Starting Chemo in Nov. 2011...anyone else?
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We are here for each other. I went to a cookie exchange and a family gathering yesterday. I have been very successful in staying healthy but something got me yesterday. I am not feeling the best today. I feel a cold coming on and my stomach is not acting the best. I am staying in today and tomorrow. I have my last A/C on Tuesday. I don't want to get off schedule. I will start my 4 Taxol treatments in 2 weeks.
I wear my wig or my hats when I go out. I still haven't shown all my family or friends my bald head yet. I am not ready to face that. I haven't even seen my mastectomy scars yet. I take a picture of myself before my expanders get filled so I can look back and see how my body has changed but I don't want to see it right now. My husband transfers the pics onto a disk and when I am ready, I can look at the pics.
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Phyllis-I am so sorry you are having to go through the daily IV's for your "simple" sinus infection. Just try to remember that with us, there is really no such thing as simple right now. It sounds like you are knowing that the right thing is to just keep doing what is best for you, what your doctors recommend or prescribe, but it really doesn't seem fair that we should have things like sinus infections along with all the other stuff we have to endure. We have to take care of ourselves the best way we can for now, maybe forever. I try to keep thinking to myself that once the worst of this is over, I will have a good chance of staying cancer-free and leading a normal life. I am expecting my first grandchild in just 7 short weeks, and I am looking forward to retiring in just a couple more years. So I know I have a lot to live for, and the sacrifices and illnesses I am undergoing now will be worth it to me in the long run. That being said, I hope I don't get too depressed this time like I did last treatment, because even though I know I didn't feel bad the entire 3 weeks, it certainly seemed to be neverending at the time. Good luck to you, and I hope you can get that sinus infection knocked out of there quickly.
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bahamamom,
Congrats on your new grandbaby! What a wonderful addition to your family! Good luck with your next treatment.
I'm feeling much less defeated this evening. This afternoon after my IV, I was parking my car on the street next to my house and I heard a voice say "Can you help me?" A lady had fallen and thought she might have broken her elbow. We got her in the car and I drove her back up to the hospital. She recently lost her husband and has some health challenges (one is spinal stenosis) which make her unable to feel her feet sometimes. She's trying to stay independent and had forced herself up and out of the house for church. Her attitude was that today just didn't work out well for her.
I had a talk with myself about the level of whining I will tolerate in myself. Some whining maybe, but the "big d@*n baby" level is off the table. Thanks again for listening!
Please excuse me while I go honk my nose.
Phyllis
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Good Morning Phyllis and all,
Reading your post about "whining" made me want to respond. Yesterday was a "feel sorry for myself day" and I hate it when I am in that mood. It doesn't take much to look around or watch television and know I have it so much better than a lot of others but when you are fighting cancer, some times that is no comfort. Your experience with helping that woman get to the hospital must have been a great uplifting feeling for you.
I believe my morose feelings yesterday were due to my decision to stay put for the holidays and not to travel which is our usual holiday routine. Just being reminded that this is not a "usual holiday" has depressed me. I also get a feeling that most of our family completely supports my decision but there have been a few that have implied I might be "babying myself." Of course, I could be imagining that too because of my emotional state of mind right now. Reading Bethu77's post does reaffirm my decision to limit my exposure as much as possible.
I do know that this was the wise decision. I just fear that my significant other of 40 years will feel couped up with a sick person and it will finally wear him down. He feels hurt and angry with me when I express those feelings. I think part of my down mood has to do with the holiday season overall when we typically miss those that have gone before us that always made Christmas special.
Even though I try to take this one day at a time and not get too far out ahead of myself, every now and then the thought goes through my head, "I wonder what next year at Christmas time will be like." Got to get a grip.
So there is my "whine" of the day. I can tell that the depression is with me so far today and I need to get out for a walk and clear my head. It sure does help to share these feelings with all of you. I was warned by a friend who went through this last year that the one thing they don't say too much about for SE with chemo is the emotional roller coaster. My friend who told me this is a lawyer in a high profile position in my state who I consider a very strong person who does not show emotion much at all. She told me she was reduced to tears many times through the chemo process.
Thanks for listening,
Allagashmaggie
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Maggie, I'm so sorry that you are feeling down. I also made the decision to stay home for Christmas. I made the decision based on the fact that I got a cold at Thanksgiving and now have this lingering fever and sinus infection. Not a fun decision since, like anyone that celebrates Christmas, I would much rather be with my family. This year Skype may be my solution. I know I don't have the energy to do much so I'm making do with amazon.com for my kiddo and I did pick up a few gifts for my grand-nephews (3 yrs old). Other than that, it will be phone calls and Skype. I think it will be okay. Smiling faces and voices are good.
As for people who think you are babying yourself....."Really?" When else should you do it?? I have a new favorite quote for this time in my life, "Don't worry about what other people think. They don't do it often."
I'm off to get the next IV then, if my fever is down, I will go in to work. Ha ha, very funny Phyllis. I know my temp is still over 99.5...but I'm looking for a teeny miracle! Hopefully I will use only one box of tissues today!
Phyllis
p.s. Last Monday I cried in front of everyone in the office, individually and collectively. I have decided to write it off to the Decadron side effects.
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Allagashmaggie & all other lady warriors- I too am feeling a bit depressed & morse today. Day 6 after AC tx #3 on 12/14. Just completed the xmas cards & ordered some sweets & flowers to be delivered to loved ones. Certainly not my usual "over the top" holiday routine. I am soooo very tired and I have these awaful thoughts of mortality creeping into my conciousness. We are away from home for my BC tx & now wondering if it was the right decision. My son DIL & grandkids are visiting form the 22nd -29th & I should be looking forwrd to it; instead I am wondering how I will naviagate it. My DH may go to visit his parents in MA over the Christmas holiday, as his 88 year old dad was just diagnosed with inoperable bladder cancer. Ugggghh!!! Enough. Boo Hoo---- I wish I could cry, it might make me feel better . Hope you ar all having a better emotional day than me. {{{Hugs}}} to all.
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Hi all,
I have been a nervous wreck all weekend dealing with my husbands cold. Now he has a new problem that has just about freaked me out. Dec. 7 he fell at work and fractured his shoulder and has been in a sling since. He was told not to move his arm away from his body and so developed a rash under his arm. I thought it was because of skin on skin, so I was having him wash it with antibacterial soap, dry it and put baby powder on it. Well, I'm afraid it's something more. Yesterday morning, he woke with a rash on his chest, back and neck. I'm going to try to get him in to see the doctor today. They open at 9:00, so just waiting to call them. He also took some cold medicine he had never took before, so it could be an allergic reaction, but it looks a lot like the rash under his arm. I'm really concerned it's an infection of some kind, and really worried it might be contagious. I wish I wasn't such a worrier.
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Grandma V, So sorry to hear your husband is having these issues and it is not easy for you trying to stay healthy too. Hope he gets into the doctor and finds out what this is for both your sakes. I am a worrier too so we have that in common as well as the bc. There is never any good time to be sick but the holidays seem to be the worst for nastiness floating around.
Texas Rose, maybe because we are now past #3 and feeling more fatigue, these other not so pleasant thoughts are going through our heads. I was told there would be some cumulative effect with fatigue and would have to say I agree and am feeling very spacey mentally too. I hate to refer to "chemo fog" but that might be what it is. Sorry to hear about your father-in-law. Why is it that bad things happen around Christmas or is it we notice it more at this time of year?
Phyllis, thanks for sharing the comment about "what other people think." There was only one person that implied I may be too cautious and that thought popped into my head when she said it. You have never done chemo (fortunately). But I did not say it. I know she did not mean to be offensive and that is just her mannerism. I have known her for 40 years so have been there before with her. Plus I am too sensitive right now. She knows me and knows I am a very indepedent loner who never asks for anything, let alone pity, so I am not "babying myself." However, John and I were talking this morning, and perhaps people that are out in the public a lot, build up an immunity to germs and because I am "hibernated" for the most part, I may be more suseptible to germs now. I'll find out because I do have to go forth and be in the throngs of people on Wednesday. There is no avoiding it that day.
Hope for the best for your hubby Grandma V and thanks again for listening to the "venting."
Allagashmaggie
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Dear Ladies I just found this site and it is wonderful. I share so many of your feelings. I finished my last AC and have had one treatment of TX. I am having many SEs. Total numbness in hands and feet, sore throat and a major rash. For me this is so much worse than AC.
I admire all of you who are dealing with Christmas. I too have decided that for this year it is not worth the risk to see grandkids........but my heart is breaking because I miss them so much. I will not be finished with chemo until the end of January . My question is do the side effects from the TX subside after the first treatment? This is my second time through this but I had different treatment last time. There has been a major advancement in the last 12years. We are very fortunate, but it is hard to feel that all of the time.0 -
Fulton01, Thank you for joining us. We're all going through various problems, besides the bc and need all the help and encouragement we can get. I'm sorry you're have so many SE's with your treatment. Are you having Taxol? If so their are other ladies on this thread receiving that, that can answer your question. I'm on Taxotere, which is a similar chemo. Mostly what we have found is that everyone's SE's are different. For me the first 10 days after treatment are the hardest then I have about 11 days til next treatment that I feel fairly normal. It's just all the other problems that crop up that are hard to deal with, on top of our treatments. I miss my Grandkids too. They've been sick and my white counts are low, so have to stay away. I hope you start feeling better.
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Thank you so much. It is nice to know there are others out there. Although I wish there weren't. I do know that everything does return to normal and a good life does go on, but with treatments and complications it is hard to see that light at the end of the tunnel.
I go to onc tomorrow to have side effects checked out. The more I read the more positive I feel as they seem to subside with continuing treatment. Hope that your wc improves and that you can see you grands soon.0 -
grandmaV, please let us know what you learn about your husband's rash.0
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So far I have had 2AC treatments and just had queasy stomach for days after treatment and fatigue....I have been lucky. What i find the hardest is the bone and muscle pain after Neulasta shot. It never ceases to amaze me when I don't feel good how things can go wrong. I had my Mastectomy 10/4 and lost my power on 10/29 while my mother was here from out of state...post-op, mother here and no power-I almost lost it! To make matters worse I had to have emergency surgery 11/7 due to a staph infection...was in the hospital for 3 more days and this weekend my furnace wasn't working. Was able to find someone as I cried and told them my situation and couldn't be without heat....it did get fixed but honestly I feel so tested at this point. I lost almost all my hair now and the pain in my scalp for a week made it hard to put my head on my pillow! I have my days when I cry...but trying to hang in there.......Just get ting through the holidays and really not stressing. I need to concentrate on my children for Christmas and getting through this journey......hang in there everyone and stay strong! chemo #3/4 on Friday........
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Dear all, I finished my final AC tx last Thurs with the subsequent queasy/indigestion/nausea/fatigue that follows. Seems to be mostly gone although my chronic lack of appetite is still with me. But I"M DONE with AC! It seems like a milestone and I'm relieved. Start with 12 weeklies of taxol the 28th of this month.
Bonseye, I didn't have bone pain with Neulasta...perhaps because I dosed with one 24 hour Claritin the day of chemo and 4-5 days following? It does help for a lot of us.
Hang in there. You will get through.
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claireinaz, congratulations on getting done with AC, that is a milestone.
I have tx #3 Friday. Saw the onco today and even though my counts are low they're not too low to have a treatment. It scares me though to think that I'm starting out so low and still don't get the neulasta shot.
Bonseye, I know how you feel. Seems like since I started Chemo a lot of things started going wrong. I told my husband I think we entered the Twilight Zone.
YaYa, Thanks for your concern. His doctor's appointment was at 1:15 and I haven't heard from him yet. I may not until he gets home from work this evening. But I'll let you know. I told my onco about it and he didn't seem the least bit concerned. Wouldn't let me have an antibiotic, just in case. He kept saying, it's probably viral. I just hope DH is over his cold and rash before my counts go down even farther from the next treatment.
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YaYa, Just talked to my husband, doctor says his rash is an allergic reaction to some cold medicine. Most likely the sudefed. That's such a relief. Now we just got to get him over the cold.0
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Bonseye-So sorry that you have had so many problems that were not even BC related. I know that even in the most comfortable of situations, this is quite an ordeal and can only imagine how having no power/heat would complicate things even more so. Maybe the worst part is over for you now. I like to think so. I hope your chemo #3 goes well on Friday. I will be thinking of you.
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I'm sorry to hear all the bad things going on. I went to a family Christmas thing on Saturday. I started feeling congested on Sunday and this morning. I was going to put in a few hours at work today but decided not to because I have a treatment scheduled tomorrow and I want to stay on schedule. I called my onco last week for the crying jags and was told this was part of it. I now know to enjoy my good weekends with my husband and family. This past weekend was good except for feeling like I am getting a cold.
Has anyone experienced vision changes? My vision is blurry and sometimes my eyes water so much it looks like I am crying. I can't wear my contact lenses for long and I don't like wearing my glasses. Also, has anyone lost the feeling in their fingertips? Mine feel like I have burned them on a hot pan. I have been rubbing them to try to get some blood flow going but it doesn't seem to help. Please let me know if you have experienced any of the above.
Thanks, Beth
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Beth, I have had alot of vision changes since treatmetn started. I read books on my Ipad and after a while my vision is blurry. I thought maybe it was just the Ipad, but I get the same thing when reading a paper book. I have new glasses for reading so thats not it. My eyes also tear, along with my nose running. I supposed it's just another SE..
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Beth-I had a lot of blurry vision the first treatment. I also was feeling like I might pass out at the time. Mostly it started about the 4th day and was just a few days, but one episode was actually the 3rd week post-treatment as well. I did ask my oncologist about it, as I had never seen anything about that particular side effect. She asked if I had, had that before, and I told her that I had, but that it was just a few times over my last few years and that my family doctor had not been concerned about it, never found a real cause. She said that it could be my blood pressure or my blood sugar. The first treatment my sugar was 246 (pretty high), and she said that it could have gone to 300+ or 400+ within a few days. She also said that the treatments could have lowered my blood pressure and that if it did, I didn't need to take my usualy blood pressure pills for a few days. She told me to check my BP every day and to check my sugar too. I did pick up a blood pressure cup and have been monitoring it, but so far it is higher than usual, so no problems there with too low pressure. And I have not been as worried about the sugar since this time it was 126 at the 2nd treatment, about half of what it was the first. Sure enough, I haven't felt like I am going to pass out and no vision problems this time. I am on day 4 only, so I will keep you posted if it returns, and please let me know too if you find out anymore about it. I hope you feel better soon.
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Good vibes & hugs to all for an uneventful week ahead. I noticed a lot of you are going onto 12 tx of Taxol after your AC is complete. I am scheduled for dose dense Taxol every 2 weeks for 4 tx starting on Jan 11th. Anyone else out there on this tx plan? If yes, what have your SE's been like. I was told that most cannot tolerate the dose dense, but I am willing to give it a try. Any input would be appreciated.
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grandmaV, so glad to hear it wasn't something more serious. thank you for letting us know.0
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As the saying goes, all bad things happen all at once. The year began with me getting into a major fight with my cousin+his wife on New Year's day. Then My other cousin's wife almost died giving birth to her 2nd child d/t high blood pressure. Then my oldest sister-in-law got diagnosed with ovarian cancer, but luckily surgery got it out completerly. Then her husband, my oldest bro gets into a car accident throwing his back out. Then my great aunt passed away, I was her favorite, but I couldn't go to her funeral, since it was out of the country and I had to work. Then I get diagnosed with BC. As they also say, good things come after bad, so I'm really looking forward to the new year and hopefully it will bring our family and me some good news. What next...
Last Tues was my 2nd AC, last Thurs was my worst nausea day ever, threw up so much that nothing else would come out, but I had to go in to get my want a be Neulasta shot. I cried on the way out, although i tried to hold it in, I lost it in front of my mom. I so wanted to be strong for her sake, but couldn't hold it in anymore. I was so tired, sick, mad... I just couldn't take it anymore, on days like those I think we can be forgiven to lose it a bit. We are afterall human...no superhuman for surviving chemo!
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Hey everyone. So sorry I haven't caught up with you all til now, but it's been a long week. Sounds like many have had the same. Had my first AC last Tuesday and handled it fairly well. Comparatively mild SEs, but still there. I'm diabetic, so the steroids did a number on my sugars the first night - was prepared with insuiin which I needed a few times. But they were back to normal by Thursday morning. Have never needed insulin before so that was interesting! I have found my mornings are pretty decent, but by the afternoons, I am getting nauseous and need something for that. No pain for the Neulasta shot, but took the Claritin - Maybe that's why. I've had some mild diarrhea but not constantly...better than being constipated! Overall, doing okay but very tired. When my doc said "Where you normally do 12 things, you will do 5 or 6.", she was right on. I try to pace myself and my body won't let me do too much! Just have to be okay with slower pace.
On a funny side note, I told the nurse when I went in the next morning for my shot that I was quite disappointed and felt a bit cheated...she asked me why and I told her I only had red pee ONCE! Given that it's Christmas and all, I was HOPING for more after all I had heard! We realized it was because I had been drinking SO much water (50 oz. during treatment...I drink a lot of water!), that it probably filtered and diluted it wel! I'm thinking maybe not so much water next time! JK...
So I've heard mixed reviews on future rounds...some say things get worse, especially fatigue. Others say SEs diminish...like most everything, everyone is different, right? I expect my hair to fall out this weekend or so...my son is ready and willing to buzz it and I have 2 wigs already. They are nicer than my own hair! Wouldn't ya know! My real hair is nothing exciting, but it will be weird to be without it!
Blessings to you all. Stay strong. Even though I don't check in often, I think of you off and on throughout the day, imagining how you all are. Strange, maybe, but comforting in a way. I pray you have a wonderful holiday, whether it's at home, away or Skype!
Andi
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Texas Rose, I'll be starting DD Taxol in January also. I wish I could tell you what to expect, but at least we can go thru it together. I'll also be having Herceptin since my tumor decided it wanted to be an aggressive little wench
Naan- I hope the New Year brings you and your family better "luck" and some joy. I can totally relate! my father died of colon cancer last year. My Uncle died of prostate cancer in July, my Aunt died from a broken heart (and pneumonia) in August, I was diagnosed September 9th. I've often asked out loud, "Seriously, what else can happen?!?" i try and stay positive, but I too have my days where positivity is not on my radar. It's ok to break down, it's ok to cry and it's ok NOT to have Suoer human powers every moment of the day. Going thru this has definitely made me realize how strong, and weak I am all at the same time.0 -
Kim, thanks, best of luck to u this coming year also, I'm sure after all we've been through it could only get better, right?
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Yes to the vision changes! My dental hygienist mentioned this to me b/c she had breast cancer and tx also. One of my eyes waters terribly and drives me crazy. Sometimes my vision is blurrier than other times... so it seems to be a SE of the tx.Nose runs too.
But like Rep.Gabrielle Giffords said in her TV interview last month, I'm beaten down but not beaten.
Good luck grandmaV and all of you. We are here for each other!
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Kim137- We are really close on our schedules, hope we can be a tag team & disucss our SE's from the DD Taxol. I have my last AC on Dec 28th & yours is Dec 29th. I am scheudeld for my fiirst DD Taxol on Jan 11th; I'm guessing yours is Jan 12th. Let me know, so we can "hold hands" throughout the Taxol tx. I am a tad bit concerned over the neuropathy issues I have been told about. Good vibes & hugs coming your way
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I can't believe it. I just got a call from my onco's office and they have me scheduled for a neulasta shot the day after my tx. They said I qualify now, because of low white counts. They're 1.4. That eases my mind a lot about having treatment Friday.
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GrandmaV Good news on the Neulasta shot. You go girl! I have received the shot 1 day after each AC treatment & I am guessing that is the reason my white blood count is in the normal range.
The MO nurse practioner tried to talk me into chnaging my 4 DD taxol tx (Starting on Jan 1th) to 1 tx every week for 12 weeks- she said, if I opted for that I would not need the neulasta. I opted for the DD, so I will continue to receive the neulasta. I am keeping my fingers crossed that I can withstand the DD taxol-- if SE's too severe I may have to switch to the single tx every weeek for 12 weeks. I do not have a port, so I would rather be stuck a few times as possible. Ughh!
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