A place to talk death and dying issues
Comments
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Mike,
I have been following your posts for some time. Your devotion to your wife is a rare thing these days. You and your wife share a special love and bond, and I know this is the hardest thing you will ever experience. I was glad to hear that your wife is I a hospice facility for 6 days. You really need some time to rest and take care of yourself.
Home hospice care is a blessing. The hospice team provides vital services to both the patient and the caregiver. Unfortunately, home hospice is not a round-the-clock service, and devoted caregivers like you are left with far too much to do at a time when you are physically and emotionally drained.
You have provided your loving wife with the best care and support that anyone can receive. I know it is difficult for you. You are watching your wife slowly leave this life for a better place. Do not let these hard times overshadow all the wonderful years you two shared. Remember her smile, her touch, her voice, her unconditional love.
I am praying for peace and comfort for you, your wife, and your daughter.
Hugs and prayers from, Lynne
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This is painful for me but my wife in happier times with the kitty she loved, Monkey:
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Mike, that's the best photo.
Many hugs for your wife and for you.
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Mike,
What a nice pic. You and your wife are in my daily prayers. Hugs to you.
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Mike- I am a cat person too. She will soon be in Heaven playing with all the cats there. Happy and healthy.
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Candy-678, Yes, my only hope is that her broken body will be perfect in heaven and be surrounded by all her favorite kitty's.
Mike W.
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Hi Mike, thank you for your touching insight on what it is like to care and be with your wife while she is experiencing transition. So many of our BCO members will post when they enter Hospice and as long as possible. Then we stop hearing from them. They just disappear. I always wonder if they had someone like you to hold their hand and speak words of love.
You write so beautifully about your wife and you understand her needs. I am honored that you are sharing your love story with us. She married a good man.
Be gentle with yourself.
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Sandi~ so beautifully said. I’m touched ...
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Dear Mike, I have been reading the thread and am sad for you. I have lost both my parents and my brother to cancer and it is so very hard. But as others have said how fortunate your wife is to have you caring for her and selflessly meeting her needs at this very difficult time. May the hurt and pain be lessened by memories of happy times you have shared. Thinking of you. Helen.
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Mike, that's a lovely photo of your very lovely wife. Thank you for sharing. I think that's the first photo I've seen.
Mike, sadly, it's a tough call between pain management and level of consciousness. Yes, change of breathing is a sign that the end is close. May God's grace sustain you through these difficult times, and may happy memories comfort you.
Many hugs for you and your beloved wife.
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Micmel, thanks for telling us about Muddling. She was a special lady. I'm sure she will look wonderful in her Master's gown.
I miss you all. I've been working crazy hours.
Tonight is choir rehearsal in our church. I will light candles for Muddling, Mike's wife, and the many wonderful people on these boards who are in my heart. I will raise up my flute playing and singing in their honor.
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Looks like my poor wife might be coming back home. Her mind is gone now and she sleeps all of the time which is the best I can hope for her; no more pain. Last night I went out to dinner at Red Robin with my daughter and her boyfriend. At the restaurant I became aware at how lucky those people were, just being able to walk into the place, to laugh, joke with each other. No serious talk of taxol, radiation and death.
A little thing happened last night, just before bed while walking down the hallway with the house completely silent. I heard the way off voice of my wife, "Hi sweetie." It floored me, so sweat and kind of her. It was her young voice, a voice I haven't heard in years. She'd call me that usually when I came home from work or the store.
I remember long ago soon after we were married I woke up suddenly and said, "Through the void of time and space I'll always love you." I'm sure it's been said before by someone. I always remember that because it really means something now.
Mike W.
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Mike, your wife is very lucky to have had a love as big as yours in her life, someone who accompanied her so wonderfully until the end. I didn't have that, if my ending is bc, I'll be alone. That is the worst nightmare for a human being. Be happy to know that you avoided that terror to your wife. You're an angel
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That is so sad Euphorbia. What can I say. I do thank God for the 49 years of happiness. I went to a forum for grieving husbands. I felt lucky after reading about losing a wife after 20, 30 years of marriage. I had 49 wonderful years with my wife.
I remember being counseled by my wife's minister before we got married. He said we will have fights, married couples fight, it just happens. But don't let the fight last beyond that day. My wife and I have always adhered to that.
Mike W.
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Hugs Mike, I'm so sorry for what you are going through and my heart aches for you. Your wife is very fortunate to have you and your strong love at her side. I hope you can feel all of us with you in spirit.
I'm heartbroken to hear about MuddlingThrough.
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Mike, all I can offer is hugs. Many many hugs. 49 years of marriage!! What you are doing and living through is impossibly hard. It really is. I am in terror for my husband who will have to go through the same thing.
My boss said something to me once which I try to live by. "All you can do is the best you can do". Your best has been something to behold. You have done, and are doing, an amazing job. So many can't do it. Please be gentle on yourself.
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At 11:24 am my wife breathed her last. She is with God now all the angels and saints. All her little furry kitty cat friends and some people. I'm not as devastated, this was just the last scene of a bad tragic movie. I want to remember my wife of 2 months ago healthy and alert. The last conscious thing she did, while still in control of her mind was to put out her arms and say, "Huggies," just a little thing between us. I kissed her on the forehead. After that her mind and body went fast.
I won't be posting much any more after the next few days. It's time for me to move on and carve a new life out of the rubble it is now.
Mike W.
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Mike,
I am so sorry for your loss. She is out of pain and in heaven now. Take care of yourself. Hugs
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Mike, my heart breaks for you. So much pain. So much loss. I honor your tenaciousness and steadfastness in supporting your dear wife. I wish comfort for you in your memories. Sending love to you.
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Mike, I'm so sorry ... but now she's very happy and surely she wants you to be happy too. Grant her that wish, when you're ready. Hugs
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Mike, I am sorry for your loss. You and your beautiful wife will be together again when the time is right. Yes, concentrate on the memories of the past 49 years. You and your wife were blessed. I am lifting you both up in prayers.
Lynne
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I am very sorry for you loss Mike. You have both been in my prayers.
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Mike- No words. God Bless You and Your Beautiful Wife.
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you are writing so beautifully, Mike. You were and are so lucky !! Now life will be a hole for you - I wish beautiful things , ideas, pastimes to fill that hole and celebrate life as your wife have surely wished for you as well.
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Oh dear sweet Mike. There's nothing I can say that will make the pain go away. Stay strong in your faith, God will help you through this. 49yrs. Do you know how unusual that is? You and you wife must of had a wonderful life together. But please know that your life is not yet over. God still has things that he wants you to do. I wish you peace and eventual happiness. And yes, your wife's pain is over. She's now with Our Father her wonderful journey of forever has started. I blew a kiss into the sky to her as I think of the awesome reality she now has.
Your in my prayers Mike. My God Bless You
Sue
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Mike~ I honestly have no words. Love like yours is a beautiful thing . May those memories of that love keep you through time until you join her someday. I am deeply sorry for your loss. Deeply.
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Mike, very sad news, but we pretty much knew, as you had stated, that her time was coming, not anything that any of us wants to deal with. There really isn't anything I can say, that hasn't already been said. At last now, she is cancer free, and not in pain. Her battle is over, and she has won. Thank you for sharing a picture of your sweet D. And we certainly understand the need to move on. We all wish you nothing but the best. You are an amazing man, husband and father. May God bless you and your family.
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My deepest condolences to you, Mike.
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And mine as well. Take care of yourself, Mike.
Trish
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