Starting Chemo in Nov. 2011...anyone else?
Comments
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Quaatsi, what a rare friend you have. It makes sense. I also think people don't want to think about their own mortality, so they don't want us to remind them of it. So we put on a happy face to make them feel better. That's really nice of us, isn't it. But we still need that bond with people who do get it. Anyway I do. About the estrogen. You have to do what is right for you. There are times I just want to stop taking that little pill that stiffens the joints, dries out my skin, makes me tire easily, lower back pain, and making me feel very old. Then I remember my tumor was 97% ER positive, so I swallow that little pill every night and try to imagine little cancer cells starving to death and going off into oblivion.0 -
Beth, thank you for telling me about the poise towelettes. They really do help. I'm not crazy about the smell and it felt a little sticky when it mixed with the sweat on my neck, so I wiped some off with a wet wash cloth and that helped to get the sticky off, but the cooling sensation remained. How does it do that?0 -
GrandmaV-I don't know how they work, I just know they work. I carry them in my purse. Don't use them on your face like I did, it burns a bit!
Q-I too am having bouts with depression. This past weekend was especially lonely. It started when my husband made a remark that hurt my feelings. He tells people that I used to be on top of things but chemo changed me. I have allowed my chemo brain to control my body. I really have to fight to have some sense of sanity. I was taking vitamin B12. I started with 500 mcg and then jumped to 6000 mcg! I bought them without looking at the dosage. My new bottle is 1000. Yesterday I started taking 2 pills. I feel better. I really hope it works to stop the depression. I love my life. I miss my kids and grandbabiez but we chose to live here where it is healthier for me. My husband doesn't know how to help me during these episodes when I cry for hours. I get tired of hearing myself too.
I am going to volunteer to work at a holiday bazaar. I am looking forward to it but also scared of getting out of my comfort zone.
On the upside, I have lost 5 pounds!!!! I feel better when I exercise and I am walking with a friend. I know it is getting close to cold weather days, shorter days and longer nights. this is also our anniversary month. I think we need to call it our birthday month. The time when we all became supporters and good friends! Thanks to all of you for listening to me in a way that no one else can. Thank you also for allowing me to vent when I need it.0 -
Hi all-- It is 0430 and I am up… sleeping poorly these days but I think I am moving out of my funk. I had a good talking to-- to myself that is! I took the estrogen for maybe 4 days and stopped. I really don't want this cancer back--sooner nor later--prefer never! So, I talked with my oncology team, told them and they told me that this is the part-- the recovery part where they are not strongly suited to help. As they admitted all our bodies have been through a tough time and the result is very complicated. So I stopped being a patient and turned myself back into a practitioner and am trying to figure out what the next step will be. I have some direction right now and certainly will share with all of you but the bottom line is that I am more hopeful maybe because I am taking charge of my body. And maybe because i let go of LOADS of responsibility I didn't need to do (at least right now) and maybe because today-- I am leaving town for 5 days of riding in the ghost towns of Arizona.
I turned the email notification setting for this group back on so I will get emails as they come in and I hope everyone is doing well. Q0 -
Q-Enjoy yourself on your trip. Glad you are feeling more hopeful and in charge.
Beth-Congratulations on the 5 pounds! It sounds like you are making friends there now, like the one you are walking with. I think all of us would say that cancer has changed us. That is a foregone conclusion.... But change doesn't have to be bad. I think I take less for granted now. I am always mindful of my own mortality and others' as well, for instance, and I don't just immediately dismiss as trivial any new lumps, bumps, pains, etc., like I would have before. I also have learned to stop worrying about small things, like whether I have time to bake homemade cookies or have to buy the ready-to-bake kind or whether or not my house is spic and span. I am sorry that your husband's remark hurt your feelings. Sometimes I find myself sharing my feelings (about cancer, recurrence, etc.) with my husband, and I worry that he is tired of hearing me. He has never given me any reason to think that; it is more like I find myself thinking he probably doesn't want to hear it right when I am telling him whatever new research I have found or how I am feeling about some aspect of the disease. Sometimes, I do feel like I am obsessing too much about BC. But I can't help thinking about it every single day. It is just a part of me now.
Now, what about the link between breast cancer and skin cancer, especially melanoma. Has anyone ever read/heard about this connection, and has anyone's doctors every suggested frequent skin checks because of the breast cancer diagnosis? I had a spot show up at the top of my affected breast several weeks ago. I have looked at pics of skin cancer, trying to figure out if it could be cancerous or not. It looks like a blister that dried up after a few weeks and fell off, then was immediately replaced by a smaller blister that must have been right under it. I couldn't rule it out as being cancer for sure (from reading and looking at the pics), so I made an appt with the dermatologist on Dec. 3rd, the same day as my next MO appt. Hopefully, they can tell me it is nothing to worry about. But in all my reading, I found that people who have had either BC or melanoma have a 4 times greater risk of getting the other cancer later on. I also read about radiation causing skin cancer later on, even if it was not a radiated area.0 -
Wow...I have missed a lot! I don't want to rehash everything, but I do want to congratulate those who have achieved personal goals (weight loss, exercise, coping with the after effects of treatment, etc.). I am always amazed at the strength and compassion all of you share with me. As someone said, it's a our anniversary/birthday month and here we are still supporting each other. It seems that BC has made us reach inside and achieve goals we never thought possible when we were first diagnosed. Happy birthday/anniversary to all of you amazing women!
I truly understand how one can become sad and depressed. I was feeling very sad earlier this week and missing my mom very, very deeply. Thankfully, through great counseling (before I was diagnosed) I do have a better handle on dealing with my sadness. However, it is different with where I am in my life today. I try not to dwell on what may happen in the future and like some of you, at times I think it must get old for my husband to listen to me all the time. But, happily, I have heard him. when appropriate, share my journey and let's people know that I am happy to help them in their journey through a cancer diagnosis. That makes me proud, because while I am far from being that knowledgeable, I am happy to help, if needed, and love my DH for trusting me to help others. I have learned so much both emotionally and physically from so many people on this forum (especially all of you who started the journey with me) and I know what a blessing it is to celebrate this 2 year birthday/anniversary with all of you. You are the best!0 -
Quaatsi, I hope you don't run into any floods this time.
Beth, 5 pounds is great. It's hard to loose even 1 pound.
Bahamamom, I hadn't heard about that connection between the two cancers. Thanks for the heads up. My mom had skin cancer, but I don't know if it was melanoma. But hers looked like scabby places that wouldn't heal.
Linda, I've been missing my mom, too. She died in 2008. It's been a long 5 years without her. You're the best, too.0 -
Grandma ~ I am going to follow the link you posted for the study I am enrolled in. I had a call from my diet/weight loss counselor and she is super nice, but I think she will be kicking my butt if I don't exercise and eat right.
I can't even imagine myself getting 60 minutes of exercise 5 times a week, but that is the goal by the end of the program. For this week, she asked me to give up all "white" foods, white bread, rice, pasta...I told her she is killing me because I am the white carb queen! I can also choose between having coffe or diet soda...it's been coffee so far because I am not a morning person and need the caffeine first thing...LOL! I am supposed to walk 30 minutes 3 time during this next week. I wish it didn't get dark so early because I have to figure out when to fit it in. It's been so busy at work that I can't really leave at lunch time. Woe is me! I am taking the placebo/metformin, as well. I will keep you posted on my progress.Bahamamom ~ Thanks for that info regarding the link to the 2 cancers. I am definitely going to ask if I can see a dermatologist to examine all these spots on me...most of which I am sure are "old age" related!
Happy Weekend to all and hope you have a great one!
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I had my onc visit today. I am anemic. She asked if I had a colonoscopy. I did have one 3 years ago. I didn't think to ask the connection between anemia and colon issues. Does anyone have any input? Also, she thinks the lump is a cyst and I see a breast surgeon on Monday. I really hope it is a cyst but that has never happened to me. Please be praying or sending good thoughts my way. I don't know how I will handle another diagnosis.
GrandmaV, I think you asked about my diagnosis. My first time, I had DCIS and it was ER+/PR+. My second diagnosis was a new cancer not a recurrence. I am triple negative. This is from the oncotype test I had.
On a good note, we are going to the beach and I am going to try to relax. Hugs to all of you!0 -
Linda, It sounds like you'll be loosing weight and getting in shape. It might get rough, but you can do it. Sounds like you'll have a personal trainer without the cost.
Beth, It's not unusual for a doctor to order a colonoscopy to find the source of anemia. They want to rule out bleeding from polyps, internal hemorrhoids, or ulcers, etc.. My sister has had trouble with anemia most of her life and they did find many polyps. That was one source of her anemia. But it wasn't the only problem she had, her body wasn't absorbing iron. I can't remember the treatment that she had for that. Have fun at the beech. I'm praying for a cyst.0 -
Good morning all,
I have read through everything these last several days, but not a lot of energy to respond. Bumps in the road or not, we are all finding our way to move forward, YEAH US!!
Beth, I hope the beach was wonderful, so jealous, relax and let the sand rum thru your toes.
Linda, congrats on the moving toward healthy choices, it can be so hard after all we have been thru. My Mom passed away 7 years ago, what I wouldn't give to have her here now.
Q -Great vacation!!!
I am packing my house up with help from friends, my teens - not so much. The sale and move represents so much to them in terms of their dad and I, I know it is difficult for them. My DD's counselor tells me she had DX her with depression as an adjustment to the divorce, just makes me feel like crap. She is struggling in school, miserable at home-so difficult to be with her right now - she is so angry. I am patient and then blow every so often. I am hoping I have made the right decision, I know I have money wise, but smaller space and closer living with neighbors will be a big change for all of us. Excited and terrified. My DS is doing OK as he approaches 20 this week. Moving away from substance abuse issues and those friends and trying to find his way in the world - looking for a job, great girlfriend and working with some friends to start a business. I need to get thru the next month or so, moving, divorce, holidays and work and then do something like a weekend away for myself. Thanks for letting me whine. On to finish my coffee, and get on with my day.
Be well
nel0 -
wow Nel. Lots to bite off during holidays. You will be in our prayers during this time. Our lives get changed in subtle ways by this cancer-- maybe not so subtle...:)
q0 -
Beth-I will be hoping and praying for you tomorrow. I am glad that you didn't have to wait very long for the surgeon's report. I wonder if they will do an ultrasound. I thought that was the way to rule out cysts. But maybe because of your history, they will want to do a biopsy just to be sure. Hoping you will get an all clear very quickly.
Nel-so sorry you have so much to deal with right now. One of my daughters gave us such stress and worry for years and continues to weigh heavily on our hearts much of the time. But I can not imagine how I would have dealt with teenagers during all of this. It would be exhausting trying to be support for your children while your life is changing so much with the divorce and the move, even if you were feeling great and in good health. So to have those worries while you are sick and recovering is really a difficult challenge for you. Please feel free to come to us to vent and to get the support and understanding you need.
Linda-good luck with your healthy lifestyle. For me this time of year is hard to eat right, and the cold and early darkness make it also hard to get lots of exercise. I hope your wellness coach can help motivate you to overcome those things and that you will see results soon.0 -
Hello All! the surgeon did a biopsy. He actually took out the whole lump. It was the size of a pea. He first said we would get the results in 7-10 days. When I went to checkout, the nurse said they were putting a rush on the pathology report. I am meeting with him this Friday. It's scary because I wonder if he knows something. They do this all the time. Don't you think they know if it is benign or malignant? He also said, "No matter what happens, we can fix it." UGGGHHH, pins and needles!0 -
I know you are scared. All of us get anxious every time we have any tests or check ups now. You are certainly justified for your fears, but I hope you will take one day at a time and keep breathing as you await the results. I do not think the surgeon knows if it is cancer until the pathologist tells him. That was the impression I got from mine. He also told me that from now on, my doctors would give me lots of attention any time I had any hint of a lump or bump or other suspicious area. He also told me that the best thing I could do was keep an open mind, so that is my advice to you. On the up side, even if it is cancer, it is local, so I believe your doctor when he says that no matter what happens, we can fix it. You will be in my thoughts and prayers as you deal with this new thing for us to hate about BC.0 -
Beth, we're all waiting with you. I feel your anxiety. I pray you get good news Friday. Its still so awful to have to wait.
Nel, So much to deal with. I'm impressed at how well you're coping and moving forward with all these changes. Those of us who have raised kids know what a challenge those teen years can be. It sounds like your son is getting his life together, I hope it all works out well for him. Your daughter will come around eventually. It takes time, but someday soon she will appreciate all you do for her. I know I didn't really appreciate my mom until I had kids. Then I realized all the sacrifices she made for us. I think my daughter was the same way. We clashed big time during the teen years. She's 38 now and we're closer than I ever could have imagined. Not a day goes by without a call from her.
I've been down with a cold. This is the first time I've had any kind of illness since diagnosis. It's not bad, just annoying. I can't seem to get rid of it. I'm not looking forward to the weather turning cold tomorrow and a winter storm on it's way. We're suppose to get freezing rain and sleet. Fun. I wonder why someone hasn't invented big rubber bumpers we could put on our cars in the winter, like bumper cars at an amusement park. Quaatsi, how were the ghost towns?
edited to add: I forgot to mention, I lost 3 more pounds. So 13 in all.0 -
Hooray for you, Grandma! I personally know how easy it is to put on weight, and how very, very hard it is to take it off. I feel so blessed that I am getting some personal counseling while I am doing the study. It has made me look at labels and try to eat better since I am accountable at various intervals with this study. It's going to be rough in the next few weeks. Our 40th anniversary is this Sunday, Thanksgiving on Thursday and then the Christmas goodies start, and when you work in a school, there always seems to be food around. Yikes! Just want to say I hope you are feeling better each day and I know that a cold is annoying, but after the stuff we all have been through, it's a blip on the screen and I hope all of us only have ROUTINE illnesses from now on!
Nel ~ I hope you are making it through all the changes in your life knowing the end result is something you need to happen in your life. It has to be difficult for you, but I'm sure that once things have settled down, it will be such a relief to know you have achieved what you need to make your life better and less stressful.
Beth ~ I am praying that your have a good report tomorrow. I hate that we can never again be at ease when we have a symptom or a lump or bump. The waiting is really horrible, and yes, I believe they probably have a definite idea if the lump looks routine or malignant. However, I can understand how they hesitate to tell us on the spot since they have to cover their butts to avoid lawsuits. We are all holding your "virtual" hand as you wait for the results. Please let us know as soon as you have a chance.
Bahamamom ~ My MO who doesn't believe in scans, etc. after BC treatment, but like your doctor, he said if I have any symptom or just don't "feel something's not right," that he would order procedures to determine what, if anything needs to be done. Thanks so much for your encouragement. I have a terrible time eating right when nothing is going on, so the holiday season is always a bigger temptation. Oh woe is me...LOL!
Take care everyone, and if we don't connect before, have a wonderful Thanksgiving!0 -
great job grandma! Three more pounds!0 -
Hello Everyone. Not such good news today. It is malignant. I don't have a lot of information yet. I am scheduled for a ct and bone scan hopefully next week. I will definitely have more surgery for clean margins. Won't know about treatment until after the scans. I hate this stuff. On a good note, my daughter with the twins surprised me by coming down with the Babiez, her husband and my sister! Oh how I cried when I saw that car filled with people that I love. They are going home tomorrow but they were here today when I needed them most!
Hugs my friends!!!0 -
Oh Beth ~ There are no words to express how sad I was to hear your news today. Please know that I am so sorry and that I will be praying for you. I am happy that your daughter, the Babiez, and your sister surprised you with a visit. It's always wonderful to feel love, but especially when you need it most. Please keep us posted. ((hugs))0 -
I'm so sorry, Beth. I'm heart broken for you.
much love and hugs.0 -
Beth-I am so sad to hear your news. I know you will conjure up the same strength you now know so well. big hugs- Q0 -
Beth-I am so sorry for your news today. Please know that you are in my prayers and that I will be here for you as you begin this next step. I am so glad that your family was with you today. Please keep us posted.0 -
Beth,
Hugs and prayers. Glad you had family with you today and tonight. Enjoy them and one hour and day a time until you have a plan in place. This disease s****!!!!
Nel0 -
Thank you so much my friends! I didn't want to post this but I needed your support. I tell everyone about my best friends that I have never met! Company has left and the house is quiet but I am okay with that. I remembered that this tumor is from the first cancer in 2008. I will be writing down so many questions for my oncologist this time. Am I ER+ again or what? UGGGHHH! I hope I can get my head cleared enough to ask and remember. My husband always takes a tape recorder to help us out.
Be blessed today and always.0 -
beth,
NEVER apologizing for posting here, with any news. That is why we are here, all for each other in the good, bad and ugly.
Be well
Nel0 -
Ditto.
We are here and I guess that is a statement in and of itself. Keep posting Beth. Q0 -
I agree. We are here for each other no matter what. When one hurts, we all do.0 -
What happened to our beautiful weather. We don't have snow here. Does anyone else have snow?0 -
No snow here. We had one day of freezing drizzle. But it wasn't too bad. Just a few fender benders around town. I think the snow went south of us. I hear Oklahoma City was a mess. I think the storm is coming your way according to the weather channel. Some will get snow, others rain. Some will get ice.0
