Can we have a forum for "older" people with bc?
Comments
-
What a beautiful poem Sharon. Made me a little teary-eyed, but that is ok. I think in my 'older' yrs. I am a little more emotional. I'll be back later to talk more as I have to go to work now.
Blessings,
Jackie
0 -
Thank you jackie
0 -
Good Morning Ladies,
Puffin, you wrote a very nice obituary for Lew.
Chevy, My dh and I are getting things in order for our sons. We are writing where accts are and passwords for online items. What medications we take and other items they will need to know. My mom had everything paid for and done for us girls. She even wrote her own obituary. All we had to do was talk with the funeral home for a day for the funeral, find photos and do the dinner afterwards(but there was money set aside for that too) On the other hand my MIL does not want to tell the kids anything. We finally insisted that she go to the lawyer to make sure things were set up in case she could not take care of herself. The lawyer was able to tell us things to do since DH is her POA, We spent almost a month getting her things in order for my DH and BIL to take over when necessary. Found accounts she did not remember having.
The results for my CT scan on my lungs are in. The spot is still there and has not gotten any bigger. Both Pulmonary and onc. drs thing it is scare tissue from having bronchitis. Will see the pulmonary dr. in 1 yr.
Sharon, a beautiful poem.
Chevy, what is a quit claims deed
0 -
Sharon, What a lovely poem. It is just beautiful.
Puffin, Nice obit. I know how hard those are to write after we did BIL's. I hope you are feeling the arms of love around you.
0 -
I haven't checked in for months but this morning decided to visit and was met with such sadness. Puffin, I am so very sorry for your loss! Such a shock to lose the love of your life so quickly. It sounds like you have loving support of family and friends to help you during this time, and I join the women of BCO in offering my love and support to you.
Sandra, I hope Mike continues to feel as good as he looks in your picture during his stem cell transplant. My love and prayers are also with you two.
Welcome home Chevy! I've missed your sunny posts and welcome SeedSally as you begin your BC adventure! You've come to the right place for encouragement and a little levity when you need it.
I'll return on another day to give an update on my life, which all seems rather trivial right now.
0 -
Puffin, so sorry for you. I just found out , as I have NOT been receiving posts for the site again this week. Finally came here on my own, don't know what's up. Have a lot of catching up to do!
0 -
Sharon, beautiful poem. Puffin, the obit you wrote for Lew made us believe we all knew him. Glad you had those 39 years together and those students had his dedication. Termite, hooray that the lung nodule is probably just scarring.
A quitclaim deed (as opposed to a warranty deed, which you usually get when you purchase a home) is a deed that says the grantor (the person issuing it) “conveys and quits claim” to the portion of his or her interest in the property that he or she is granting to the person receiving it. It’s usually used when someone wants to add someone as a co-owner, or inherits property along with another and decides to give that person their entire interest; sometimes it’s used when the grantor can’t or doesn’t want to “warranty” that he or she has clear title (going back several owners in the chain) to the property--which is why it’s rarely used for the sale of property, but usually used when gifting an interest in it. Sometimes, a sole owner uses it when he or she wants to make a child, sibling or significant other a “joint tenant with right of survivorship” so that upon his or her death, the property doesn’t go into probate but immediately becomes the property of the surviving joint tenant(s). If you don’t use the magic words “joint tenants with right of survivorship and not as tenants in common” (emphasis mine), a court might consider the survivors “tenants in common” along with the estate of the deceased--the property becomes part of the estate and there often needs to be a sale and division of the proceeds before the estate can be closed.
A “warranty deed” is what you probably got when you bought the property.
0 -
Termite... A Quit Claim deed is an official paper designating your kids, or whoever you want to give your house to, before you pass away..... Or you could get a TOD.... (transfer on death) paper, which gives it to them after you pass away.... but that way, if something has to be handled before you pass away, they can't have it. This paper has to be filled out, and then notarized. Actually, BOTH papers have to be notarized.
Our neighbor's both went into Assisted living.... but years ago, they gave their house, property, car to their Son & DIL. THEY manage everything for them... (now it's only her.... because he passed away....) They are renting out their house now, which pays almost all of her monthly rent, and she is very happy.... She could not have handled the whole thing herself....
This eliminates the need for even a Last will.... because it is already in their name. My folks had done this also....
We still pay the annual taxes, (she sends the tax statement to me....) and it does go up, because we got a break because we were Seniors... Since it is in their name, the taxes went up, but it is worth it to us, knowing it is taken care of....
Also I stopped paying 3 bills online, because if anything happened to ME, my Husband would not see a monthly statement for the phone, cell-phone, nor Water bill.... because I got reminders by email. Now I get paper billing....I can still pay online, but my DH does not know a computer from a printer.... Hah! Same as I could not tear-down an engine like he could.
I cashed out any investments I had.... moved them to savings... So that is also taken care of.... My Grandma had little bits of money hidden under newspapers in the bottom of drawers also! She had a heart-attack.... then the hospital, then to Assisted Living... But it set off Dementia, and within weeks she did not remember anything! The AL helped me take care of her.... I was then POA, and DPOA...
Then her little savings ran out, and I could not keep her there! The home helped me find a State run nursing home....
I could not sell her house! I knew within a couple months she would never go back.... I tried to sell her house.... ! But the State told me I could rent it, for a minimum amount, to cover the home insurance, taxes...etc.
By this time I had to move her to a Nursing Home.... Then I kept her house rented until she passed away, and that money went to the State and they paid more to take care of her.... Oh GOD I'm glad I don't have to do that again... Usually those "places" have people to help you through things like that.... She lost most of her memory.... forgot she had a Son & a Daughter.... and I was the only Grand-child who would take care of her! Actually she was my Dad's step-mom....
But I am so thankful that she was "mine" to take care of! I learned to really love her, and take care of her because I WANTED to.... she became like a little kid to me... I was all she had.... It was so hard to watch what was going on with her.... I would go see her all the time, and stop for hamburgers, and sit with her in her room, and help feed her, while we had a "picnic"!
I even reached a point, where I told them.... "No more memory tests".... She didn't know what to do, or what was going on.... I felt bad trying to make her see the difference between a picture of an "apple" or an "orange".... It was useless.... and for what?
And I carried out her burial wishes also.... That pretty blue dress, her necklace, and even the songs she wanted.... Hardly anybody came.... But when you get older, most everybody is gone anyway.... But I know it was what she wanted.... She was "mine".... My folks didn't even come to her funeral.... Actually I didn't want anybody to go out of their way anyway...... I was the only one that cared.... just me and my Daughters.
0 -
Haven't received any email notices for the site since March 9th!
Puffin, just reread about Lew's accident. Nothing makes loosing someone we love easier, but when it's so sudden, I know it's even harder. Hugs and praying for you.
0 -
Oh my gosh, Puffin! I am SO sorry. I hope you can feel all the love that is being sent across this thread to you! My heart goes out to you and your family and I pray that you will find some peace in the midst of all the turmoil right now.
0 -
A caveat if you are considering giving your assets (including house) to your kids (or your parents are doing the same for you) so that you would qualify for the state to pay for the nursing home via Medicaid: there is a minimum time period that must be met between the “gift” (or spend-down) and entering the facility. In some states it’s as long as 5 years, in others as short as 3. If the senior moves into the facility too soon after giving away or selling their assets, the state could deem them to still own that asset and either not pay or demand recoupment of what they had paid for that period, until that period has been met.
0 -
Hi Chevy,
You know i went into hospice nursing shortly before i left the boards. As an admission nurse, every week I see seniors who can't take care of themselves any longer. The lucky ones had discussions with their families and planned end of life care, but many families are caught in a crisis and their elder winds up dying in a nursing home. Some of these homes are little more than warehouses, I feel so bad for them. All the advice I just read on this board is spot on.
0 -
SHELLS!!!!!!!!!! Hi little kiddle! How have you been, dagnabbit??? Man, that is a hard job you have there... I've seen a LOT of that too.... My older friend Theresa..... WAIT A MINUTE HERE.... IS THE TYPING MUCH SMALLER THAN USUAL, OR AM I GOING NUTS?.... The print is so much SMALLER....!
Anyway, first her Husband was moved to Assisted Living, because he was 92.... finally she had to be moved there too.... separate rooms, because they get along better that way... Ha! He got worse, fell..... Then nursing home, and he didn't make it...
But she is 91 now, and just a kick to be around! We go see her about every week, and take her "presents" and just love to sit and visit with her, and make each other laugh! SHE is thriving! And that's amazing in a place like that! She is a feisty little Italian woman... So she and my Husband love to tease each other.
But my Grandma, and the stuff I went through with her, is just what you said! SOME nursing homes are just plain AWful! I moved her 3 times! All different reasons, but couldn't let her stay in a few of those places... Some would give me night-mares.... I know exactly what you mean.... Some people have no-one else... and they would be better off to put them out on the ice, like they used to do in Alaska, and let them leave this world peacefully. It's even WORSE when the people still have their minds, and have no-one in their life to care for them!
Sandy, I know.... You are right, but the reason WE did, is like our neighbor's did... To rent out the house, and that money would be used to care for us... Also, with money in the bank, there is no way the State would help take care of you.... that care is for folks, like my Grandma, that only had a minimum amount in their bank... And a house that would not sell.... So her house had to go back in her name, and we could only charge enough rent to pay for the taxes and insurance.... By that time anyway, maybe a matter of months, she was bed-ridden, and then I lost her.... And the State would give her just $30 a month, for her "necessities"... But without them helping me, I could not take care of her....I couldn't get her house to sell, she ran out of money, and I was thankful the county helped us out.
I know people DO put their assets in their kids names.... but that is to hide their money, and that has to be done like a certain amount of time, before anything happens.
Most accounts are better off with your kids names on them, and POD.... That way, they can write checks for your care when you can't.... My older friend has Macular degeneration and cannot see hardly anything...... So Thank God for her Son & DIL... Her assets and what money they had is going for her care... which it should.... That Assisted Living place is $3,000 a month... But of all the "HOMES" this is a nice one...
Good Morning Puffin.... thinking of you....... (((hugs)))
0 -
To see the earth as it truly is, small and blue and
beautiful in that eternal silence where it floats, is to see
riders on the earth together, brothers and sisters
on that bright loveliness in the eternal cold--people who
know now they are truly brothers and sisters.
Archibald MacLeish0 -
One of those days when this quote just came to life for me before I came to read the new entries here. We are our brother and sister's, and mom's and dad's keepers --- just as perhaps our children or someone close will be for us when the time comes. If we don't all care about each other and how we all should try and make it good for everyone, not just ourselves, we won't do very well.
The busy world often makes it so difficult for us to care about some things, and I so hope and pray we can get back to just simply caring and loving and do what we can to try and make a difference.
I've worked in some of 'those' nursing homes and it was not pleasant. My private duty type obligations are much easier on the mental/emotional side for me now. I could never go back to the 'homes' because of how bad it is, but also because I could never now keep up anyway.
Sunny here today, and I sure hope it holds. It was so nice yesterday too. Went and voted and drove most of the way home with my window down it was so nice. Hoping today is more of the say.
Thoughts, prayers, and many healing energies still being sent along today.
Blessings,
Jackie
0 -
Sharon, what a beautiful poem, thank you. I met with the pastor for an hour this morning and really liked him and think he'll do a good job of honoring Lew. Called Social Security and also cancelled his supplemental health insurance. The extremes are leveling off a bit. Thank you for all your comments and support
0 -
Blessings for you Puffin. And we are here for you.
0 -
A child's kiss
Set on thy sighing lips shall make thee glad;
A poor man served by thee shall make thee rich;
A sick man helped by thee shall make thee strong;
Thou shalt be served thyself by every sense
Of service which thou renderest.
Elizabeth Barrett Browning0 -
(((((Puffin)))))
0 -
Puffin - from another silent admirer who is following you on your most recent journey.
Sending prayers and hope that you can continue healing through the love and support surrounding you...
Julie
0 -
- Mornin all,We thought our baby girl was going to make her appearance last night . My DD went to Dr and asked about inducing because she is so uncomfortable. He won't even discuss it till next week's appt, when she will be 38 weeks. But he did what she said was a very uncomfortable internal exam. Then he said something about "scratched the membranes" and said it might start the labor. She was very crampy, but nothing came of it. The kids are on spring break as of yesterday, so I suggested she bring the kids here so we wouldn't have to move them in the middle of the night. It took till 9:30 for them to agree, and the kids hadn't had dinner yet. Then the big question: do I take my sleeping pills or not? I am her main support for labor and delivery. Her husband will be there, but basically will be a couch potato until the actual delivery. He will leave the hospital about half hour after, to take a nap, and will come by the hospital for 10 minutes a day till she is released. Last time, he gave me his "daddy bracelet", wHich meant I didn't have to check in every time I came, I got 50% off hospital meals, and best of all, I could go with Kayden as the did their stuff, like test his hearing and circumcision. Although I stayed in the hall for that one.
- {{{hugs Puffin}}}
- Anne
- Dont know why I am getting the bullet points and don't know how to stop them, sorry
0 -
When you ignore your soul's destiny, when you get caught up in
your own self-interests and forget to care for others, you will not
feel "right." Instead, you will feel empty and unfulfilled. During
these times, you are neglecting your soul--you are depriving it of nourishment. . . . seek something outside your nine-to-five job
as an additional source of fulfillment and as a way to feel the joy
of helping others. You can do any number of things to fulfill this goal--volunteer at a community hotline, coach a Little League
team, donate your time to a public school, visit the sick.
Whatever you choose, you will gain a sense that you are
giving of yourself, that you are sharing yourself with
the world, that you are fulfilling the destiny of your soul.
Rabbi Harold Kushner0 -
Busy day today. Ed finished the shingling, so glad to have that behind us. Took a memory stick to FedEx and had them make an 8x10 photo of the picture I used for the obit (with more of the picture showing, they really cropped it for the newspaper), returned the extra shingles for a refund, saw the lawyer - don't need to file the will, don't need probate, don't need to post a notice to creditors in the newspaper. Have to wait a month and then submit the form to transfer the title of his car to me, and then I can sell the car. We bought a new toilet seat and Dad has that installed, he also glued my mailbox number back on the box. I cancelled the Mediterranean cruise, I think I want my first vacation alone to be something smaller than a 10 day trip to Europe.
Ed will be here tomorrow morning to get Lew's chair and shelf unit, and take my dad home, they'll return next week on Thursday for Friday's funeral.
0 -
Puffin - I'm so sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts.
Sandra - hoping everything is going as well as can be expected.
0 -
Puffin, sometimes busy is good. Good idea about the cancelling the cruise. That would be much too long under the circumstances. Still thinking of you knowing there will ups and downs for some time to come. You will have to get through all the "first's " alone. First Easter, First Memorial Day, First Father's Day and all that come after, including anniversary and birthdays. The First's were the hardest for me, but lost Dad in 96' and Mom in 98' and it is ok now. Keeping you and your family in my daily prayers.
Jackie
0 -
Morning Puffin.... Glad you are getting things in order...
We didn't have to file a will either.... for when my Grandma passed away, and then my folks... because everything was already in our names...My Brother and I just had to pick up the pieces, and try and get things in order, just like you are doing....
I don't remember what my Brother did with Dad's car! I know he went down to the motor vehicle place with Dad's neighbor... (This closest friend/neighbor drinking buddy of Dad's) and gave the car to him, for $10. He was like Dad's guardian angel for many years....
You had to do so MUCH! Sorry about canceling the trip.... but like my gal-friend, she waited a few months, and then missed traveling so much, she joined some Elder group, and finally went on her first trip alone! She loved it, and it brought her back to life after her Husband passed away.
THEN she was gone traveling around the world so much, I couldn't keep track of her.... She LOVED it... Even joined a local RV/motor-home group, and drove all around this State with them.
And THEN she started volunteering at different places, and businesses...so she kept pretty busy...
Her Son was like your Ed.... really close to her, and always helped her out.
Jackie! I didn't KNOW that! That you lost your folks in those years... So did I! First Mom in 96, right before Easter... Then Dad in 99... I can't ever "visit" them, because they are in California, BUT, I can always visit the house they used to live in, because of Google! I just type in their address, and I'm standing in front of their house that was so full of memories for me.... THAT, and my house has so many of their THINGS that I brought back, it's like they are always in my thoughts.
So it was almost 20 years ago today that I lost Mom... thank you for the memory! Isn't it wondrous how little things you see, or that happen, bring you right back to them?
It snowed a FOOT here night before, and yesterday.... But the ground was so warm, it's not sticking around....
Morning Puffin.... Glad you are getting things in order...
We didn't have to file a will either.... for when my Grandma passed away, and then my folks... because everything was already in our names...My Brother and I just had to pick up the pieces, and try and get things in order, just like you are doing....
I don't remember what my Brother did with Dad's car! I know he went down to the motor vehicle place with Dad's neighbor... (This closest friend/neighbor drinking buddy of Dad's) and gave the car to him, for $10. He was like Dad's guardian angel for many years....
You had to do so MUCH! Sorry about canceling the trip.... but like my gal-friend, she waited a few months, and then missed traveling so much, she joined some Elder group, and finally went on her first trip alone! She loved it, and it brought her back to life after her Husband passed away.
It used to be called ElderHostel, but now it is Road Scholar....
THEN she was gone traveling around the world so much, I couldn't keep track of her.... She LOVED it... Even joined a local RV/motor-home group, and drove all around this State with them.
And THEN she started volunteering at different places, and businesses...so she kept pretty busy... Just take care of yourself..............
Her Son was like your Ed.... really close to her, and always helped her out.
Jackie! I didn't KNOW that! That you lost your folks in those years... So did I! First Mom in 96, right before Easter... Then Dad in 99... I can't ever "visit" them, because they are in California, BUT, I can always visit the house they used to live in, because of Google! I just type in their address, and I'm standing in front of their house that was so full of memories for me.... THAT, and my house has so many of their THINGS that I brought back, it's like they are always in my thoughts.
So it was almost 20 years ago today that I lost Mom... thank you for the memory! Isn't it wondrous how little things you see, or that happen, bring you right back to them?
It snowed a FOOT here night before, and yesterday.... But the ground was so warm, it's not sticking around....
We took turns shoveling... Really a heavy wet snow... Called off the gardening for a day or so!
0 -
Morning everyone. I felt the same about my mom and dads memories Chevyboy. I have suchgood ones. Those pics were gorgeous.
Puffin I have never been on a trip like that and am too much of a homebody to do it. But we do own a second home in the Missouri Ozarks. I love it there. We have a few friends that live around us there. My only regret is I don't get to go there enough. My husband goes with his friends to hunt during the different seasons. When I go I take my knitting and just relax for a couple of days. I sit outside sometimes and just watch and listen to nature. And would you believe the official name of the community is "Wilderness". I feel like Laura ingals Wilder when I'm there. Have a good day everyone
Sharon
0 -
Sally! When our Husbands used to go hunting or fishing, some of us gals would go out DANCING and drinking and just have a blast! It's like when the cat's away, the mice will play....
We married so young... like 20.... And I never went to a club or a party.... just became a wife and Mommy, but THEN, after we all grew up, I found it FUN to hang out with the girls while THEY were gone.... Fun memories! We could hardly wait for their next trip!
0 -
Usually we'd go to Brainerd and spend Easter with Lew's sister's family. We'll have just been with all the family on Good Friday for the funeral, and I really don't want to drive the 2 1/2 hours each way to go to Brainerd for Easter. Our good friends have invited me to drive out to the lake with them and have Easter dinner with their cousin, who I know and have been to her home, so I'm going to do that.
0 -
Mornin all
Puffin- I think it is a great idea to go with your friends for Easter. If you were with family, it would probably just be an extension of Fri. Maybe by next year you will be able to enjoy family and talking about Lew. This year you need a break, especially with timing
HELP!! My iPad has bit the dust! My DD was ordering some stuff for Amazon when the screen went all funny and I haven't been able to get it back on. I charged it all night, but nothing has changed. Thank Goodness I have already gotten my tax return, just wasn't planning to use it on an iPad. I know this is a minor issue in light of other things we are or have been dealing with, but I am lost without it.
I will be off to buy a new one right after my DGD's soccer game at noon.
Anne
0
