Starting Chemo in Nov. 2011...anyone else?
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Yesterday had my 5th out of 12 Taxol. Congrats to those who r done or almost done, I'm right behind u. I guess I too will reflect on what now once my treatment and surgery are done, but for now focussing on finishing my treatment with no more interruptions.
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Such powerful thoughts. I am still in the midst of treatment but can see the end. The who am I , what am I how has this changed are frequent thoughts. I am not sure yet and think it will be awhile.
Grandma, you are so right. We have all been thru multiple changes in our lives and will continue to change and morph. What a great way to frame this challenge. I have a dragonfly tattoo. Dragonflies reprsent change and metamorphsis.
Be well,
Nel
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naan, even though some of us are finished with active treatment, we're still here to keep in touch and to support those who are still in the middle of treatment. You're almost half way in your taxol tx and you're in our thoughts and prayers to have few se's so you can continue to the finish.
nel, I like your analogy of a dragonfly. We are all going through a metamorphosis and the outcome will be as beautiful as the dragonfly if we put forth the effort to make so.
Andimom, I think the last time we heard from you, you had 1 more taxol. Have you had it, yet?
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GrandmaV ~ Thanks for your good wishes...I am on "house arrest" until after blood work on Friday show improvements. I am thinking positive.
Have been reading everyone's thoughts. I, too, have been having some of these things on my mind as I move on to the next part of treatment. Once you start going through this BC experience, it changes everything. I have found myself reflecting, worrying, and trying to stay in a good place at the end of my reflection. This is ongoing and will take me awhile to even put my thoughts together. I appreciate reading all of your posts...you are giving me peace in knowing that we all experience this feeling of change and knowing we will make it...together!
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Linda ~ I got very sick on round 3 and blood work showed I was dangerously low on iron. They offered me the transfusion, but I opted for supplements and I bounced back very quickly. I still take iron and folic acid daily and it makes all the difference. I hope that is all you need, my friend!
Ladies, I love the discussion about how BC has changed us. I know it has brought about positive change in my life. Breast cancer literally cured me of anxiety. I am in a very high stress industry and stress was RULING my life! Now, I am totally changed, taking life in stride and grateful for everything I have. Mostly, I have learned that I deserve to enjoy my life. I no longer deny myself fun and pleasure because I am too busy with clients. Work is a distant 4th in my life now after God, family and taking care of myself.
Blessings,
SAN
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By the way ~ Today was my first rads treatment. A little scary, but I got through it. I know most people say you can't feel anything, but I felt a little sore all afternoon as if the skin was somewhat constricted. Maybe it's just because I still have my tissue expander in...I don't know. Anyway, here we go, every day for 6 1/2 weeks. yippee.
I got my Emu Oil in the mail today (perfect timing) so I am doing that along with aloe from our plants. I'm hoping I have minimal SE's with rads. Chemo was so brutal, I just feel like I could use a break
SAN
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I LOVE hearing how all of us are coming out of this cancer experience. Fortunately (or in the language of people without cancer ever, unfortunately), I had been through this at a early age and had learned some of what you all have learned- but of course, not all I could learn. In the ensuing years, I finished what I had set out to do with my life (bucket list???) and have spent many years just...living.... But not to be or sound arrogant (because I am not) I NONETHELESS, feel I have grown even more this time around. I still had some leftover lessons about "drama" and "overly and unnecessarily complicated" people in my life. And for that I am eternally grateful!
Work (the contract part, not private practice) is so full of drama right now. People are miserable there. All--except me. I go into work, do my job, am caring and compassionate and walk home. Thank you cancer!
On another note-- because of the pneumonia and the "rules" of herbal treatment, I stopped taking my mushrooms and immune boosters for the last 10 days. Guess what? My blood work dropped to a low yesterday-- just barely above where I would either have to stop chemo or get neupogen. Done with the antibiotics so I will douse myself with herbs/shrooms (hmmm herbshooms...lol). My husband said that was a major attestment to the potency of these-- but I also know that it has been 21 weeks of chemo!!! and I am tired.... LOL
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Thanks V and all the others done but still lingering to support us til we too r done!
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Here is a question for those of you who are doing rads. I just had my 16th out of 33 treatments today. I had noticed that my affected breast was both heavier and harder than the other one. The surgeon had told me that, that breast would be smaller than the other one, but I never really noticed that it was. In fact, it seems bigger to me. I did see the radiology doctor after the treatment today and asked her about it since I had never read anything that would indicate that the radiation caused it. She said that it was fluid in there from them messing with it, that it caused stress and fluid can build up. I had never thought about that, but I guess it does make sense. Anyone else notice anything like it?
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Sandy- looks like we have the same RAD schedule..I started 3/29 also..I was nervous also but hell, we survived chemo..this has to be cake in comparison.
Grandma V- how are you?? you must be close to finished with rads? Emotionally how are you feeling? I am sooo much better now that all the crap is leaving my system..hard to believe I finished chemo 6 weeks ago..the time has flown by..it seemed to stop during those chemo weeks!
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Kelley ~ I know what you mean. Strangely though, I vascilate between feeling like, "I survived chemo, I can survive anything!" and "I've already gone through so much, I can't stand the thought of one more thing." I know I will get through rads, it's not that. It is more about the disruption of my life and the uncertainty of what might be coming. I drive 40 minutes each way for a 5 minute appointment...I have to remember to apply sticky/greasy "stuff" to my skin 4 times a day to avoid what might be a minor redness and burning reaction OR blisters and open sores!!! Here's to hoping it's a minor skin reaction and minimal life disruption! =]
Overall, I am really grateful that things have not been worse. I am always aware that there are women, even on this thread who have had a rougher time of it than I have. At 42, all of my kids were already grown and out of the house, so I wasn't having to care for little ones. I have an amazing family support system and the world's most loving, understanding husband who has NEVER made me feel like anything is different, even though I have gained weight, gone bald and (at times) lost my damn mind! Also, I have been so blessed by having this safe place to vent, when necessary, share fears and laugh with all of you who have walked this road right along side me. Thank you ladies, I will be forever grateful for finding you
SAN
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Bahamamon, when I was going through rads, my affected breast felt swollen and heavier than the other breast. I'm not very big on top so I was quite aware of it. My nipple was also quite sensitive and sore. I finished rads about two weeks ago and most of the swelling and sensation of heaviness has gone away although my nipple is still a little tender. I also heard that the radiatied breast would become smaller and harder, but I think the breast tissue contines to change for quite some time after we finish treatment. I guess it becomes fibrosed and firmer. A friend of mine is 5 years post radiation. About three years after treatament, she had breast reduction on her healthy breast to even things up. Congrats on being more than half way there and I hope things go smoothly for the remainder of your treatment.0
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i'm 9 weeks out from my last radiation and that breast is now definitely smaller than the other one. on top of that, my nipple is so gross ... hard and bigger than normal. i still have the tan going on, too. i had some age spots, mole-type things (it's my age!) under my breast and the good news is that they're now gone! i guess i could be positive and say that radiation saved me from a dermatology visit. i'm not that positive though ... they're under the other breast as well!! haha.
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Hi all, congrats to those of you who've finished recently and hang in there those of you still on the path! You're close!
I just had a breast MRI this a.m. and I'm fearful of it...as we get about all tests I guess. If it's clear, I may not need as much radiation as planned...if it's not, I may be facing surgery right away--and it also means that chemo didn't work so well. The PET in Oct showed nothing, but I never had an MRI. So I'm understandably worried.
Have to live through this weekend, waiting for that "call" from my oncologist. Shoot. I'm so sick of this....!
Claire
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Kelly, I see you're still hanging in there, guess that means I have to too as per our deal. I'm happy to hear you're doing better. I finished rads last Friday and start Femara April 1. Emotionally I'm doing great now. I'm still on the anti-depressant, I'm a little afraid to stop. I don't want to go back to what some have called, "the dark place". I'll probably stay with it another 6 months until I see what Femara has in store for me. I'm still doing herceptin, too, every 3 weeks.
Sandy, I can relate to the feelings you describe. Vacillating between "I'm good" to "Oh NO!"
claire, When you hear something about the MRI, please let us know.
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bahamamom, My breast is still swollen and very stiff. I wore a bra today for the first time in a while and was so uncomfortable.
YaYa, I had one of those mole-like things come up during rads too. A brownish gray ugly callus thingy is what I've been calling it. It has worried me like crazy, even though my MO and RO said it was nothing. I am peeling some in that area, it'll be interesting to see if it peels off. I see my breast surgeon at the end of April, if it's still there we'll see what she says about it. My red parts have turned into a sort of polka dot pattern with the peeling parts being pink. Never had a polka dotted breast before.
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YaYa, I meant to tell you I went up to the cancer center today to ask about getting a copy of all my records, and they had no problem with it what so ever. I go back to the center at 2:30 to pick them up. I can't thank you enough for telling us about that. It will help to have them with me, while onc shopping.
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Sandy- I feel the same way!! I want this over as well..and I am scared to death of this coming back! We cant let it win!!
Grandma- I will never stop taking that antidepressant just so I never have to feel like that again!!!
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Claire-
Know that we are all there with you praying that all will go well & the tests do not require a "change in game plan". It is all too easy to immmediately go to the situation we fear the most. I don't know about anyone else, but I am getting dizzy with all the spinning around. I am trying really hard to stop that train of thought-- as we all know that is easier said than done. Right there by your side.....
{{{HUGS}}}
Rose
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GrandmaV-
Glad to hear you have completed RADS. I will be starting mine in mid-April (know for sure when I meet again with the RO on April 4th). At the end of RADS I will also start Femera. I have been told by a friend (six year survivor) that Fermara has the least number of SE's for the aromatase inhibitors. Studies show that post-menapausal survivors do better on an AI than tamoxefin. I think they only presecribe tamoxefin if you cannot tolerate the AI.
I will be thinking of you as you start this now leg of your journey. Perhaps our paths will cross on a Femera discussion board.
Love & {{{HUGS}}}
Rose
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Thank you, Rose. That's what my MO said too about Femara, that it's the least SE's. I found out on the femara thread that we're suppose to get a baseline bone scan, before starting an AI, and my doctor never even mentioned it. When I called them, the nurse said, rather curtly, "He'll just order that at your next appointment". My next appointment isn't until April 23 and I will have been on it for 23 days by then and she said,"Well, it won't change it much". She's part of the reason I want to change oncs.
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GrandmaV- My MO sad that I should have my primary care doc order regular bone density scans. for the 5 years I will be on Femara. He did not mention one for a baseline at the end of my RADS. Are you sure your MO said bone csan and not bone density scan? Let me know, because if we are receiving conflicting info I am going to ask my MO--- not that they have ever returned my calls :-( . I will check his notes in my medical records if all else fails.Ughhh!!!!
Rose
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claire, i'm sending positive thoughts to you.
grandmaV, what is it with these nurses? my onco's nurse always acts like she's so pitifully busy that i should feel sorry for her. and there's NO way i could see the dr if it isn't one of my scheduled appointments. i'm glad you got your records they make for some interesting reading! i found some mistakes in mine that made me a little nervous. did you get dr's notes too?
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Claire, I hope the weekend passes quickly and you find something nice to do to keep your mind off your MRI results. Whatever the outcome, and I sincerely wish it's a good one, there is nothing you can do about it right now. Like Rose said, our tendancy is to jump to the worst case scenario and drive ourselves crazy and get anxious. It sounds like you have good plans and options, no matter what the MRI shows. I think it's great that you thought to question your treatment plan and have the doctors re-evaluate it. Warm wishes and let us know how things go.0
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Okay, now you all have me wondering about bone scans and bone density scans! Does anyone know if they are standard for Tamoxifen users too? I will be starting Tamox right after rads and I don't want to miss out on a baseline scan if it is necessary. Mean nurses totally blow! I really encourage you ladies who are dealing with them to let your doctor know, in no uncertain terms, that you are unhappy with how you are being treated. We only get one shot at this "initial treatment" thing, so I wouldn't waste one day with the wrong medical professionals. Stand up and be heard ladies...this is your life we are dealing with here. You absoulutely deserve to have your questions answered and to be treated with dignity and respect.
Claire ~ We are all with you sister! I already prayed for you and for perfect results from your MRI. Please let us know what happens.
Sooooo, as I was laying on the rads table today, I got this overwhelming feeling that maybe the machine wasn't lined up correctly. There was no reason to feel this way, just a crazy thought that flew into my brain, once it was too late the the beams were beaming. Good grief! Every time the radiation starts I have the hardest time breathing. My breaths get all shallow and weird. It is so stupid because I'm really not afraid of the whole process, I just find myself freaking out a little when the rads is in progress. Has anyone else experienced this? I met with my RO today and asked to see my Plan (thanks to whoever told me to ask on this forum!). We have to include a good chunk of my lung and even a bit of my heart in order to successfully radiate the whole affected breast area. I feel less than excited about this. :-/
Hope everyone has a restful and joyful weekend!
SAN
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Rose - You're right, it's a bone density scan. I went back and checked on the Femara thread. Maybe that's why the nurse acted the way she did. I had my info. wrong. I think I'll follow your MO's advice and call my primary doc. Monday and see about getting it scheduled. I asked on the femara thread if any of the women got a baseline before starting an AI and several answered yes. So I think we're suppose to get a baseline bone density scan. Thanks for letting me know there is a difference between the two scans. If you go to page 98 of the following thread, you can see the conversations we had about it:
http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/78/topic/726592?page=98
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YaYa - I've spent the last couple hours reading through my records and found a couple of mistakes, too. One is they still have me down as a diabetic. I thought I cleared that up that I'm not diabetic back in November, but it's also on some of the later paperwork, too. I think my doctor knows, but if I sent these records anywhere, the next doctor wouldn't. But it also opened my eyes about my doctor's impression of me. He said some really nice things and so did the second RO's report about my radiation. I'm so glad to have these records. Thanks again.0
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Sandyland......I know what you mean about being afraid to move during rads. Being an MRI tech and having done thousands of scans...once in that position I had trouble read breathing. To have an MRI you have to lie on your stomach......same as RT from what I hear. I am too afraid of the breathing thing while lying on my stomach. I had back surgery and have a bad neck and so am not a stomach person anymore. I think especially after having my TRAM in May......hope they have good drugs for me! Don't want to have to do that but with Rheumatoid Arthritis and all this stuff I feel there is only so much I can endure. I so read everyones advice and am excited as my Emu Oil arrived today....I have it for RT and am trying it for the arthritis in my foot as well.
Next Friday is my last chemo and I told all the nurses they need to dance with me and I want to film for GMA the segment called "My three words" MY LAST CHEMO! I am getting so out of my mind!!
Best to you all this Friday.........I am on the countdown...........
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Sandy, I don't know much about Tamoxifen, but I think I remember reading somewhere that it's good for your bones. I'll look back in some of my notes and see if I can find where I read that. I think Tipnas and Sueshane are both on Tamox. so they may be able to answer that.
Your experience on the rads table sounds very similar to mine. I always got very anxious when everyone left the room and the machine started up, I would suddenly forget how to breathe and would feel myself freaking out a bit. I did freak out on my first ct scan at my first RO. They left me there for what felt like ages with the machine running and my head in the little donut thing, while they did my planning (that I rejected) I actually started yelling for help. I felt really silly. It's a good thing the treatments didn't last very long.
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Bonseye, I think most breast radiation treatments are done on your back. Some RO's offer the Prone position (on your stomach) but I guess not too many do. None here do. I wanted to have mine in the prone position, but no one here was familiar with it. The RO I finally chose to do my radiation had seen it done, but had no experience with it and I decided I didn't want him to experiment on me. If you can have the prone position there is almost no damage to lungs or heart as gravity pulls the breast away from the vital organs. Here's an interesting You tube video about it:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=61szl13mqmg
edited to add: We're counting down with you. 1 more!
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