INSOMNIACS place to talk in the wee hours
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Happy Easter everybody! May you have a lovely day filled with flowers, chocolate bunnies, and lots of love!
MammaRay- I am sorry what that person said to you. You and your family have been going through some enormously tough times with your health issues and that of your little boy.
I came to the realization within the past year after processing some of the things that were said to me during the worst of my experience that people that need to blame you during your most difficult times are giving themselves permission to NOT care about you. It can come with dismissing your hardships, or judging how you are getting through things. I had one person judging my fatigue issues during rads treatment. Not helpful.
When I was in the thick of it, I could not react sometimes to these people and say what really wanted to say. Things like "I am doing the best I can right now" or "oh really, lets see how well you do when your cancer diagnosis comes." In the end, I pushed some people away for a time and I let some other people go. If you cannot find ways to tell folks "hey, not helpful people", then keep anyone who feels unsupportive at bay. It is not our job to make others feel okay about how we are getting through bc (or anything for that matter). No one gets to judge how we survive or cope.
Thanks for posting the photo of your little boy in the rabbit ears! He is so cute! I hope he is feeling better too?
Cami- I hope Joey stays with his music and does not follow the crowd. He sounds like he has music talent. I am sorry you are both feeling sick and on the anti-Bs. I like the visual of you cuddling together. He is a very special little boy.
Going to the hot springs to soak for Easter. Bye for now!
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Very good Jazzy!
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Happy Easter everyone!
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Well said Jazzy!!
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good miornung all. Today I woke up in my own house. Yea. ! Feeling much better just weak. Will def get better.
Paw print - welcome back
Cami. Love seeing you.
Jazzy - relaxing st the hot springs sounds wonderful. Relax, refresh , rejoice
Mammaray / love your lil bunny people slways hsvd an opinion - what's your about being self destructive. ?
Hugs to all
Hootie hi
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MammaRay, Someone suggested staring at them until they start feeling uncomfortable, then saying "Why did you say that?"
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Ray--He's just adorable. What a little ray of sunshine! I just woke up. STILL can't seem to stop sleeping! I better run and get bunny baskets ready and hidden while the kids are still over at inlaws this morning.
My kids are old enough to "know" about the bunny, but they like to pretend. The basket hiding has become quite a contest. I hide them in the hardest places possible and they love the challenge. One year my oldest had to climb into the attic to get his.
Ray--I won't add to the advice already given here. It's all good. Just know that we love you and support you here. People react strangely to things that they don't understand and they don't realize how hurtful their comments can be. Chevy's idea makes me think it would be fun to write a book: "Stupid Questions and Comments Posed to Women With Cancer: Here's What You Should Have Said and Other Witty Combacks"
I love all the tender hearted souls in this thread. Hugs to all and a lovely Easter to you!
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MammaRay.... Yes... something like...... "Are you really THAT supid?"
Okay, Am I done yet? Oh wait......one more.... xoxoxoxo
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happy easter everybody!
Patty, glad you're home, now stay there!
Chevy, all good ones. Someone should start a thread for comebacks for stupid comments. Anyone?
Not doing much for easter, my kids and Gkids are all over the globe this year, 1 in Aussie, 4 in Alabama, 4 in the Bay Area. We usually all get together at my moms. Not this year. Sometimes there's about 35 of us if we can all make it. Going to DH side in a little while to eat dinner then I'm house and dog sitting this week.
Got stuff ready to sew on, finish that round quilt I showed you. Then 2 other table runners, early start to Xmas sewing. This year I'll be able to,get stuff done!
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Hope all is having a good meal & a relaxing day.
Pattiehoot, so happy you are home.
MammaRay, hugs to you, hard to understand how/why some people open there mouth without thinking.
Jazzy, you are a excellent writer, also Rose. I think it's a gift. Chevy & Cami have the gift of gab, and truly know how to entertain us with there somewhat shady "history".
I am back home. Twelve hours in the car yesterday, driving back home. That used to be easier. Tired & sore. My shoulder is healing but still struggling to raise it. I spent the week on my vacation in the pool, floating & gently swimming. Weather was hot, perfect. Now, back to cold.
Need to zip to the grocery store & make a meal for DH & DS.
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Holeinone. a glad you had a great vacation. Wonderful way to spend it.
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CAMMI has the "history"..... I am the shy, quiet one! She hangs out in alley-ways, leaning against the street-light, smoking and drinking! I've seen her SEVERAL times.... with her high-heels on, and all those beads....
And her fish-nets.... in the rain....
PEPPERMINT...... STAY HOME!
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Just finished dinner a bit ago and now I'm relaxing. It was just me, hubby and the furbabies as it usually is. So full that if I eat another bite, I'm gonna burst lol
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Smaarty--I'm game for a thread like that. There is a similar one that gals post stupid questions in. But I like the idea of starting one that would include comeback suggestions. Back when I first got Dx, I was sitting at church and this gal (not a mean bone in her body, just a tendancy toward the gauche) comes up to me and says, "I hear you have cancer. I'm so sorry. Where is it?" I'm a little weired out because lots of people are listening. I whisper, "It's breast cancer." She blinks and goes, "No, where is IT? Where is your tumor?" My friend and I were just sitting there dumbfounded. Luckily it was time to stop talking and listen to the sermon, so I didn't answer. My DH said I should have poked her right in the boob and said, "It's right there!!" Too bad I was too slow to think of it. LOL
Can't wait to see your finished quilt. Will you show us the finish?
Chevy, those are funny.
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Hi ladies- hot springs were so good. All mellowed out this evening!
Thank you for the kind words. I think dealing with other people was one of the hardest things about going through treatment. Now I have the people who look at me like nothing ever happened, and I just had the flu or something. It has been quite a journey learning about myself and others through all this.
Chevy- I am LMFAO about those pics you posted. The bitch flakes for breakfast just about did me in. LOL!
Mombie- OMG, seriously? I would have poked her boob and then both of her eyes out!
I hope everyone had a nice day with family, friends, hunting for easter eggs and enjoying spring.
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A Funny video, posted on the warm, & fuzzy thread.... !
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good morning ladies. Posting from home. There's no place like home. I actually slept all night. No one waking me every other hour checking on me. Feeling much better just exhausted and back pain. One day at a time. One foot forward right ?
Chevy - I am def staying home Living vicariously thru y'all. So live it up and let me know the details. Please.
Jazzy - glad the hot springs was relaxing. You deserved a break.
Mombie - people say all kinds of things. We let them roll off out back or blow up. Choice is ours.
2nd - thinking of you
Hugs to all I missed. Love y'all
Hootie hoo
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Beachie--"Ain't No 5" ROTFLOL. YAY NOT 5
Cami Love seeing you here and mixing it up with Chevy. I feel all is right in River City when it happens.(Take off from "Music Mans Phrase They're's trouble in River City").
MammaRay ???? Who tried to sell something? Advertise? Ah Hah---Chevy saw it too. Mods fixed it. Self Destructive? Like the person was the judger? I see Chevy felt the same way about the judging.A pox on them. Your son is adorable.
Rosie & HI1 , you could just take all the shit off. I did. Several years ago on the thread "OMG they found a cure for Stupid" in the chicken days(pre- page 100), our banter started showing up on FB. Many changed their avatars and names. I took of all the BC stuff off b/c it was ok for here, but not FB. Outcome was it was very nice. The "shit" wasn't always staring at me every time I posted. Very liberating.
Paws, so nice too see you, Happy you are sleeping better. I stopped melatonon and Ativan. Switched to Restoril--AKA Temazepam. It's in the benzo family. I love it . Don't need it every night. Rosie hates it and had a bad experience with the drug. For me no s.e.'s or next morning sleepiness or fog. The pic is of Dh and me. I love that pic
Patty's home. YAY enjoy those two boys and that sweetie hubby
Good ones Chevy
Blondie I agree with you. Michael can live in the truck. Glad you called about services. In re: to grocery delivery. Her we have volunteer buyers and deliverers. May be your Social Worker will know if there is the same thing where you are.
Mombie, There are several threads that already do this. I have one linked in the topic box. YKYACPW- Anacotes Girl 's thread. AG passed away last year.
Dutchy , 2nd, Teka, Blessing and anyone I missed WAVING
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Mamma Ray- I have had people tell me why they thought I got cancer, how they thought I should treat it, and how I should live now in the post bc world. It's just the whole fear thing and judgement that goes with all of this, and why we all have had many of our relationships change through time. I wish these same people luck when their own healthcare crisis comes (and it will).
Telling people to keep their comments to themselves is a healthy thing to do. Everyone can have their opinion, we don't all need to hear it.
Patty- so glad to hear you are home sweet home. I hope you continue to feel better!
Holeine- thank you for the compliments. I am trying to do more writing these days and doing a writers conference this summer (my first ever!)
Mommy- glad to hear you had a nice day yesterday and good to have you back here with us!
Hope everyone else has a good start to the week!
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Jazzy, The holier than thou, so called religious people that believe we have sinned. Forklift them. (Hope you saw the forklift joke the other day, otherwise you won't get the joke). BUT if it IS b/c I sinned. It must have been a WHOPPER. BC/brain tumor/thyroid ca.
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Just couldn't resist Sass.... You said "fork-lift".... so therefore....
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Sassy- I did not see that forklift joke, but did not have any religious zealots say anything to me. I know I have told some of you here and other places on BCO that I did not disclose my bc diagnosis to very many people for professional reasons. I am self employed and knew keeping it private was important to be able to get and keep work. I worked through rads treatment and my client at that time never knew. They knew I had some health stuff going on, but did not pry nor did I divulge. No one's business.
I had one friend who felt I was "so healthy" before my diagnosis and could not believe I got bc. My sister got diagnosed two months before me and she is very healthy otherwise too, a runner for her whole life, so the friend was like "I can't believe you both got it, at the same time, and with your health lifestyle." Well, cancer does not discriminate as we know. She also really reacted when I told her that I could not really drink much alcohol anymore. You do learn so much about others when you have to change your lifestyle. I don't see her much anymore, we connect 1-2X a year at most these days around concerts in town and that is fine with me. I know she is inherently not comfortable around me anymore. I also find I don't miss her drama?
I have one friend who swears by the colon cleansing thing. She has another friend who had bc and it came back in her liver. I asked how that woman was doing of my friend? I heard the woman was not interested in spending time with her these days. No doubt the Stage IV lady got the same lecture about putting the hose up her butt for good health. Everyone likes to be an armchair medical professional around this stuff.
The good news is for all the jerks out there, we find better people. I have let the non-supporters go (or see them in small doses). Not everyone is going to get it or care. Focus on those who do!
I hope everyone is having a good start to the week!
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Jazzygirl, just like cancer is toxic, so are some people and they just have to go. And for the healthy friend, she can cleanse and let us all know how it worked out. For all of us dear ladies if there is one thing we all get it is poop, and I am pretty sure all of here have been cleansed enough! Not to mention, scanned, X-Rayed, poked, prodded, and examined. I never knew my insides so well.........sigh
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Hah Spookie! Good one!
A few years ago, a few gals on BC.ORG were talking about "cleansing, cupping,"and all SORTS of weird things they try to help them cure their cancer. Some might benefit by these methods, but they're not for me!
I remember my SIL had an Aunt, that refused to do ANYthing for her Breast Cancer..... thinking she could heal it by...... what-ever..... Well, you can guess the rest.... And I'm told it was not easy to watch. We have come sooooooooo far, with a lot of different treatments.... I KNOW it all depends on your age, grade, type, stage, lymph node involvement, and the size......
But to try only Holistic, treatments just doesn't make sense.....
Okay.... can you gals tell me how long you keep your boxed goods for after the "best if used by" date? Even canned goods. I know I shouldn't keep things so long, or buy MORE things, but it just seems right if it is on sale.... I just threw out 2 grocery bags of "stuff!" My DH took away ANOTHER bag of boxed cake/cookie mixes.... Some were just gross.... I have to do better with that stuff.....
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Oh that's fun Spookie. Thanks for reposting.
Beach- LOL, yes, my friend who raves about the hose in the butt has lots of health issues that are not readily addressed by a colon cleanse. I agree with you about being poked and prodded, never mind cut on several times, irradiated, and medicated too!
BC has been no different for me than many other hard things in life from loosing a job, changing careers, death of a family member, elder care, starting and running a business, etc. The people who have most to say about things have never gone through any of what they seem to know so much about!
It is very true that the people that help you most through BC have either had cancer themselves or have helped someone else go through it. That has been my experience for sure!
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CHEVY, depends on what it is, and the date. If not in fridge and only a month or two, I'd probably use it. I try to watch that, but stuff in the fridge gets overlooked, frequently. I just pitched a bunch of BBQ bottles, waaaay out of date!!
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This is for all those well meaning people who like to give us advice! LOL!
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I've been lucky, haven't had anyone say anything stupid to me. Patty, glad you're feeling a little better. Sleep is a good thing. Did they ever figure what's wrong?
Here's the table topper, mostly done, have to some light quilting on it. I don't know why the pic shows so much blue, it's not really. For girlfriend BD next week
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I stopped listening to people who were so phony after going through chemo. Just didn't have the time or energy to waste on people who thought they knew better than the doctors on how to fight this crap!
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GbycvPwr1Wg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KTnGZ37sZqM