The Hermit Club

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  • magdalene51
    magdalene51 Member Posts: 2,062

    I have severed connections with friends, and even family members, when I have found that a relationship is damaging in some way. It's so important for us to contribute something positive to each other's lives, and when that is no longer the case, to let them go, gently, gracefully, but firmly. I know some people find this cold, but I have found that when I have done so, the other person was better off without me as well. Perhaps I am able to do this because of the way I grew up. In a Navy family, moving every few years, I learned to walk away, knowing I would never again see those who stayed behind, or those who moved away first. It was my way of coping. My mom was really good at making friends and keeping them through the moves, but she had that generation's habit of correspondence. 

    However, I also confess that I am not a compassionate person by nature, and extremely selfish. With that nature, everyone's better off if I'm a hermit.

  • magdalene51
    magdalene51 Member Posts: 2,062

    Loopy

    (Left you a joke on w&f)

  • jazzygirl
    jazzygirl Member Posts: 11,976

    Hi hermits- had a fun night at my going away happy hour. Couple sunset margaritas, nachos with the group, and delicious shrimp fajitas for dinner. Twenty signed up but only 8 came, which was fine by me. I don't really care much for large group things anymore. 

    I went to the eye doc for my annual exam yesterday. I was concerned about my eyes with the diabetic spike last fall (since turned around with diet and exercise) as well as impacts from the anastrozole. Eye doc said everything looks good, no signs of cataracts, glaucoma, etc. I have another test to do in July to check something else that has been there for awhile and is just watched around my peripheral vision. I was relieved to hear my eyes are good.

    Mags- I hope you are getting rested up and healing and getting ready for chemo. How are the incisions, lumps, etc. doing?

    Teka- what is blooming in your garden?

    Cami- how is work going, are you busy?

    Lili et al.-okay, on the subject of those disappointing friends, I came through a valuable lesson on my recent trip to Aspen with my traveling companion. I realized once again it is really important to know what your needs are in any situation and what the other person is capable of. Lots of folks are just not capable or interested to show up for others in the ways they need. So you are better off seeing that and moving on to folks who can connect with you in meaningful ways. Like many here, I don't waste my time with people who just want to dump, use me up, avoid me if I have problems, etc. Once I know the way someone is, I just decide if it is something good to have in my life or not. We don't have to say yes to everyone who wants to be our friend (and yes, I used to and paid dearly for that). I am far more selective these days where I spend my time, and move towards things that build me up vs. tears me down.

    I also don't talk about my bc stuff anywhere but here or with my sister (who also went through treatment). I am thankful for this place where I can talk about it in a world where no one really wants to hear about all we go through short and long term. Folks just can't relate or are scared of the whole thing.

    Hope everyone has a good weekend. It may hit 100 here today Loopy

  • camillegal
    camillegal Member Posts: 15,711

    Yikes 100 oh that's way to hot and it looks like rain here, well I'd rather have rain than 100.

    As I've said before I have been so blessed in my life with my friends, I still have the same ones forever and we all really love each other. Remember for Mother's day my kids went to their in-laws and I wanted them to go and I called my GF and I had tht day with her family, she picked me up and drove me home--I'm very comfortable with all my friends so I've been lucky.

    Well I hope everyone has a great weekend and feels decent.

  • camillegal
    camillegal Member Posts: 15,711

    image now this looks friendly to me.

  • jazzygirl
    jazzygirl Member Posts: 11,976

    Cami- you party animal! That looks refreshing!

    Off to aqua zumba, need to work off the margaritas and nachos!

  • SallyS70
    SallyS70 Member Posts: 816

    Aqua zumba sounds like something I might like. 

  • OncoWarrior
    OncoWarrior Member Posts: 3,326
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  • jazzygirl
    jazzygirl Member Posts: 11,976

    image

  • magdalene51
    magdalene51 Member Posts: 2,062

    I had very close relationships with two of my four sisters. One of them had lived nearby since 1986, the other lived in various other places but came for long visits. Three years ago the one who lived here moved to Alaska. A year and a half ago there was an incident, the details of which are irrelevant, but which involved both of those sisters, which showed me that they really didn't consider me very important at all in their lives. I decided that I no longer needed to maintain contact with them. We have nothing in common, they were (tbh) a drain emotionally, physically, financially, and mentally. My husband and I had taken in their children when they were in trouble, one of them wouldn't have finished high school without us. So I actually feel a sense of relief to not have that drain. 

    I had a friendship I thought would last for a long time; last winter we had a text conversation in which she accused me of trying to make her look stupid with a comment I made on her Facebook post. My post was a simple statement of fact, not controversial in any way but she misinterpreted it and attached it to her preconception of me as a person who would deliberately put someone down in order to make myself seem superior. In fact I had suspected that she thought of me like that underneath, but I was willing to overlook it for the sake of friendship. But after she outed herself in that text message, I couldn't pretend any more. She's tried to contact me a few times, and I finally just told her to leave me alone. 

  • magdalene51
    magdalene51 Member Posts: 2,062

    I would also add, "Thinks highly of you."

  • jazzygirl
    jazzygirl Member Posts: 11,976

    Good evening hermits- went to dinner with a work friend from the client site (we have known each other for years) as part of the end of the contract celebrations. We both had the most DELICIOUS fresh greens salad served with strawberries, almonds, chevre cheese and topped with two grilled scallops. One of my favorite restaurants in town and also one of the BEST salads I have ever had. 

    image

  • Lrp63
    Lrp63 Member Posts: 1

    Hello to all,

    I am a newbie from California.  Just finished fractionated radiation for b/c.  I had to drive 1.5 hrs one way to radiation everyday and had offers from family and friends to take me. I just got tired of rehashing the same b/c topic everyday and quite frankly just tired of talking about it, so I ended up going by myself as much as possible. Now that I'm done I am really tired and just want to stay home everyday. I think my poor husband and daughter are tired of being my sounding board, so I am thankful for this thread.  I do take zoloft for anxiety, but since my radiation finished, I have started having twitching and jerking throughout my whole body.  Has anyone else experienced these side effects, and if so, how long did they last?  Of course I start to think brain tumor, ALS, or other horrible things.  Thank you all for your help!  Lizzie

  • magdalene51
    magdalene51 Member Posts: 2,062

    Hi Lizzie!

    Welcome to our little hermit hole! I have been a hermit since childhood, the dx just sent me deeper into hibernation. I live with my DH and my 77 year old cousin, who is really our caregiver. DH works really hard, my cousin does all the shopping and cooking and drives me to appointments. I start chemo Tuesday, and DH has taken the day off to be with me.They are my support system.

    But I would be lost without the hermits on this thread. Especially Teka, who runs the thread and always has encouragement and uplifting, humorous posts for us. Hang around and enjoy the fellowship.

  • OncoWarrior
    OncoWarrior Member Posts: 3,326
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  • OncoWarrior
    OncoWarrior Member Posts: 3,326
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  • duckyb1
    duckyb1 Member Posts: 9,646

    Lizzie...........I always put the Welcome Mat out for a Newbie.........you won't be  Newbie for long......as far as Rads go..........found I got very tired about 2 weeks after my 38 treatments were finished....no twitching, but very tired.....I think it takes a lot out of you.......no problems going thru it......but the Letrozole is beating me up..has been for 3 years.......ugh.....hugs.

    image

  • SallyS70
    SallyS70 Member Posts: 816

    Welcome Lizzie.  I did not have to drive very far for rads, but I did want to stay home after they had finished.  After a few months of hermitting, I started going back to my preradiation activities.  While I was staying home, I wondered if I would ever want to be active again.  I was pleased when my feelings changed back, and I started reaching out again. 

  • OncoWarrior
    OncoWarrior Member Posts: 3,326
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  • OncoWarrior
    OncoWarrior Member Posts: 3,326
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  • blondiex46
    blondiex46 Member Posts: 2,726


    Welcome Lizzie, this is an awesome thread with alot of caring people.

    Mags I do that often. well maybe not often but if you mess with my kids or grandchildren then I tend to off you...did that about a year ago with a friend who had been one since the 70's....she promised something, then went back on the promise and then threw how she was there for me and took care of me in my face, so done. she has been trying to get back and misses me for the last year or so...don't need it just friended her daughter who is pleading her case but am done....it is easy for me to be done and be done and I am not from a military family, and I am compassionate to a fault....good luck with chemo ...we r here if you need to talk...I have no issues with Zofran love it...not sure why I am still nauseous unless it is from the antibiotic I am on....still done with chemo cause of the side effects, everybody is understand and not giving me a hard time about it.....dr. wants me to go on hormonal therapy, not sure how i feel about it, am done with all side effects..no matter what they are...have a good sunday. bbl

    sandy aka blondie

  • jazzygirl
    jazzygirl Member Posts: 11,976

    Lizzie- welcome to this thread. Lots of nice folks here to talk about anything with, including the good days, not so good days, SEs, and more. I too felt after awhile the support system needed a break from my process, worries, etc. I am almost two years out from diagnosis and found this thread after I was diagnosed and heading into surgery. These folks went through that, my radiation treatments, start of anastrazole (AIs), job challenges, fatigue stories, relationship issues, and more. I have stayed with this thread the longest, because of course, we have the longer term things we deal with like follow ups, hormone treatment, etc. And I just like the gals on this thread, I feel we are all friends here. I hope you will find this a comforting and non judgmental place. 

    About the twitching, I had internal radiation treatments and lots of fatigue and some fat necrosis (breast tissue that dies from the process), but no twitching. You may want to check some of the meds you are taking and/or talking to your oncologist to see if they think it could be related to anything with your BC? It is hard to know sometimes because many of us are taking other things and/or have other conditions as well. Let us know what you find out?

    I may join the Decluttering thread soon. I am cleaning and decluttering today, the beginning of a lot more to follow in the coming month.

    Hope everyone is having a good Sunday. End of June on the horizon.....

  • magdalene51
    magdalene51 Member Posts: 2,062

    Blondie, isn't it funny how they keep coming back, even when it's clear that they don't really like you? The one I was talking about has even tried to get back with me by texting my DH. He asked me the other day to please call her but by then I had already told her to just leave me alone. She doesn't need me and I certainly don't need her. 

    Fortunately for the rest of my family, DH and cousin are far more forgiving. Even though my Alaska sister, whose two kids we were always there for when they were growing up (their dad died of cancer when they were preteen), and her kids completely turned their backs on us after we invested years of time and lots and lots of money in their upbringing. Her son lived with us his senior year of high school because the school he'd been at was so bad he'd been in trouble. If it weren't for our diligence and investment in his life he wouldn't have that piece of paper. We haven't heard from him in many years. Not a word of thanks. Yet DH still keeps him as a friend on Facebook, even though I don't believe the boy has even spoken to him.

    Anyway,I know DH and cousin have kept the family updated on my situation, but I've not heard a word, nor do I expect to.

  • duckyb1
    duckyb1 Member Posts: 9,646

    Sometimes you have to just LET IT GO.................

  • jazzygirl
    jazzygirl Member Posts: 11,976

    Just for laughs....

    image

  • OncoWarrior
    OncoWarrior Member Posts: 3,326
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  • jazzygirl
    jazzygirl Member Posts: 11,976

    Onco- Mrs. Robin. Do you think she has some new eggs?

  • jazzygirl
    jazzygirl Member Posts: 11,976

    Oh you cat lovers are going to love this video!

    https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=7864195280425...

    Beth

  • blondiex46
    blondiex46 Member Posts: 2,726

    Yep ducky u r correct

    N jazzy is one of the sweetest peoplr u would ever want to meet. ?

    Xoxox u guys

  • jazzygirl
    jazzygirl Member Posts: 11,976

    Aw shucks Blondie. Hope you are resting comfortably. Thinking of you tonight.