The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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OMG I'm so upset and sad for u----I barely know what to say except listen to what others are saying. My abusive marriage lasted 6 yrs. and it just ot worse--verbally_ and I planned and planned just what I was oing to do and got an apt. and moved there. And told hime I would not take his nitemare anymore he can live with it---I was younger and stronger but I thank God that I left him--in one day I felt such relief. He was not as bad as u r in--but still crazy. that was many yrs. ago and to this day I'm happy being alone--Please get help--someone anyone there is help out there, and now more than ever.
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vamon, here's another spin on it. Though you are in fact the "victim" (don't we HATE that word!), HE is the one that is wrong. Not you. YOU are the one we want to protect and save. YOU are the one that the cops will respect. YOU are the one that the shelter will help. There is a whole network of love and care for YOU out there that you have no idea of. There are people who spends hours of their time for free because they want to help YOU. There are government facilites set up to help YOU grow and move on. It is all about YOU. Your daughter is too young to advocate for herself, so we need YOU to do it for her. We trust that YOU will do the right thing for you both. Please let us know that you have made it to a safe and loving place.
God bless, sweetie, we care, about YOU.
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Has anyone heard from 1vamom?? Concerned about them, as is everyone else. I know so many can relate to her.
Michelle0 -
1vamom,
Just saw this thread and hoping and praying you are ok. Like everyone says , please walk out, for yourself and your daughter.
I was in the same situation , 5 years ago, facing abuse from my "DH", all kinds of abuse: physical, emotional, verbal, mental and sexual . I was all alone, with no job, no insurance, and in a foreign land where I did not speak the language. My family for various reasons couldn't help me. I dug deep for strength, started saving money, borrowing from friends and family, sneaking and hiding it, put all my important documents together, and finally one day , walked out.
I know it seems impossible but you will find a way. Please let us know you are ok.
Bug Hug.
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lilypad a different country? OMG u really have strength.
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lilypad that is the kind of story that vamom (and others reading but not posting) NEED to hear!! Thank you for posting that. You were VERY brave.
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Edit: I just read what was going on before me..... So sorry to intrude on other pressing matters... I have a new daughter-in-law originally from Solvakia that was brought over here by her "husband" and was used and abused before she had the strength to walk out... My son was going through a divorce at the same time (abuse by his wife that left him bankrupt).... they met in time to help eachother through.... I am hoping the same will happen for you 1vamom.
Sorry ladies, I just had to share this - I'm not sure if the Radiologist brought his brain to work or what.. I found a lump in my radiated breast saturday, went to surgeon on tuesday and ultrasound on weds (yesterday). This is where I was having my ultrasound and the tech went to talk to the Radiologist. He comes back in with her and did an ultrasound himself and was spirting off words like, HMMMM, cyst?, HMMMM, maybe not, HMMMM........ then looks at me and says he won't do a biopsy because this lump didn't "look" like my original cancer lump but says, "I'm not sure what it is...it could be scar tissue..but@ but give me a break!!!!
So I gave my surgeon a heads up - the Tech told me the report would take 2 days.. the surgeon's office said that he could get the pictures before the report and take a look and call me...still waiting...this is almost as bad as finding out I had cancer the first time.
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gma, I get it, they found junk on my last mamo after 3 1/2 years of "beautiful" and no changes
biopsy took so long to get and came out fine but it was way worse than the first...I know more now~~
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Gma--I hate having test and someone makes any hmmm. Before I get any test with any Dr. I tell them straight out I don't want to hear a sound out of u like mmmm or OMG or ooohhh NOTHING and I'm serious too.
I would be freaking out ---to me that so unprofessional--or maybe it's the norm now but not for me---I'm sorry u have to wait for any answers--keep everyone posted.
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{{{Hugs}}} gma.
A friend said to me that his Mum had cancer 10 years ago and she is okay because the doctor said if you have a lumpectomy the cancer has 'somewhere to go' if it comes back.
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Saw someone I had not seen for a while. She asks: how are you? I say pretty good, thanks. How are you?
She comes back with: you sure dodged the big bullet, didn't you?
I walked away. Not worth wasting breath on this person.
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I have had this same conversation at parties........but not with that retort. Oh brother......do I need to wear a sandwich board that says IM FINE - CAN WE TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE?
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I really resent people that come across as if they think THEY are never going to face a serious illness or die. They say stupid things like "you, of all people, know how fragile and fleeting life can be" what? No one gets out of this life alive.... It's hard to explain, but, they're either in denial that cancer or something else can strike them too at any minute....
True story: a few years ago, my sister was undergoing tx for a brain tumor. It was around the holidays. I took a few hours to myself (was taking care of her 4 kids) to attend a holiday function and relax. An 'acquaintance' of my sisters saw me and absolutely ruined my night, had me so upset with her "so heartbroken over your sister, devastated for her and her children, your family is so unfortunate to be dealing with this, will she be able to function, will she be able to return to work, blah blah blah" as if she was immune to the world. Less than a year later, this woman was very tragically killed in a winter auto accident that was horrific.
I'm not glad she was, obviously, but, remain stunned that so many people think they're holding an immunity idol or something. Btw...my sister is doing great. Stage III brain cancer, stable for 7 years now. No deficits, working, dating a wonderful man. She's seen her two oldest graduate from college, her son just graduated high school and is going to temple in the fall. Her youngest just turned 14 last week.0 -
My trigger is "How are you doing?" - everytime someone says that I start crying!!! I get so mad at myself.... If they say How's it going, or Hi there, no problem but if you say that one phrase, I just fall apart - What causing that to happen??? Doesn't matter about how I'm doing - even on great days I start crying...
Ladies the answer came in and the surgeon says the report is "worrysome" and it would probably be good to do a lumpectomy.. where it is they can't do a biopsy - that happened the first time too.. I will let you know when the surgery is - probably get a call back this morning.
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Sometimes I envy the world they live in. The ignorant bliss of thinking you will live forever without death, disease or harm. That world just does not exist for me anymore......the naivety is gone......
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Yep, we've lost our innocence!!! Gma, make sure you keep us posted on the dates!!
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Shayne--I felt so bad reading u'r post--we haven't lost our innocence we just matured it happens to all of us. Some faster than others.
My grandson -8- was taken to the ER the other day and when the Dr. walked in he said "Hi Joey, what seems to be u'r problem?" and Joey said " I have a shooting pain in my right quadron of my lower stomach, and the level is 10" The Dr. said "wait a minute I'm going to get my nurse and u tell her the same thing." Now I think I robbed him of his innocence actually--poor kid (he;s ok, just some meds)
But I think we feel people aren't what we thouht was the normal nice everyday families that we thought--and pain is real--but u always sound like your heart is pure and that's u'r innocence coming thru-so u haven't lost it---and I'm in my late 60's and I still have some left. (so I'd like to think) I just know there are super bad days, but good ones too.
GMA U know the wait is sometimes worse than what is happening--I wish u good happenings in this time of ??? and good results-I know u'll let us know
I'm in the middle of changing all Drs. (moved) and they so far don't like what they see and I just told them we all need an attitude adjustment-mostly theirs and think more positive about what they see. But I javen't seen my ONc. yet soshe better have good news that's what counts for me. This other stuff is just little junk to me--they call almost everyday--they are eager young drs. ro eager for me. LOL
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Camile, your grandson will truly have lost his innocence when he says lower right "quadrant" and not "quadron"!!!
As for innocence, we're talking about the innocence of "living forever", "nothing can touch me". Most of us have seen the bullet that will kill us!! THAT is a loss of innocence!!!
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Oh I guess I really misunderstood, butI'm from a different generatiom death was a part of everything when I was little. We used to have wakes in the house for a couple of days so u slept in the room next to the dead person and we just knew it was part of life and oing to a catholic school death was the big message always, they told u to sleep with u'r hands folded as in prayer so if u died u'd be in prayer. Morbid I know but that's what it was. So in my head loss of innocence meant how people reaaly act and how u think they should and disappointment in what others do and how they treat u in different circumstances. And I think it's not how it's supposed to be---we're here to care about each other and when u find out not everyone is like that u lose what u thought life was all about.
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Update: ladies I am having the nodule/lump removed on Weds at 12:30 pacific... the nodule is 4.3 x 3.9 cm and he think it will be a quick removal, but I told him if there is anything in there suspiscious please take it OUT!!! Need alot of hand holding and prayers...0
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Gma---we're holding your hand. XO
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I turned 45 last week and my Dad rang me up and said 'aren't you pleased you made it'
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Loss of innocence......I will never be the same, that person who thinks Im cruising thru life from now till im 95 healthy.... I look at pictures from last year.....im not that person anymore. This disease has taken that from me - and yes, i have a reverence for life that Ive never had. I have gratitude for every day, more than ever. I live in the present.....but those thoughts of whether I will see my daughter get married and have children.....creep in there now and again. And all around me is the ignorant bliss of people who think they will live forever without facing death, their own death. Ive been touched my death, the loss of loved ones, plenty of times. I lost my first husband at 21. But never did I really stop to think I could get cancer. Not even after my sister was dx five years ago. I lived a healthy lifestyle. I look 10-15 yrs younger than I am. The women in my family live long cancer free lives, for the most part. That is the ignorant bliss that is gone. Its not sad or morbid, just a fact. Im using it as a positive.....most days it works. Ive got a great life....Im happy......but that element is long gone. Ive grieved it....its a loss of innocence that I will never get back.
Dumbest thing someone has said to me lately......"so.....you're ok now? Everythings fine?" Umm.....yes, in this moment...
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Gma, we will be there holding your hand, please update us here as this is where we know about it.
Dumbest thing I heard lately was from a heart specialist who said I should be more worried about my cancer than my heart!!! I can live without my breasts, but I can't live without my heart. I got a pacemaker!
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Barbe u'r so young to go thru so much.
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Barb and ladies - thank you for the uplift - I'm glad I have church this morning but I'm sure I will have something dumb someone will say about my surgery weds.. How many times will I hear, "I'm so sorry, do they think its cancerous?" Thank you for the "I don't know what to say, but let's make it worse on you.." LOL. Trying to think of a catchy comeback... if I do, I will let you know what it was.
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Well Ladies - didn't have one stupid comment yesterday - Amazing - I have great church friends! BTW I think half those friends are coming for my wait at the hospital LOL .. I will have to rent a room for all of them to have a party... Oh forgot to say that another one of my friends is bringing my DH his favorite lunch and snacks while I'm in surgery..Now that's a friend!
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GMA see u got u'rself all prepared for church and they all came thru for u in a wonderful way. That certainly speaks alot on u. So now u can concentrate just on u to feel better,
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Bump
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This message is for Coolbreeze, If she doesn't come here regularly Please if someone could let her know this is here. I chose to write this in the public forum b/c it is warranted versus a PM, b/c it was offensive to others as well as CB
Coolbreeze, I've thought allot about what happened and I feel I owe you a public apolegy. It was a knee jerk reaction to something unfortunate that happened along time ago. My response on this thread was stupid. So, again I apolegize, good luck with your endeavors on the radio program. sas
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