....running and playing and as full of health and vitality as they ever were. Some things work out in their own time.
momarch....hope your leg feels better soon. That just sounds so painful. I'll certainly keep my prayers going for things to go good in Fla. in May. I hope by then people have come to their senses there ( no offense meant to any Fla. residents ) and will not be so troublesome and hard to work with then.
I did have a great Easter after I got off work. We went to my cousin's as she cooked for her and her son's family....and we went late. Mary is a first cousin and is more like a sister. My real sister ( 15 months older than me and now deceased ) just pretty much didn't like me. She resented me from early on and we never had the bond and closeness that many sisters get to share..........so I look on Mary as my sister.
It has been a great day here with the windows open and sun shinning bright all day.
Hope all of you had a really, really nice one too.Blessings
Jackie
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Lost, I think we were posting at nearly the same time. You are right -- seeing something first hand is so much more descriptive than a flat picture and words on a page with no tonal inflections. I think you did a wonderful thing.
Blessings
Jackie
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Anne, I'm so sorry about Dustymomarch....hope your leg feels better soon. I will say prayers that things in Florida go your way.
We had a good Easter. Not all the kids were able to make but it was a nice day.
Hi to everyone and hoping you are having a good week
Emma
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Mommarch, sorry about your accident. Isn't it scary how quickly and unexpectedly these things happen?
This is a good golf week. I played golf today in a town about 40 min. from my home. It was a women's event and the best thing I can say about the course and the way the event was run is--lunch was delicious! Definitely not a ww lunch. Fried chicken, mashed potatoes, green beans, salad, yummy biscuit and cheese cake dessert. After all that food, I skipped dinner tonight.
I'm also playing golf tomorrow morning and Friday morning. I'm making up for all the weeks when it was raining and I was cooped up indoors.
Lostboob, after my surgery and reconstruction, I showed off my boobs to my SIL, a nurse, and to another SIL who had a single MX quite a few years ago when there was no reconstruction. That was before skin-saving and nipple-sparing techniques. She was quite young and the cancer was in 4 lymph nodes. She had strong chemo that really did her in but so far she is NED.
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AnneB so so sorry for your loss.....I know it hurts so much.
Mommarch, sorry you have a COLORful leg....ouch!
I am sorry that I whined....
I will move on....
I guess this was the WRONG forum.
just a FYI....I have never bought a VS bra in my life....I was given one by my mom because it was too small for her and it fit my DD+++ (a family of large boobs, Mom now 95 1/2 years old, Oma (my g-ma), my daughter<---had a breast reduction at 18)
My foobs/implants that do not fill a normal bra (no matter the size), even after FIVE surgeries, still will live on even when I am dead, until they are melted by cremation.
I only wear the teen-trainer-type bra that have the skinny little straps are stretchy that I
have worn since my my BMX, (and I had huge scooped out areas where both
breast WERE). They that have a little triangle padding to "inflate" nothing or whatever one has....I buy them at Nordstrom Rack for $4.97 and come in S-M-L. I must have 10 in most colors.I know I am aging....wow!!!!....did I get scolded....don't need a reminder, thank you.
I did my service to others when I was younger, like my 40-50's....like a full time job....I volunteered in a hospital, taking newborn baby photos, I was a Delta pet partner team and with my Boston Terrier and I went to 2 different hospitals and visited (5 dog teams were only allowed at each hospital), and Dolly and I work in OT/PT for over a year with just one patient along with her profession team...she was autistic.....she said her FIRST word to my dog.....over that year she really started interacting mostly with my dog.....she moved away.....then they placed me with a little boy that had a stroke and 35 days old....we were with him for 1 1/2 years and then he started a school program.....his mom and I stayed in touch for many years.
We visited once a week in a nursing home and got to know the patients well....Dolly died from a heart defect at 8.....I told the patients and they begged for me to keep coming to see them, which I did.....I was given a Boston Terrier show dog in co-ownership (strings attached) and Belle continued at the nursing home for about 3 years until the nursing was sold and the patients were scattered all over. That ended our pet partnership. Belle is now a blind 11year old and I will be 67 next month.
This is MY HUSBAND and MY TIME ....we can get up and travel, have a good time, before we are too old or sick.
We have 6 dogs, 3 because I was a MORAL breeder and did not try to sell pups with bad hips to other. Our son is our dog sitter. The others are almost 9 and 8 years old...so I have 3 generations of dogs.....done with getting/showing dogs after my 2 champions died at 6 years old within 3 weeks of each other.
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Anne so many of us have been thru this and it's awful, our furbabies are ours and we love them completely and it's so sad when they have to leave us. But as u said we know it's time.
Mommarch I hope u heal quickly and can get around OK.
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Oh Di....I feel like I said something I shouldn't have. What a VS bra. Oops, my brain kicked in. I think maybe Victoria's Secret. Can't recall but I don't think I was ever in that store though I do think I looked at someone's catalog once. When you are used to Penny's or Sears catalogs.....well, it is hard to navigate. Hate to admit but I doubt I really "understood" the catalog then.
I tended to have to stay on the 'practical' side of everything from an early young age on. At my age now, I don't wear anything sleeveless, and nothing with much of a dip to the neckline. In my pre-teen and teen years....I could have worn things there dipped to the waist.....there was basically nothing to see. Then I got older and that changed.....but first I stay covered up because there was nothing to see and I didn't want anyone to know it........it got to be a habit. Then when I was older....there was too much to see so I stayed covered up.
Had a friend and when we were out if she saw someone with a low cut blouse she would always say, well, she certainly doesn't mind leaving her curtains open.
Di....you have done a lot to make others lives better. I'm sure it gave you a lighter step and a happier heart many, many times. Even better to include with you some of God's greatest gift to us....your animal partners.
I hope you are all have a nice evening. I'm going to play a little Mahjong, then watch some t. v. and then throw myself in bed. See you all in the morning.
Blessings,
Jackie
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I enjoyed reading about your special Easter meals and memories.
I also found that the discussion of surgical scars brought a new perspective...it reminded me of the "Scar Project" book by David Jay.
Anne, thank you for your wisdom (a few pages back) about maintaining neutrality and a positive outlook in front of the affected children of a separation. I have to find a delicate balance between supporting DD and SIL. When DD goes through something unpleasant, she moves forward and usually doesn't look back. But your story of DD and ex finding each other again just shows how we are not in control of these outcomes. I do pray they will reconcile but DD is definitely moving on.
I am so sorry to hear about your dear Dusty...never thought of the Face Time option...It must have been very difficult for all of you.And I was surprised to hear of the complexity of your rads treatment. I was thinking of your ROand how it must have weighed heavily on her mind on what to do for the best results for you. It cannot be easy to be an oncologist of any kind. So much about this disease is about us giving over control and trusting others.
Cammi, your chick pic and comment made me smile.
Jackie, I am so glad your computer is back...thanks for being here each day.
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Hi gals - Sounds like I missed lots of Easter reports since I was visiting my son and his wife and their son. Plenty of good food and fun. I stayed an extra day and shopped with a friend and ran into the same bra issues as Di. I've always worn an underwire bra to keep that side bulge in line (you know what I mean.) Well with no underwire now I totally get that hamburger bun description. I don't really care very much, just strange to have a different body to shop for.
I did have some sadness tonight and not anyone else to cry with. My brother has been fighting hepatitis from alcohol for years and lost touch with most everybody. But a call at 10 PM came to tell me he had passed away. I haven't seen him for quite some time, and calling didn't work as he was often rather incoherent. But nonetheless, memories of good times flood back and bring tears. I am now an orphan, widow with no siblings who is hoping to be past cancer. So glad I have children and friends, especially those who have been on the same emotional roller coaster ride I'm on.
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Mimi.....I am so sorry to hear of your brother passing. I will cry awhile with you and then just hope that the passing was gentle and easy as your brother transitioned to a much happier, healthier place where freedom from earthly travails exists forever. I know it feels lonely to have no close family left.....I have been in that place, but it finds a place to settle out where it is not so bothersome and strange feeling and where you can find comfort in the things you always have.
I will include you and your brother in my thoughts and prayers tonight especially ( you are all in there generally ) and wish for soothing healing energies as you learn to accept this loss.
With love and many blessings
Jackie
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Mimi, Sorry about your brother. Keep the good memories of him. I know what you mean about feeling alone. I'm the oldest person in my family now and it's a strange feeling.
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Oh, Di, this disease makes every woman teary eyed at our loss. Just makes you want to kick someone or something. I was always proud of my body until a few years ago when I began staying at home and gained weight. Aging and losing my looks was really hard for me. I'd been in a professional for so long and depended on my looks and when they changed so much I was depressed. So, I began having some body image issues and was working through them when wham, this thing got me. I had bought new bras and underwear, (for myself), some hadn't been worn and still had tags. In between the lumpectomy and mastectomy, I bundled them all up in a bag and they still sit on the floor of my closet. Maybe I can wear 'em and stuff 'em or so I think.
I've always had boob issues. My mom put a lot of emphasis on boobs and used to have me stuff my swimming suit with matching wash cloths. Once, when I jumped in the pool, they shot out of the top of my suit and I swear she almost jumped in to get them. I managed to pull them under and stuff them back in. No wonder I eventually went from a B to a D thanks to a PS. Got those out after keeping them waaayyyy too long and here I am, still having boob issues.
Mimi, I'm sorry to hear about your loss. Sending hugs to you...
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Mimi I'm so sorry to hear about u'r brother. Whether u've seen him a lot or not, u will always have memories of the good times u both had. And that's what we like to hold on to.
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Morning gals!
LostBoob, that was so funny, about when you went jumping in the pool! I had to laugh, because one time I thought I was so SMART, that I got up on that diving board, and I dove in the pool, and my whole one piece suit top, went sailing down to the bottom part! I was just trying to get back up for air, in a panic, and when I finally surfaced, I pulled that top back to where it belonged, and tied it! Tied it a lot better than the LAST time!
We just had one-piece suits then, and those rubber bathing caps! But I was so flat when I was maybe 14, it didn't matter.... but I was totally embarrassed! I had nothing to hold it up, so it just slid down with the rest...Ha, ha!
Sorry Mimi! My Brother is out of State also, but I talk to him about every week... and we just laugh at each other! You just always think they will be "with" you, somehow...But you have happy memories forever....!
Jackie, You are always so beautiful and eloquent with your thoughts! I have to keep you around me forever!
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Mimi, sending sympathetic vibes to you on the loss of your brother. Losing a family member is a cause for grief. So glad you have happy memories to bolster you.
Chevy, I was always under endowed, too. By the time I could afford to have boob enhancement, there was a lot of distrust of the safety of implants. And I couldn't imagine suddenly appearing with nice boobs. My reconstruction gave me a little more shape but no "projection." At my age it's not high on the scale of importance. I'm more concerned about keeping the rest of me as fit as possible.
It would be dishonest if I didn't admit that I hate seeing myself age. People always tell me I don't look my age so I just have to take some comfort in that. I don't tell them that I had plastic surgery in 2007! Some of my family know that, of course. My sister who is 3 yrs. younger looks older than I do. She could afford a face lift but won't spend the money on herself. If she would just have the eye lid procedure, it would greatly improve her appearance and that surgery can be done as an outpatient. I know. I know. The Bible warns us against vanity!
Hope everyone enjoys today.
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Morning Carole... I know... at my age, it really doesn't matter..Ha! I would LOVE a nice new neck... face is okay, but from my neck down..... blah! It's all in how you feel, that is most important!
Have fun today!
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Healing does’t means the damage never
existed. It means the damage no longer controls our lives.Author not given.
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Carole, I know the Bible talks about being humble and not vain, but in my mind that is likely directed at those who have procedures one right after the other.....till they don't even resemble themselves. Though I always liked Joan Rivers....looking at her always bothers me a bit. Her face looks so "TIGHT" that there is absolutely no way a wrinkle could appear in it and her eyes look like they can't close. I know it is a 'Hollywood' thing, but I always think -- who are you kidding. To look better if you can is one thing......but to look like a plastic person and not yourself just turns me off.
So look good if you can....for you, but as for me, I'll be checking what your heart looks like and holding on to that part of you. And....just for the record, good for you Carole.
I don't like my neck and haven't for a long time. When my thyroid got sooo bad, the Dr. missed what was going on......for a long, long time. Seven yrs. to be exact till my thyroid almost killed me. As a result, I had a big egg-sized goiter for some time. When everything ( God wasn't done with me here on Earth ) resolved.....my neck seemed somewhat permanently stretched. Then the stroke came along ( I think most of the time your face drops -- called Bells' Palsy ) and once again, it did not return to where it should have which only emphasized my neck even more. Thankfully, I don't spend too much time in front of the mirror and have learned pretty much not to think about what I look like in that area............for a long while....ahem' there has been way too much more of me in lots of other places. I am still hanging in there by the way with my wt. loss.
I'm at a 'rugged' plateau, but will go back to the nutrition class ( cheap way actually to get some gym privileges for 6 wks. ) and free walking pass --- don't remember the price of the gym membership, but the walking pass is $12.00 a month so for the price of the Nutrition class ( $30.00 ) I can use the gym, which is probably over a $100.00 and has to be purchased for 6 mos. for free as well as walking pass becomes free and would be a savings to me of $18.00 ---- so saving somewhere over $118.00 by spending $30.00 for the 6 wk. nutrition class. Sshhh, we Seniors have to do what we have to do to make things affordable.
Hope you all are going to have a fantastic day.
Blessings
Jackie
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