Why was I stronger DURING treatment than I am now?
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Smartass, I think poodles are adorable.
Good luck with WW. Reminder that the first 3-4 days your body will be adjusting to less sugar, etc. Maybe schedule a massage or something at the end of week one.
Love, Purl
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Smartass, I am just wondering....if you finished chemo a year ago, your hair is not normal yet? Oh, my! I just finished chemo in July and only have peach fuzz. How long is your hsir now? I take it it is curly! Also, if you don't mind me asking, why did you have overies out last April? Was it painful? I am just learning more about all this that just keeps going
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JJ, you are definitely not the only one who looks at photos and thinks, "That was BC." I can't avoid that thought because my post-chemo hair makes me look so different. It smacks me in the face. BC I had wavy hair that was brown going to gray. It still looked pretty brown in photos, and was a few inches short of shoulder length. Now I am totally gray, and it's curly. It gets too bushy as it gets longer so I keep it short. It's not that the new hair looks bad. I actually get complimented on it all the time. It's just that it's DIFFERENT. It's not the hair I had for for 56 years. At least now that I'm nearly done with reconstruction, my profile doesn't look different. I don't think I'll ever get to the point where I feel "safe" from cancer no matter how many years I go. Even if bc doesn't come back, it's my third cancer, and #2 is an incurable form of lymphoma. That could sit there and never do much to bother me, or it could kill me. Or the bc could come back at which time it will be stage IV, or some other cancer could spring up. I just don't trust my body not to betray me again. All my healthy habits did no good whatsoever.
Chloesmom, my mother said something to me about giving some heirloom jewelry pieces to my nieces. WTF! Yes, eventually, but I'm still wearing them!
Smart, good luck with Weight Watchers. I've also joined. I've lost some of the cancer weight, but progress has slowed. I guess that's typical. Unfortunately, when I get depressed, I eat. Not helpful.I do better when I exercise a lot, but I'm under orders from my doctor to get 8 hours of sleep a night, which impacts that time I have to exercise.
mysunshine, it took about 6 months for my hair to grow out to the point where I felt it looked like a short haircut rather than post-chemo growth. It seems like forever, but don't despair. It will get there. It just might be different than what you had before.
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Jackbirdie,
My MO does a C25-27. But I did allot of reading on it. This test is neither highly sensitive nor highly specific. Meaning it is not very specific to the proteins in cancer so it picks up other abnormalities ( infection, inflammation, meds) And since it is not highly sensitive to those proteins either, the test can miss it altogether.
Another interesting depressing and f8cked up statistic is that the survival rate after recurrence is not improved if the patient is diagnosed prior to the onset of symptoms. Meaning that if the C25-27 did indeed show recurrence
I asked the MO why he even uses that test, his reply was " its all I have".
At least he is trying.
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Thanks RG- I know more now, and it's helpful.
Filing it in the we are fucked either way bin for now. Ugh.
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So my DH just out of the blue booked us plane tickets to go to our vacation home in Costa Rica in a few weeks. So totally not like him...this was def not in our plans, our budget (we're trying to rent it out more) but his thought is we are both exhausted from our move, our DD will be back at school...and screw it...it's also right before my appt with the BS. Although it's rainy season it will be great to be there. Not sure what work is going to say?? Sometimes I love this man of 24 years. It's been a wicked year on both of us..and on our marriage. He has been great ...but we've had our moments that is for sure!!! I will take the rains of Costa Rica over sitting at my desk any day....carp Diem!!
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JJ- Awesome news! What a wonderful surprise. I'm so glad he did the for you. For both of you. We will be needing pi
cswhen you get back!0 -
Thanks Jackie...the beach is the one place I can never get enough of. Costa Rica's main greeting is "Pura Vida" which means "good life". I haven't even told my kids yet. LOL .
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JJOntario -
Yay! What a superb thing to do for you and your family. Ten gold stars for the hubby!
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Mysunshine - yes, i finished chemo June 26, 2014. My hair is very very curly (which i guess most bc ladies get curls for at least a while). Mine is so curly it still doesnt really touch my collar when dry. About 6" long in the back now. My growth has also been slower than it used to be. But i was on Herceptin, and that makes it grow slower i guess. As for the ovaries, i am hormone negative, but i had a large tumor (not cancer thankfully) on my right ovary, and my MO wanted it out. I chose to have both out, as she wanted me to do that.The ovary surgery was done laprascopically, and pretty easy. I had my expanders placed at the same time (different surgeon), so I really did not notice any problems with my ovary removal.
Purl - your poodle comment was sweet. Good idea on the massage.
Jjontario- congrats on the trip! How wonderful for you both.
2tabbies- I hope both of our ww experiences are good and we can drop some of this excess baggage. The poor we lady today at my first meeting & orientation didn't know what she was getting into. She. she asked me why I joined, I burst into tears (not sobs, just teary eyed) as I started to tell her I have a 3 month break before my next surgery and I need something to help me like the way I look. She probably doesn't get paid enough for my drama. She was sweet though.
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Just heard that a girl who I went through chemo with (we all got to know one another online) from the British version of BCO has died. Wow......
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wintersocks, I'm so sorry to hear that. That's hard.
Smart, I'm afraid I went into rant mode when I first talked to my ww leader. She got to hear about how I'd felt like a freak since the mastectomy and at least wanted to lose the weight I'd gained. It's an at work meeting too. Fortunately, I don't work directly with any of the other people who were there. I wish I'd just cried. That would have been more socially acceptable.
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winter, I am so sorry. That completely sucks. Take care of yourself.
2tabbies - that made me laugh. I hope that is ok. This place makes me feel so much more normal than almost anything else. I am thinking about a therapist. My emotions pop out inappropriately....cripes sometimes I am a hot mess.
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WS- very sorry. A terrible shock and very scary.
I had a friend who had her BMX 6 weeks ahead of me. She was older, and it was clear hers was more advanced. But it totally took me down when we lost her in March. Less than six months after surgery. It happens. It's my biggest reason for what I call living out loud. I don't let things be unsaid. People probably find it awkward sometimes. But my only solace when I lost my friend so soon, so abruptly, was that there was nothing unsaid between us. She knew exactly what she and her friendship meant to me.
I hope you can find a way to deal with your grief and all of the accompanying emotions from this news. Thinking of you.
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Smart, I'm glad I made you laugh. Nothing is a total waste if somebody at least gets a laugh out of it. I totally relate to inappropriate emotions. For me, it's either extreme irritability or depression. I'll be going along just fine when some stupid little thing will trigger one or the other. A minor irritation with a doctor's office today really pissed me off for example. Hopefully, it didn't come through in my voice. Too much.
Jack, better awkward than unsaid. Good for you.
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Winter: so sorry about your friend.
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Winter - So sorry! Sending you a great big hug from abroad.
I just feel so crappy this week - and I do not know why. I do know why - work and life are stressful, my body looks so crappy, and I ache all over. Sometimes this BC just gets the best of me. I still have not scheduled my Stage 2 in the DIEP process. I know I will not do it this year...maybe not next year,,,,I just want to feel good before I undergo yet another surgery. AND - I feel like I can't put my family through another surgery [meaning my parents]. I am alone right now. Everyone thinks I am healed. Everyone thinks I should be happy and healthy -- all I think is I want to crawl under the sheets.
I am so thankful for you all listening to me.
It does help!
xxoo
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LiLi, I know. Why isn't everything just hunky dory like everybody else thinks it is or should be.
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I am 6 weeks PFT and people think I should be getting back to normal and happy. Really? I am still weak and get tired so easily! How about all of you? At 2 months PFT, did you tire easily and sort of weak?
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Oh, it takes waaaaaay longer than that. In fact it's been over two YEARS for me and I'm still tired and weak.
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Lili, sorry for where you are at. It is a lot harder than people think isn't it? These damn women with their celebrity cancers don't help us either. Diagnosed on Monday & flying off for Channel XYZto cover a hurricane on Friday. All better, no worries.
mysunshine, be gentle with yourself. All of us have different timelines to feel better. It all depends on your body & how it reacts. I felt pretty good about 2 weeks after finishing my six months of chemo, then had my bmx...and that took me a long time to feel better. Not my breasts...my whole body. Radiation adds another layer of fatigue. A year after chemo ended, my blood work is just getting back to the normal range. We all have different experiences, and you just have to be in tune with how you feel. I still sleep 10 hours a night. If I can get a nap, I take one...but mostly I only get one on weekends.
One of my roommates from college called me last night. She found out yesterday she has bc. I am sad for her. All I can thin kits how hard this is & I don't want her to have to go through it. I am actually thankful to be me, and that I have the last 18 months behind me. I just don't know if I could do it again...and surely I am thankful I am at the back end and not the beginning.
Wishing you all a happy and relaxing weekend. You deserve it.
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2Tabbies--a person I used to lunch with in VA said she uses her 6 month follow-up to question doc about research reported since her last visit. As I am changing oncologists now that I am in NC, I think I'll do th same.
Thanks for the responses about homesickness. As time goes by I am gradually feeling better about living here. Visit from my daughter and grandson helped a lot! I am discovering new people and places I don't have access to akin VA. I also am trying to call my former house in Virginia "the Virginia house" rather than "home" to myself and to others. For some reason this seems to help me.
Hugs,
Peggy
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Lili, I had a thought. Do you think getting stage II of your DIEP done might make you feel better? I feel better now that I can get dressed without having to hide a major issue with my shape. I still have bad days with awful mood swings, but I feel better than I did with the concave chest. Just a thought.
mysunshine, I'm not sure what PFT stands for, but 6 weeks is no way near long enough past any of this crap to be "all better." It takes as long as it takes so don't feel like you "should" be anything at this point. Just try to take care of yourself.
Smart, I'm so sorry about your roommate.
Peggy, I'm glad you're feeling a bit better. I should stop referring to the area where I grew up as home. It's only been 35 years since I lived there. Good suggestion on asking the MO about new research.
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2Tabbies, Thank you for helping me feel like something else is wrong with me, PFT is the abbreviation for post final treatment. Yes, I read other threads about women running through chemo. Another woman had a party three weeks after finishing chemo to thank people who helped out during trestment. Others, going back to work. I am tired. I got ready to go to the gym in my neighborhood today. Got in the car and just could not to go. I felt guilty not going, but fell onto my bed for a 2 hour nap.
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mysunshine, I'm right there with you in the tired boat. A nap sounds really good.
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Thanks 2Tabbies!
Mysunshine, the nap was probably more restorative than the gym anyway.
Hugs,
Peggy
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Everybody gets through chemo at their own pace. Running sounds pretty ambitious to me. After my treatment I turned into a giant toddler. Bursts of energy, followed by naps. Unpredictable behaviour and early nights. I probably would have had more tantrums, except that I was too tired.
My acquaintances thought that I was highly motivated because I walked the dog twice a day. They would have been much less impressed if they knew that he's a basset hound.
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Janet, thanks for the laugh. You mean, your Bassett hound isn't a speed demon?
Mysunshine, Peggy is right. A nap probably is more restorative than the gym. I meant to get up early enough to swim before work today, but slept through the alarm. Oh well I guess my body was telling me something.
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2Tabbies - Thank you for your thoughts about Stage 2. I do think it would make me feel better. I am thinking maybe next spring. It would be nice to enjoy a few months without feeling so rotten physically and emotionally. I think I do need to heal some more before Stage 2. LiLi
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LiLi, we all have to do this on our own schedule. You're the best one to determine when it's time to proceed.
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