Starting Chemo in Nov. 2011...anyone else?
Comments
-
Renee728, Congratulations on finishing chemo. That's a real accomplishment. You're not alone. We know how you feel. Please come back often and let us know how your are.
0 -
Hi All,
Haven't check in for a bit. Physically feel OK but struggling emotionally. Saw My MO on Friday for the last time before surgery. Tumor has shrunk significantly, so everyone is pleased, he remains very positive,I just need to grab on to some of that. He also explanied why I have been so tired. I was concerend that it was the herceptin and my heart,but I am slightly anemic and it will bounce back before my surgery in 3 weeks. Glad it is not the herceptin.
My dd a(13) and I have been at each other. Because I have not had much in the way of SE until recently and being tired,life for her has gone as typical. As I now gear up for surgery and the next round of chemo,that will have more of an impact, I am trying to get her to see past herself. Not an easy task for a 13 year old. I know she is frightened, but we are just in a bad cycle. I yell or even talk to her about helping more,stepping it up and she cries and then the cycle continues. Not where I want us to be right now and my soon to be X doesn't deal with any emotional stuff, so this is mine. She and I will figure this out . So tired of it all.
Gentle day
Nel
0 -
Nel, I am sorry to hear about your home situation. It has to be tough especially with a 13 year daughter!
I have a teenage --boy 16 but emotionally due to his having cerebral palsy about 13. If you would like to know what I do with him, which seems to be successful, let me know and we can throw ideas around. Q
0 -
Quaatsi,
Any ideas are welcome and encouraged. PMme if that is easier. We both become like pit bulls and don't let go once we have dug in!
Nel
0 -
Nel,
I have always found that getting him into a place where he has slowed down and soft works best. And now with all of this-- even more important. What I do is sit quietly with him and often jsut do things like rub his head... the kind of things kids like and make them feel cared about-- and then, he just seems to open up about whatever is on his mind. Sometimes, it is jsut something at school. One time it was a friend telling him to stop mentioning his mom with cancer-- that told me alot!!
After he gets to peacefully "unload" it seems he is more receptive to suggestion or changes. The next day is better. I think teenagers... as well, adults... dont always know what is bothering them and/or don't know what to do about it.... so they act out.
PM me if you want to throw your ideas around! Q
0 -
wish I could spell...or type correctly !! "JUST" not "jsut"... lol0
-
This is my first post to this forum. I was diagnosed back in August of 2011 and am currently going through chemo. I had 4 AC tx and 4 Taxol (only one to go). Everyone tells me I should be happy that I only have one to go and I am. I am glad it's almost over. I don't have to have radiation. The next step will be to finish filling my expanders and have surgery to swap them out for implants. My problem is after this last tx (last Thursday), I have been in such a bad mood. It seems like I can't crawl out of it. I am angry -- at what I don't know, just truly pissed off! I try not to take it out on my family, but if my husband asks me what's wrong I just start crying and can hardly talk. I hate that I'm putting my family through this as they tiptoe around me trying not to set me off. Why now? The taxol has actually been harder on me than AC, lots of bone and joint pain that starts about day 3 and lasts for 3-4 days. Some days it's hard to walk and nothing really helps med wise to make it better. I've been working full time through this and being at work helps get my mind off of it. We are generally an active family and I know some of my problem is when my husband or daughters (I have 3 ages 16 to 11) are out riding bikes or playing basketball I actually get jeolous of them! How petty is that! Okay, that was my rant for the day. I know it's almost over and I know I will get my energy back, but for now I'm just so tired of looking in the mirror and seeing a cancer patient!
0 -
Deb720- I feel exactly the same way. I have found taxol to be harder than AC..I have my 3rd treatment tomorrow..everyone keeps saying "then 1 more and you are done" but it just seems endless. I am so emotional and I am tired of being treated like Im sick. I just want to look and feel normal..human.
0 -
Warning**** Mental Breakdown in Process!!!!! just found out yesterday that the RO has decided to do 6 weeks worth of radiation starting 3 weeks after I finish chemo. I'm not a happy camper about this. Had I known this I never would have started reconstruction after my BMX. I was told by my surgeon rads wouldnt be needed.....then again he also told me chemo wasnt going to be needed! Guess I'll mosey on over to the radiation forum and read up on some horror stories about women with tissue expanders and radiation. ARRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! I'll have more to say about this later but right now I can't think straight! I spent all night crying and eating peanut M&M's....the whole big value sized bag! I'll be starting linebacker in the Super Bowl!
0 -
Kim137-I have a friend who was diagnosed in 2009 who successfully did radiation and reconstruction. She had expanders put in at the time of her mastectomy, went through chemo and radiation and then did the exchange. So it's not all horror stories. It can be done. Sorry that it was sprung on you though. Are they recommending radiation because of the one positive node? Got any M&M's left? Now I am craving them! LOL
0 -
I'm sorry Kim..I know you must be frustrated.
I have chemo #7 of 8 tomorrow and I dont want to go..I just keep crying..I want this over!!!
0 -
Kim137 ~ I had to make that decision about tissue expanders and rads too. I did tons of research and decided to have my expander (just one after left MX) put in at the time of surgery. I've heard a few stories of difficulty with them in, but mostly it seems not to matter too much. I hope it works out for you! I have my last TAC chemo on 2/21 (I just had my 5th yesterday) and I start 6 weeks of rads around mid-March so I'm right there with you on the same time-table. Let us know how it goes for you and I'll do the same
Nel ~ I relate to your teenaged daughter situation. Mine is older (19) and graduating from college, but I've run into some of the same issues. She is so used to having a strong mommy that is always available and generally takes care of her "stuff" that she hasn't really accepted my weakened state and is in some denial over how sick I am. We had a bit of a thing when she was home over Christmas break and I totally melted down, which is really unusual for me. She was shocked, but later my sister reminded me that we can't shelter our kids from every having to face hardship or (God forbid) even have a "bad" feeling. We are only human, and right now we are in a high-maintenance place. Our families are going to have to do some adjusting too. We can only take on so much right now. I hope your girl finds a way to cope with all of this, maybe an online forum for her would be helpful too??
Much love,
Sandy
0 -
Hi to all on this November Chemo thread…I am not one to post, can't put words into writing well! I visit this site daily, it has been necessary for me to keep sane throughout these past few months.
Today I did Taxol tx #3 0f 12. My port would not work, so had tx through veins! My veins roll, I am so tired of being poked, I am going to have a breakdown soon!!!!! I am afraid to cry I may not stop.
Waiting to hear from Surgeon on replacing port, hopefully asap!
Thanks for "listening",
Cyndi 0 -
Thanks ladies for your positive input!
Deb, before I started chemo I had a CT scan. One little rogue lymph node located near my sternum decided to show up late for the party. My oncologist called it "unusual, but not clinically significant". My RO thinks it is significant enough to radiate to kill off any cells that might be lingering there. Emory's RO also felt we should be aggressive. The axillary lymph node was a micro-mets and 15 others were negative! I've decided to expect the unexpected when it comes to the world of oncology!
Kelley, I'm right there with you on this emotional roller coaster! I'm tired of smiling.
Sandy, let's keep in touch since we will be continuing on this journey together. I'll finish up Taxol the last week of February and start rads mid-march.0 -
Hi All-
A big thank you to all you wonderful ladies! I don't think I could survive this ordeal without all the positive posts and the ability to rant without being judged. I am finding that even my loved ones are tiring of the cancer thing. I am not being critical, I understand because I am not thrilled either.
I have been reading the posts even though I have been under the weather this week. Compliments of my DH I contracted a stomach virus- complete with fever & digestive issues. Ughh! The only positive thing is that I have not been able to eat for 3 days--so I hope that I lost a few pounds.
Had my 2nd Taxol treatment last Wednesday & am scheduled for my 3rd next Wednesday. Then only one more to go. Yippee!! I am so ready to move on.
I too have been struggling with decisions related to my TE's placed when I had my BMX on OCT 14th. I wasn't supposed to need radation or chemo----surprise when the BMX pathology report came in. I am only going to have implants and no flap surgery- I am not a candidate because I am too thin (not enough tissue). The preference at Johns Hopkins is to exchange the TE's with implants before rads, 21-28 days after the last chemo tx. So I had to make a decision. FYI- at Sloane Kettering NY they do not give their patients an option, it is the standard of care. The data shows that their is a 60% failure rate for TE to implant exchange after radiation, because rads skin damage. I did not like the odds, so I opted for the exchange between chemo & rads. Know that I also know women that had the exchange after rads and are fine.
Speaking of surprises, I was just told that nipple reconstruction is not recommended for women who undergo rads!!! Gee I wish I had all this info befroe my BMX, I might have forgone reconstruction---or at the very least delayed reconstruction. Silly me, I thought I would have somewhat normal breasts after one year or so.
That being said- my rads will not start until 7-8 weeks after my last chemo. I was freaking out! I have been assured by the rads onco that 6-8 weeks is acceptable break between chemo & rads. I just hope I do not have any more surprises, I am growing weary.
Have a great week! Hugs to you all.
0 -
TexasRose,
It sounds like you and I are in the same boat. I too wonder if I would have started the reconstruction process knowing what I know now. My PS prefers to radiate the tissue expander and attempt implant exchange after rads. No one has even mentioned nipples to me after rads! Guess I'll add that to my list of never ending questions. I did not have enough adipose tissue to create 2 of my own breasts....wonder if I do now that I've gained the Chemo 20?!
I hope that your exchange goes well. Please keep us posted! 0 -
Sandlake, Very sorry about your port. I had to have mine replaced also. They could never get a blood return from the first one. I had 3 Taxol treatments in my veins because the stupid port wouldn't work.I was mad, worried, scared and generally pissed off about it. All of that on top of chemo is no fun at all. I do more cursing than crying, but either is a good outlet!
The good news is that the second port works and I just finished 12 of 12 Taxol this week. I'm moving on to FAC and I'm so glad I got the port replaced. (The surgeon is glad that it's working also. I told him it better be under warranty.)
0 -
Congrats Phyllis!!!
0 -
I too have had so many emotional moments. So many people say, "Only 2 more to go and you'll be back to normal." They don't get it. I will be at a new normal and some people may not like it.
I'm sorry so many of you are facing more decisions. I had radiation in 2008 after my BC surgery and I cannot imagine having chemo and radiation AND expanders. I had another fill today and I am so proud of myself...I didn't cry. My PS was pleased also. My sister says I make him feel bad for hurting me. I don't know what I expected when I opted for expanders after my mastectomies but I know I didn't expect to be poked with needles every two weeks! I live in a world with NO needles.
On a positive note, I have learned to use eyeliner and to pencil in my eyebrows...
0 -
YAY, beth, learning to use eyeliner and eyebrow pencils is hard. i know because i still don't do it very well.0
-
Beth, I've told my PS that it's a good think he's nice and cute, since I hate what he does to me! I think the expanders are the weirdest part, but I'm glad I am doing it all now. Had bilateral, now in the middle of chemo with my 'off' weeks for fills and other appts. Then radiation. It's intense, but this is my job right now.
To top it off, my mother in law had a massive stroke yesterday so my dear hubby is there, and rightly so. She's about 40 minutes away, but he is there most of both days so far and I'm glad he can be. I am not risking going to visit right now, but it is so much on his shoulders. My girls are going with him as is my sister stopping by (she's a nurse and has been a great help with decisions and understanding things, etc.) Just so much to handle and I wish I could do more for his sister and him right now. Next week, Taxol starts, so I don't know what to expect, but probably similar in some ways to the AC for a few days, which means I REALLY will be no help! We will get through it, but it doesn't look good for her. She is 87, multiple health issues, and it is just a sad thing to watch.
Beth, you're right. It will be a new normal - hopefully, we will come out of this with more strength that we thought possible, a different, better view of life and simple pleasures and more compassion that we can share with others. My emotional moments are always there too...but we gotta manage this...not let it dictate who we are. I just keep reminding myself that there is SO much stuff going on in my body that I can't settle anything about how I feel until it is done! Does that make sense?
0 -
Phyllis congratulations!! Thank you for sharing your port story..glad I am not alone. I did 4 DD of A/C before I started Taxol, so glad my port was working then. I am having surgery on Wed to remove the port and have new one put in. (hopefully mine will be under warranty too
) I will miss one week of Taxol, my arm is bruised and swollen from tuesday's IV. I noticed our diagnosis is very similar. Will your FAC be every other week? Then rads?
Enjoy your weekend,
Cyndi
0 -
Cyndi, so sorry your arm is bruised! I will have FAC on a 3 week cycle. Then I will have surgery. Not sure yet if it will be lumpectomy or mastectomy, plus sentinel node biopsy. Also, results of that may determine rads. If nodes are clear and I choose Mx then no rads? I still have another BS consult before surgery. Seems clear as mud to me.
I no longer have my netbook so i'm typing this on my phone. Pls forgive any spellos!0 -
AndiMom--It does make sense about so much going on. I feel lonely right now. I went to the PS yesterday for a fill by myself. I looked around the room and it seems as if everyone had someone with them. This was my first time alone. I drive about 70 miles to get to the office. I had stayed with a friend the night before so I didn't do all the driving in one day except on the way home.
Today, I feel so restless. The expanders hurt when I move. He put double the saline in so I know it should be uncomfortable. The sunshine is so beautiful today and I am hurting and not feeling like going outside. I did walk with some friends yesterday and it was fun but I am paying for it today. I just told my DH that I need people around me now. I am entering the end of treatments and I need my cheerleaders. When I was first diagnosed, I had all kinds of people. Now, the phone doesn't ring and I feel so lonely. I know I have said this before and I am sorry to repeat myself.
0 -
beth, i've felt the exact same way as you so i can empathize. it is the loneliest feeling in the world. i have one good friend who i can count on, but not my daughter who lives here in town. it hurts. cheerleaders ... that's what we all need, but not those people who say things like you're almost done and then you'll be fine, or just stay positive and everything will be good, or my personal favorite from my daughter ... ... ... nothing. she never even acts how i'm doing. i never had a soul with me at rads. my ex-husband took me to the first consultation, but after that, i was by myself and for herceptin, too. i TOTALLY get your feelings. personally, i care about you as all the other women do, too, i'm sure. i hope you're feeling better since you posted.0
-
Beth, never worry about repeating yourself, certainly not with all of us. I'm sorry you are so lonely and I'll cheer for you! What you have accomplished so far is wonderful, and it is so hard not to let this whole thing identify us. I got another migraine today and had a pity party for myself...but I gotta keep it in perspective. This will pass.
I hate the fills too, but keep thinking of the result!
Hopefully, it will all go as planned, but I almost dislike the fills more than chemo. It's such a weird sensation and awkward and uncomfortable. I've never had the double amount, but am always so tender for a few days. And my one side ALWAYS bruises! I had no lymph nodes out on that side, so I feel it more and the muscle spasms more than my right side, so I always get a bruise. Blech. I'm more restless as I com off of the steroids but can't sleep but am so tired but can't do anything, but my mind gets bored. Such a rollercoaster.Hang in there and vent all you want. Never need to be lonely here! When you say you need people, I do understand that. I visited my workplace for about an hour today and it was good medicine. But crowds or long visits bother me. Sometimes I need people and other times, I need to hibernate...day by day different.
Hope your weekend is filled with a balance of everything you need and that the discomfort eases up. Blessings to you and yours.
0 -
Beth- I am so proud of you, you have been through so much are you are nearing the completion of your treatment. I can relate to feeling lonely, because friends and family tend to go on with living and we fall into the background of there busy days- while we still need them desperately. No one can understand unless they have walked in your shoes- thats why we are all here for you. Gentle hugs
An intersting tidbit- I was a big fan of the TV series Rescue Me. The 2 seasons (2009 &2010?) before the final season they featured Michael J Fox as a character with Parkinson's Disease. I developed a slight tremor & I was diagnosed with very early Parkinson's in 2010. The tremor is barely visible to others and I do not require meds. I briefly thought about how I watched the series and although I acknowledged the Michael J Fox character, I did not have any empathy----until, of course, I was diagnosed with the same disease!
The 2011 final season featured a character diagnosed with breast cancer and undergoing chemotherapy. She even had her head shaved and donned it proudly. OK, now this was breast cancer, a cause which I was very familiar with since I have many aquantances and family members that were diagnosed with BC & unwent chemo rads etc. So I did have some empathy for the character, or so I thought. Then in August 2011 I was diagnosed with BC- Only through my journey am I now able to empathize and support other brave & amazing women going through BC treatment. I still feel guilty that although I was confident that I was being supportive---I knw now that I was not there for them in the way they needed me.
Thank God Rescue Me ended with the BC season, I don't think I could take another disease!
PS - I don't watch much TV anymore
Have a great weekend all!
0 -
Bethu77:
I'm sorry you feel so lonely. I think cancer is a lonely journey even if you are around people to support you. No one knows how you feel about the future what-ifs. I had a neighbor take me to my chemo appointments. I went for my expander fill-ups always by myself. I am now done with chemo and the fill-ups. Just waiting for the exchange surgery in March. I started Tamoxifen this week and have joint pain. So now what? My MO doesn't track lab markers so how do you know if you are really OK? Beats me. This experience is like a marathon- except when you finish the race, there is no medal- no victory lap- Just a wait and see game. Talk about feeling deflated and alone. Beth, I can relate to how you feel.
I don't mean to sound like such a downer- God Knows how grateful I am to be alive. My new pray is that God will show me the right path along this journey.
0 -
I think even those of us who are not physically alone can still relate. Sometimes I have a house full of my husband and our children and I feel extremely alone. The loneliness comes from knowing that no one fully understands how I feel. Hang in there Beth....you are among women here who understand how you feel. Let us keep you company. We all need to remind ourselves from time to time that this is temporary, and although we don't know what the future holds, we have to believe it's wroth this struggle we are going through. Love and Hugs...
0 -
Hi Ladies, I feel out of the loop since I have spent the last 6 days in my "chemo coma." I was infused (TAC) last Monday and days 3-5 or 6 usually lay me out completely. Wow, I really identify with the lonliness issue and I am surrounded by people. DH and I moved in with my parents (at their insistance) after my DX. Mom cooks for me, dad keeps all germs at bay and my DH is my rock, but I still fight lonliness. I spend most of my time alone, upstairs because I don't have the energy to talk. I am so aware of not complaining to my family that I don't think they have any idea what I go through. Then, I come on this forum and it is so nice not to have to pretend or explain or anything. You all just get it.
I went to most of my TE fill appointments alone too. I got so sick of them, I finally told my PS (he was very agressive anyway) to just fill it the rest of the way in one visit. He gave me 150cc's on my last visit. I'm so glad to be done with the needles, but my TE has hurt every day since it was implanted during my MX surgery. I hate my TE. NOW, I find out there are issues with TE's and rads??!! Good grief. Why don't these doctors get it together and communicate? My PS said it would be fine, but my RO doesn't like it. Oh brother.
Sandy
0
