A place to talk death and dying issues
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Anna, Haha, I get what you’re saying 100%. Or the ones who say, “But you sound so good” when you’re on the phone.
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Chris Tia Donaldson passed away from bc in November at the age of 42. Most folks won't likely recognize her name but she was the founder of TGIN, a hair care line aimed at curly, natural, ethnic, textured hair. Although her products were appreciated by a mostly black consumer base, savvy curly girls of all ethnicities knew her line was the real deal. I am not black but have a head full of curls and use many of her products. TGIN stands for thank G-d it’s natural. She was an exceptional woman. May she Rest In Peace.
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Exbrnxgrl, thank you for sharing about Chris, so young, so sad.
I just wanted to share something that helps me deal a little with the weight and gravity of this all. On Christmas Day the James Webb telescope was launched into space and once it gets into orbit, it will be able to see farther into space than we’ve ever seen. If you look into it, it’s really an incredible process just to get that thing out there. Voyager 1 and 2 were launched in 1977 and have gone beyond our solar system and are still transmitting data. Simply amazing. When I think about how large the known universe is and where it could have possibly all come from it’s simply amazing and I can’t even fathom it all. It blows my mind. Just wanted to share something that helps me out.
Sometimes I tell people (when they are worried about little stuff) there are 200 billion galaxies in the known universe, so just let that shit go. But we are the center of our own universe so it is hard and and then I forget about it myself. Doesn’t make the idea of leaving family and friends too soon easier, but it helps me sometimes. DH told me about the new telescope which I’ve been reading about, and it’s beenon my mind.
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It’s so sad when anyone dies from this disease, but the younger, the harder for me to understand. I’m sorry for her and her family. My daughter has beautiful curly hair. I’ll look up the products. I have poker straight hair.
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.Kilomoon -
I understand where you're coming from. I've had an interest in the universe since I was a small child. As soon as I began Astronomy in grammar school, I couldn't wait to absorb more. I saw Star Trek when it was first aired on TV nearly 60 years ago! Some of the daring things they did then resonate now.
NOVA sometimes shows pictures of the galaxy(ies) and planets which are mind-blowing. One of my favorite episodes was of Pluto. I never thought I'd ever see what it looked like up close up! I think billions of galaxies is a short estimate and, I believe also that we aren't even grains in the sand...
... but here we are with our down-to-earth fragile lives.
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Kikomoon, thanks for your post on the universe. It can be calming to think about the expanse that exists in worlds out there way beyond. I like being reminded of it. The other afternoon dh and I were in the car and I saw a partial view of the moon in the sky, a soft white and just about blending with a few thin clouds nearby. I’m not sure how that happens when we sometimes see the moon in the middle of the day, but it was pretty cool. I wondered how many other people on the road that day noticed it.
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I teach a science homeschool coop class one afternoon a week. I didn't know what to do with the kids this year. I've had some of the kids for 7 years and I'm running out of new topics. So I randomly picked astronomy. It's been great to see the kids' wonder and amazement about the universe. And it really takes my mind off things when I get to think about and explain these incredible things each week.
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Lehrski,
That's exciting! As you doubtless know, there are all sorts of cool resources online. Here are some from our wonderful Smithsonian:https://airandspace.si.edu/anywhere
Adventure on!
Tina
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lehrski, what a fun thing to do! My husband is into astronomy and likes to pull out his telescope on clear nights. He puts a sign up at the bottom of the driveway and invites our neighbors to come take a look. It's astounding to look through a telescope at what looks like a blank spot in the sky and see the amazing things that are actually out there. We live in the city, so we don't get the spectacular view like we see when we're in a darker place.
He subscribes to Sky and Telescope magazine. I tease him that his "Sky and Horoscope" has arrived.
Good for you for inspiring young minds.
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Sunshine, your neighborhood star party sounds fun!
I have the dreaded scans on Friday. Today I have been updating and improving the financial instructions for DH. Somehow, it keeps me occupied and not worrying as much, because it's one of the few things I can control right now and is more business than emotional. Sigh....
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Sunshine - I laughed at "Sky and Horoscope" That's good.
Kikomoon - Good luck on your scans. I hope for good news. Mine are on the 21st so coming up too.
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Tina2, Kikomoon, Divine MrsM, lehrski, sunshine99, and all of you who are interested in the universe.
I was feeling kind of sad this afternoon, so when I saw a dreary day outside my LR window doors, I realized how much I loved the sun, moon and stars. Don't get me wrong - I enjoy most kinds of weather, even rain; or snow, if I don't have to drive!
Cliche: I'm in New England so, as the saying goes: if you don't like the weather, wait 15 minutes and it will change.
The other thing about the universe is that much of it can change on a dime. I loved what I have, but it can be taken away by an epidemic, forest fire smoke that can block the sky for miles and miles, and even a terrorist attack (I'm so close to NYC (YAY! exbrnxgrl) ).
This is getting too deep - my fault. I guess it's time for my nap, again.
Love to all,
Anna
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today this disease took one of our sweet friends, Rabbit. I am still in tears. This reminds me no matter how well we are doing/ trying this unwelcome ugly cells are winner at the end, just remind me I am stage 4, no denial at least today...
She vowed to support every and each of us. Rest In Peace sweet soul 💔 🥀
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hear, hear Snow-drop. Rabbit's death shook me in part because it came so fast, so sudden. You're right, no matter how well we're doing, it can all go wrong so very quickly.
I read someone talking in a quite different context but I thought so relevant to us, how we tend to think that catastrophes will be telegraphed to us, that we will see them approaching, be able to prepare & adjust. But things often change with absolutely no warning, suddenly in the blink of an eye. Events can happen suddenly rather than gradually but we all sort of tend to expect a gradual one...
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I am also saddened and shocked to hear this news about Rabbit. I didn't know her well but always enjoyed reading her thoughtful posts and particularly appreciated her sense of humor. I know she will be missed on these boards.
The suddenness took my breath away as well. I had no idea she was having issues as I don't visit the Ibrance thread anymore. It is something I am painfully aware of, that things can change so quickly but it's always so hard when we lose a member like that.
Rest in peace Rabbit..
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ugh how awful and sad about Rabbit - condolences to those who were close to her. The quickness is scary in one way but in another way, I hope I do go quickly when the time comes.
RIP dear lady
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The saddest part of it all is her husband wasn’t allowed to be with her for most of it. I can’t bring myself to ask him if he got to say good-bye. I can’t fathom not having my husband by my side when it’s my time. It’s just so unfair.
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agree that is awful,was that due to covid rules?
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That’s what I’m assuming. I don’t know for sure. It’s highly probable.
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Snow-drop, beautifully put. 💔
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Seems hard to heal if you can't help your loved one at this crucial time. I cannot fathom this and hope he did get to at least hold her hand
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KBL thanks for adding Rabbit in memoriam list. Based on her last post, they were going to put her under sedation for mri and following procedure, it was when her husband stepped up posting. I want to believe that he was with her. I cried whole day, lit candle for our sweet Rabbit and talked to her...
Moth thanks so much for your post ❤️ helpful and thoughtful.
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my sympathies to her family. She was a wonderful woman who You were drawn to. I hope she can find peace now without the cancer. I also can't believe it seemed so quickly. Fly sweet friend. Fly free
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KBL, thank you for adding her name to the memoriam list. All of you have put in to words how I am feeling. It is such a shock as she had "stable " disease from her last scan. Moth, you are right, we just never know. Her death has shook me to the core.
Snow-drop, I cried in between work appointments all day today. We can take some comfort knowing that she shared on here that she was not afraid of death. I think she sent a sign that she's ok - We have had nothing but intense rain for days but we had a beautiful sunset tonight .
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april, your post has me in tears. That sunset is absolutely breathtaking. It's devastating to lose RhosgobelRabbit—-Samantha—-so very suddenly. And she was so young. I feel anger towards the disease and for cutting her life so short. It is very unfair.
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Thank you, guys. I'm not feeling alone in my sadness. I can't get her out of my mind.
Beautiful sunset
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Double posted. Sorry.
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April, thank you for that beautiful post.
My DH was asking if her husband was with her. I knew he wasn't allowed to be with her in the beginning, but hopefully later, he was.
I was talking to my DH and telling him how helpful it is when one of us can't post, and a family member takes over. I think that's a good idea, and I've asked my DH to post for me if I ever can't. It's on my list of "people to tell when I die", but maybe I should expand that to "when I might be dying" or even if I'm just really sick.
This is so sobering and so sudden. My heart just hurts and I can't even imagine how Nathan is coping with this.
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I have decided to ask my sister to do the same. My husband is not going to do well when I go, and I don’t want to put that burden on my daughter. My sister is the perfect choice. I hope she’ll say yes.
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I haven't posted in a while. Things are not going well. My bone mets have progressed rapidly and widely. A great deal of pain, for which I wear a fentanyl patch (I'm up to 50 mcg now, started at 12 last fall). My tumor markers dramatically rose, and they've never been outside of normal in all these years. Also my liver function is, for the first time showing up in trouble in my blood work. Learned all this in last two weeks. I'm nauseated, losing weight without trying. This is all different from how I've felt, so I truly believe mets are moving into organs. The PET scan 2 weeks ago revealed to soft-tissue mets, one on back and one on the posterior side of my sternum. At least they were able to get a really decent soft-tissue sample to do genomic testing, which I've never had done. I tried one more cytotoxic chemo (Gemzar) a month ago and couldn't tolerate past the first month. I will not do any more cytotoxic chemo. However, if the genomic testing matches me to something in trial, a targeted therapy, I will definitely try it. MO says without attacking the mets with chemo or other drug, I've got 6-9 months. No one has ever given me a prognosis before (it's been 9 years+).
In the meantime, I'm getting my affairs seriously in order. Putting all household functioning in my wife's name and teaching her how I've managed bills/family $. Saying everything I want to say to the people I love. I'm going to establish residency in Colorado this summer, moving into my sister's house, and use a local hospice and take advantage of MAID (medical assistance in dying). I just helped my elderly mother die this way in April, also at my sister's house. She was so tired and ready to go (lung cancer). It's a 3 week process, once I'm a resident, to be evaluated by an MD and have the prescription written. So we fill the prescription and have it on standby (it's an oral cocktail). I know frommy Mom's experience that the hospice nurses are so very tender and gentle, and the whole process can be loving and calm and sweet. I really like having agency about WHEN I'm going to die of breast cancer.
To top it all, we had to put our ancient sweet dog down yesterday. The last couple weeks he's been letting us know it's time to go. Feeling loads of empathy for him. And his death was as sweet and gentle as Mom's. This group has been great to follow. I wish you all well.
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