Starting Chemo in Nov. 2011...anyone else?
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Sandyland, I thought the issue was with implants and rads. I haven't heard any this way about the te's and rads. I am going on Monday for a fill and will ask. I am using the numbing cream this time to see if it makes any difference. I never feel much on the right side since I had nodes removed there. But, the left is a different story and I always end up with a bruise from the muscle spasming. We will see.
I relate to the loneliness...there are times I just don't want to be with anyone. Yet feel lonely. People offer to come hang out, visit, stop by...I have been blessed, but I often get SO tired from visits, I just keep them short or say no. I'm tired, quite frankly, of talking about myself so much though I know it's because people care and genuinely want to know. But there is more to each of us than this current situation.
Good sleep, everyone. That's where I'm headed.
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Andimom--"tired of talking about myself so much". Me too, and tired of thinking about myself so much as well. I know exactly what you mean.
I'm also tired of being poked, prodded, "felt up" on a weekly basis. So tired of people I don't know very well touching me. I often feel the urge to just push them all away for a while.
Claire
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Andimom and Claire---"tired of talking about myself so much." Plus being poked, prodded and felt up by strangers. Exactly! I sat down yesterday and cried for a bit. All that did was give me a stuffy nose and a headache. Sheesh!
Phyllis
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I want to be alone and then feel lonely. The energy needed to be with people just seems like too much sometimes. I hear what everyone is saying. And what seems like everyone's neeed for us to be positive. I have no energy today for any of it.
And to add to everything my soon to be x had a heart attack Friday night. He doesn't have family in the area and really is a loner, so I have been his go to person, visiting, with him Friday night in the er. And the doc's don't know we aren't living together so I am the "wife". And the contact for his family all out of state. Our kids are teens, so supporting them as well. Luckily I am home alone until the Super Bowl is over.down time etc. This was the weekend I was going to get my house ready for my homecoming after surgery on 2/16. Not so much I guess.
Thanks for listening
Nel
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I just want to CRY GIANT TEARS FOR ALL OF US!! My heart feels tied to each one of you as you express your heartache, sadness, fear and frustration. I don't consider ANY of what we are doing complaining...this is simply venting so we don't all build up this stuff inside and then blow a gasket! I wish we could meet at a resort one weekend and laugh and cry together. Geez, why am I so freakin emotional??! Okay, I'm breathing now. Aaaaaand, I have gained control of myself again.
I cannot agree enough with the "I'm tired of talking about myself" sentiment. Also, I wake up each morning and face five separate "How are you feeling today?" questions. Everyone is so obsessed with me rating each day compared to the day before or the round before or whatever. No matter what, I am constantly nauseas, walking down the hall makes me wanna take a nap, and everything on my body hurts. It might be different by degrees, but pretty much every day sucks. I'm always trying to make my family feel better by telling them that today is better than yesterday.
Also, while I'm on a roll. I'm especially sick of being bald and puffy. I'm tired of my whole left side hurting (TE) and I WANT MY EYEBROWS BACK!!!
Calgon, take me away.
San
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Okay, is it Monday yet??? Yes, it is. I live about 50 miles away from Indianapolis and asked my husband to take me to Super Bowl Village on Saturday. There was misting but not rain. I needed to feel "normal" and be a part of the celebration. I dressed warm and it was fun but tiring. I did get some exercise but missed seeing the celebrities. I wore a scarf, a hat and put my hoodie on my head. I also wore 2 coats. I didn't want to get cold or chilled. I am glad I went.
I was watching the Super Bowl pre-game show when one of my daughters called. We talked and then she asked to speak to her Dad. She wanted him to tell me that one of my friends has passed on Saturday. She also had cancer. I have been struggling with what I want to do with my life when I finish treatment. My supervisor sent and email that said, "Hurry back, I want my old life back." As most of you know, this is my 2nd time with BC. The first time, I went back 2 weeks after surgery and worked during radiation. This time, I asked for a leave of absence and have worked about 2 hours every 2 weeks to pay my retirement benefits. I have worked there 17 years.
I need your thoughts on returning to work. I am seriously looking into stay at home jobs.
San--I took the LGFB class and learned to draw my eyebrows....I look like the Angry Bird!
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Something must be in the air!! or is Mercury in retrograde or whatever that is!!!! I cried crocodile tears all day Saturday. I needed a huge mop to soak up my floors. My poor young son-- took it well. He just kept giving me hugs. How lucky am I?
Maybe I am just anxious over the impending new chemo on Wednesday--
better now....Q
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Beth ~ Yay! I'm so glad you got out and moved around and enjoyed your day
I find when I can drag myself out to the treadmill, I feel so much better. But, geez, it is hard to get motivated. I work from home (I run my own business coaching/consulting company) and I have been able to keep 6 clients throughout chemo. It takes some understanding on their parts, but we have managed pretty well. I simply could not have worked outside my home during my TAC chemo treatments. I get totally laid out for a week at a time post infusion. I am in awe of women who maintain regular work schedules...I'm just too sick and too weak all of the time.Q ~ I'll be praying for you on Wednesday. New treatments are always hard to face. Let us know how it goes
SAN
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Beth I am glad you got out too. Sometimes that's the best medicine.
I got a call today that tomorrow's chemo is bumped a week due to my blood counts. Bummer...I was hoping that wouldn't happen but it did. However, with my mother-in-law in hospice and not doing well, it may be exactly what is needed this week. My husband and kids were trying to think through the week to make sure I was okay and that they could all get to see her as well. Clearly, I am not going to visit, being at risk...which makes me sad. So, even though things get bumped, I have another week of sorta 'normal' when my family may need it the most. We are all praying that she goes quickly and doesn't linger too long. Tough days for my DH.
I have wished we could all be together someday too...and wish everyone a better day!
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Q, Good luck on Wed. I'll be thinking about you and hoping for smooth sailing.
Phyllis0 -
Know what ladies? After two more doctor interviews back-to-back (this time for bmx/recon info), I am ready to scream to everyone: I AM NOT MY CONDITION!!!
I feel like I'm not even a person anymore, just a condition to monitor and examine and study.
And another tx on Wednesday. Sigh.
Claire
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Hi everyone,
I just got back home from meeting with my new radiation oncologist. I met with him last Thursday, first and he patiently listened to all my concerns and was so understanding. He said he would try to come up with a plan that would avoid my right lung as much as possible. So I went in Friday to get another scan and made an appointment with him for today to discuss the plan. In the meantime he had contacted my first RO and got a copy of his plan to compare it to. He put the plans side by side and explained it all to me. The first plan was going to clip 10% of my right lung, which he said was standard practice and within guidelines (5% if you compare it to the capacity of both lungs). Then he showed me his customized plan for me and showed me that he had it to near 0%. He explained that there is always going to be some scatter from the beam, but the full strength of the beam will not hit the lung. He said he's 100% sure it will not damage the esophagus. I'm so relieved to have a doctor that I feel is honest and caring. He suggested I take the plans home and look them over so I can share it with my husband. (I always record my doctor's appointments so I can listen to it later). But I think I've already made up my mind to have him do the radiation. It will be 25 whole breast and 5 boosts.
I've also been progressively feeling better emotionally this last week or so, to the point I'm feeling almost normal. It's probably the anti-depressants I'm on, but also I think getting further out from chemo and steroids has helped a great deal. I still have tinnitus, but most days it's not too bad.
Thank you, everyone, for all your concern and kind words of encouragement. I couldn't have made it to this point without you.
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GrandmaV- wonderful!!! I am so happy to hear that you are doing well!
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Kelley - How are you?
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GrandmaV- I am doing ok. I have been feeling well the past few days and I have my last chemo treatment next week on the 15th. I can't wait to be done with this! 1 more week! Thanks so much for asking.
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Kelley, I'm glad you're hanging in there. It's really been tough on you, but you're almost there. Are you going to do rads?
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no rads needed. When I finish chemo thats it. I still have to have my exchange surgery though.
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yeah Kelley!!! you go girl!
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grandmaV, i'm so excited for you. this new RO of you sounds amazing. i can't believe he sat down with you and went over his plan. i asked to see my plan on my last day of rads. (so dumb of me.) the plan covered a very small portion of my right lung because because the RO "likes to be certain that the area where the cancer was is covered." made no sense to me then or now. at any rate, you're very lucky to have found the new RO!! i'm glad you're feeling better, too. this has been a hard journey for you.0
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Thanks Q- I can almost see the light...I keep thinking that the onc is going to spring something on me on Tuesday when I see her and tell me I'm not really done..I guess it's just so hard to believe that it is almost over.
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Greetings to all your brave ladies,
Yesterday was my last chemo treatment. Hooray.....it all went well, my blood work stayed normal throughout the 6 treatments and my oncologist said I have done exceptionally well. Now it is onto radiation in 3 to 4 weeks. I will need to get some good information from my RO when I meet with him again. I have forgotten much of what he told me when I first met him before chemo treatments began. Reading these posts, I know I have to pin him down on lung/heart issues. I asked my medical oncologist yesterday about side effects from the hormone blocking therapy I will need to take. She said most people handle it well. There is some joint pain but usually very minor. I will not doubt need a bone density scan prior to it as this med can cause bone loss. I have already been told I have osteopenia so she said she would probably want to give me some bone loss meds but they would be given intraveneously two times a year and don't have the effects of being hard on stomach and esophogeus. She said in fact studies have shown that it is not only good for the bones but there is some evidence it can prevent breast cancer. I do like my oncologist. She is young, bright, personable and very much up on cutting edge technology.
So now I will need to move to the Rads forum but will keep track of all of you here from time to time and will meet you over there soon for those of you with radiation still ahead. I am so glad to read that Grandma V has gotten a doctor she has trust in and things are looking up that way.
Keep up the good fight one and all,
Allagashmaggie
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Allagashmaggie, Congratulations on finishing chemo! You did great! See you on the rads forums.
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Hi Ladies,
I'm going to jump from the October group to this November group since I started the last week of October and there isn't much going on in the October group anymore. I had 4 cycles of AC every three weeks and now am on Taxol & Herceptin x12 with my 3rd cycle tomorrow. Taxol/Herceptin, for me, is sooooo much better than AC, especially not having the horrible brain fog and inability to concentrate, not to mention the nausea and fatigue. I'm taking B complex, L-glutamine for neuropathy and so far so good! This is my 2nd time down the breast cancer road. I had my first bout of cancer dx in 2003 with mastectomy and chemo. I was clear for almost 9 years and then found a lump on the same side I had my mastectomy. I had to have a lymph node dissection this time b/c they couldn't do another sentinal node bx and my 16 nodes were clear. Praise God!! I was told by my breast surgeon that they do NOT get all the breast tissue when they do a mastectomy. SHe said they only get 90-95% of it. She compared it to getting all the fat off a chicken breast (how's that for a visual?). When I was living in Florida they automatically did mammos on the mastectomy side but here in Minnesota, where I'm living now, they don't because, as my MD said, it's not "cost effective". Nice, huh? Also when I was dx the first time they weren't giving herceptin to stage I people... So, 9 more Taxol/Herceptin after tomorrow and then rads....can't wait for this to be over and I'm impatiently watching my scalp every day!
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GrandmaV ~ I am so grateful for all the information you have shared here. I have my last TAC chemo on 2/21 and then have 6 weeks of rads. Thanks to you, I will be going into my second RO meeting on 3/12 (I met with him once prior to chemo) fully armed with questions and expectations. I would never have known to ask to see my plan or to push for minimal heart/lung coverage! My tumor was very large, and on my left side, so I have already been told I will have to have a large area radiated. Heart/lung damage is a major concern to me. My heartfelt thanks for bravely going before me and sharing all you have learned. Also, I am so very glad you are feeling better. You were on my mind last week (which was a particularly rough week for me too) and I hope as you get further from chemo, you are full of energy, joy and hope.
Much love,
SAN
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Sandy, Thank you, that was such a sweet post. I am feeling much better and am glad to have another decision made. I start rads Monday, so I will be joining the Feb. rads group, but will also be checking in here. I hope your RO is able to come up with a plan that will minimize damage to your heart/lungs, and don't hesitate to get a second opinion if his plan doesn't sit well. Having you on this thread has been such a blessing.
dechi, We're glad to have you with us as well. The ladies here are such an inspiration and encouragement. I hope you have minimal SE's for the rest of your treatments.
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Good Morning Everybody!!
Happy to hear people are doing OK. I am much relieved this morning as I am awake and functional after starting the new chemo yesterday. It was a fast infusion--8 minutes!!!! But when you add all the other stuff it took about 75 minutes total. I got a few pre-meds just to make sure I wasn't going to have a negative effect and I asked for Ativan which was gladly given but in the future, I won't need any of those.
I REALLY like my Onc!! She is quite with it. She told me I had to exercise EVERY day from now on and was pretty positive this chemo was going to be easy. However, I did get one iece of news-- she added a whole month to the regime so I am doing Navalbine for 12 doses total. Right into mid-May!!! oh well....
Well, I am off to get ready fro a camping trip with my horse. It is going to be a gorgeous weekend and I am quite excited to be outside.
My you all have clear sailing and little SEs, Q
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GrandmaV, so glad you feel more comfortable with the new RO. And I am glad he is kind and caring...what a difference that makes. It always frustrates me when doctors don't take the time or explain things. So, I am thankful for you that this is a more positive experience and that your week has been better. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers...
Dechi, welcome and this is a great group. Glad to have you and sounds like you have a great attitude, in spite of the long road you have already had!
My mother-in-law passed away yesterday, so the timing of my week 'off' was perfect, even though I don't want this to take any longer than necessary. I will even feel well enough to sing at the memorial service, which I would not be up to if this was a chemo week. Even though it was expected and welcome in light of her suffering, it is still an adjustment and an emotional rollercoaster for all of us. One perk is that our son will be home for the weekend so he can attend and we haven't seen him in over a month. We will all be together to support my DH. Then the day after I get the first round of Taxol. We will see how that goes!
Blessings to you all. Good rest and few SEs!
Andi
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Andimom03- I am so sorry for your loss. It is so much to deal with. My Aunt passed right after my first taxol treatment and it was completely exhausting. SO good to hear that you will get to spend time with your son. Best of luck starting taxol..I will pray you have minimal side effects..check out the Taxol Chemotherapy forum as many of us have discovered we are experiencing the same types of side effects from taxol (if you havent been there already)
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Andi, You and your family have been through a lot. Yet, you still manage to be upbuilding and supportive of others. Thank you for your strength and wonderful attitude. I hope Taxol is kind to you and you will have minimal SE's.
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Hey Ladies ~ I woke up this morning with a fairly decent amount of pain on my right side, slightly above where I believe my kidney to be. It is a pulsating pain that comes and goes. Has anyone had anything similar? I'm guessing it's just the chemo wreaking havoc on my organs, but I thought I'd throw it out there, in case someone knows something that I don't.
Thanks,
SAN
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