Calling all TNs
Comments
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My "little boy" is 23 today
Enjoy them while you can--- why only yesterday he was starting Kindergarten (or at least it seems that way).
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My little girl will be 23 on the 25th; my little boy 21 next month.
Oh I remember just crying my eyes out the first day of kindergarten, then when they graduate from high school, then when you take them to college for the first time (that was bad...you have to LEAVE them there)...
I'm crying now...for you mom's sending your kids off to kindergarten...time really does fly by.
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So true. I hated it when my younger son went to middle school and didn't come home for lunch anymore (I work from home). It was always a special break in my day, we'd play cards or a board game - just the 2 of us. Motherhood is one long series of detachments - from weaning to kindergarten to college to moving out.
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Kymm - is the $5/mo membership with YMCA nationwide? I've been thinking about joining a gym with a pool to give me some exercise that I can do with my back. Do they need a dr's note or something showing you have or had cancer? That would be much cheaper than the place I was thinking about joining.
RE: "children" leaving for school
I cried like a baby when my DD#1 started kindergarden, started 5th grade (last year in elementary school), started 6th grade (first day of middle school), started 8th grade (last year of middle school), started high school and I was of course a big ole' mess when she graduated. My poor DD#2 (really less embarrassing I'm sure) only got tears at the start of kindergarden and the end of her senior year........ My girls are now 19 and 27.
Jenn
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I cried every time one of mine went to kindergarten the first day, and the second day too. I remember it very clearly like it was yesterday. I have one who is now 22, one 20, and one who is 3... yes 3. So I get to go thru all that again. I don't think I'll look at it quite the same now though. I never thought I might not get to see my kids grow up until my dx. Now, I'm just glad to know I'm living long enough to fulfill each of these milestones. But I suspect I will cry when he goes to school too... especially since he will be my last.
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Angelisa..lucky you to have a 3 year old! I wanted a 3rd one but my DH said no..
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I'm happy to know that I am not the only sappy, emotional Mom!! I had my kids a bit late in life (36 and 39) and always knew there was a chance I might not live long enough to see grandkids, but know I am at least hoping to see them grauate high school!!
Fighter- pretty crazy how similar we are!! Are you doing anything special for your 1 year annivesary coming up?
Heidi- Happy Birthday to your "little boy"!
My heart goes out to all the Moms with little ones starting school! I am anxious for them to get home and see how the first day went!!
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I cried when my daughter started daycare and would be sleeping in a little cot at naptime....then I cried for kindergarten. She's going into 7th grade this Sept.
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Good morning everyone.
Just an update. It turns out the xeloda wasn't working and my local recurrence has invaded my skin. This FC is moving like a train. New tumors, grotesque contorted purple red inflamed skin growing and spreading almost daily. The pain has intensified so it hurts to wear a bra and the seatbelt makes driving almost unbearable. Good news is it is still semi local I had another pet last Tuesday. I will be starting Abraxane/Avistan on Tuesday thru an IV and having my port reinstalled the following Tuesday. I guess they can install the port and give me chemo through it the same day. I need to repost a current photo so you all can see how my hair looks now that it has started growing back before I loose it again. Sure hope it works. I'm still a marginal stage 3 and I do like that. Even though I was told that the skin is the largest organ we have and the TNBC can be most aggressive when it hits the skin. For some reason I still feel lucky.
Inmate- I've done A/C, then Taxol, then surgery Mastectomy and 20 lymph nodes removed (14 positive at surgery) clean margins last October, clean pet, then Carbo/Gemzar finished that last January,clean pet, then radiation was finished in May,Clean pet, Port removal in June, New local tumors first felt 4 weeks ago. First one felt on a Wed. then on Friday a cluster of more and then it has gone crazy and I can't even count them. Pet showed larger tumors in the clavicle and interior secondary mammary ( or something like that. I no longer have a collarbone on my left side the swelling has swallowed it. I didn't have real bad SE's on the Carbo/Gemzar at least that I can remember. Low wbc but had the neulasta shots (Ask onc about taking 1 claritin and 1 Zantac 1/2 hr before and it reduced my bone pain tremendously) It's hard to believe how difficult it is to remember the SE's other than A/C which was the worst so far. I think it is great that you have such good oncs that are willing to dive in and fight the FC with the big guns.
I am having a birthday party for my grandson today. He turns two yrs old. It will be fun putting up balloons and crepe paper and doing it up. My kids have outgrown that hoopla. He loves fish so I am going to splurge and serve Chilean Sea Bass. My daughter will bake his sugarless cake and she makes this fabulous ice cream with no processed sugar it's only sweetened with real maple syrup that she and her husband make every year. Yup can you tell I love to spoil this sweetie. He is my buddy and sticks by me like glue. He loves to water my gardens and nursery area with me. It will be a fun time. If I can figure out how to post a photo I will. Heidi helped me before. Heidi?? LoL.
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LJ..I just hope this new chemo regimen helps...I hate FC!
On another note...have fun with your grandson! Sea Bass and Ice Cream..what a combination!
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Hi ladies I started out positive to and now I am triple neg. I was diagnosed In Jan 2011 I had chemo first after chemo the cancer was gone I had lumpectomy and 13 nodes taken out one had a .32mm cancer cell in it on the 27 of June. I now have to have 6 weeks of radiation.
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TifJ- besides getting up and hugging my kids & hubby, and being thankful.
I plan on taking an extended lunch w/ a dear friend, and just RELAXING. Sometimes doing nothing is hard for me to do.
I got a NEW JOB ladies something to help keep my mind pre-occupied.
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Laurajane: Sorry you are having to go through all of this again-cancer truly sucks. I am sending you much light and hope and if attitude counts for anything yours is amazing!!! Big hugs!! The party sounds fun and I would love to get the maple syrup ice cream recipe-yummm!
Fighter: Congratulations on a new job! How exciting for you.
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Jenn: re: YMCA - It seems their policies vary from city to city and state to state. I am not sure why. Here in Los Angeles as far as I know it's still $60 a month yet over the hill in the Valley it's $20 for the whole family. Hope your area offers something less then where I live.
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Laurajane, girl, my hats off to you. You are amazing! Going through so much and yet having a great attitude. I can see that you are fighting this with all you have. I am just wondering - does this mean that Carbo/Gemzar didn't work, the radiation didn't work, the Xeloda didn't work, that's why you got new local tumors. These are probably really stupid questions, and I am so sorry, but I am also wondering did you have a mammogram after you finished the Carbo/Gemzar or did you just have a petscan? Is there a way for them to check your lymph nodes again, I mean whatever is left? I am so very sorry that you have to go through this, but you are not alone, we are all with you, all of us are facing something or other.
And Ladies, I am totally and completely freaking out this morning, as I feel a tiny little lump (it could be scar tissue, but I don't think I felt this before today). I have placed a call with my surgeon's office, maybe get an ultrasound order. My God, I just finished a thorough bilateral MRI and Mammogram, MRI on 7/14/11 and Mammogram on 7/25/11. Sometimes, I have felt that in my case, Mammogram caused my cancer. Right now, I feel that having had the mammo on 7/25/11, 26 days later, I have a lump? Whereas before this I didn't have anything. Freaking out, girls!!! I am sitting here at work at my desk, not doing any work, almost shaking. I told this one girl in the next cubicle, she is weird though. She won't leave me alone anymore, I know I shouldn't have told her. In the middle of any conversation she will ask me what my results are, I know that's what she used to do before, she has no idea how difficult it is to answer questions like that. I am hating myself for telling her. Apart from her, I haven't told a single soul yet, that I have felt this tiny little lump since Tuesday. Oh my God, I am worried and scared to death. My MRI had given me a Birads 3, saying, "visualized are areas of enhancement within the regions of surgery within both breasts, decreased in amount since prior exam. No new suspicious areas of enhancement are identified". The Mammo stated "No mammographic evidence of neoplasm in either breast; no mammographic change since 2/2/11. Birads 2 - Benign". And now just barely a month passed, I have a tiny little lump? What does this mean? When I touch my scar tissues, they are hard, but not in any lump form. This new tiny lump is the size of a mosquitoe bite, and it feels round. Any comments?
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((((LJ)))) ((((Lovelyface))))0
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Fighter- congrats on the new job!! I don't think I will be doing anything special that day-maybe lunch with my best friend (that's a good idea!).
Lovely- hope it's nothing!
My baby girl had a great first day at Kindergarten! She came home with a great big smile!!
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Lovelyface - I also recently found a tiny lump. I had bmx Jan 2010. My appt is this Tues to get checked. I really hope they do some sort of scan. I have not had any scans of any kind since surgery. I have never had a PET scan at all. They said because my stage was only II that it is not indicated. ?? Anyway, good luck with yours and I hope we both just have scar tissue!
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(((LOvelyface))): Is the bump smooth to the touch? Because a BC lump is very grainy to the touch.
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Hi Sunny - You are brave and I wish I was like you to have made a bmx decision, but I didn't and couldn't, although even after having a bmx, it is a bummer that you feel you have a lump. I had a lumpectomy, chemo and radiation. I celebrated my one year on July 20, 2011. I am wondering why being so clean for one whole year, and now right after a mammo, just a month after, I get this lump? Although I know that a mammogram is only a tiny bit of radiation, compared to 33 radiation treatments which I went through. I honestly don't know what to think whether mammograms are good for us or not. Could there be a reason why doctors don't want to do mammograms every year now, they do it every other year for people without BC. Maybe because they know it causes some ill effects on our breasts, maybe it causes BC.
I am sitting here waiting for a call either from my radiologist's office or the surgeon's office, so someone can do an ultrasound and tell me what they see. I also don't like biopsies, I will think twice before I get that done.
Sunny, I don't think they should have told you that being a stage II does not require a petscan. I haven't heard of that before. I am also a Stage II, but my Onc. ordered a Petscan right away after my surgery. When touching the scar tissues which seems to be hard and spread out over an area, versus, the lump which seems to be roundish, can you actually tell a difference with yours? I also wish you Good Luck and truly hope that we both just have scar tissues. I hope your waiting till Tuesday is not too painful. I try to get immediate appointments, no matter what they tell me, I try to get in the same day with any doctor who can write me a scan order.
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MBJ - Lovely to hear from you. Yes, the lump is very smooth to the touch, actually, it is just like the first one, which I had found myself, that is why I am freaking out so badly. It is not painful, wish it was, but it is definitely not painful. I swear I never felt this lump there before, hope I am wrong. I always touched my scar tissue and they are hard and spread over an area, definitely different from this lump which seems to be roundish and a very small size, very small. I also noticed recently that I have a lot of pain in the upper left area all the way under my arms, this area which is close to the lump. I have had pain under both my breasts in the rib areas and you may have read my previous posts regarding them.
My first BC lump was also smooth, not grainy as you mentioned, however, I am not a very good analyzer. I truly hope I am wrong.
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Lovelyface: I hope you are wrong, too! I find that I pay more attention to my breasts around exam time so I am hoing it is nothing but scar tissue! Hugs!!
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Off to ONC with my Mom (JoJo702) to see what he has to say about her upcoming treatment. I am sure she will have many questions depending on what he tells us. Thank you all for giving her a warm welcome.0
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Titan- Changed the menu to curried salmon and icecream. LOL
Lynniea- I hope your rads go smoothly and quickly with hopefully no SE's or few if any.
Fighter- Congrats on your new job. What will you be doing?
Lovelyface and Sunny- I truly hope everything is fine. I can understand you freaking out but I truly hope that what you are feeling is scar tissue or left over staple or something. I would request a scan ASAP. Insist on it so hopefully you can be reassured it isn't anything. I certainly don't want to intensify anyones fear because of what I am going through and I have been told by my oncs that TNBC usually responds very well to the standard protocol of treatment. The percentage of TNBC patients like myself is very small. I am sending positive thoughts to both of you. Again I don't want to make you or anyone else more scared. I am glad that I can share my experiences and I am grateful if I can help any of you in anyway.
MBJ- {{Love}} You are so caring and thoughtful. I really appreciate all that you offer and say and do. Not to put fear into anyone but my first and all of the rest of my lumps have been smooth also like a hard bug bite originally and now with the reoccurence about the size of a pea this time. I guess we are all different. Mine graduated into clusters over the last few weeks. Again I don't want to scare anyone and hopefully it isnt anything but I want everyone to know how I discovered mine so that everyone can be on top of it. I think we are all different in how we diagnosed ourselves and I think in many ways this FC is different too as far as how it has affected us each physically.
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Laurajane dear, you are not putting fear into me, or scaring me for sure, so please feel to say anything you want. I think it is helpful to know, understand and learn from each other. We are all the same, same emotions, same fears, same body parts, when something happens to one, we all feel it. Thanks for sharing your situation with us and please continue to share. I want to know what you are going through, absolutely, 100%. I also want to be able to say what is happening to me, without having to worry about scaring anyone. Having a diagnosis of BC has made us strong enough.
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LauraJane - I am so sorry that the Xeloda didn't work, and am SO grateful your doctor was on top of it quickly. Is the Abraxane+Avastin a trial? I apologize for being nosy - have you discussed with your MO the fact that your chemo didn't respond to Taxol? The two are in the same family, and I know my doctor didn't want to try another platin with me because I didn't respond to the Carbo. But it could be that Abraxane works differently than Taxol, and I know it can kick TNBC butt - so just tell me to MMOB if you want
.Lovelyface - lumps are scary, period. It is probably a piece of fatty tissue, as that is very common, but I can empathize with your fears. Good for you for having it looked at so quickly! I will keep you in my thoughts that it is something very benign. With your clear MRI just a month ago, I'm sure it is. But better safe than sorry!
Sunny - my thoughts are with you as well. Ugh I hate how this disease just changes the way we feel about our bodies, always so fearful. Keep us posted!
LJ is right - she and I rare examples of not responding to chemo as well as others. I often worry that my story scares everyone
. But I also hope that it pushes even one person to be as proactive as they can, to ask questions of their doctors, to not follow blindly with protocol if their gut is screaming "something is wrong!" We have that right, as WE are the ones fighting for our lives. ~~~
Had another beautiful day at the beach yesterday, and a lovely lunch with a new friend today. I'm back on chemo again Monday, I can't believe I'm even thinking of complaining about the SEs from Xeloda after the hell that was AC
. Just wish my head and neck weren't quite so whacked out!I hope everyone has a great night!
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Ahh..you guys are really the best...Lovelyface, Suze, LJ..and all of you..
Lovelyface is spot on...this thread isn't about just happy stuff...if we want that there are several other threads we can go on to laugh..or whatever..this thread is for we TN's..to share the crap and the good stuff...and to support each other...
Ok..no violin music on here..but if there was anyway I could kick the s**H.** out of anyone's cancer here I would be right on it.
On another note..I get a letter from the Cleveland Clinic today..asking me to support the first ever vaccine for breast cancer... ..I guess there is a video you can wach http://giving.ccf.org/vaccinenow
Anyway..I'm returning this..not with $$..cause I don't have any but with a request to be in the trial....
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There is still hope................
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Wish me luck tomorrow, folks. Tomorrow afternoon I will see my oncologist and learn what he recommends for me. I'm nervous, of course. I have to remember that he put me into remission for 11 years, which is huge. My surgeon is confident that I will go into remission again. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. I am so grateful for this website and the support and knowledge that we can gain from each other.
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Suze- you are correct about the Abraxane it is a type of taxol that my cancer overrode. My cancer has outrode all of the chemos but I haven't tried Avistan. I don't know much about it. I figure I don't really have a choice so I will just take what comes at me as far as SE's. All I have left to try are different cocktails. I'm hoping that the right cocktail mix will give me a little more time. My onc got the approval to try it on me with out being in a clinical trial. There is another clinical trial she offered to me but I would have to be chemo free for three weeks and that scares me so much when I reflect on how much my FC has progressed in the last three weeks. You know what I mean? I don't even want to imagine the pain if I wait that long. Oxe only helps so much.
Wow! Laying out on the beach with a good book sounds like heaven to me. I hope you had a great time. I'm going to put that on my list of things to do.
West- I hope your appt. went smoothly for your mom. It was so nice that you were there with her.
Great B-day party for my grandson. We had a ball! Good night and sweet dreams to all.
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