Why was I stronger DURING treatment than I am now?
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I have to have my ovaries out on Monday as they are quite large- one is the size of a baseball and the other is smaller but I feel pain over in that area, also I have a hernia so two surgeons will be operating on me. I had a CA125 tumor marker for ovarian cancer and its elevated- it isn't a very accurate test I was told but its so very concerning- I am happy I found two drs ( the surgeon is my breast surgeon who will now fix my hernia- his wife is a BC survivor) and the GYN her mother is a breast cancer survivor also. The surgeon seemed more concerned about my ovaries than the hernia so walked into the GYN's office and personally got me an appointment on a Mon- I was in his office on Feb 2 and was told I could not see a GYN til March 19th- Glad I have doctors on my side. My MO kept telling me the ovarian pain was in my head. UFFF!! so a year later my GP decided to send me for a CT scan as I was in pain when I went in for an ear infection.
Odd I am more worried this time then going in for my BC surgery- I guess that time I knew it was BC and I knew that it was small and that I would receive radiation- I was freaked about the possibility of chemo though.
This time I do not know if I have cancer, I know they are large as the GYN said she cant do a laproscopic surgery on me as she is afraid to break them and if they are cancer then I would need chemo. So I will have the old fashioned open abdomen surgeries.!! YUCK!! The unknown really really scares me!!!
Thanks for listening to me ramble, its getting to me- I go to bed at 9 at night and want to sleep and sleep. Stress is nasty!!
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Wintersocks and ndgrll,
Not knowing is the most anxious thing! I hate this disease. A little more than a month ago I found a lump on top of my reconstructed breast and had to do biopsy under local anesthetic. It turned out to be scar tissue that has now broken up of its own accord. But the waiting for the results put me right back in the panic mode I felt when I was first dxd with BC 2 plus yrs ago.
Sending serene and hopeful thoughts to you and everyone else who are waiting anxiously.
Hugs,
Peggy
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Me too. Ditto Peggy's post. I'm at work so I can't post more but love to you all, especially thinking of you winter and Ndgrll. Tim, yea. Xanax helps!
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ndgirl, so sorry you are going through this. It is possibly benign, right?
I know it's so difficult but i hope you can stay in the moment. At this moment it is not cancer.
Moment by moment you will get through this and be ok. But what an ordeal! I do think uncertainty
is the worst!
The day I discovered I had BC I went to the library and got a stack of books on the disease.
As I was leaving I bumped into an acquaintance. I didn't want to tell her anything but she must have seen
the look on my face...panic. She said to me "I've discovered, you can get through much more than you think you can." It was such a comfort in that moment, to hear that. And I'm telling you the same thing. You can get through this. Good luck and let us know how it goes. It sounds as though you have a great, caring medical team.
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Tim,
I don't think we have Xanax here in GB. Is it a anti anxiety med?
ndgrrl. I had my ovary out in 12 or 13??? can't remember now. I had an odd cyst thing on my right ovary, It was very large and had blood in it so they really didn't know what it was... I had an MRI and they still could not determine . Thankfully it was b9. I can't remember what it was exactly. I know they removed it into a bag before they took it out of my body. Gross. But it was fine. My other ovary had disappeared entirely!! Apparently, that can happen post-men. I had mine taken out keyhole. I guess I am saying try not to worry too much, I was freaked and it all turned out ok. But will think of you on op day.
Peggysull, it sounds very similar to what I have. It's like a pearly small lump/nodule thing. I am having a glass of wine in an effort to stop thinking about it
Thanks for all support on here.
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Thank you all for the great words of support, your kind words nearly made me cry here at work!0 -
I can't remember the generic word for xanax but yes, it's a tranquilizer. Comes in very handy when I can take no more!
It's good to get your ovaries out anyway because even after menopause they still make some estrogen and that can feed the BC. Mind were removed last year with my hysterectomy. Wish I'd had the operation before I'd developed uterine cancer!
Is there a more beautiful word than b9? I don't think so!
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Wintersocks and Ndgrrl this sounds like it sucks. Just having more biopsies/surgeries is bad enough but I agree, the fear factor really kicks in. Please let us know how both of you are doing.
I haven't written in awhile and just wanted you both to know I am thinking of you and sending prayers and love.
Take care,
Julieho
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Xanax is Alprazolam, a benzodiazepine......
Winter I have been waiting for an ultra sound since before Christmas for lumps on my un reconstructed chest.......I finally had it and have loads of lumps and old bruises inside etc, but was told they are all normal, some were on scar line...........good luck on Friday......
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Just adding my prayers for peaceful rest for those of you in wait mode. Not knowing is the worst. At least once you know, you have something to try to get a handle on. Wishing you benign results, ndgrrl and Winter.
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I don't like those bumpish bumps/nodules/mysteries,either. I have one currently, they THINK it is fat necrosis, I saw the BS after mammo and ultrasound in january, she told me she wanted me to do the breast MRI, so I did. it was probably benign. so, she told me even f they were not sure, that cancer can be hidden under the scar, but also she might want me to do a punch biopsy? So, after MRI, i was supposed to follow up with her and i had to cancel that. I told her receptionist that i had already picked up the "probably benign" MRI report, but if the surgeon really wanted to see me, then we could set up a new appt. But so they never called back, and I am not certain that I even want to know anything about whats going on in there anymore.. but hugs for tim, and ndgrl, and winter too...
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Winter and Ndgrrl how are both of you doin? Any news?
You have been in my thoughts and prayers.
Take care,
Julieho
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Julieho,
I had the nodule thing removed today under local by a really lovely surgeon (not the one who did my diep) He repeated to me that it is very unlikely to be anything sinister. He said he thought it a 'foreign body reaction' in other words possibly a stitch. it was very quick and I have dissolvable stitches. I return in 4 weeks for the result. It was horrid, just having a lump removed again. How are you doing?
Tomboy, I can understand your anxiety, about these lumps and bumps. We really do not need his do we? Perhaps you should get them out for peace of mind? I am pleased it's out now, But I am always ready for the rogue card to be played here and will not believe entirely b9, until I am told it is. The whole thing is mentally exhausting.
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So glad to hear that winter! What a relief.
Makes me wonder if I should have had mine removed.
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Hi everyone- Thanks so much for the kind words. I have my surgery on Tuesday. I am so stressed over it all. I have two surgeons doing the surgeries- Ovaries/fallopian tubes and a hernia so I am in good hands. The surgeon is also my breast surgeon so that bring back some really vivid memories. I hate the waiting, I hope I get to find out soon after surgery if its a cancer or not. I have been very worried about surgical menopause, I am hoping I don't become a dr Jekyl and Mr Hyde only with more hair on my chin- HA!!
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Winter, I'm glad you got rid of the nodule. Why a 4 week wait for the results?
ndgrrl, maybe since you've already been on Tamoxifen, the surgically induced menopause won't be so bad.
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2tabbies,
Well my own PS is away,The nurse wanted 3 weeks but he has no clinic.. I think also because they are not too worried about the lump. Finally. this is the British NHS, and although all tx is free, we have to wait longer than we'd like.
nsgrll, I wish you calmness in readiness for Tuesday's op. It sounds like you have a good team and I am sure they will take good care of you. It would be a relief to get results sooner rather than later, wouldn't it?
Please let us know how you are when you can.
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Wintersocks, it seems like they could just call you with the results. But at least you don't have to worry about going bankrupt if you get sick like can happen here in the US.
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When I've had appointments with non-oncology specialists at Duke, the wait for an appointment has sometimes been 5-8 months. So we get the expense AND the wait. Not to mention the paperwork...I switched to a different insurance agency this year so I need referrals to all the physicians I already see...but my PCP sent a letter instead of doing it on their website, so she has to do it again. My new insurance company's info was not entered in Duke's system, so they called me yesterday to say I have no insurance coverage for my rad onc f/u next week (I do). I can only go to a designated suppliers for my CPAP supplies, which meant that my PCP had to contact the sleep specialist to send my report to the new supplier, who has not returned my calls to take an order, so my monthly supplies are 2 months overdue. I've spent hours on the phone in the last few months dealing with insurance agencies, my HSA bank, my PCP, my specialists, supplier, etc., none of which I would have to do if insurance companies weren't a big fat money-sucking bureaucracy in between me and my healthcare providers. (end of rant)
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From diagnosis to surgery for my two cancers was a matter of weeks, 2-3.
I have not paid any money out of pocket. Insurance covered it all.
There was a recent paper (british) that studied why survival in the US is better for breast cancer than in the UK.
They determined it was speed of treatment and lack of rationing of treatment. America has the greatest survival statistics for all diseases, probably for these same reasons.
I didn't want to put this out there but it's the truth and the politicians spew a lot of lies.
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We do have good health care in the US if you are fortunate enough to have good insurance or perhaps poor enough for Medicaid. I'm not sure what the latter covers. If you don't have insurance, you get what you can afford to pay for or get through charity. Overall (not just for breast cancer), our health outcomes are worse than in many other countries. Health issues are the biggest cause of personal bankruptcy in this country. I hesitated to say anything in this forum, but I just find that appalling.
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Yes, a neighbor of mine lost his job and his house was foreclosed on. He got first rate care at the same hospital I would go to. He gets all medicines for free. He got a by pass for free.
I think a lot of our "bad outcomes" are because of other reasons. For instance, when I had my daughter there were l4 women in labor. I was the only one who had had pre-natal care although it was available for free. Most of the other patients were young teen agers, frightened and alone.
Statistics are very tricky. But If you look at survival data for diseases, I think you will find that the US has the best outcomes. And yes, it costs money. It's like the old joke "Your money or your life." Jack Benny says "I'm thinking, I'm thinking." I am all for spending money for lives saved.
But yes, this is not the place to get to far into this.
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I am sorry to hear about the stress and worry for those who have lumps and bumps being examined. I think I read Timbuktu, Ndgrrl and Wintersocks have had some frightening waits. That sucks. If anyone else I missed has been in the waiting game too, please know our sisters on this site are always in my nightly prayers.
I have been avoiding the boards for several weeks because I cannot bring myself to have a positive attitude, and I do not want to share m anger and bitterness. I have been feeling very bitter and angry lately. Not sure why, I just am. I am afraid it is becoming a part of my personality, rather than a situational mood thing. I sure hope not, I do not like myself this way. I am trying the meds, support group, yoga, supplements route...but truth be told not sure how well it is working for me. I think I will have some sort of attitude adjustment when I am out of the "cancer look" and can be myself a little more.
In the good news department I have scheduled 2 surgeries for April 7th. I am having my ovaries & tubes out (I am ER/PR-, but have a dermoid tumor on my ovary they want out now), and starting reconstruction. I originally was not sure I wanted to do recon, but now I am self conscious about my chest, and I think it is making my posture worse. I cannot find any clothes to fit right, and I do not want to wear a bra with stuff in it.
I love that my hair is growing back. I like how it is super curly. I hate that it is still short enough where I look like my grandmother.
I have my last Herceptin on March 19th, and I do look forward to that.
Money and Healthcare...grrr. I am trying to figure out my taxes, and I have very good insurance. Just the travel to & from the medical center, meals, supplements, wigs, med copays...I am deeply disturbed and now can see why my husband and I are financially strapped after this last year. I do not know how most people do it. We are certainly not wealthy in any way, but have a reasonable income...this sh*t is so expensive. I am truly amazed.
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SmartassSmurf, I'm sorry to hear you're in that black hole called depression. I still sometimes end up there and definitely still have some anger and bitterness. I hope it goes away with time. I've tried all the things you're trying. I guess it helped some. Congratulations on getting the curly hair. I got it too. In one way, I like it. It's so easy to care for, and I've gotten lots of compliments on how it looks. In another way, I'd like my old hair back just so that I looked more like me again. Of course, it grew in completely gray, and I know the brown is gone forever. Talk about looking like grandma! Best of luck with your surgery. I felt the same as you about reconstruction. I wasn't sure I wanted it, but was self conscious of my chest, clothes didn't fit, didn't like wearing the prosthetics. So I got a lat flap and tissue expanders in November. I'm looking forward to getting the expanders OUT and the permanent implants in late May, but even with the expanders, I feel a lot better about how I look. I think that's helped with my depression more than anything else. I hope it helps you too. What kind of recon are you having? I hope all goes well with that and the ovary/tube removal. Wishing you an easy recovery!
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Hi everyone,I had my surgery last Tues to remove my tubes. ovaries and fix quite a few hernias it turns out. I got out of the hospital on Friday and am doing ok. mending which is taking a bit as my incision is from belly button to pubic bones! Good news my ovaries were not cancerous!!
I have been off Tamoxifen for a week before surgery and MO wants me off it for a month after surgery before they start me on an AI. Right now holy moly am I hot hot hot!! I am just hopeing its hot flashes and not an infection starting. They sure did not give me any after care instructions other than not to drive or lift til I see the surgeons on the 25th.. I am SOOOO relieved not to have cancer but now freaking out about surgical menupause!
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ndgrrl - so glad your surgery went well and there was no cancer - that's awesome!! Hang in there with those hot flashes and take it easy!!
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i love this topic. I feel I can share things here that seem not to fit anywhere else.
I am really stressed right now because we are beginning to do renovations to our house so we can break even when we sell it in (hopefully) June and retire. We are moving to Wilmington, NC .
For those of you who have had to sell a house in a buyer's market, you know the stress. I remember when I first learned my dx and found out all the different health practitioners I would have to see and on top of the dx this was so overwhelming.
I remember turning over so many things to my husband, getting a. Cleaning person for the kitchen and baths and a dog walker. Then after delegating I just focused on dealing with treatment, which was a full time job for some time. I keep coming to breastcancer.org In part to remind me when I'm stressed with relatively small stuff that I coped and survived treatment of the big BC.
That being said, getting all these estimates for renovations needed to sell the house (scheduling, budgeting, negotiating) I feel overwhelmed in a different way--I can't delegate any of this and I have to pay attention to stuff as small as a missing door stop and as big as replacing the AC and heating system. The countertop person just left and the plumber is in his way.AArghhh. But, I am NED so far and I need to remind myself that health is more important than money. I've been stress eating sweets...missing exercise sessions. Not good.
Any feedback would be welcome.
For people going through depression, I have you in my heart. I have gone thru major depressive episodes in the past and therapy, medication, and friends have pulled me out gradually.
Hugs to everyone,
Peggy
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Peggy,
I feel for you selling your house, it is a dire business that's for sure. I hope the rest of it goes smoothly for you. I went to see my GP today, she wants to see me frequently for my depression. I have had this pre bc and of course post. I am on Venlafaxine and Mirzapatine (that one a very low dose to help with sleep). I really believe I would have gone under without this chemical cosh (7 years on em!), She said when I get off them it will be very very gradual.
I am sure you might have taken meds, if you are prone to depression in the past? would you consider taking them again? The Venlafaxine also helps with the hot flushes too.
ndgrrl I hope your 'hotness' has settled if not see above, this med really does work to keep these hotties at bay, not entirely, but if I forget to take they are wild.
Hello to all friends here on my best topic.
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ndgrrl, I also have the belly button (actually 1 cm above it) to pubic bone scar and did the surgically induced menopause. However, since it was for ovarian cancer not breast, I was able to use an estrogen patch for a while. Until the breast cancer showed up. I'm so glad you didn't have ovarian cancer and hope your menopause symptoms aren't too bad. Since stopping estrogen and especially since starting Tamoxifen, I've been struggling with those too. Effexor helps.
Peggy, good luck with selling your house. I don't have much advice to offer except try to sort things out by priority. Maybe you can let some of the low priority stuff go. Do try to get your exercise and rest if you can. That will help in being able to handle the other things. Happy sales!
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Peggy, I feel the same about this page. It is my favorite because it is so supportive, and my thoughts are not in a specific area. More like a scattershot these days.
I had my last Herceptin treatment today. After 15 months of infusions for chemo & then Herceptin I am happy to say goodbye to my wonderful infusion nurses. We brought them cupcakes today, and they sweetly posed for a picture with me. One more hurdle complete.
Of course this journey always involves some good news/bad news. Good news...done with infusions & my WBC & platelets have rebounded again. Bad news...I have had some stomach upset the last couple days and my liver enzymes have gone back up out of the normal range again. They were high for 3 months following AC, but returned to normal about 8 months ago & stayed there. Not sure why my liver has decided not to be a team player now. Curses.
My MO wants me to keep my port for another year, so I will still go to the clinic every 6 weeks for a flush.
I wonder when I will get to a day where I do not think about cancer? Have any of you made it there yet? I would love to hear about it.
My birthday was last Saturday. We went to dinner with friends and had a nice night. Perhaps the beer on Saturday is causing the liver excitement? Not sure if one evening of having a few beers would do that.🍺🍺
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