I look for other flat chested women. A rant.
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CCraig - reconstruction is such a personal decision. What is comfortable/right for one person, might not be the right thing for another. 5 years ago when I was explaining/demonstrating DYI cold capping to another woman who was going through the same nightmare she asked about reconstruction. I told her that since I was nearing 60, that I did not feel the need. I had gone the full circle, even looking at DIEP. She told me that she was almost 65 and wanted her breasts, even if plastic. The DIEP surgeon explained that usually the mastectomy and DIEP are done at the same time, but others choose to wait. She had one patient who had been told she would only live another year or two. After 10 years, she said I'm still here and want my breasts. I am comfortable about staying flat, but that is me. I was self conscious for at least a year or two, but that ebbed.
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Hello all and blessings to you! I had surgery last Friday (July 23) for right mastectomy flat closure, my surgeon did a beautiful job and I appreciate that he did not give me any pushback on my decision. I was supposed to get a double, but with my diagnosis of Stage IIIC triple negative Inflammatory BC, he wanted to get me through this and on to radiation. We didn't know what the path reports would reveal and I did have lymph node involvement. At first I was upset, I wanted one and done, but he was concerned if I had any issues it would hold me up on treatment. Eventually, I will have the left removed, just hope insurance isn't a problem. My path report came back PCR, no evidence of disease, I am so grateful! I don't care what people think, we as a society need to get back to being compassionate and not so judgemental. So I'm bald and lopsided right now, I'm still a person, a Mom, a partner, daughter, sister, friend, Yogi, gardener, photographer, etc. and I am alive and dodged a bullet. I'm not out of the woods yet, but I have peace.
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I think there is legislation requiring insurance to cover symmetry. It's how they can reconstruct on both sides and if you want a flat result, it should cover that as well. Just one off is not symmetrical, as I know well.
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Thank you for posting this, and for being brave. I had a double mastectomy with immediate reconstruction. A month after surgery, I still had severe necrosis, and eventual implant failure. So, this week, my implants were removed, and my wounds closed. I'm now flat. It was not the choice I made, but it is the one I have to live with. I will need radiation, and so no reconstruction for at least a year after. I'm not sure what I will do, but I do want to consider going flat.
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BBrown2021-Give yourself time to heal, you can think about the possible recon later. We don't have much control in this world of cancer, do we? I didn't want to go back for surgery, but here I am! I'll get radiation done and once healed from that, think about how soon I will get my left beast removed.
Nurture and pamper yourself, you deserve it!
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I had BMX 2018 and chose to be flat and I hated to lose my breasts but had to be. Now I wear a Lorna Jane Pam my bra that just gives me a little shape. I didn’t want to be lopped sided or deal with prosthetics. After losing my hair twice I have decided to keep it short. So at times I look at me and think dude? Nah! I going for the Mia Farrow look! Well that what I tell myself. Actually I’m just happy to be here!
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In June I had my left tissue expander removed along with a prophylactic right mastectomy, and I've been flat since and I am quite comfortable with my decision. Not totally satisfied with the aesthetic results, but hopeful that once more swelling is resolved things will look better. I expected dog ears and I got em, so those will need to be addressed eventually. Going out and about with a bra has been odd so I bought a couple of cotton sports bralette-type things just to feel less exposed or I just wear a cami, but I'm in no hurry to buy the prosthetics yet. The only real drawback is the fact that my belly seems so much larger now because when I look down I don't see the boobs anymore.....LOL.
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Sabbymama, I can relate to the looking down, lol.
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Thank you all for your words of encouragement. There is so much to deal with no only being flat and recovering but having negativity in the home. I am currently teleworking and without going in too much. I am married to a narcissistic person and no matter what i say or do its wrong and that is not helpful in my healing. I would like nothing better than to be somewhere and just relax and have someone wait on me for a change
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CCRAIG0167-I'm sorry you are in a negative environment, that certainly does not help you heal physically and mentally. Hang in there and nurture and love yourself.
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If anyone needs soft fake boobs you can get them free at Knitted Knockers.org. I am still very tender from surgery, but will need something in about 4 weeks. I have one breast, so I'll wear if I go into work. Other than that, I am not wearing any bra's, etc.
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I couldn't agree more. I requested a pair of Knitted Knockers and was pleasantly surprised at how beautifully they were made and packaged. What a lovely gesture from their volunteers! They are perfect for use as you transition to more professional prosethetics and I highly recommend anyone who is interested to reach out to them. The website is listed in the photo below.
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CCraig, I feel your pain with living with a narcissistic husband. They certainly don’t help your mental well-being through this journey none of us wanted to take. (((HUGS))
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CCraig,
I am sorry for narcissistic person. I work with someone just like this. Since they cannot see themselves, they just do not know how it feels. I was looking for a way to leave the department at my work, and BC shows up. A change of plans. I will though, likely get to work from home for a few months. Our well being is a must. Reach out and ask for love and support. A saying is out there that says do not go to the hardware store for bread. Sadest is wehen we lovethem.
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Sabbymamma,
Thanks for sharing! They are beautiful!
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I have a narcissistic boss, they can be absolutely horrible! I've been working from home since March, only went back for a couple weeks in July before surgery. I let it be known that there is the American Disabilities Act that protects employees undergoing cancer treatment, etc. Drives him crazy that I am working in the comfort of my own home, no stress from him!
K-Gobby- Try and work from home as long as you can, you need the peace, you have enough going on.
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goodness knows, I too have flat and concave chest with having been scrapped into bone where it had spread and I’m butchered, for my own good. And my lower rubs esp. on drastically scraped side those ribs jut out and my belly REALLY looks like it sticks so far out and I’m not big and the size of my clothes, skirts/pants are tiny in the “fashion” sense so how/why and I wasn’t even big chested my whole life yet looking down it’s crazy and others notice it as well. I have the dog ears AND my under arm on the right has a duck flap that droops over bra and sleeveless tops too a point that I get stares and I’m like, “hey, eyes 👀 up here friend, I’m up here”, lol. So sad this disease does this kinda stuff to so many of us but you are not alone my driend
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Sabbymama, I still wear my knitted knocker and I am almost two years post surgery! I have my fancy-pants silicone prosthetic, two microbead prosthetics, the knitted knockers. But hands down, my fave is from The Busted Tank. Their single solution across the bra is SOOO comfortable, I love it!
https://www.bustedtank.com/0 -
Cake8icing.... thanks for the information! I will definitely check that out.
Sabbymama
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I'm not yet flat. I've had implants for 8.5 years and one has ruptured. I don't want to have to get surgery every few years to keep boobs. Do you mind if I participate in your thread? It is something that is very much on my mind. I also hate the idea of wearing falsies. Just like I hated the idea of wearing a wig when I lost my hair from chemo, so I didn't.
I want to hear others experiences like yours at the grocery store and how they chose to handle it.
I already said this in another thread, but I don't think I got the whole truth about these implants. It was said that they could last up to 20 years. What isn't stressed enough is that this is only a possibility. The likelihood for a significant number of women is that this isn't so and you will need surgery again somewhere near the 10 year mark. My plastic surgeon dismissed my worries and told me I would most likely take my implants to my grave. I think the truth is being twisted to sell boobs.
As far as trying to change the standards of what is physically beautiful, I feel its a losing battle, but remembering that people are more than their physical parts is very important. I think everyone likes to look at pretty things and pretty people, but when you think of the people you know that are the happiest, are all of them the prettiest ones? How many times have you seen an average or below average looking person married to an absolute knock out? It happens more often than people think because there is so much more to people than what you first see. I have been conflicted about what I'm going to do, but writing this all out has helped me think. I'm going to start listening to what I'm saying here and believe my husband when he tells me that it just doesn't matter if I keep boobs or not.
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All are welcome her. I run a Facebook group called The Flyest Flatties and you are welcome to join, whether or not you are flat. As for beauty and how we are received? Make your own category. Embody yourself and your confidence will glow. ❤️
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I am only half flat, but I am totally happy with my decision. Over the years on this board, I have not seen anyone who consciously has gone flat regretting it. I do think how happy you are with the results depends a little on your body type and a little on your age. If you have small breast like me and generally a normal weight body you probably won't notice much difference in day to day life at all. But I have also seen many people with formerly large breast who are totally relieved that they are gone. Beauty definitely has nothing to do with whether you have or don't have breast. If it feels right for you, go for it!
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I'm also half flat. I would probably wear a bra and foob to a wedding or something formal like that. I've discovered that I'm ok with letting the real one flop without a bra. I usually just wear a large T-shift on top. I was going to have the real one taken off for symmetry, but then covid hit. I've just been dx stage IV, so it matters even less. That said, I'm 81. I might feel differently at a younger age.
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I called my doctor a few days ago and ended up on hold with the recording that repeats itself in a loop. One of the things on it says that breast cancer affects one in eight women. So, doesn't that back up the argument that all the choices in dealing with it should be acceptable? Wouldn't one in eight make it a norm? How can it be said that its normal and common to have to have them removed, but not normal to be without them?
I feel like I got RIPPED OFF!! I seriously considered not getting implants and now that they only lasted a few years anyhow, I just feel sort of stupid.
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Prairiedweller, Don't get hung up on the past. 8 years is quite a while when you consider medical progress, and at least for me, if I had not found this forum I don't think I would have been able to speak with such a convincing voice to my surgeon that I do absolutely not want any form of reconstruction. She never once questioned me and made a beautiful scar that is hardly noticeable on my chest. Many implants do last much longer than 10 years and many women do want them.
I think you just move past this episode now, do your research on what it is like living flat, decide if it is right for you, find a good surgeon that knows how to do an "esthetic flat closure" (I had a general breast surgeon do that but some people use plastic surgeon) and off you go in a good future.
Good luck!
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prairiedweller, you're not stupid! They should have given you clear information and not ignored the choice to be flat. I'm sure there are a lot of women who chose to be flat and it should be considered a serious option, instead of plastic surgeons trying to persuade us that it's more normal to have foreign objects in our chests than to be flat. I hope things get better for you.
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Thank you aussie cat. Women take a risk like this just because of what it looks like. I did. I still haven't completely decided that I won't do it again, so maybe I am kinda stupid. I go this morning for the ultra sound that will for sure tell me with pictures that is is a rupture. It's already obvious. There is an empty spot I can feel and I can't stand to wear a bra because it seems the gel has oozed out and collected under my arm.
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prairiedweller, you're welcome. Please be kind to yourself and know that if you decide to get more implants, that's not a stupid decision. So long as you consider your options and weigh up the choices, what you decide won't be stupid. I hope your ultrasound goes well and they treat you well. The rupture sounds uncomfortable. I hope you can be made to feel more comfortable soon.
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