Australian Sisters
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Hi Girls, Hi Anne, nice to see you, i am a kiwi, but come over to chat to the girls. you will see what wonderful and supportive bunch they are and knowledgable, i have found more about things from these ladies than i do from the docs. we have a kiwi site too, if you feel too, it is an australasian forum so feel free to to mingle with everbody.
Chrissy i went to DR re colestreol and now am on 10mg of that lipid pill. It was 6.3 and that other one was high starting with T you mentioned, big long word. and he has not got results from 2nd mamo yet, a wait for that i guess, sounds it will be ok. i got that impression from the radiologist.
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Oh yes i will go and see about those fish oil tablets, so i do eat alot of fishm salmon, but wont hurt to get more, thanks
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Ok, so I am about to have a 'woe is me' whine.
My chest hurts, my arms are killing me, my eyesight sucks, my hands burn etc. etc. and I feel like an emotional wreck. I went to the dr, usual thing - chemo. He wanted a chest xray but I said no, ring RO cause I had a CT for radio last week in which everything was fine.
So - increase meds for mood, which are a neuro med and should also decrease neuropathy, take some pain killers and hopefully things will improve. Just cant wait to start radiotherapy!! Booked the bus, my 11yo can come with me during his school hols, I am sure he is looking forward to 4hrs travel a day. Problem is he wont go and stay with anyone else as he is really clingy at the moment. I got some books for young kids with parents with cancer and thinking counselling for him also.
Sorry everyone for my meltdown, but I know you will understand how I feel. Things will improve, treatment will soon be over and the positives will re-appear soon. Kylie x
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Hiya Kylie. Vent away. You poor thing, I really really feel for you. Your last sentence is what will happen and what we have to believe in, but I know it is sometimes a real endurance to get there. I'm sure if your son is clingy he won't mind being on the bus for 4 hours. How about making lemonade from lemons and use it as a wonderful time together (even though the treatment isn't wonderful) before he is all grown up and you don't have the chance for him to hang with you. I bet you he will remember the time spent with you forever and it will be special to him to know that he really helped you with the treatments just by being there.
OK well I have to say I am either mad (insane) or my house is haunted. I really don't think I am mad (well not more so than 99% of the population) and I don't believe in ghosts, but odd things have happened to me in this house where I just have to think it is my muddleness, but today takes the cake...
I had a shower as usual today and took of my tracksuit pants. As is my habit, I just throw them onto the bed as I usually wear them again, especially if I am just staying home. Anyway I have my shower step out into the bedroom and there are no pants on the bed. I looked everywhere. There were some clothes that I had taken out of the drier on the foot of the bed for me to put away and I itemised every item (they were just jock and socks) and no tracky pants. Heck I even checked right under the bed incase they had fallen off the bed and one of the dogs might have pushed them under. No pants anywhere. I knew I hadn't been anywhere else in the house in case I'd had amnesia and didn't realise it, so I looked everywhere, kitchen,laundry etc etc. It was really doing my head in so I told myself to just go in and retrace mysteps, so I went into the bedroom and guess what was laid out at the top of the bed? yep, my pants. I mean they are black and pretty big, and on a white doona, stood out like a sore thumb. They were certainly not there when I was looking for them. So now I'm trying to be logical about it, but there is no logical explanation, unless my dogs are clever enough to play tricks on me as they are the only other souls in the house at the moment.
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Oh Kylie, vent away, that's why we are here- to listen to you xoxo. I remember feeling exactly the same. It's the Taxoterrible. It's a really shitty drug, and really does a number on you. Hang in there sweetie, I promise you it will get better, it'll take a while, but things will improve. Taxotere is just the pits, but it is one of the big guns, so just think that while you feel so lousy, it's doing the same to any left over cancer cells that may have been floating round your body. Get all the meds you need to get through it (((((hugs)))))))
Kate, well that is spooky. I'm not completely sure there isn't something out there. Bob and I lived in a house around 18 years ago that we are convinced had a ghost. We quite often heard someone walking down the hall, when there was only us there. Or it could be you just going slowly insane lol
Bob does recognize you - as soon as he saw your pic he said "oh yes I know her!"
Trish
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Kyllie huge hugs and vent anytime you feel like it.
I do belive in ghosts, I had 2 visits about 6 month after I moved into my house. The previous owner (an old lady ) had died there and wasnt discovered for days. One night my dog started barking at the hallway. I got up and went down it and went through the coldest air - was like being on a mountain in ski weather. T felt very very eerie. I then walked back up the hallway and it was normal temperature again. A few nights later my dog sat barking ar a corner of my bedroom and there was absolutely nothing there. I said "if thats you Ethel, I love your house and im looking after it the best I can" and theres never been another visit. I know it sounds strange, but I swear she was checking to see if I was treating her house okay. She'd lived in it for 30 years, buried he husband and raised her kids there so I reckon she had a vested interest in the house.
Also my mum who has no imagination whatsoever, swears that a few nights after my dad died, she was sitting on her bed crying when she saw and felt a despression in the bed beside her and felt my dads arm go around her shoulders. and he comforted her.
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Morning folks
Kylie, super big gentle hugs. You will get there and things will get better- I know it doesn't really look like that now.
Ghosts not sure but have felt things in this house which is 120yrs old.Like Lyndal, I am sure someone was checking up especially when we were doing major work and my daughter was sure that the sea Captain who owned the house would walk through the sunporch which was her room. It never bothered her. For me it has always been just a glimpse out of the corner of my eye. People would probably think I am quite mad if they heard me talking to the house, it is old and has lots of memories in it. I would love to see a picture of the first woman who lived here.
Still feeling off. So far no bladder infection which I could have told them, the problem is up in my kidney. Scan next week. Pleased its nothing to do with the BC.
Must go and get dressed, DH is away so am being really lazy..
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Seems like a few of us have had "encounters" The house I was talking about was on about 1000 acres and we had a Clydesdale who shared a paddock with some cows. Quite often the cows and Aussie would go down to the fence and look at the dirt road very intently for a long time. This would happen a couple of times a week, the same sort of frequency that we heard the steps in the hallway. We later found out a young woman had died there in a car accident. I think it was her that kept walking up the hallway. Another time, this was in Wollongong, just a week or so after my Mum died I was in her house and a friend was with me. She was sitting listening to me play the piano, and all of a sudden got up and said she had to go outside. I was a bit confused, but we went outside. A few days later she said that as she was sitting there listening to me she felt someone tapping her on the shoulder. It - understandably - freaked her out.
Haven't had any "encounters" since the halway ghost lol Sheila and Lyndal, interesting to hear your stories.
I'm officially at 7kg in weight loss now. Still feeling pretty pleased with myself :-)
Kylie - hope you have a better day today xoxo
Trish
xoxo
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I had a strange thing happening a couple of years ago, i was taking the lawn mower down stairs, of the porch here, it was inside as were not living here and i was going to mow the lawns here and i was backing down and i lost my footing abit and almost tumbled backwards, but the thing that happenend that i felt this hand on my back and yet nobody was there, and i was able to get myself steady again, felt really supportive as though they were there to catch me, my mum says, my guardian angel. Don't know who it is, but yea it was a weired freeling, yet warming. felt like somebody like my hubby just standing there, he was away working, but i could not see anyone.
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Ýay well done Trisha for loosing a stone.... please don't send it over to me
Well it's a beautiful day over here so I might get stuck into some gardening. Told DH about my missing pants yesterday and I think he thinks I'm jsut bonkers. Glad to hear that others have had some strange encounters too and it's not just me. My mother was an obsessed clean freak and it was probably her telling me to straighten things up a bit!
I'm starting to job hunt now. Enough of sitting around, but my confidence is very low and it's a real ordeal even to think about applying for anything at the moment. But it would be my best medicine. I need to get back into the real world. I feel very isolated here and the lonliest person on the planet. Problem is (this might be my own insecurities) but with such short hair I'm sure it's obvious that I've either been sick or I am very butch. Maybe I need to just wait a bit longer? until I do have some inner confidence back to proceed. My wig isn't an option, to me it is uncomtable and looks really fake. Should I be honest with prospective employers and say that I have had treatment and I'm now A.O.K or is it none of their business?
Hope everyone is OK, sorry that I haven't addressed anyone except Trisha and her weight loss. I do read everything and worry about each and every one of you and your medical concerns. Damn, I'm sick of this disease and what it does to our bodies.
Have a great weekend all.
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Hi Kate
I know what you mean about the low confidence, and yes - self esteem. I had exactly the same feelings. That's when I quit my job (couldn't deal with the bully and all the stress there) and had to find another job. I was a bit further on than you perhaps - my hair was about 1/2 inch long? I was honest about what I was going through, I had to be as I had to have time off every three weeks to go to the hospital for my herceptin infusions. I found that most prospective employers are appreciative that you've told them what's happening, given that you have to still have some time off for treatment and it didn't bother them in the least - as long as you are "healthy" and able to do the job.
I did struggle a lot with my self confidence and my self esteem. I'm still not back to normal in that aspect. I've changed a lot over the past 2 years and I think it will take me a little while to get all that back. While the people where I work now are very supportive and have been fabulous with any time I've had to take off for treatments, they're not as warm and empathic as I first thought. It's like when you start going out with a new boyfriend, and at first everyone's on their best behaviour and gradually as you get used to eachother the real personalities come through. My immediate manager has anger management issues and that has really given me some problems over the past six months or so. She's very apologetic about it, and asks my forgiveness, but I find myself getting really rattled over it - where as two years ago I'd have told her to f*!k herself and get a grip and not talk to me that way. Now I'm a bit too much like a frightened rabbit lol I'm getting better, but I think everyone here thinks I'm a real walk over and some talk to me quite condescendingly - when that would never have happend pre bc.
So - I guess it depends on what sort of job you will be going for, whether it will be full or part time and how comfortable you are about people knowing what you are still going through.
We can only hope that self esteem and self confidence comes back sooner rather than later. It really nice to hear someone else say the same thing though - I was beginning to think I was the only one finding that lack of confidence. All my friends just can't seem to understand the way I'm feeling, especially as I've always been full of self confidence.
Sending you ((((hugs))))
Trishxoxoxo
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Trisha. Are you my missing twin???? your experiences have been mine too. I still seethe about the treatment I have been exposed to, and all the while I have maintained a professional approach while feeling that I was surrounded by bitchy, snipey and superior workmates. Of course not all of them. There have been many wonderful 'normal' people that I have worked with, but in my experience, the workplace is fertile grounds for bullies, especially when there is weak management in place that just turns a blind eye to it. I too, had a manager who had the most atrocious habit of micro-managing everything (including the precise way to seal envelopes) who we all had to have mediation with. Somehow I got caught right in the middle of it all. The department (Reps actually) tried to pay her out to leave, but she was a stubborn you know what and bought in the APSC and union and it was all very unpleasant.
I'll be looking for part time work and not in an office environment. I'd really like to do retail of some kind. I've never been on the otherside of a counter, but I am great with people and if I was selling good products that I had faith in, then I don't think it would be difficult to sell. It's not about the pay anymore. Lord knows we need every cent, but I am now wise enough to know it's more about self satisfaction, enjoying a job and feeling good about what you are doing with your time and making the sacrifices that a smaller wage brings. I'll be a lot happier in other ways.
I need to loose weight to start to feel attractive again. Not that I have ever been especially pretty or anything, but I always had great pride in my appearance and carried myself well. Now I just want to hide under a rock. But I know that that comes from what I've been through too and I do believe it's normal and everyone here would relate. I just have to pick myself up by my bootlaces and get serious about getting my head into a better space and that means physcially getting fitter.
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Hi All
Kylie: You really have a lot to deal with. Which treatment centre will you be going to? That's a lot of travel. Is it a public bus? Maybe it will be nice to have some down time whilst travelling. I really hope the symptoms you have go away soon and that you can sail through Rx.
Kate: What sort of work do you do? I agree with Trish, it's probably best to tell your prospective employer. Good luck I hope you find something
Trish: Why does every work place have office politics? You have a special ability to write encouragingly on this thread. I think you would make an excellent counsellor!
I slept better last night after taking a half a Stillnox(Ambien). The insomnia was getting to me and I was becoming quite anxious. No sleepwalking or hangover so it's good to know I have that option.
Other than that I am keeping rather busy. I have decided to go solar so am getting quotes. I've also had various handymen come to help me do things, like dig holes to plant trees. I'm just doing the occasional work shift
Hello to everyone else
Gerri
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Hi Gerri. I always did office admin type of work. I used to take stillnox. I've always been of the opinion that if one is good two is better, but I did that with them once, and took a bath. DH and DD had to get me out of it and put me to bed and I didn't remember any of it. Bloody stupid of me now that I look back on it and I learnt my lesson! but it is good for knocking yourself out with. Just don't take more than you're supposed too
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Kate I think I must be your missing twin lol - too much in common!
Gerri - thanks for the kind words, counsellor though? Hmm.. maybe I need to rethink my career lol
I have Stillnox in my "drug drawer" My GP px it when I was having so many problems sleeping on Arimidex. The first time I took it, I still woke up after about an hour and stumbled around for a while and decided to take a Stillnox! Yes - so like Kate took 2. I do remember throwing up, and then going back to bed and nothing else for the rest of the night. I'm really careful when I take one now lol so far I don't think I've taken more than one. I don't seem to sleep walk or do anything odd either - at least DH says I don't. But haven't taken one for a long while now.
Trish
xoxo
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Thanks ladies for your kind thoughts. I am having a better day today. Just being able to vent without being judged makes such a huge difference.
Kate - how is your hair going, did you get it sorted? That is amazing you knowing Trish's hubby.
Gerri - glad you slept well. I am having radio at Campbelltown hospital, NSW. I will drive for 30kms then catch a Community Bus driven by volunteers, it costs $5 a day which is great. I can drop my son off at school early so I will get there in time.
Trish - I agree you would make a great counsellor, it was great meeting you in person; you have great empathy and are easy to talk with.
Alyson - I hope you feel better soon, glad it is not BC related.
Lyndal - I admire you working in your own business after this. We had a cafe in an industrial area and I can't imagine doing it now, it is such hard work.
Take care everyone and thank-you for being such a great support. Kylie x
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I worked in Insurance for 20 odd years. 3 different forms of insurance, 3 different companies and all had their own office politics which were all identical company to company. You have the brown nosers who suck up to the bosses and have made an art of appearing to be busy while actually doing nothing at all, you have the out right catty sheila's who seem to permanently have pms, you have the token well educated young men who believe they know better than everyone else but have no commonsense and never work out how to transfer school knowledge to an actual working career but will be advanced to management at the first oppotunity and then you have the normal ones. In my experience the normal ones were always there, just quieter than the rest lol. Im very very happy to be out of that sort of rubbish. Life is far too short to be dealing with that sort of thing 8 hours a day. Also we spend more time at work with our coworkers than we spend with our loved ones and friends, so I reckon its pretty natural to get on each others nerves on regular occasions.
Even with my shop, at one time I had 2 girls who just couldnt understand where each other were coming from. One would hold grudges against the other who had no idea what she did to upset the first sigh.
Kate, retail can be very good. Maybe see if you can tackle some casual hours at some local retail store and see how you go. Its very very hard on the legs and feet though. 4 hours or so I find completely manageable, but 6 to 8 hours really hurts post chemo. If you try it and like it you can always try for more hours or permanent or part time with that shop or another down the track. The lack of confidence is interesting. I hd no choice but to go back to work at the earliest opportunity as I had about 9 months off the physical side of working with the ops and chemo and recovery. Would have gone bankrupt if I hadnt pushed myself to go back as there is no financial assistance for self employed peeps who arent smart enough to have income replacement insurance
I find myself struggling with confidence in social environments. Im so aware that people dont want to be bored with cancer, s/e's etc etc and theres only so much one wants to hear about running a food takeaway store. My life revolves around those and my dogs, so BORING.I revert back to recalling the good old days with my mates and I think that just makes us all feel really old lol. I havent resolved that lack of confidence as yet just in case you cant tell lmao. But its an internal thing.
Far as appearances are concerned, Ive occasionally gone out without the foob (just the local shops, servo etc) and NO ONE notices. Thats helped me realise we are all fairly self absorbed as a species and unless we force something upon others to notice, the vast majority of people dont know, and couldnt care less. Why else would all the young uns be going around with multiple peircings in weird obvious places (those huge holes in the ears which is the current trend, spring to mind) Youve already lost some weight and Kate, to my mind you need to give yourself a huge break mate. Youve just finished ops, chemo etc etc. It is never a walk in the park and any scars and excess weight was honestly earned. You deserve a medal for coming through as well as you have, not an internal scold for not being back to normal so fast.
From the finish of chemo to starting pt at the local gym (low rider exercise bike) so that I could walk like a middle aged woman and not like a bent over 90 year old was about 3 months. Then back to work a few weeks later doing an hour or two a day most days, then gradually more per day till I could do 6 hours a day. I too got depressed at the time cause I thought say 3 weeks after the last course of chemo I would be back to normal living large. 3.5 years later and Im still waiting cause Im not the same person I was before I was dx'd, mentally or physically. I think Im a better person in most regards. Certianly more caring and considerate of others feelings and not as self absorbed. My idea of a good time now is going out to a nice restaurant or a bbq, nice food, a glass or two of wine and then off to bed. Pre chemo I would have thought that boring as heck.
lol I dont know if Im helping or hurting the cause here. Just trying to point out that you deserve to treat yourself well and to not be so demanding of yourself. Your are a champ, deserve a first class round trip around the world, a million dollars and a mansion with the biggest spa ever known. We all deserve good things for not giving up and for going through all that we have. A few kgs here and there are nothing in the scheme of things. You most likely still have a bit of steroid swelling in your face and body which is what made me feel less than attractive for ages too. It really is a matter of deciding to yourself that "stuff it" I dont care what anyone else thinks and remembering that those who know and love you, know what youve been through and dont care about those kg's, they care that you are alive and getting well and will be around for a long time to come. End of caring lecture haha
Sincerest hugs to everyone who's struggling, whether they post here or not. No part of our "journey" is easy, but all of us BC ladies have something in common, backbones of steel and hearts bigger than the Pacific ocean.
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Well said Lyndal. Thanks for your wise words and I take them to heart. I know you're right. It's all just time and perserverance, and hey, if I win lotto and manage that round the world trip (naturally 1st class) you're coming with me. In fact all you girls have seats booked, heck we'll book out the top deck all for ourselves.
Well my hair is still pink. Maybe not so vivid (I do wash it everyday and scrub extra extra hard) but it is just a blah pink colour. What the heck was I thinking? obvioulsy I make these decisions in a snap without thinking things T-H-R-O-U-G-H, just like with the Stilnox and the other 100 hasty decisions I have made in my life. Well at least it will fade out (I'ts those pesky white ones that are clinging onto the colour, hence the pink) but I had such excitement yesterday when I realised that I have the teeniest beginnings of my fringe coming back. Honestly it's only about half an inch but it's not sticking up anymore and I can lick it down onto the very top of my forehead. I think I miss the hair across my forehead the most. I dream of the day that I have enough to straighten and have either good or bad hair days. At the moment I just have the same hair day over and over, pink and very short and not requiring any attention at all. I will see if DH can take a pic of it and I'll upload it on FB. It has to be seen to be believed I tell ya!!
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Meant to say, the day you told us about the pink hair, I had a customer go past with that metallic blue wig on, you know the one we all looked at and joked about buying pre chemo and hair loss days. I looked at her and felt admiration for her guts and thought she looked fantastic. Had to be at least 60 and good on her!!!
Bad news on the hair though Kate. i actually miss not having any. I get annoyed at the hair in my eyes, have constant bad hair days, which never used to bother me before and hate having to blow dry each morning before work. Dont hate it enough to shave it all off though hahaha.
Cant wait to see the photo Kate, i bet you looks smashing
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Lyndal, I love you :-)
You always manage to hit the nail right on the head.
Trish
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lmao Thanks Trish, Wish my mum could read that, Ive lived with "you have no tact" all my life 
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Lyndal
That was star quality, so well said.
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Kate - just a quick one as we are getting in the car to drive to Canberra for my cousin's son's engagement party tonight... Back tomorrow. Just want to say "Organic Coconut Oil". Got it from my local healthfood store and it is a wonderful thing ;-)
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Thanks Jenn
Pics on FB. xx
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hello everyone, i am nackered, i have been chasing sheep, today we crutched them, well a hundred and five and there is another 100 tomorrow, i am the sweeper and clean up around the shearers feet as he does each sheep, man they are dumb animals, and stubourn, trying to get them to go where you want them to go, gosh, then we gotta drench them all. oh well keep me outta jail. They were very daggy and needed it, i will be getting my exersise this weekend, the poor old shearer, he has put on alot of weight and i could see he was struggling, he had open heart surgery last year and this is the most he has done for ages, so glad he not doing full shear. don't know how he would get on, he huffing and puffing and i was wondering at some point today if he was going to make it thru the day, he did though, we had a few breaks. i will sleep tonight, my back is sore and ankles. the things we do. hope everybody is ok and i am going to have a rest. take care girls,
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Getting ready for our trip to Adelaide - packing is a pain. Looking forward to meeting Chrissy - pity none of the rest of you could make it.
Sue
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Dearly wish I cold have come, but a/ have no money and b/ havent got enough staff to cover for me while I was gone. Am hoping we can sort something out later this year or early next year when I have everything under control
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Hey Lyndal - we should have a meet up here in Brissy - that way we would already be here
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lol sounds perfect to me. Im there. Wonder if and when Racy is getting back, she's halfway between you and I 0
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Yeah I'm sorry I can't make it either, but I am hopeing to fly to Brisbane in December - if the planets are all in alignment that is $$ wise.
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